His wife pulled her gaze away from the baby to pin him with a pointed look. “I’m not naive, Hiram. I sense there are things you aren’t telling me, but I don’t want to know what they are at this moment. Any hopes I may have had that my son will be with me after today are fading with each shallow breath he struggles to take. I want to focus all my love on him.” Aggie turned her attention back to the tiny bundle in her arms.
“I know your parents want to see him, Hiram. And I’m truly sorry that I’m not able to share him with his grandparents, but I want to spend every second I have with him committing him to my memory. I am resigned to the fact that memories of this day are all I will have left of him. And his sister.”
“I understand, Aggie. And they will understand too. Just rest, my darling. Just rest.” Hiram sat next to his wife and son hoping against hope the good doctor was wrong.
But, somewhere between the time the babies were born and midnight, Hiram watched as his tiny son slowly slipped away. And even after Hiram was certain the baby was gone, his wife caressed and kissed and willed their son to live, but to no avail. Soon, it was apparent even to Aggie that he was gone.
He and Aggie mourned quietly, their souls fused together by the depth of their sorrow, and yet…Hiram knew there was a part of themselves that each of them would hold separate from the other, and they would mourn the babies in their own way on this date each year for the rest of their lives.
Soon after daybreak, Dr. Davenport returned to check on Aggie. He took the baby away and left more laudanum to stem Aggie’s pain, but she refused it.
“I don’t want to be numb. I want to feel every ounce of pain because I never want to forget my two beautiful babies, Hiram. I never want to forget my firstborns.” Aggie settled into the sheets and drifted off to a troubled sleep while Hiram contemplated what the day would bring.
Something told him this was the calm before the storm and he needed to brace himself for whatever came next.
He cast an exhausted look at his sleeping wife’s face. Lost in his own misery, he allowed himself to drift off to sleep sitting in the hard-backed chair next to Aggie’s bedside.
Soon, laughing babies and Aggie’s happy smile tormented his dreams.
Chapter 12
Week by week, Aggie felt her body grow stronger. And week by week, she felt her husband slipping away from her. She wished she knew why. Was he blaming her for the loss of their babies? He had told her more than once he did not, but was he being honest?
“Good morning, Aggie. You are looking much better today.” Gertrude swept into her room with a breakfast tray and placed it on the bedside table.
“Good morning, Gertrude.” It was all she could manage. The sorrow at losing her babies was still so fresh. Its weight nearly crushed her each day when she woke and remembered they were gone.
“How are you feeling this morning?” Her mother-in-law flittered around her like a bee searching for the perfect flower. Usually, Aggie was grateful for Gertrude’s attention, but of late, she simply found all the flitterings annoying.
“As well as can be expected, I suppose. Can you ask my husband to come up? I’d like to speak to him about something.”
Aggie had noticed ever since the day after the babies had died, Hiram had been going to work early and getting home late. He had also stopped sleeping in her room. He had told her it was to give her time to heal, but she sensed something was not right with her husband.
She tried to convince herself that he was being sensitive to her recovery, but something didn’t feel right between them. When her husband did come to visit her, he seemed distant. Uneasy. It was as if he had something on his mind. Or perhaps he was avoiding something. She was beginning to get the feeling he was avoiding her. But why? She couldn’t fathom a reason, at least not one she was ready to admit.
“Hiram has already left for the office this morning, my dear. He did ask that I let you know he would not be home until late. Something about a meeting with his colleagues. Is there something I can do for you?”
Aggie studied her mother-in-law a little closer. Was it just her imagination or was Hiram’s mother acting odd too? She honestly couldn’t say for certain, but her instincts flared telling her something was amiss.
“Yes, Gertrude. There is something you can do for me.” Aggie looked directly at her mother-in-law, studying her reaction closely. “You can tell me exactly what is going on.”
Her instincts were rewarded, as her mother-in-law cast a guilty glance in Aggie’s direction and then she quickly looked away. “I don’t know what you mean, my dear.” The woman busied herself with rearranging the food on the tray.
Gertrude was usually an open book, much like her son, but a deep blush now stained her cheeks. Aggie knew without a doubt that something was amiss, and Hiram’s mother knew exactly what that something was. Why wasn’t she telling Aggie?
“Come now, Gertrude. I know something is off-kilter. Ever since I lost my babies, Hiram has been…different. He has acted much as you are now. Evasive. Skittish almost. And, please, don’t tell me I’m mistaken. It would devastate me if I learned I could not count on you. We have grown to be quite close since I came to Boston. I would hate to see our friendship suffer, wouldn’t you?”
Aggie watched Hiram’s mother struggle. She knew she was onto something, so she gave the woman’s conscience time to wear down her resistance. Then Aggie tried again to get to the truth everyone seemed to be trying so hard to hide.
“Gertrude. I can only imagine the worst if no one will tell me what is wrong,” Aggie pleaded.
“I promised I would not tell you, Aggie.” Gertrude’s eyes welled with tears. “Not until you were strong enough to handle—”
“Handle what? And to whom did you make that promise to? What on earth could be worse news than losing my two precious children on the same day? What could be worse than that, Gertrude?”
Gertrude broke down and sobbed. Aggie’s heart hiccupped in her chest. “Is it Hiram? Has my husband…has he taken a lover? Is he disgusted with me now that he’s seen me at my worst. He’s going to divorce me, isn’t he? I suppose I should have sent him downstairs like Dr. Davenport suggested, but I needed him beside me. I needed his strength for I fear without him I would never have been able to survive it all.”
Gertrude shook her head in denial. “Aggie, you must know Hiram would never betray his marriage vows to you,” his mother protested. “My son adores you. He would give his last breath for you.”
“Then tell me what has happened, or I will be left to imagine only the worst things possible. I promise, I can withstand whatever it is. Now, I insist you tell me,” Aggie persisted.
Hiram’s voice startled her from the bedroom door. Neither she nor Gertrude had heard his arrival.
“Mother, would you please leave Aggie and I alone? I think it’s time I told her what it is she wants to know.”
“I’m sorry, son.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Mother. Nothing at all. You’ve done nothing wrong. I’m the one who should be apologizing.” Hiram squeezed his mother’s arm and kissed her cheek as she did as her son asked and closed the door behind her. It was the first time Aggie and Hiram had been alone in weeks.
“I didn’t mean to upset your mother, Hiram, but I’ve sensed you all were keeping something from me, and I insist on knowing what it is.”
Hiram pulled up a chair next to hers, but he refused to look her in the eye. That was unlike her usually open and straightforward husband.
“I agree, Aggie. I should have let Dr. Davenport tell you the day the babies…were born, but I thought if you knew so soon after…everything that happened, it would be too much and...”
She watched Hiram struggle before he added, “I was…I am a coward, Aggie. I’ve wanted to tell you so many times since that day our lives spun out of control, but I couldn’t find the words, and now I fear me not telling you has made matters worse.”
“What could possibly be worse than
losing our babies?” Aggie couldn’t imagine what he was keeping from her. “Just tell me. Please, Hiram. I know we can work our way through whatever it is. As long as I know you still love me, we can get to the other side of this awful thing.”
Aggie’s conviction was absolute. She loved Hiram with her whole heart, and she was certain he loved her the same way in return. Whatever it was he was about to tell her, she knew they could get past it and still build a future together.
“Very well,” he began.
She listened while her husband reluctantly explained what he had been trying so hard not to tell her all these weeks.
And when he was done, she realized that she had been as wrong as she had ever been in her life. She had convinced herself that whatever bad things came their way, they could overcome them together.
But she knew now that wasn’t always possible. Sometimes, something could be so bad, so unfair, so unimaginable, the only solution required a great sacrifice to set things right.
She could never allow this amazing selfless man to go through this life childless simply because he’d had the incredible misfortune to saddle himself with a woman who, if not for bad luck, would have no luck at all.
Her loving, selfless husband deserved much better than the lot he was given when he chose her as his wife. She would do whatever she had to do, make any sacrifice necessary, to see things were set to rights. Any sacrifice.
Hiram sat in his office and stewed. It was where he spent most of his time now since he had told his wife she would never have another child.
He knew Aggie’s shock would wear off, but he never could have guessed her reaction when it did. It had been weeks since she had learned the awful truth and it had been weeks since she had barely said three words to him. And it was those three words that had ripped his heart out of his chest. “I’m leaving you.”
Sorrow. Yes. Anger. Most definitely. But divorce? It had never occurred to him in his wildest dreams that Aggie would walk away from him. Not once.
He had lost a son, a daughter, and now any possibility of other children. Was he now to lose his beloved Aggie as well? He was at a loss to explain it all. How could this be happening? This was the one blow he knew he would never recover from.
“Have you been able to talk some sense into Aggie?” his father asked.
Hiram, so lost in his own thoughts, hadn’t even heard his father come to stand at his office door. “No, she refuses to discuss it, Father. She said if I don’t draw up the divorce papers soon, she’ll seek legal counsel somewhere else.”
“I don’t understand it, son. Why would she want to inflict more pain on you after you both have suffered so much? It doesn’t make sense to me.” His father entered his office and paced back and forth in front of Hiram’s desk.
“She is doing it for me, Father. She can’t stand the thought of me being childless.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
“How do you think I feel? I’m devastated. If I were given the choice to choose between my wife and having more children, Aggie would always be my first choice. I adore her and I can’t bear the thought that she no longer loves me. I just can’t bear it.”
Hiram felt sick at heart. How could he convince Aggie that it was she who mattered to him? It was she who lit up his whole world. And just because they were not to be blessed with children, did not mean their life could not be full of joy and wonder.
On the contrary, without the responsibility of children, their future had opened up to include literally the whole wide world. With his wealth, they could go anywhere. Do anything. But it didn’t matter unless he could experience all the wonders of the world with his Aggie.
“What will you do then? Will you let her go?”
“I don’t know what choice I have? I can’t force her to stay, now can I?” Hiram tried to keep the bitterness out of his tone, but he knew he had failed miserably. His father didn’t deserve his anger.
