I headed upstairs and made my way to the kitchen to find Letizia cooking breakfast while Babs, Bridgette, and Angelina were at the counter monkeying around on their phones and quietly drinking cappuccinos. I said good morning, but only Bridgette and Angelina looked up and smiled and returned the gesture. Babs was obviously giving me the cold shoulder, and I figured it was only a matter of time before the argument started. Letizia looked over at me, then motioned towards Babs and made a funny expression before laughing. He looked at us and was un-amused.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“You,” Letizia said.
“What do you mean?”
“You look so grouchy when you should be happy for me. I finally broke free from two years of abstinence."
“Congratulations,” he said, coldly.
I went to the espresso machine and made myself another cup then sat down at the counter next to Angelina. A couple of quiet minutes later Corn and Lux walked in, and Corn was annoyingly still smiling about his little practical joke.
“How was your dump?” he asked, innocently.
“Lovely, until some jackass interrupted it. I hope you know that I might have inadvertently killed you,” I said.
“How? By opening up the window? Did it really smell that bad?”
“No, it smelled that good—and I happen to remember that you’re deathly allergic to the aromatic fragrance of fresh flowers.”
“Yeah, the kind of fresh flowers that grow in a steaming hot anus.”
Babs let out a pained little groan, as he, apparently, wasn’t a big fan of potty humor. Letizia, meanwhile, being a conscientious host, asked Lux and Corn if they would like a cappuccino.
“Oh, yes please! Anything to counteract my lack of sleep would be greatly appreciated,” Corn said.
“Are you still having those terrible nightmares where you dreamt you ate a two hundred pound marshmallow then woke up to find your pillow was missing?” I asked.
“No, it was mainly because of excessive noise keeping me up late and waking me up too early.”
“Yeah, those fucking seabirds are assholes,” I said.
“Not the seabirds, just the fucking. Didn’t you two get enough last night?”
“Can you ever really get enough?” I asked.
“I certainly can’t,” Letizia chimed in.
“Seriously now, you’re all ruining my breakfast with your discussion of childish potty humor and my sisters exciting new sex life,” Babs grumbled.
“Oh, relax, Adrien! We’re just having fun,” Letizia said.
“Yes, fun indeed. I assume you know that your fun new boyfriend here has slept with every woman in this room.”
“That’s not true, I haven’t slept with Angelina yet,” I joked.
“Or technically Lux,” Corn added.
“I think you’re mistaken, my friend,” Babs said.
Lux and I nervously looked at each other.
“No, they never had sex. They couldn’t while Tag had the bullet in his back,” Corn said.
“That may have been the case back in Afghanistan, but Soft Taco Island was a different story. Finn appeared to be in top form there.”
“What the hell is he talking about?” Corn asked, as he looked questioningly at Lux.
“I have no idea,” she said, looking away.
“I’m afraid she is lying my friend. You see, the majority of my island is under video surveillance—very hi-tech video surveillance including night vision and infrared, and, after the whole affair with Monsieur Finn, my people reviewed the Island’s security footage. Interestingly, they discovered a pretty racy clip from one of our beach cameras that showed Lux and Asshole fucking like rabbits.”
Oh shit. I had underestimated Babs, and, truthfully, was kind of surprised he was playing the adultery card considering he was French, and their society was built on adultery—from the President all the way down to the lowliest peasant. The lame part, however, was that he was hurting Lux and Corn more than me. I had told Letizia about my recent promiscuity and had nothing to hide, but Lux, however, was a different story, and, now, I was actually feeling pretty bad that my actions had complicated her life. But then, what would life be without problems? Not much, as, in my experience, life was basically a continuous series of problems balanced by a continuous hunt for solutions, all of it interspersed by brief moments of calm where the two came together. Thanks to Babs, we now had a nice big, fat problem that we could all enjoy together. Wonderful.
“Don’t you mean fucking comme des lapins?” I said, hoping to at least temporarily skew the direction of the conversation.
“Oh, how wonderful, you’re still improving your French language skills,” Babs responded.
Our banter was interrupted by Corn slamming his hand down on the counter.
“Goddammit! I should have known that something like that would happen when you two got together, but at least now I know that the pillow fight on the jet wasn’t just a dream.”
“Hey, that was perfectly innocent,” I countered.
“Really, and how about the shower that John and I walked in on in Davos?”
“Believe it or not that was also totally innocent.”
“Bullshit!”
“Corn, you’re blowing this all out of proportion. Yes, Finn and I shared a moment on the island, but you have to understand that it was a one time affair,” Lux said.
“You seriously expect me to believe that?”
“Yes.”
Corn walked over to the window and rubbed his head as he gazed out at the sea, taking some time to think before he responded.
“If that’s true then why the fuck didn’t you tell me about this when we talked the other night?” Corn asked, angrily.
“Well—what Finn and I did was different. It had nothing to do with you and me and everything to do with Afghanistan and…”
“Oh, here it comes—the part where you tell me that I was your second choice.”
“Don’t be ridiculous! I married you, you big asshole!”
