by J. O Mantel
Hunter stroked his thumb over Bree’s lower lip, and lowered his head before leaning forward to seal their lips together. As Hunter pressed his forehead against Bree’s, he closed his eyes as if he was savoring the moment. When he opened them, he could see Bree’s beautiful blue eyes glistening at him.
“I love you, Hunter. You don’t need to be scared, everything is going to be all right. You and our daughter are going to be all right.” And with those words, Bree kissed the top of Hunter’s forehead.
Bringing himself back to the present, Hunter turned and saw Alex was still sitting beside him, crying.
“You’re a fighter, Hunter. You and that little girl of yours. Bree would be so proud of the man you’ve become if she were here today. What are you doing this afternoon, any plans?”
“Um … no, actually. I’m just about to head to my mother-in-law’s place to pick up Lili and take her home.”
“How about I come over with some pizza and ice cream? I’d love to spend some time with you and your princess.”
Hunter grinned at Alex. “Well, she’s not so little anymore. In a few years, she’ll be as tall as me,” Hunter exaggerated. “Pizza and ice cream would be perfect, though.”
“Great. I’ll see you both around … seven?”
“Sounds like a plan,” Hunter confirmed and, with a smile, watched Alex walk out of his office.
THE BREEZE RUFFLED Hunter’s hair as he, Carter, Alex, and the rest of the crew, drove over the Brooklyn Bridge to the borough of Brooklyn. They’d been called out to an apartment building fire that had started at 3:00 a.m. As the fire truck raced through the streets, Hunter and the crew prepared themselves for what they anticipated was going to be a long and exhausting fight. As soon as they turned onto the street, they noticed the six-story building was already engulfed in flames.
Carter pulled up out the front, and the entire team, complete in their turnout gear, got to work immediately after a brief discussion on what they all would be doing. Carter and two others proceeded to go through the floors and evacuate everyone they could. Another crew member unwound the hose from its holding, while Hunter and Alex headed toward the front of the building. They could hear screams from inside, but the intense flames and smoke made it extremely difficult for either of them to see anything. They had no idea where Carter was, or what state he was in for that matter, even though he’d only been in the building a few minutes.
“I’m going in,” Hunter declared through his mouthpiece.
“Hunter, no!” Alex said, but Hunter didn’t listen. He was already running full speed into the building.
Watching debris fall from the building’s exterior, Alex aimed the firehose straight ahead and turned it on. The intense heat was almost unbearable as Alex tried to battle the blaze from the outside.
“Hello? Can anyone hear me?” Hunter called when he reached the third floor.
“There’s movement up ahead, but—”
Before Carter could get out another word, Hunter darted forward, trying to locate where the movement was coming from. As he moved farther, he could make out the silhouette of someone standing in front of him.
“Hello?” Hunter yelled.
The silhouette moved, and Hunter heard the cry for help. He lunged farther, this time he felt the floor crack beneath him, and he knew one wrong move could prove deadly.
“Help!” a woman’s voice yelled.
Hunter was sure he’d heard something, but the roar of the fire made it difficult to confirm. Unable to see clearly, and struggling to breathe, even though he was wearing his breathing apparatus, Hunter did the best he could to try and locate the woman. The fire was so fierce he wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to push on.
“Hello?” Hunter yelled again.
“Help!” This time he heard her clearly.
“Ma’am, where are you?”
“In the kitchen,” the woman replied, immediately followed by a loud, terrifying scream.
Raising his arms to shield himself from the flames, Hunter made his way through the area, desperately trying to get to the woman.
“Ma’am, can you hear me? Keep speaking so I can find you.”
“Hunter, get out of there!” Hunter ignored Carter’s pleas and kept working his way through to the kitchen.
The heat grew even more intense, but Hunter’s determination and the will to find this woman, eliminated all chances of failure.