“There are always choices, Hiram. You just have to look for them, and when you find the right one, you must make the commitment to follow through.”
Hiram frowned at his father. What was he trying to say? How could he force Aggie to stay if she didn’t want—wait. He shot an astonished look to his father.
“Ah, I see you have already found one. Now, my son, it’s time to make that commitment.”
He grinned at his father and rushed to hug the big man. “Thank you, Father. What would I do without you?”
Hiram stepped back and saw the tears in his father’s eyes. “The same as I will do without you, my son.”
Chapter 13
Aggie pushed back her tears and finished packing her traveling trunk. It had been two months since that awful day. She would always remember June fourteenth as the day she lost everything.
Funny, how one’s perspective changed. She had thought when the soldiers had killed James and burned her farm to the ground that was the day she had lost everything. She had been so wrong.
Aggie shook off the melancholy that threatened to overtake her when she dwelled too long on what she had lost. She was no longer going to let fate direct her path for it had stolen too much from her already.
That’s why she had written to her cousin, Rosie, as soon as she had learned the news that changed the course of her future irrevocably and forever.
A knock at the door sent dread deep into her gut. She knew it was either Gertrude or Hiram trying to talk her out of leaving again. She wished they would just accept the inevitable and leave her be. Her decision was made, and she would not change her mind. Hiram deserved a wife who could give him the precious children he desired. It still hurt to admit it, but she was not to be that wife.
Another knock followed the first one. This one much more insistent and heavy-handed. She might as well address the situation so she could get on with her packing. The train was leaving this afternoon and she intended to be on it.
“Come in,” she sighed in exasperation. But her visitor caught her by complete surprise. “Klaus, I wasn’t expecting you,” she admitted.
“I’m sure that is true, my dear, but you did say you wanted the divorce papers signed before you left town. I refuse to allow one of my competitors to interfere in my family’s business. Hiram couldn’t make himself draw up his own divorce papers, so I did it for him. I couldn’t stand to see my only child suffering.”
Hiram’s father stepped into her room holding a handful of papers.
“I see,” her heart stuttered at knowing she was inflicting so much pain on Hiram. She had to admit now that she was faced with the actual divorce papers, she wasn’t as eager to sign them.
Up until now, the idea of setting Hiram free to find someone else to love and have a family with had been abstract…something to contemplate in the future. But now it was suddenly very real, and a wave of panic tried to weaken her resolve to do the right thing.
“Was I wrong? You did say you wanted to divorce my son, is that not correct?” Klaus asked her.
She pushed all of her emotions down deep. She would have plenty of time to deal with it all later. Now, she had to be strong and do the right thing by Hiram.
“Um, yes. Thank you, Klaus. I know this wasn’t an easy thing for a father to do, but I hope you can see the reason behind my decision. Hiram deserves more from this life than someone who would always remind him of all he had missed.”
Klaus set the papers out on her vanity table and stepped back. “No, it isn’t easy for me to watch my son suffer, but Hiram is strong. He’ll get over it, and in time, he’ll move on.”
Hiram’s father seemed so matter-of-fact and Aggie had to admit she was a bit hurt by the man’s callous attitude. After all, she was his son’s wife, at least for a short while longer. She thought Klaus had been fond of her. How could he cast her aside so quickly, she wondered.
“Is there something wrong?” Her father-in-law asked.
“No, I suppose not.” She couldn’t very well admit her feelings to him when s
he was the one insisting on this divorce.
“You are welcome to read it in its entirety, but since you are short on time, I can go over the specifics,” Klaus offered.
“No, I trust you, Klaus. There is no one on this earth I trust more than you, Gertrude, and your son.”
“I’m not certain I believe that, Aggie.” Klaus’ words were clipped but his tone was soft.
Aggie turned to study the man’s face. She saw her husband there. Clear blue eyes. Strong jawline. Hiram’s blonde hair tinged in fatherly gray. “Why would you say that, Klaus? Of course, I trust all of you.”
“I say that because you are making decisions for my son against his wishes. And that fact alone tells me you don’t trust him to know his own mind or make his own decisions. Otherwise, you would believe him when he tells you he wants you above all else, and that includes children, Aggie. He loves you. And yet you have overridden his desires and sentenced him to a life without the only thing he wants most of all. You.”
Aggie gave thoughtful considered Hiram’s father. No wonder the man was revered in the legal field. He was a master of presenting the facts in such a way that even the most jaded mind could be swayed. And it had almost worked on her. Almost.
She knew further conversation with Klaus would only trip her up and she could ill-afford to put her resolve to the test under Klaus’ expert examination. Better to just sign the divorce papers and pack her trunk. There would be less chance of her changing her mind under emotional duress. She had to remain steadfast. She owed it to Hiram for all he had done for her.
Aggie sat at her vanity table and reached for her ink well and pen. Without a word, she flipped the papers over to the last page and signed her signature in a flurry of loops and curlicues.
Then, she stood and handed them back to Klaus. “I appreciate your sentiments, but I’m doing what I think is best. For Hiram. And for myself. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must finish packing. I have a train to catch.”
Aggie Page 14
