“You should have told me. Not just hide the fact of your innocence behind the whole going slow and just using our mouths for now and go from there. I wanted to take you the first time I put my mouth on you, dammit. What if I did, would you have said something? Anything?”
I start to study my boots and mutter, “Probably not.”
“Muriel.” My name is an angry rumble.
I give the annoying man a shove against his chest. “You don’t get to be angry with me. You overwhelm me and I don’t have a clue how this thing works. I’m a very private person and never in all of my life have I met a person as intense as you.”
The corner of his mouth twitches. “Darlin’, you haven’t seen intense yet.”
My heart skips a beat from his husky dark rasp. Words sounding like a promise as he closes the distance between us.
“Open and honest from now on. Seeing this is a first for you I want you to tell me if it gets too much or when you feel overwhelmed. Okay?”
“You sound like Jay,” I grumble, thinking back how we fell into a discussion about a question from a fan she needed an answer to.
“Jay?” His eyes narrow. “You had a conversation with Jay about your virginity?”
I shake my head. “Jay handles my social media and also makes me answer questions some of the fans have. There was one question about a song I wrote. It’s about first time loving and a fan wanted to know if her fear of making love for the first time was valid. It’s one of the many questions I receive. We don’t answer every single one, Jay tries to answer most but asks me about some she doesn’t know the answer to or if it’s personal, that kinda stuff. She’s a link between the fans and me and we all appreciate what she does.”
Decker nods, pulls out his phone and lets his fingers slide over the screen before he tucks it away.
“What did you do?” I point at the pocket where he tucked the phone into.
He shrugs. “Nothing much. Want something to drink?”
He stalks off and leaves me to follow him into the kitchen. Hammer barks and starts to dance in place.
“Is he okay?” I wonder out loud when I see how excited the dog is.
“He’s hungry.” Decker laughs and grabs a bowl to put some dog food in it and places it on the floor in front of Hammer.
“Are you hungry?”
I have to think about his question. I didn’t eat much, so I shrug. “I could eat.”
“I hope you like chili.” He doesn’t wait for a reply but starts to scoop food from a crockpot into two bowls and places them on the tiny kitchen table.
The table only allows enough space for two people. He places two bottles of water next to the bowls and hands me a spoon. He takes one for himself as he sits down across from me. We eat in complete silence and it makes the thoughts in my head seem so much louder than they were before.
Maybe it’s because he addressed the virgin part or the stalker issue digging into the details. Or maybe it’s us and this whole relationship, starting something together.
“What are we doing?” I murmur, letting my concern flow from my body.
His head slowly rises and he points his spoon at my bowl. “We’re eating. Something we need to do before you and I take a shower and climb into bed to chat some more while watching TV.”
“Glad to hear you have a full schedule all mapped out,” I grumble and add a little louder, “What I meant to say was, what are we doing? Getting together at a time like this and the both of us are clearly from different worlds.”
He places the spoon on the table and sits back in his chair. “There’s never a good time for anything. It’s called living. Every moment can shift into horror or pleasure. A normal day until a tree crashes upon a car someone was driving who just had breakfast and was on his way to start his new job. Dead. No rhyme, no reason. There are moments in time you should appreciate. See the good, grab it by the balls, and never let go.”
Pain fills his eyes before they briefly shut as he inhales a deep breath. When they flash open, he stares into the empty bowl in front of him. I can’t help myself and I reach out to cover his rugged hand with mine.
I have no clue what he’s talking about or what happened to him but if the emotions tearing through him right now are any indication? This man suffered through more than enough pain for one lifetime.
“The contradiction of us might feel like a blockage for you, Muriel. But I’ve seen fucked-up in my life. Hell, more than my fair share, and to be honest? It’s driven me to almost lose myself. And I would have, if it wasn’t for Weston and the other brothers. This ranch. The massive change going from FBI into working with my hands. Livestock. Fixing fences and making sure everything runs flawlessly.”
The shaky breath he sucks into his body makes Hammer whine and he places his head on Decker’s muscled thigh.
“It took years before another dog entered my life. And when I say enter, I really mean it since I wasn’t planning on having another dog. Not when that fucker killed the first dog I ever owned.”
A gasp rips from me but Decker is too deep in his thoughts to hear me.
It’s as if he’s hooked into the past as he starts to expand. “My partner and I were working a case. A serial killer. We were close. So. Damn. Close. My partner discovered the perpetrator’s current whereabouts by accident. But instead of telling me or any of our colleagues, he headed out himself. I was told later my partner did it on purpose. He wanted a promotion and thought I was in the running too. He needed the arrest to be in his name to show he was the better man for the job. Instead he not only got himself killed, but the killer decided to strike back since the FBI knew exactly who he was and where he lived. That motherfucker went through my partner’s phone and read the last messages. My girlfriend at the time asked him to come to dinner. Gave the address. He went…he killed…so much fucking blood.”
I’m on my feet and hugging Decker the next instant. He pulls me into his lap to wrap his arms around me as I bury my face into his neck.
