“Breakfast. It’ll all work out. Corn said that chicken apple sausages give him terrible gas, so I told him he could skip them if he was really that worried.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Chicken apple sausages don’t give him gas.”
“That’s what you think.”
Lux looked a little skeptical but dropped the subject and followed us into the lounge, where our olfactory senses were fully bombarded with the smell of breakfast. We reached the table, and our empty stomachs were greeted by waffles, eggs, fruit, and, coincidentally, chicken apple sausages. Hot damn. There was nothing better than a big breakfast to refuel after a night of drinking and even more so if it happened to be combined with a morning of calorie burning shower intercourse. Sex burned more calories than people knew, and that number probably doubled in a shower setting because it required using a lot more of the large muscle groups of the lower body.
John and Tatyana were already seated, and Corn, Lux, and I joined them, with me taking the open spot next to Tatyana. She smiled as she reached over and placed a large Belgian waffle, fruit, scrambled eggs, and two chicken apple sausages on my plate.
“Thank you,” I said.
“No problem. I figured you might be more hungry than usual.”
“Yeah, I am actually, considering I managed to squeeze in a pretty solid cardio workout this morning,” I said.
“As did I. Coffee?”
“Oh, yes please!” I said, enthusiastically.
I was enjoying our post-coital breakfast double entendres, though I was sure Lux, John, and possibly even Corn would give me a lot of shit about it later. Just as Tatyana finished filling my cup, I heard the distinctive footsteps of a man who knew the inside of a tanning booth all too well and looked up to see Brett arriving from the front of the plane. He was clearly following the heavenly smell and now stood hovering over the table, looking tan and hungry as hell. He placed his hand on Yvonne’s shoulder and peered down at the breakfast feast.
“Looks good,” he said, smiling, his white teeth glowing like a second sunrise.
“How’s life in the cockpit? Did you have a long night at the controls?” I asked.
“Not really, as I had autopilot and Wendy.”
Oh, I had forgotten about the other pilot Wendy, as I had yet to actually meet her, though I’d be willing to bet a year’s supply of pudding that she’s super hot considering the Vandenberg hiring standards. Brett, meanwhile, reached down and grabbed two plates, filled them with food, turned, and headed back to the cockpit.
“So, what’s our plan for Switzerland?” I asked, between bites of chicken apple sausage and waffle.
“Once we land, Corn and I will initially be acting as liaison with the Swiss authorities while you and Lux drive to Davos. It’s a couple hours away depending on traffic, so you should arrive by this evening.
“I hear the skiing is excellent,” I said.
“It is, and it’s a hot spot for celebrities, royal families, and everybody who’s anybody, so try not to cause an international incident.”
“I can certainly try.”
“Well, do us a favor and don’t actually cause one,” John said.
“Not a problem. So, what exactly is Babineux doing in Davos?”
“He has a ski chalet right on one of the main runs, and our latest intelligence reports from the Swiss say he and Bridgette are up there doing a little skiing.”
“Leave it to a Frenchman to begin a life on the run with a little skiing at a premier resort like Davos.”
“No shit,” Corn said.
“So, I guess I’m not going to need to utilize any of my investigative talents, as this sounds like a straight up snatch and grab.”
“Yeah, we’re hoping you can pick him up quickly and quietly before he moves again,” Corn said.
“Sounds easy enough—but I am going to need to make a couple quick stops on the way.”
“As long as they’re quick and efficient. No wasting time sightseeing or fucking around.”
“I’m always quick and efficient.”
“Well—efficient for sure,” Tatyana said, giving me a little smile.
John, Lux, and Corn all looked at me.
“What? I’m efficient. Big deal.”
Sometimes a man just needed to shower with a beautiful woman, and it wasn’t my fault that I found comfort in the arms of the opposite sex—even more so in an aquatic environment. Thankfully, the conversation moved on from me and turned to talk of what the others would do when they reached Switzerland. Tatyana had officially confirmed that she was going to meet up with her old college friend who worked in Zurich, and that meant John’s hope of a hookup was officially off his travel itinerary. That just left Yvonne and the man with the tan, who, along with Wendy, were officially on-call to await our return. Still, they were cleared to do a little local sightseeing as long as they stayed within the Zurich area. All in all, it sounded like a fun vacation for the others, while it would be work for Lux and me, as we’d be busy trying to nab Babineux and Bridgette. Breakfast continued on merrily without incident until we were all pretty much done eating and Corn decided to finish up by taking a big swig of sparkling mineral water. He immediately hiccuped, and its unexpected arrival was followed by an accidental, though truly magnificent, belch.
“Corn!” Lux yelled.
“Sweet Lord, I feel as though I just breathed in your entire breakfast!” John said.
“Pay him no mind. He’s just jealous, as growing up between prep schools and country clubs never allowed him to explore his male side,” I said.
“Fuck you! I’ll show you simpletons that the aristocracy is better than you in all ways,” John said, before taking a large drink of mineral water and delivering a thunderous blue-blooded belch.
There was a brief moment of quiet in which all of us reveled in John’s unlikely magnificence.
“If only the American people could see you now,” Lux said, breaking the silence, the hint of irony obvious in her voice.
“Hey—if this fucker ever manages to run for president, he’ll definitely have my vote now,” I said.
Suddenly, Tatyana, who had been quiet thus far, belched like a mountain gorilla, bringing the entire table to a state of quiet stupefaction. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard and laughed so hard that the sip of water I had just taken went flying across the table. This, in turn, made Corn laugh and spit his sparkling mineral water back in my direction, turning our disgusting exchange into a kind of liquid tennis match, except you didn’t actually want to return the serve. It was quite a scene, and the kind I hadn’t experienced since college, making it hard to believe the participants were all adults. When the dust had settled, John looked over at Tatyana excitedly.
“Goddammit, Tatyana! You are all that is woman,” he said.
“It all comes down to putting your entire chest into the effort and projecting,” she said, using her hands to emphasize her point.
“Clearly,” I said.
“Indeed,” John added.
She was obviously referring to her chest cavity, but John and I shared a smile that confirmed we were both admiring her chest—specifically her upper mammarian region.
“Well, thank you for a lovely breakfast, Yvonne,” I said.
“You’re welcome,” she responded, cheerfully.
“Yeah, and I’m sorry these assholes created such a mess, Yvonne, so all of us will obviously be helping to clean up,” Lux said.
Everyone, including his majesty the vice president, proceeded to grab their plates and follow Yvonne towards the kitchen.
“So, John, the room you’re about to see is called a kitchen. It’s used to prepare food and clean up after meals. I’m sure your servants spent a lot of time there.”
“Kit-chen. Interesting. And can I assume it has food and running water?”
“Yes, and many other conveniences.”
“So, it’s magic!”
“Yes again, so prepare to be amazed!�
��
We helped Yvonne load the dishes into the dishwasher, and had just finished when Brett came over the intercom and announced that we were thirty minutes from Zurich, and it was time to prepare to land. Everyone retreated to their seats in the lounge and buckled in for landing, and it was hard to believe that when the plane touched down, we’d be in a completely different part of the world thousands of miles from where we took off. Flying was an incredibly fascinating experience, though the average modern traveller generally took it all for granted. We could board a plane in one place then get off a few hours later to find different languages, different people, different weather, and even different women. Simply magical. I looked out the window and saw the mountains rising above the patchy clouds as we descended on a southeasterly heading towards the Zurich International Airport. The plane dropped ever so gently, more detail appearing from below as undefined green and grey patches became buildings and houses. I heard the thump of the landing gear lowering, and turned my gaze back inside the plane to see Tatyana smiling at me. I smiled back ever hopeful the mission would go smoothly, and I’d soon be back on the jet to enjoy her company, but, the way my life had been going lately, it seemed highly unlikely
CHAPTER SEVEN
Diamonds are a Man's Breast Friend
THE PLANE TOUCHED down smoothly onto the runway, and I had to give Brett credit. He may have blindingly white teeth and the otherworldly skin tone of a tangerine, but, judging by the landing, he could definitely fly a plane. As we turned and taxied towards the terminal, he came over the intercom and told us to remain in our seats until we came to a complete stop. This, of course, prompted all of us to get up and head to our cabins to grab our things and be ready to leave when we reached the private gate. I piled everything by the door, and took a last look at my home away from home. I was sad to leave the luxury of the plane, but I was hopeful my next destination would be just as nice. The Vandenbergs liked to travel in style, and, for that reason, I liked to travel with the Vandenbergs.
I opened my door just as John, Lux, and Corn were coming up the passageway, and Corn graciously offered to carry my case of weapons. It was particularly cumbersome, so it was a welcome relief to receive a little help. Normally, I prided myself on being a light traveler, but working so far from home forced me to pack more goodies than usual. I never saw James Bond lugging around a bunch of suitcases. He kept it simple—a woman and a gun, and I had too many of both of those at the moment.
By the time Brett shut down the engines, we were all lined up by the main door eagerly waiting to exit the plane. The cockpit door opened, and Mr. Tan stepped out looking a little irked that none of us had listened to his orders to remain seated. I leaned a little to the right, so I could see past him into the cockpit, and I was fortunate enough to spy a hint of the rather shapely thigh of the other pilot Wendy. Brett saw me looking and moved to block my view, making him both a dick and a hypocrite, considering he was also the kind of guy who would take the time to appreciate the opposite sex.
“People, I asked you to stay in your seats for your own safety. Accidents really do occur on the taxiway. It’s a rule for a reason.”
It was suddenly feeling a lot like one of those middle school field trips where you got a little wound up on the bus and ended up being scolded by the teacher before you even reached your destination. In this case, the authority figure was an overly tan pilot, and the scolded students were all of us. He quickly realized that none of us were taking him seriously, and he proceeded to squeeze past and open the door, bringing forth a lovely blast of fresh mountain air. The efficient Swiss airport workers had already attached the ramp, and we all exited and formed up on the tarmac, where we could all feel the obvious chill of the beginning of winter. Zurich resided at almost three thousand feet, and the temperature at this time of year was cold and getting colder, which meant that I really needed to buy some winter clothes.
A limo was parked just beyond the wing, and a number of Secret Service agents were fanned out around the area. An attractive blond, likely the lead agent, stood beside the rear door of the car, and she was, obviously, waiting for their royal majesties, John and Corn. My two, apparently, very important friends left us for a brief conversation with the lead agent then returned.
“We have a meeting with the powers that be, and if all goes well, we’ll snag a helicopter and meet you two losers later tonight in Davos,” John said.
“I take it we lowlifes will be traveling by car,” I said.
“Of course, but it shouldn’t be too bad,” he said, motioning towards three brand new silver Audi sedans parked off to the side of the jetway.
“Oh well, I suppose that will just have to do,” I said.
“Yeah, I figured you’d be OK with your transportation.”
“Indeed. Well, have fun with your important meetings, your graces.”
“I’m but a simple public servant,” John said, as he left us and climbed into the back of the limo.
Corn met with an official looking guy in a grey business suit, and the man handed him a large manila envelope. The two talked for a minute, then Corn came back over and reached into the envelope and pulled out a couple of State Department Diplomatic Security Special Agent ID’s, and a credit card with my name on it.
“Now, please don’t go nuts with your official expense card. Ultimately, we have to justify all of your purchases.”
“Don’t worry—no one in the CIA would ever question expensing strippers and alcohol.”
“Fortunately, I happen to know you don’t go for strippers.”
“It’s not that I don’t go for strippers. I just don’t go to strip clubs, but that still leaves alcohol. Now, what’s the story with the ID’s? Do they also serve as licenses to kill?”
“Not even close. It just gives you and Lux some official diplomatic credibility in case you get into any trouble with the authorities, though I wouldn’t make a point of starting too much shit. The Swiss like things nice, quiet, and orderly.”
