by J. O Mantel
“It is.”
“So, why a hotel? I thought we’d just settle for a cheap hostel or backpacker lounge.”
Andy raised his eyebrows, as he forked a piece of pasta and placed it in his mouth. The fact that Hunter thought this weekend was just a cheap and casual getaway excited Andy, knowing how shocked and surprised he’d be later tonight when they arrived at their hotel.
“It’s been a long time since ...” Hunter trailed off his words as he looked at Andy who gave him a curious look in return.
“Since?” Andy asked.
“Since … I’ve had lunch with anyone other than my mom or Lili. Kind of like how long it’s been since I was last on a date.”
“So, we’re dating now?” Andy questioned quickly.
“No … unless—”
“Hunter?” Andy said with a frown. Hunter raised his head, and his gaze got lost in Andy’s eyes. “You’re doing it again. So, let me clarify this for you. This is not a date. It’s just a friend taking another friend out to lunch for his birthday, got it?”
Hunter nodded.
“Good. Now will you please shut up and enjoy your lunch, and my company, so we can get the hell out of here and enjoy the rest of what San Francisco has to offer while there’s still daylight?”
Hunter lifted his beer to his lips and took a huge gulp. Andy was right, he really needed to just relax and enjoy himself. That’s what this entire weekend was all about. He knew, before he’d agreed to come along, that they’d have to talk things out. He needed to know where this—whatever this is—was going. So, he did exactly what Andy instructed, and pushed all the concerns, all the questions, and all the emotions out of his confused-as-fuck brain, and finished his pizza.
“Someone was hungry,” Andy said, as the waiter removed their dessert plates sometime later.
“I was starving. I hadn’t eaten since lunch yesterday. I was up most of the night talking with Mom so I went to bed late and didn’t have time for breakfast.”
They sat for a few minutes before Andy got up from the table and walked over to the counter. After paying the bill, he headed back over toward Hunter and asked, “Are you ready to go?”
Hunter was as ready as he was going to be; he didn’t exactly know what to expect from this weekend. He wasn’t sure what to say or do, his head was still full, trying to find the answers to questions he desperately needed to ask. Andy was always better with words and expressing how he felt, but now, as they exited the restaurant, even he appeared speechless. They walked for some time, stopping at various stores and looking through their windows when Hunter asked, “Have you ever been to Alcatraz?”
“No, I haven’t, actually. I don’t know if I could handle it, to tell you the truth.”
“Oh?” Hunter inquired.
“I mean, it’d be kind of creepy, wouldn’t it? All those people who’d have been killed there, all the haunting stories.”
Hunter looked at him with a questioning expression.
“What’s that look for?” Andy asked.
“It’s nothing.”
“Hunter?” Andy pushed.
“Well, we are in San Francisco … and I thought maybe…?”
“Would you like to go there? Is that what you’re asking?”
“I became so fascinated with the story of those three men who escaped, and I always thought, I’d love the opportunity to go there someday. But if you’re—”
“Hunter, if it’s what you want to do, then let’s do it.”
“But I don’t want you to go just for me, seriously, I’m sure there are other things we can do.”
Hunter wasn’t used to all this. It had been many years since he’d been out of the house and traveled without Bree, or Lili for that matter. They agreed on most things when it came to going on an adventure, and as a family, they always did things together. But right now, standing here with Andy, he had to remind himself that this was the man who’d said he loved him and wanted to be with him. He was the one man who Hunter had unexplained feelings for, who was standing right in front of him, saying he was supportive of whatever decision he wanted to make. The man who’d put a smile on his face for the first time in a long time.
“Hunter Cassidy?”
“Yes?” Hunter replied.
“Would you like to go to Alcatraz with me?”
“Are you sure?” Hunter asked.
“If it means I get to spend time with you, doing something that you want to do, then yes, I’m sure.”
Hunter gave him a smile before he said, “Then I can’t think of a better way to spend my birthday, than with you.” With that, Andy ordered an Uber, and they waited.
The cruise to Alcatraz Island took approximately fifteen minutes after they left the dock at Pier 33. Andy refused to allow Hunter to pay for anything, telling him it was his birthday, and it was a gift. Hunter preferred the audio option of the tour, which allowed him to get a much better insight of the prisoners and their crimes. While Andy felt somewhat claustrophobic and a little uneasy, he did find the tour insightful, but seeing how happy Hunter was, and how the two of them were interacting well with one another, was a sight he’d never witnessed before. He knew that this weekend together was going to be life changing for Hunter, and he was prepared for the questions that he knew were going to be asked. All he wanted to do was pull Hunter away from the crowd, wrap his arms around him in a warm embrace, and tell him not to worry about anything. He wanted to tell him not to worry about how he felt, and that everything was going to work out just fine, and how he craved to kiss him again.
It was well into the early hours of the evening by the time they got off Alcatraz Island and returned to Pier 33. The two of them didn’t really say much on the cruise back to the dock, but Andy didn’t need for Hunter to say anything, he knew by the expression on his face, and the overwhelming silence, that he’d really enjoyed himself today, and that’s all that mattered to Andy. But just to be sure, he asked, “Did you enjoy yourself today?”