“I left the FBI and almost a year later I was practically living on the street, not giving a damn about anything or anyone, and even less about myself. That’s when I ran into Weston. He needed help fighting off a few guys all on his own. I didn’t think and jumped right in. He bought me a beer after we kicked ass. The rest is history. And Hammer? The little shit was barely six weeks old when I found him at an abandoned barn where we were taking a break from a long run we went on to handle some club business. I couldn’t leave him there so I took him with me. Now I’m telling you, I recognize a good thing when it crosses my path. And once it hits me, I ain’t backing out. That’s why I’m damn sure about us. It might be all new and scary for you, but I have all the time and patience for the both of us.”
“You’re going to need it. I have no clue about relationships. I can write songs about anything; all matters of the heart and disruptions in life and whatnot. You had relationships—”
His arms tighten and he cuts me off. “A relationship. Singular not plural. And if you can even call it that since it didn’t exactly go as I’ve seen it happen with Weston and Roper. Lili...she worked in the same building. We had sex a few times and we kinda fell into a routine. Her landlord had issues with the building and she lost her apartment so she moved in with me. Temporarily. We were involved for about three weeks before she was murdered. But she was my girlfriend and I do feel responsible since it was my job that led the killer to her.”
A tortured sigh makes his chest lift and fall.
The words are a soft, tortured murmur when he adds, “I never loved her. Our relationship was merely an equal convenience with benefits.”
His whole body tenses. “Sorry. I’m...I never told anyone. And now it sounds like I didn’t care, which I did. It’s the guilt clawing at me even more because of the whole definition of that relationship. But...fuck. I should probably stop talking, you’re freaked out as it is.”
I have no words to give him. He shared something personal and what
happened to him is beyond painful and must still hold him back in everyday life. How can it not? I’m thankful he met Weston and turned his life around. And this makes me feel like Decker might have come into my life at a point where I needed him.
I tighten my arms and then lean back to connect our gaze. “You mentioned something about a shower, bed, and TV?”
His body relaxes and his dark brown eyes turn warm while I stare into them. I reach out and let my fingertips trail over the ink on the side of his face. It’s an ornamented blade lining from his ear downwards onto his neck. There are a few swirls entwined and leading into his denim shirt and it makes me wonder how far down they travel and what other ink is hidden on this man’s body.
“Don’t look at me like that, darlin’. We’re just starting out and now knowing you’re untouched...all mine...we’re going as slow as humanly possible. So, no sex.”
No sex. No sex? The way I’m wrapped in his arms, how his body feels against mine with clothes on, knowing this man’s kisses are addictive and make my body come alive, leaving me crave more. And now he’s all, no sex? “What happened to the man who said I lived in a bubble and it’s time to pop it and smell the manure?”
“We’re not popping anything yet,” he says in a strangled tone.
Decker stands and places me on my feet. “First we’re going to get to know each other on all levels while we handle the stalker situation. Come on, let’s take that shower.”
He laces our fingers and I let him guide me through his cabin, and I’m sure by the way this man makes me feel safe and comfortable, I’ll follow him anywhere. All in good time, though. First, a shower and sleep.
My heartrate picks up. Would the shower include the both of us naked? A low hum starts to burn in my lower belly while my breath catches. Decker naked. Oh, boy. Would that be his way of getting to know each other on all levels?
I sure hope so.
CHAPTER FIVE
— Decker —
“She seems to be enjoying herself.”
I drag my eyes away from Muriel—who is throwing a stick for Hammer to seek and retrieve—and give my president’s old lady a smile. Harlene is right, Muriel seems to be enjoying herself more and more the last two weeks she’s been here.
“A couple of weeks and she forgets all about her limitations about picking up a dirty stick covered in dog slime. The only thing I’m worried about is the fact that she hasn’t picked up her guitar, or her cowboy hat for that matter, ever since she got here. It’s as if she’s left it all behind her.”
Harlene places her forearms on the fence and leans in. “Maybe it’s just the thing she needed, you know? Let everything go and don’t think and just do. Clearly, she’s flourishing. Taking a break means loading up with newfound energy. I’m pretty sure the new songs will start to flow soon enough. You should have heard her hum and sing when she was helping Colt groom the three new quarter horses.”
“She what?” I ask, stunned to hear she actually helped.
“Yep,” Harlene chuckles. “You heard me. She helped and didn’t just watch Colt groom the new horses. Oh, don’t look butt-hurt. You had to check on things at the junkyard and Colt thought multitasking was the way to go so he brought her to the stables once he knew I was going to be there too. She had fun, like now. She fits right in here.”
“Yeah,” I grunt and feel a big smile spreading my face.
These two weeks have been the best time of my life, and from what I’ve heard, Muriel has been thoroughly enjoying herself as well. The only thorn in our side is the fact her stalker issue still hasn’t been resolved. Nick doesn’t have any new information and we haven’t gotten any closer to finding out who might have been stalking her either.
I shouldn’t complain. Not when every second with this woman is phenomenal. If it’s the lazy evening strolls, or watching the sun set while we check on the livestock in the pastures. Holding hands and stealing kisses, as if we’re back in high school.