“Yeah, because he was gone.”
“Look, Corn, what happened wasn’t right, but it happened, and, now, it’s over, and I’m sorry you had to find out like this, but, lets face it, there are no innocents in this,” I said.
“Fuck you, Finn! I opened up to you on the Vandenberg jet, and you should have opened up to me.”
“I suppose, but I didn’t want to violate either of your trust.”
He turned and glared at Lux.
“Anything else I need to know about,” he asked, angrily.
“I don’t know, is there?” she countered.
“Fuck it! I’m going to go take a shit,” he said, before turning and walking out of the room.
Lux followed right behind him, and the rest of us proceeded to quietly sip our coffee.
“Happy now, Babs?” I asked.
“All I asked was that you leave my sister alone.”
“Adrien, you’re an asshole. I make my own choices, and who are you to judge anyone? I suppose you haven’t told Bridgette about all your little mistresses you keep on the side,” she said, angrily.
“What mistresses?” Bridgette asked.
“Don’t listen to her. She’s just trying to start some shit.”
“Yes, I am—but I’ll have you know that he has at least four that I know of.”
“She’s exaggerating. There were only three.”
“Three?” Bridgette asked, her anger rising.
“Yes—but I broke up with two, and the third one I hardly see since you and I got serious—and who are you to complain? You fucked Finn!”
“Because you wanted me too!”
“I wanted you to spy on him—not fuck him!”
“Same difference,” she said, as she got up and stormed out of the room.
Babs cast an angry glare at Letizia.
“That was a shitty thing to do!” he said.
“It’s not fun having someone air your own dirty laundry is
it, Adrien?” Letizia asked.
He turned and left the kitchen, and all was quiet.
“I guess that means more breakfast for the three of us,” I said, to Letizia and Angelina.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Helen of Troy
BREAKFAST TURNED OUT to be pretty damn good considering how uncomfortably it had started, and Letizia, Angelina, and I were left to ourselves to enjoy a British style breakfast of eggs, beans, sausages, tomatoes, and mushrooms. It was certainly nice to get a break from the continental breakfast and eat something a little closer to home, and even more enjoyable than the food was the fact that I got to hear more stories about their many summers together in Taormina. Letizia, who had been rather subdued in her adult life, was quite the opposite in her youth, and I learned that she spent many a wild night tormenting the local boys. That was obviously the Letizia I experienced in the Jacuzzi last night.
We eventually finished eating, and, as I stood at the sink rinsing off my plate, I looked out over the straight of Messina and saw the Sozo coming in from the northwest, with her white super structure glowing in stern contrast to her dark blue hull. She was quite a sight, and I looked forward to seeing Billings and the rest of the crew, but I was certainly going to miss Letizia.
“Any chance of you coming with us on the trip back to the United States?” I asked.
“I would love to, but I have a lot of work to do on the ruins.”
“They’ll still be here when you get back.”
“I know, and so will my deadline back at Oxford, but that’s what happens when you live in the world of publish or perish.”
“You should go live a little. You deserve a break,” Angelina said.
“Sadly, I can’t, as I don’t have enough time in my life for fun and adventure.”
“Yeah, but what is life without fun and adventure?”
“Just work, I suppose.”
“Exactly!”
Having finished helping them clean up the kitchen, I headed downstairs to pack and noticed that all of the doors were closed. I imagined that everyone was probably still in the middle of tense discussions or, perhaps, makeup sex—hopefully the latter. I got all my things together, brushed my teeth, and then headed upstairs, where I found Letizia sitting in a love seat on the deck. I sat next to her, and she put her legs up on me and curled up into my arms. Parting was such sweet sorrow, but it was nice to at least have a little more time together. We managed to spend the next twenty minutes talking and enjoying each other’s company before Lux appeared and told me Billings would soon be coming in to pick us up with the ski boat.
“Lux, I’m really sorry Corn had to find out the way he did,” I said.
“Oh well, maybe it’s better that we got it all out in the open.”
Actually, I thought that Corn’s earlier outrage was a bit hypocritical considering the fact that he had been having an ongoing extra marital affair. That was far worse than a fifteen-minute moment of passion, and what’s good for the gander should be good for the goose. In practicality, however, no gander is ever happy to have somebody fuck his goose.
Bridgette, Babs, and Corn soon joined us on the deck, and we all watched as the small ski boat was lowered into the water from the Sozo. No one spoke a word to one another, and it dawned on me that if sitting on this patio was this awkward, then what the hell was going to happen once we were all on the boat? Even a yacht the size of the Sozo might end up feeling small by the time we reached American soil.
The ski boat’s engine rumbled to life, then Billings steered the boat around and headed for shore. It was time to go, so we picked up our bags and began our short, though scenic, trek down the stone paved walkway to the private pier. It was a beautiful windless day as we reached the lagoon, and I could see the sandy bottom visible below the still water, which was as clear as a mountain lake. It was an extremely inviting view, and I’d sure love to come back in the summer and spend some real quality time in this paradise.