“No problem, chief.”
Corn shook my hand then gave Lux a hug and a kiss before leaving to join John in the limo. Lux and I picked up our luggage and walked over to the nearest Audi, which, on closer inspection, turned out to be a brand new RS6. Not bad. I could get used to a sedan with the same V10 engine that a Lamborghini had under the hood. We put our luggage in the trunk then settled in to the supportive, though decidedly comfortable, leather seats. I took hold of the wheel and familiarized myself with the controls, but movement brought my attention off to my left, where I saw that Tatyana was coming over to my window.
“Between our morning together on the jet and our ground transportation, I’d say this is looking like a perfect first day in Switzerland,” she said, with a wink.
“I’d have to agree.”
“Well, be safe, guys, and I hope to see you sooner than later,” she said.
“Thanks, we will, and I’m definitely trying for sooner,” I responded.
She leaned in and kissed me goodbye then headed for her car, and I watched her go, taking a final moment to admire her beautiful backside. Sweet siren of the skies! She was quite a woman, and I would surely feel her absence. I turned my attention back to the car and took a second to breathe in the fine scent of new leather, then hit the start button. The engine roared to life, and I gave it a few purposeful revs, so I could listen to the melodious purr of five hundred plus horses desperately trying to get out from under the hood. It was a glorious sound—not unlike thunder echoing from Odin’s shorts. I gazed over and saw that Tatyana was now at the wheel of her Audi, and she looked equally excited as she smiled and blew me a final kiss. I smiled and sent her one back then noticed Lux staring at me.
“What?” I asked.
“A morning together and now you’re blowing each other kisses? Sweet Lord, what happened to you, Finn?”
“Oh, don’t be jealous my darling, Jugs. I blew you kisses once upon a time. Well—until you blew me off and married another man.”
“Man-whore,” she grumbled, giving me a chastising glare.
I turned on the stereo and hit scan until it landed on a local Zurich alternative rock station. With music filling the air, I used the paddle shifter to click the Audi into gear then hit the gas. The engine roared and the tires chirped as they dug into the pavement and sent us blazing out of the terminal area and onto the airport access road.
“Where to?” I asked, Lux.
“We need to go to the heart of Zurich to a street called Bahnhofstrasse. We’ll take care of your little jewelry problem then do a little clothes shopping.”
Lux programmed the street into the GPS, and off we went, south on highway 51 until we hit the 1L, which would take us right into the especially difficult to pronounce district. Looking around at the sights, I realized I had forgotten how beautiful Switzerland was with its old world charm and rustic streets—all of it nestled within beautiful alpine valleys. In another week or so, they would have the Christmas lights up, and it would look like a fairy tale city.
As we neared our destination the traffic was getting progressively worse, so it stood to reason that the Bahnhofstrasse was a popular place. Or, perhaps they had a farmer’s market going on or possibly even a cheese festival. God only knew what the Swiss got up to, but, either way, it was slow going, and parking was obviously going to be a real motherfucker. Our destination turned out to be a shopping mecca, and I soon learned from Lux that it was the third most expensive in the world. Good thing I was now a man of means, otherwise they would have surely smelled my deep seated poverty and had me ejected before I could even get my feet on the ground.
Lux glanced down at the GPS then out at the street and said we were close and should start looking for parking. This being a shopping mecca also meant, as I already suspected, that there was very little in the way of available spaces, so we set about searching all the surrounding side streets. After circling back over the same block three times, an affluent looking couple in a Mercedes finally pulled out, and I took their space on a quaint, though crowded, tree lined street. I grabbed the bag of jewels, and was happy I had chosen to carry a pistol, as this was the first time I had ever walked around in public with a hundred million dollars worth of valuables. The experience was making me a little nervous considering people got killed every day for a fraction of what I now had on my person. I, therefore, thought it was a good idea to keep my eyes on the people around me and my hand on my gun. Lux noticed and laughed.
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