by Alta Hensley
“Yes!” I blurted. “Yes, there was a stalker.”
He seemed to visibly relax at my words until I continued on.
“I was the stalker. It was me. It’s always been me.” The confession burned my tongue.
D pushed away from the desk as if we were too close. All color drained from his face and his eyes closed, then opened, then closed again.
Let the confession begin. “When I started at Black Mountain Academy, I knew I had to have you in my life. It wasn’t just your appearance but the way you dominated a room when you entered. I watched you from afar, and I knew. I felt it deep down in my gut that you were the man for me. And yes, I know it sounds crazy, but I just knew.” I had to pause to suck in oxygen as I’d been holding my breath as I spoke. “I also knew that my old behavior I had worked so hard to break was coming back. The doors were my warning. I knew I was falling back into the obsessive and dark rabbit hole again, and you were the prey of my upcoming hunt. I knew this… but I couldn’t stop.”
“Jesus, Corrine, I need you to leave my office now.”
“Wait,” I shot out. “So, yes, it started out all the same as before, but something happened. You happened. I didn’t have to stalk you, because you were there for me. I didn’t have to watch your every move from afar because you remained by my side. You didn’t make me have to lie or manipulate you because you accepted me for me. You made me feel safe, protected, and cared for. All the dark shadows that were threatening to consume me like they were doing before were disappearing. The more I was with you, the more normal I felt.”
“No, this is not normal. This is fucked up.” He crossed his arms over his chest and his eyes narrowed. “You did lie. You did manipulate.”
“At first,” I agreed with a little nod, feeling the tears burn the back of my eyes. “But I swear to you, it all changed. My ‘game’ and my ