by Viv Royce
Cleo. Was she here with some kids she knew? Had she offered to help? He hadn’t seen her name on the volunteer list. He would have jumped at the sight for sure.
He ran a hand through his hair, glanced down at his outfit. It was casual and meant to get a bit dirty. There was even some hay stuck to his shoes. Scruffy. And she looks perfect. The red coat contrasted with the bright white scarf tied around her neck, and her hair was swept back into a ponytail. Her cheeks were as red as the coat, maybe because she was standing there full in the sunshine? She didn’t back away when their eyes met or pretend she hadn’t seen him. She looked straight at him, and he wasn’t sure what he saw in those eyes. Impress her. Uh, yeah, but how? With what?
The pony kept on walking back to the kids, so also nearer to her. Mark could do nothing else but follow by Snowflake’s side. That was his job for the day.
Staring at Cleo, he didn’t keep to his route and bumped into the pony’s side. The kids burst out laughing. Pay attention, man.
…
Cleo stared at Mark, walking with the white pony. Every time she saw him, he was yet another man. A cool business type or a crafter with kids, and now this sporty figure in a dark blue sweater and stonewashed jeans, lean, trim with a slightly prowling walk. She wanted to climb over the fence and go for him, but it might scare the ponies. His or the ones walking beside the other volunteers. She’d stand quietly and…
But she couldn’t help it that she pushed her way around the group of children to be at the fence the moment he halted and lifted off the kid. “Mark? I’d like to talk to you.”
Her voice was slightly breathless, and she wished with all her might he wouldn’t turn her down now. I’ll never have the guts to do this again. Please.
Mark looked her in the eye. His eyes flashed with tenderness, but determination lined his jaw. “I’m busy now. But I can take a break in”—he checked his watch—“ten minutes. Okay?”
“Sure.” She nodded and stepped back, her heart pounding. I actually did it! I asked him to talk. He lifted another kid—a perky girl with red braids and freckles—onto the pony and helped her put her feet in the stirrups. He looked at ease here. How did he always manage to be so effortlessly in place?
Ten minutes. It felt like forever. How to get through that time? Without chickening out and running away?
She walked off and looked for a quiet place to wait for him. The yard was full of kids playing games, parents steering buggies and baby carriages, women with trays full of lemonade and cookies. All around her, voices were crying out, laughing, cheering, but inside pure panic reigned. How am I going to do this? What am I going to say to him? She found her way into a smaller yard with a bench against the stable wall, a bucket beside it, and a broom. There didn’t seem to be anybody around. Was she even allowed to be here?
No idea, but I need to sit down. Everything trembled.
After she had looked online for when the Happy Horses open house was, she had decided not to go, but an hour ago, on a whim, she had closed the shop, run up to change into a dress and a new red coat, and driven out here. She had to take this chance.
But for what?
Looking Mark in the eye again had made her determination melt like snow. How could she ever say the right words? I don’t even know what the right words are!
She sat with her head down, her elbows on her knees. I shouldn’t have come here. It was over and done with. Now it will be so awkward.
She made herself smaller, almost invisible. Memories assaulted her of her graduation and how she had looked at the guests pouring into the auditorium, looking for her parents, certain they would come, despite them having said how busy they were and how unfortunate it was that the date coincided with their big trial and… How she had waited, watched, hoped, her hands clenched. This was her day. It only happened once in a lifetime. They’d come.
The doors had closed, and the ceremony had started. She had sat there, like this, huddling, wanting to vanish. Someone had bustled in late and she had turned her head, eagerly, thinking, Yes, they do love me, they do.
But it had been someone else’s mother with a fiery red head, sitting down in a vacant seat.
Not her mother. Not her father. She had been the only student there with no family.
Pain clawed inside of her. So many times home alone. No one coming to cook or eat with her or play with her or help her with homework. She was a big girl, right? She could do all of that by herself.
Oh yeah, she had learned to do it all by herself and not need anyone. Ever.
Not even Mark. I should have hugged him when he came to Rook to give me the good news and the Pride and Prejudice copy. Then it might have worked. But now it’s all spoiled.
I can’t fix it.
She kept her eyes closed tightly, but the tears rolled down her cheeks and fell into her lap.
…
Mark gave the reins to another volunteer. He checked his watch. He was early for his break. But he didn’t want to keep Cleo waiting. He wasn’t punishing her for anything by his decision not to talk to her at once. He had a job to do here and couldn’t walk away whenever he wanted. There. Free. Go find her.
He gave high fives to the kids left and right and then looked around for Cleo. The clanking of the ball against the empty bean cans in one of the kids games, the rustle of hay, laughter. Someone yelling.
No Cleo in sight. Had she left again, piqued he didn’t give her his full attention at once? Disappointment stabbed through him, and he turned a full circle, scanning the yard. This couldn’t be true. He had hoped for a coincidental meeting for weeks now. It hadn’t happened, and then when it did, he’d ruined it. He should have dropped everything and gone to her right away. She had said she wanted to talk to him.