Hunter forgot all about his fear and the danger around him. As he stared ahead into the fire, he noticed something lying on the floor in front of him. The woman was trapped under some kitchen cabinets which had come away from the wall and fallen on top of her.
“I see her,” Hunter declared.
Hunter and Carter got onto their knees and began crawling toward the woman, then suddenly they heard a loud crack above them.
“Watch out!” Carter warned as the ceiling caved in.
The two threw themselves to the side, as the ceiling crashed to the floor, scattering debris and intensifying the fire. Hunter hauled himself off the floor and crawled toward the woman again, but Carter reached out and grabbed Hunter’s ankle, trying to pull him back.
“What the fuck are you doing, Carter?”
“It’s too dangerous, you can’t go in there.”
“What am I supposed to do, just let her die?”
“Hunter—”
But before Carter could get another word in, Hunter broke free from his grip and crawled ahead.
“You stubborn asshole!” Hunter ignored Carter’s muttered response.
As he moved closer toward the woman, the ceiling above continued to cave-in, crashing debris on top of Hunter. He stopped crawling and lay still, and when Carter noticed he wasn’t moving, he got to his knees and quickly moved toward him.
“Hunter?” Carter rolled Hunter’s body over so he was flat on his back. His eyes were closed, and Carter was unsure if he was breathing through the mask. The two of them had really made something of themselves since they started at FDNY. Considering Hunter had no idea what he wanted to do when he left college, it was a major shock that he ended up here at FDNY working side-by-side with Carter. There were times when the training was tough, really tough, and more often than not, Hunter wanted to go AWOL. Carter was always on him about not being a quitter—this job was about saving lives, even if it meant risking your own, and if times were tough, you better believe shit got real. This was one of those times. As Carter sat there with Hunter lying in front of him, he instantly watched his own life flash by.
“No! I’ll be damned if I let you die.” Carter was determined. As he leaned over, Hunter’s eyes flashed open.
“Carter?”
“Oh, thank god,” Carter said, relief sweeping over him.
Hunter slowly rolled over and managed to get back on his knees. The heat was intense, but Hunter started making his way toward the woman again.
“Where are you going?”
“To do my job, Carter. I’m not going to let this woman die.”
“For fuck’s sake, Hunter, you just—”
“Are you going to help me or not?” Hunter roared.
Hesitantly, Carter crawled through the flames and over toward the woman. They looked at her trapped under the kitchen cabinets, her eyes closed.
“Ma’am?” Hunter tried to get the woman’s attention but she was unresponsive.
“We need to get this off her.”
With Carter on one end and Hunter on the other, they began lifting the cabinets.
“I don’t have a firm grip, I can’t,” Carter huffed.
“Come on, Carter, lift,” Hunter encouraged, and together they tried desperately to lift the cabinets again.
“I need some leverage,” Carter grunted.
“There’s no time, Carter. Lift!” Hunter said forcefully.
As the fire intensified, both Hunter and Carter could hear the remaining ceiling cracking above them,
and they knew they didn’t have much time before it would cave in on them. They had to get this woman out, and they had to do it fast.
“Again.” Hunter placed his hands under the cabinets. This time he felt them move slightly, he fixed his grip and tried lifting them again. They moved a little farther this time. With the heat increasing and the smoke getting thicker, sweat was dripping down their faces, and Hunter could feel the fire burning his back, but he wasn’t giving up now. The exhaustion was beginning to overtake him, and he started to feel weak. He looked at Carter and saw the determination on his face. Using every ounce of energy they had left, they adjusted their hands once more, and with one final heave, they lifted the cabinets off the woman.
A small section of the ceiling collapsed behind Hunter. He lifted his arms to shield himself from the flames. “We don’t have time, we need to get out of here,” Hunter urged. He lifted the woman in his arms and he flung her around his shoulders. Her immobile body hung freely as Hunter and Carter moved through the debris. They made their way toward the stairwell when suddenly a loud cracking came from above them. Carter looked up and watched as the ceiling broke free and collapsed.