But I have to admit, this going slow and getting to know each other is more satisfying than hopping into bed and letting our bodies do all the communicating. The mere thought makes me hard as hell, not something I can use right now with Harlene standing right next to me.
I’m about to jump over the fence and head for Hammer and Muriel, but I’m prevented from doing so when Weston strolls our way.
“Prez.” I nod.
He lifts his chin, kisses Harlene on the top of her head, before he says, “Remember the text you sent me two weeks ago? The hunch you had? I had our MC charter in Oklahoma do a double check on the officer who went by Jay’s house to verify her whereabouts on the day that model went missing and when he was murdered.”
Dread fills my veins in anticipation because my head knows what’s coming and Muriel is going to be shattered. Just a hunch I had but the look on Weston’s face makes me state, “Let me guess, not so much of a hunch, was it?”
“Jay is most definitely not a chick. Jayson Townsans has been catfishing Muriel; using his sister’s identity to apply for the job as Muriel’s social media assistant. Coincidence was, the sister answered the door and answered the cop’s questions without any suspicions or anything since they never mentioned the job and such. That’s why she...or make that he...was cleared.”
“Did you give Nick the information?” I question. “Because that’s too damn weird and I’m sure this puts him in the stalker category instead of just applying for a job differently due to the whole sexist thing.”
“I just got the news back from our Oklahoma charter. I wanted you to be the first to know and decide what to do. I could have them pick him up to handle it ourselves or hand everything over to Nick and let them deal with it.” Weston keeps his eyes locked with mine while I think things over.
“Hey, why the serious look?” Muriel asks while Hammer plunks down at her feet.
“Your social media girl turns out to be a dude,” Harlene blurts and winches. “Sorry. But Decker was right to ask for a double check. You know, if Jay hides such a crucial detail from you guys and even applied for the job with his sister’s credentials...it screams fishy.” Harlene’s head tilts to the side, assessing Muriel when she asks, “Did you guys screen for a woman or would a man have gotten an equal chance at the job?”
Muriel’s eyes are wide. “Of course. As a matter of fact, it was a close call between two people and one of them was a man who lived in Europe. See? Distance wasn’t an issue either, nothing was. Credentials and such were what made the screening process cut down to a handful and ultimately my agent was the one who picked out the best person for the job.”
“Do you know how the final few interviews went? Webcam? Phone call?” Weston questions.
Her expression turns from shock to a mixture of panic and fear and I hate it. She has been so damn carefree these past few weeks. I walk around the fence and wrap my arm around her. My heart squeezes when she leans her head against my chest.
“I have no clue,” Muriel mutters and releases a deep sigh.
Weston glances at me and I let him know, “Call Nick and give him all the information. He can handle it, our task is to keep her safe, his is to solve the stalker issue. My one and only priority is my old lady and if the MC deals with it we risk Nick and the law breathing down our necks.”
“You got it, brother.” Weston grabs his phone but shoves it back to free his hands when Harlene grips the fence with two hands.
Muriel rushes forward. “Are you okay?”
Weston scoops his old lady into his arms. “Pregnant, working round the clock, and forgetting to drink and eat for two. You should be resting instead of standing in the sun.”
“It’s this damn heat,” Harlene grumbles and smacks Weston’s chest. “I do eat and drink you overbearing Neanderthal.”
Weston glances at me. “I’m taking her home. I’ll call Nick when I have her in bed and resting, okay? Text me later to make sure I’ll give you an update on his response.”
I barely manage to give
him a tight nod before he’s whisking his old lady away.
“Doesn’t she need to see a doctor?” Muriel questions, worry lacing her gorgeous face.
“Harlene and Cassidy are both pregnant, and you know how Cassidy gets morning sickness. Harlene struggles with the heat, but like Weston said, she works a lot and she might think she eats and drinks but she has a tiny human devouring everything she consumes. It’s nothing for us to worry about, though. I’m pretty sure Weston is tying her to the bed as we speak and is making sure she feels better soon enough.”
Muriel shoots me a grin. “The way he rushed her to their cabin, I’m thinking he will be her shadow from now on. Sandwich in one hand, bottle of water in the other. He’ll make sure her food and water intake will be sufficient.”
A bark of laughter escapes me. “Caught that didn’t you?”
She laughs right along with me but sobers up way too quick. “Do you really think Jay could be the stalker? I still can’t believe she’s a he. We had so many discussions. Why didn’t I notice anything? It’s so weird.”
“All communication between you two was digital? No calls, voice messages, nothing?”
“Jay never sends voice messages or calls. There have been a few times either of us hit the call button by accident but Jay quickly hangs up when that happens. She—” Muriel winces and clears her throat. “He said he had this phobia and never calls or accepts a call. It didn’t bother me. I never gave it a second thought either, not while I have some weird issues myself, so who am I to judge others? With all the everyday talk I thought we were good friends. I can’t believe you guys think he’s my stalker. What if he’s just hiding because he didn’t think he’d get the job if he applied as himself?”
“Could be, but we’ll find out soon enough. Nick will get to the bottom of it. Come on, let’s head for our cabin too.” I tug her along and give a sharp whistle. Hammer jumps up and follows us.
Cowboy Bikers MC #3 Page 4