He caught sight of something red through the archway leading into the other yard. It wasn’t part of the festivities but meant to take the ponies back when their turn was over. Cleo sat there in her beautiful red coat with a bit of azure dress peeping out from underneath it, on a bench, studying the ground, it seemed. Bored probably with the delay. Or rehearsing what she wanted to say to him?
He rushed over, thinking of all he had to tell her. All he wanted to know about how she had been doing. He rounded the bench and could see her posture better and her face. His gut clenched. She sat there like a little girl, huddled, crying her heart out.
Without thinking, he dropped himself on the bench beside her and wrapped his arms around her. “Hush now, it’s all right. It’s all right.”
…
Arms closed around her, and someone hugged her tight. A voice said it was all right and a hand patted her head, smoothing her hair. She leaned against him, breathing his aftershave and knowing it was him and it was indeed all right. Because he was here; he was holding her. Not telling her what an idiot she had been and how much he hated her for how she had treated him. Just hugging her and holding her close.
She rubbed her cheek over his sweater, so soft and comfy. She fit perfectly into his arms, and there was nothing else but the two of them. They could sit here, together. Belonging.
“I’m sorry,” Mark said softly overhead. “I don’t mean to intrude while you…”
“Don’t let go,” Cleo whispered.
His hand stalled a moment as if he didn’t know if he had heard her right.
“Don’t let go,” she repeated.
He exhaled softly and wrapped his arms tighter around her. “I don’t understand you,” he said. “But I’m not letting go. You can believe that. I’m not letting you go again.”
I believe you. In spite of everything that had happened in her life, and how people had let her down, had not been there for her when she needed them, how they had taught her to fend for herself and not rely on others, she believed that Mark would hold onto her. That he was there for her. That he did care.
He could have been
mad. He could have shouted at her. He could also have coldly asked her what on earth she was doing here. But he had just taken her into his arms and he showed her, without words, that he cared. That he might not understand her actions at all, but he cared anyway.
She raised her head to look at him. “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” Mark stared at her, seemingly confused.
“Sending you off like I did. I found your present in the folder. It was so sweet. I hate myself for how I treated you. I was so stupid.”
“No, you’re not stupid.” He smiled tenderly and wiped a tear off her cheek. “You’re kind and goodhearted and sweet and pretty and funny. Definitely not stupid.”
“How can you say that after I treated you so badly?”
“I don’t know. That’s just how I feel.”
“Don’t you think it’s…rather scary?”
He held her gaze, considering the question carefully, not laughing it off.
“It’s probably one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done. But I can’t help myself.” He put his hand against her face. “I can’t change the way I feel. I don’t want to. I fell in love with you the day I came into your shop and saw your pink sneakers sticking out of that book castle. Everything was different from what I had expected. Like I had landed in a dream. And the charming way in which you told me what to do to help you.”
“I didn’t know it was you…” She flushed.
“You were yourself. You were going about your business, rescuing a teddy that had gotten lost in the book castle. You weren’t anxious about my coming, you weren’t playacting to show me your good sides, you had no idea I was going to evaluate your shop, or…maybe you didn’t even care. You didn’t adjust for me.”
She flushed even deeper. “You didn’t feel like I totally didn’t care about your opinion, I hope. I mean…”
He shook his head. “You didn’t try to please me. You tried to show me that your way of handling things could work. I respected you for that from the moment we met, and then what you showed me was fun. I did things I would normally never do. I actually enjoyed my work.” He laughed softly. “That sounds terrible, like I normally never enjoy my work, but…let’s say your presence made it all the more interesting for me.”
She couldn’t believe her ears. He was telling her he had fallen for her straight away. That first day!
He caressed her cheek. “I thought you felt it, too. That when I kissed you, you…answered that kiss.”
“And I did.” She nodded wildly. “I did. That’s what scared me. The idea that I actually wanted you.”
“Is it so terrible to want me?” His tone was light, but his eyes were serious, probing.
“Not you, but in general. Wanting someone to be near. Needing someone. That’s dangerous. A risk not to be taken. I…I built a life here on my own so I could avoid disappointing someone, not being what they wanted or expected. My parents didn’t even come to my graduation. If I had gone to study something other than law, I could have understood. Them wanting to show me they didn’t agree? But I had done exactly what they wanted, and still work was more important to them than me. I even supported that at first. I conveyed that same message to them. The firm was everything, and I would sacrifice all to the firm, alongside them. Turning my back on it is something they will never forgive.”
She swallowed hard. “But I can’t do it. I can’t pretend like it’s everything while it never was. Even my shop now… Yes, I want to save it, and yes, I’m so glad you helped me do that. I’m giddy when I get up in the mornings, to think I don’t have to leave Wood Creek, my home, the shop I love. But it’s not the most important thing anymore. That’s something else now. Connection. Laughing about the same thing. Going after the same thing. Knowing that you and I…should be together.”