“WATCH OUT” Carter yelled. In an instant, he and Hunter threw themselves to the floor as the ceiling came crashing down around them. Wasting no time, Hunter got to his feet and threw the woman over his shoulder once more. Carefully stepping through the rubble, he made his way toward the only available exit: the fire escape. With the woman securely situated Hunter stepped out onto the fire escape and slowly proceeded down the stairs, followed closely by Carter. He could hear the flames crackle behind him, but he didn’t look back, his only focus was to get this woman to safety as quickly as possible.
When he finally reached the ground, Hunter quickly made his way over to the paramedics. He gently lifted the woman off his shoulder and laid her on the ground in the recovery position. He watched her chest for any signs of movement, then took off his mask and pressed his ear to her lips, listening for a breath. But there was nothing. He opened her mouth and placed two fingers inside, checking for any vomit before he placed another two fingers on her wrist and tried to feel a pulse. He quickly unbuttoned her blouse and removed his jacket.
“Hunter?” he heard Carter call.
“Prepare to commence CPR,” Hunter yelled, placing his palms on her chest. “Commencing compressions.”
“One, two, three, four, five,” he counted out loud. Then he pinched her nose and parted her lips, before he delivered a short breath of air into her lungs. He placed his ear over her lips, listening for a sign of life.
“One, two, three, four, five.” He continued with the compressions, still looking for any signs of life. The woman remained unresponsive.
Hunter huffed as he counted again, repeating the motion, but still there was nothing.
“Hunter? We’ve lost her,” Carter said, but Hunter wasn’t stopping. He continued to perform CPR, but despite all hope, and no matter how hard he tried, the woman didn’t respond.
“Hunter!” Carter wrapped his hand around Hunter’s arm and tried to pull him off the woman, but Hunter yanked his hand away and continued with the compressions.
“No!” Hunter counted again; he wasn’t going to give up the fight if he could save her.
“Dammit, Hunter, she’s not Bree. You can’t bring her back.”
With that, Hunter paused, then lifted his hands off her chest. He turned, looking at Carter for an instant before his fist collided with Carter’s mouth. Hunter stood and looked at Carter, his lip bleeding and starting to swell. With a blank stare, he turned around to peer at the woman lying on the ground. He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair.
“I’m so sorry, Bree,” he sobbed. Without another thought, he turned and fled, leaving Carter and the others.
“You all right, sir?” Alex asked.
“I’m fine,” Carter replied, wiping his lip and spitting out the blood in his mouth.
“Should I?” Alex questioned, wondering whether or not to follow Hunter.
Carter shook his head. “Leave him,” he stated firmly.
Hunter opened his eyes to see his mother’s ceiling. When he’d gotten home last night, or rather in the early hours of the morning, he’d gone to his mom’s house with the intention of picking up Lili and heading straight home. Instead, he now found himself fully clothed in his uniform and lying on her couch, and he stank of smoke. He slowly raised himself off the cushions. The sun had just started to rise and break through the gap in the curtains. Swiping his hand down his face, he paused briefly before looking around the room, remembering what had happened last night. He hadn’t meant to punch Carter in the mouth, but all he could think of as he was trying to save that woman’s life, was Bree. Even now, years after her passing, he still felt guilt for his wife’s death. As thoughts of that tragic day traveled through his mind, he stood and headed for the bathroom. He closed the door and turned on his mother’s shower, then stared at his reflection in the mirror. His face was covered in soot and dirt from the fire, the once white T-shirt he wore under his gear, was now a charcoal color. Hunter looked at the glass doors that had started to fill with steam and held back the urge to cry.
Everywhere he looked reminded him of Bree.
God, I miss her.
He finished his shower and snagged a pair of jeans and a shirt from his old bedroom. Even though he hadn’t lived with his mother for years, she still kept his room made up, so he always had a place to sleep whenever they stayed over. When he was dressed, he headed to the kitchen, where he saw his mother working over the stove. The familiar aroma of her home-made pancakes wafted in the air as he walked toward her.