I looked out to see that Billings was only just a short distance away, and he had a smile on his handsome face as he backed off the throttles and brought the small boat gingerly up to the pier. I tied off the bow and stern, and he stepped ashore and gave me a quick man-hug, the kind where you pat each other a few times on the back then quickly part. It was a wholly different experience from hugging a woman, as male to female hugs generally lasted a bit longer and had the added benefit of sandwiching the woman’s breasts between the two of you like a couple of Christmas hams.
“How was the voyage from the Caribbean?” I asked.
“Smooth sailing. How are things on your end?” he asked.
“Same as usual.”
“That bad?”
“Well, let’s just say that it might end up being a long trip back to the States.”
He laughed as we turned and walked over to the group, where I introduced him to Letizia. He smiled, shook her hand ever so daintily, and gave her a quick, though thorough, once-over with his eyes. Typical guy. It was, therefore, a good thing that Tiffany, Billings’s girlfriend, wasn’t here to see Captain Curious. Everyone climbed aboard the boat, while Letizia and I hung back and shared our final kiss and a long hug until Babs groaned. Goodbyes always sucked, and even more so when the overbearing older brother of your love interest was nearby voicing his obvious disapproval of your union.
“I really hate to leave,” I said.
“It’s OK, I have a feeling we’re going to see each other again in the near future,” she responded.
“Let’s hope so.”
She ushered me down onto the boat then undid the lines before tossing them aboard. Pete backed us out, and I waved one last time as we turned and motored out towards the Sozo. The sun was out, and it was a lovely morning to be on the water, but the mood in the small boat was somber at best. I therefore decided we could use a little tension breaker.
“You know, I’m thinking that we all really should get together for the holidays,” I said.
“Absolutely not,” Babs responded.
“Come on, I think it would be fun.”
“I don’t,” Corn said.
“Me neither,” Bridgette added.
Billings looked over at me, and I think he finally understood what I had been hinting at back on the dock. This was not a happy group at the moment, and things might actually get worse in the confines of a boat. We reached the Sozo and were greeted by Kip, a fit, good-looking guy who was usually the chief purser, though now he was filling in for my former love interest Estelle by serving as the temporary activities director. That made him the person responsible for all our amenities—the most important in the coming hours being alcohol. Kip reached down and tied off the tender, but, before we could disembark from the ski boat, Billings took a moment to speak with everyone.
“People, as we’re about to move onto my turf, I would like to make it abundantly clear that I run a peaceful ship, and, considering our last meeting, that pertains especially to you, Mr. Babineux.”
“You can call him Babs. He likes it,” I said.
“No, I don’t,” he complained.
“Babs it is,” Billings said.
We stepped aboard the boat deck, and Kip and I exchanged a warm hug. It hadn’t always been this friendly, however, for, back during our Soft Taco Island adventure, I was absolutely certain that he had wanted to kill me because of my relationship with Estelle. I had thought, wrongly so, that he was attracted to her, but, as it turned out, he was attracted to men—or, more specifically, me. Estelle, therefore, was the actual brunt of his discontent, and that meant I could now sleep soundly knowing that he wasn’t secretly plotting to end my life.
Everyone left the boat deck and headed off to their respective rooms to drop off their baggage and get settled in while Billings made preparations for us to get underway. I had my same room as before, and its familiarity brought a sense of relief similar to how you felt upon returning home after a long trip. I put my case of rum in the corner by the m
ini fridge, placed my weapons and clothing in the closet, then strolled into the bathroom for a quick piss. As I stood there, I felt a subtle vibration in the floor, and that meant the Sozo’s engines were spooling up, and we would soon be underway. I flushed then walked outside and stood by the railing in hopes of stealing one last glance at the beautiful city of Taormina and, more importantly, Letizia. She was standing on the deck watching us depart, and I held up my hand and gave her a final wave goodbye then blew her a kiss. She waved back then blew me a kiss of her own before turning and heading back inside her place.
At that moment, an announcement came over the intercom that lunch would be served in fifteen minutes. I had some time to kill, and, as I was feeling a bit melancholy at parting ways with Letizia, I decided to take a little walk to clear my head and build up my appetite. I passed through the main salon and, soon thereafter, unconsciously found myself standing in front of Estelle’s cabin. I had some good times in there, and it was hard to believe it had only been a week and a half ago that we had parted ways. My recent luck meeting amazing women seemed to come with the unfortunate price that our relationships never lasted more than a few days to a week at best, but such was the life of a man-whore. I continued on to the forward stairs then went down to the bottom deck and headed aft, passing the Sozo’s gym before reaching the boat storage deck. There, I paused and had a quick look around at all of the Sozo’s various watercraft that I had utilized on my Soft Taco Island adventure. There was the lovely sleek dark blue official tender, the Jet Skis, and, most dear of all, the ski boat, which had been the setting for some some pretty sweet lovemaking with Estelle. I sighed to myself then climbed up the back stairs to the aft deck and headed inside the main salon. Kip happened to be standing behind the bar taking inventory of the alcohol, so I went over and took a seat, and he turned around and placed a napkin in front of me.
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