“You feel that same way?”
“I shouldn’t have told you that I didn’t want…I did want it, but I was afraid of how close we had become in so short a time. I felt like it could only lead to heartbreak, and I wanted to protect myself. I’m sorry I was such a coward.”
He shook his head. “You’re anything but a coward, Cleo. You went against your parents’ wishes while all you had to do to stay in their good graces was follow their lead. If only for a while. You could have left later. But you told them honestly how you felt, and you followed your heart. That took courage.”
“Oddly enough, I’m not very proud of it.” She swallowed hard. “I avoid telling people about my degree because I think they will judge me for letting down my parents. I’m an only child and…”
“You did the right thing. With them and with me. Because you told me I couldn’t, shouldn’t, be your boss, I gave the project of the small town shops to Graham. And Dad keeps telling me how perfect Graham is as a small town strategist. That it almost seems like he was never in the right place in the company until now. That’s what you achieved. You put people in the places where they are at their best.”
“I do?”
“Yes. Look at me now.” Mark gestured to his outfit. “I’m helping kids ride ponies, and I love every moment of it. I still work for the chain, and I can also enjoy scouting a new shop and negotiating the terms and seeing how people are eager to embrace new things. But this is also part of me. And you showed that to me. You made me see there’s much more to me than Mark the businessman.”
He leaned over and supported his forehead against hers. “Never change, Cleo. You’re perfect the way you are.”
A giant weight lifted off her shoulders. No more wondering whether she’d ever be good enough. She was, to him.
She closed her eyes and listened to all the sounds around them. The neighing of horses, the distant shrieking and laughter of children, sounds of home and happiness. And her own happy place was right here, in Mark’s embrace. He had told her she was perfect and…
She didn’t need anything more.
“I’ve got something for you.” He let go of her. “I’ll get it from the car, okay? Wait a sec.” He jumped to his feet and rushed off.
Huh, what? She blinked. He had something for her in his car? But he had already given her Pride and Prejudice. And he hadn’t known they would meet again, right? How could he have been prepared for this?
Her face tingled from the warmth of his touch, and her smile wanted to grow bigger and bigger.
He came back, waving something in his hand. It was a red envelope. The same color of red as the file folder he had given her on that fateful day in the shop. “Here you go.”
She took it into her hand. “Thanks. Do I look inside now?”
“If you want to know what it is.” He smiled, but the nerves in his voice transferred to her.
Her heart hammered under her chest bone. She tore open the flap with her little finger and looked in. A sheet of paper. She pulled it out and unfolded it. It was a list of items with neat numbers in front of them. Reading in a hammock in the forest. Visiting Versailles. Going to see the famous Chinese terra cotta army. Finishing War and Peace.
“It’s a bucket list of dates we can do together,” he said softly, “based on…”
“Our literary likes.” Her eyes ran down the list again, her heart fluttering. “This sounds amazing.”
“I wanted to give it to you with the file folder in Rook. Maybe because we had so much in common, we could do some things together.”
“You had this with you then?” Her throat tightened. “I’m so sorry, I sent you off like…I hate myself.”
“No, don’t say that.” He brushed her cheek. “You came to me now, and that’s all that matters. My feelings haven’t changed, Cleo. I love you.”
“And I love you. I can’t wait to do some of these things together. Or eat banana caramel ice cream on the couch and watch Pride and Prejudice together.”
“Don’t push it. My literary likes exclude romance.”
“You can’t have it all.”
Funny. As she closed her eyes and savored his presence, she realized she did have it all. All she ever wanted. All she’d ever need.
Epilogue
Where am I? Cleo steered the car into the dirt path. Can this be right?
Mark had given her instructions over the phone to reach his family’s cabin in the Catskills, but being here in person, it all seemed different. Bigger.
And the idea of getting lost in a huge forest with only a few vacation homes scattered throughout was rather intimidating.
Ah, there it is. The white house lay among the trees, a thin waft of smoking rising from the tall brick chimney. Mark had to have lit the hearth already. On the passenger seat beside her was a basket with French bread, cheeses, and wine. A gift to the parents she was meeting for the first time. Nerves wriggled in her stomach. Will they like me?
The door opened, and Mark walked out onto the porch. His white shirt was buttoned down, tucked into stonewashed denims. He waved at her, jumping down the porch steps. As soon as she had stopped the car, he opened the door and leaned in to kiss her. She closed her eyes a moment, savoring the caress of his lips. “Hello, darling.”
Her worry faded away. Whatever the parents thought of her, Mark loved her, and that was all that mattered.
“What do you think of our hideout?” He gestured around him. “I’ve been in the attic already, digging out the hammocks. They’re in pretty good shape after all those years. Should be sunny tomorrow, perfect for a little outdoor reading. Come on in.”