“Pancakes?” He smiled, giving his mother a kiss on the cheek.
“Good morning, sweetheart,” she replied, with a kiss of her own.
Hunter leaned against the counter and looked around. “Where’s my little princess?” he asked, searching for his daughter.
“She’s still asleep. She had a restless night and it took her hours to nod off. She kept complaining about bad dreams, so I let her sleep in the bed with me.”
“She’s been complaining about bad dreams for a few weeks now.”
“Did something happen?” his mother asked.
“No.” Hunter shook his head.
His mother brushed past him and placed a plate of pancakes and maple syrup on the table. Hunter poured himself a coffee and sat down.
“Everything all right?” she inquired as she sat down.
“Fine,” he replied firmly, not making eye contact with her.
“I’m glad I didn’t teach you how to be a great liar,” his mother said.
“What?”
“I’m your mother, Hunter, I know you better than anyone. Something’s up with you,” she said, glaring at him.
“There was a fire last night, in Brooklyn. Everyone managed to get out except one woman. She was trapped, Carter and I tried to save her. We eventually got her out of the building, but…” He paused and tried to hold back his emotions. “We lost her, Mom. Everything that I was taught in training, everything I knew, all the things I could do, and I couldn’t save her.” Hunter wept as he told his mother.
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” she replied softly, brushing her thumb over his knuckles.
“All I could think about while I was trying to revive her, was Bree. I tried to save her life like I was reliving the whole nightmare all over again.”
“Sweetheart,” his mother whispered, now clasping her hand around his. “What happened to Bree was not your fault, you know that. I know it doesn’t help the pain, nothing ever will, but you know what? Every time you look into the eyes of that beautiful little girl of yours, you’ll be reminded of her and the love you two felt for each other. That’s all that matters.”
Hunter leaned forward and embraced his mother with a tight hug, finally allowing the tears he’d been holding back to escape his eyes.
“Daddy!” That one word brought so much happiness and joy into the suffocating confines of the kitchen.
“There’s my little princess.” Hunter smiled, pulling away from his mother’s embrace and wiping the tears from his face. He stood up from the chair and walked over to his daughter. He kneeled down and scooped her into his arms, covering her cheeks with sloppy kisses.
“How’s my little pumpkin?” he asked.
“I’m good.” She smiled up at him. “Why are your eyes red, Daddy?”
Her question was so innocent, and Hunter forced a smile.
“I’m just happy to see you, pumpkin. Were you a good girl for Grandma?”
She nodded and grinned.
“Okay, now you be Daddy’s good girl and eat some of these delicious pancakes Grandma’s made us for breakfast.”
“She’s becoming more and more like her mother every day,” Hunter sighed, painfully. He felt his mother’s hand rest on his shoulder, then he lowered his head and brushed it against her hand.
“Yes, yes she is,” his mother agreed.
It was late by the time Hunter and Lili arrived home. They’d spent part of their day visiting Bree’s grave, something Hunter did regularly with Lili, before going for a walk in the park, and finishing with a trip to the circus. He was exhausted and emotional, not to mention angry with himself. Not only because he couldn’t save that woman, but also because he’d hit Carter, his best friend.
Yeah, I really fucked things up.
Even after he got home, he’d found himself reliving the entire ordeal of Bree’s death, trying to pinpoint everything he’d done that day, and why he couldn’t save her, even though he knew there was nothing he could have done. While Lili was playing in the playroom, Hunter headed to his bedroom. He made quick work of removing his clothes, and changed into a pair of boxer briefs, sweatpants, and a tee. He walked to the playroom and leaned against the doorjamb. He crossed his arms over his chest and watched his daughter, smiling at the beautiful sight before him. After a few minutes, he went back to his room, where he noticed the Valentine’s card he’d received at the station, resting on the nightstand.