“I did … very much, actually. This … this has been the best birthday in a very long time. I never thought it was possible to enjoy another birthday without—” he stopped what he was saying and simply smiled at Andy. For the first time in years, although the constant memories of Bree still swirled around in his head, he could finally make peace with her death and not feel pained by her loss.
“It’s still early, are you hungry? We can get some dinner before we head to the hotel.”
Hunter gave him a smile, and he felt every single nerve in his body tingle as he said, “I’m not really hungry, so if it’s all right with you … I’d really like to have that talk now.”
THEY REACHED THE hotel fifteen minutes later.
“The Fairmont Heritage?” Hunter gasped, as he read the huge sign out front.
“One of San Francisco’s finest and most exquisite hotels.”
“And one of the most expensive,” Hunter finished.
Andy took a step toward the front entrance, and Hunter followed quietly as they proceeded to the desk to check in. With only a backpack each, they headed to the elevator and Andy pressed the button to their floor. When the doors opened on their level, Andy walked ahead and when they reached the room, he placed the card into the slot and pushed open the door. They stepped inside, closing themselves off from the outside world, and as Hunter moved toward the bed, he gasped.
“Holy shit,” he said, looking at the view from their floor.
Hunter placed his backpack on the nightstand and walked around the room, with Andy following closely. Hunter reached over the granite top in the bathroom, rubbing his palm over the smooth tiles a few times before finally stopping and turning to Andy.
“Andy, this … this is just too much. We can’t afford to stay here.”
“It’s already taken care of.”
“But how? There’s absolutely no way we can afford this, not on our salaries. Unless, of course, Carter is paying you more
than me. In which case, I’d be totally pissed and demanding a pay rise.”
Andy chuckled, but simply raised his brow. He headed back over to where the bed was resting in the main room and quickly changed out of the clothes he was wearing and into a loose T-shirt and boxers. Hunter turned and started walking toward him and began unbuttoning his shirt. He tossed it on the floor and changed into a T-shirt and as he searched through his backpack, he cursed, “Fuck.”
“What’s wrong?” Andy asked.
“I forgot to pack my boxer shorts.”
Andy let out a laugh and asked, “How does a guy simply forget to pack boxers?”
“Well, in my defense, I usually only sleep in my underwear, and like I said, I haven’t been away from home in a long time and—”
“Hey, I wasn’t complaining. I just think it’s funny that you think it’s such a big deal.”
Hunter didn’t speak or move, he stood there and simply stared at Andy sitting on the bed. He could feel the hot flush running through his entire body, and he did his best to not let it show that he was, in fact, extremely nervous. He’d never considered himself gay, or even curious about being with somebody of the same sex. But it was a question he’d kept asking himself for weeks now. Does this make me gay?
“I know your brain has switched on again, Hunter, so … how about we have that talk?”
Hunter sat down on the bed beside Andy, leaving a slight distance between them. He remained silent, and Andy was determined to try and understand him. He knew that a lot was riding on the conversation they were about to have, and he was prepared for everything.
“Talk to me, Hunter. We’ve got all night, and all weekend, if need be.”
Hunter sighed and turned to face Andy. “I … I don’t know if I’m ready for this. I don’t know if it’s normal to feel like this… about a guy, I mean. I’ve been single for some time now, and I’d resigned myself to the fact that I’d never find love again. But then ...” He paused, unable to locate the words that were clogged in his throat.
“Then I told you I loved you,” Andy finished.
“When I heard you say those words to me, I was shocked and … confused.”
Andy stared into his piercing blue eyes and gave him a reassuring look. “What were you confused about?” he asked.
“My emotions and the feelings that were going through my entire body. About you. They were feelings I never thought I’d have, but ever since Bree’s passing, it’s only ever been you, me, Mom, and Lili. Every time I’m with you, I can’t stop these unexplainable sensations. I can’t even comprehend any of it.”
“Do you know that I’ve never been in a relationship?” Andy said.
“Ever?” Hunter asked, raising his brow.
“Nope. I’ve never done labels, never even been good at anything when it comes to love. That all changed, however, when I met you.”
Hunter gave him a questioning look and said, “I don’t understand? You haven’t always known that you were gay?”
“I always felt strongly for men rather than women, that much I knew. I can’t tell you that I’ve never found women attractive, but I guess I was just never interested.”
Hunter shifted on the bed and asked, “What about now?”
“What do you mean?” Andy replied.
“What I mean is, you said you were never interested in women. But how do you feel about … this … me?” Hunter questioned.
A warm smile appeared across Andy’s lips as he very obviously inspected every inch of the man sitting beside him. “I’m pretty sure I made my feelings clear when I told you I loved you.”
“And nothing’s changed?” Hunter asked.
“God, no. Why would you ask that?”
Hunter felt his heart pounding uncontrollably, and he wasn’t entirely sure if he was going to pass out or have a heart attack.
“Why me?” Hunter asked.
“Why not? I practically fell in love with you within a few weeks of meeting you at the station. I’m not gonna lie, it wasn’t easy trying to keep my hands to myself every day, but then I found out you’d only recently lost your wife and you had a child. That’s when I realized you were straight, but a guy can dream, right?”
Hunter said nothing to disagree with what Andy had just said, instead, he slid a little closer to him. “But that still doesn’t explain why you chose me. What about James or any of the other guys at the station?”
“None of them interested me. Hunter, I only had eyes for you. I managed to work out that James and Alexandra were sleeping together pretty quickly, and I didn’t want to be the reason for a break-up.” Andy saw the lost look in Hunter’s eyes, and it pained him, so he asked, “What else is worrying you? I told you I would answer any questions you had, so you can ask me anything.”
Sitting there beside Andy, Hunter asked himself if he was crazy for even thinking about what the two of them were contemplating. Hunter stared at him and his eyes moved over Andy’s strong, ripped body, much like his own, his chiseled jaw and his biceps that could have easily torn through the thin T-shirt he was wearing.
“If we … if I do this, how do I know that afterward you’re still going to want me? How do I know that you’re not going to say I was shit, or it wasn’t what you expected, and you can’t see anything happening between us? What if you get bored of me and tell me to fuck off? I don’t want to go through all that emotion and—”
“Hunter. I’m not Bree, and I never will be. No one is ever going to replace her, including me. I never said that any of this was going to be easy, and I knew it wasn’t going to come without questions and reservations. The one thing you need to know, though, is I’m not going to do any of those things.”
“But I don’t know that, and you don’t either.”
“That’s true, but all I’m asking is that you trust me,” Andy pleaded, and Hunter could see the sincerity in his eyes.
“When I’m with you, I see the most noble, honest, trustworthy, and ...” He put his head down.
“And?” Andy asked, lifting Hunter’s chin with his finger so they were now at eye level with each other.
“And perhaps one of the hottest guys I’ve ever seen.” As he said the words, he felt the lump reappear in his throat, and he was convinced he was going to choke. That was until Andy cupped his cheeks, pulled him forward, and pressed his lips to Hunter’s.
Before he could even register what was going on, he felt a hand press against his chest, but that wasn’t what was shocking him, Hunter hadn’t pulled away from Andy, whose lips were still pressed against his. Finally coming to the realization of the situation, Hunter pulled himself away.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“What the hell are you sorry for?” Andy asked. “I’m the one who kissed you, not the other way around.”
“I’m sorry, I should have pulled away.”
“Maybe you didn’t want to?” Andy told him.
And that, right there, was what terrified Hunter the most. With Andy’s mouth pressed against his, and the way his flesh felt from the touch of his lips, Hunter couldn’t deny how much he enjoyed it.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to admit anything to me. We’re not here to make each other feel uncomfortable. There are no rules when it comes to complicated relationships. I know this is new to you, it is for me as well, but everything we do, every decision we make, we make it together. Sure, there are going to be risks, but every relationship has risks, no matter the sex of the couple.”
“I can’t make any guarantees,” Hunter added.
“About what?”
“About any of this. I can’t guarantee you that it’s going to be something I want to do, I can’t even guarantee that I’ll like any of it.”
Hunter closed his eyes, and Andy placed a palm on his thigh, soothing him.
“Why are you overthinking this? It’s not a contest. I wouldn’t give a shit how terrible you were. No one ever gets it perfect the
first time. And with you,” he looked up into Hunter’s eyes and gave him a reassuring smile, “I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes to make sure it’s what you really want.”
“You really mean that?” Hunter asked.
“Of course. I am not going to push you to do something you’re not comfortable doing. This is something that I want, that I’ve wanted for a while, but it has to be what you want too. It has to work both ways.”
All Hunter could do was continue to look at Andy. He was the only person who had made him feel again. Emotions he never thought would be possible after Bree died. Andy was the reason Hunter and Lili had smiles on their faces before they both went to sleep at night.
“Tell me, Hunter, what do you want from this?”
“I … I don’t know. I just want to be happy again and ...”
“And what?” Andy asked.
“And I want to be happy with you.”
Andy sat in silence for a few minutes as he registered what Hunter had just told him. He knew this was scaring Hunter, and the last thing he wanted to do was make him feel uneasy and push him away. This was all new to Hunter, and the idea of possibly spending the rest of his life in this unfamiliar situation, was not only freaking him out, but he was also worried about Lili.
“This is crazy. All I keep thinking about is how much I want to kiss you,” Hunter confessed.
“Then kiss me,” Andy offered.
Contemplating the offer, Hunter leaned in, and asked, “If we … if I do this, what does that make us? Are we a couple? Do I call you my partner or my—”
“Boyfriend?” Andy finished. “You don’t have to call me anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. I already told you, I don’t do labels, or titles, so why start now?”
“But I don’t want this to just be some casual fling either,” Hunter stated.
“Trust me, if we do this, I’m not letting you out of my sight … ever,” Andy reassured him.
Hunter’s eyes lowered to Andy’s mouth, and he slowly placed his hand on top of the one that was currently, slowly sliding up and down his thigh.
“So, you’ve never jerked off over another guy? Not even once?”
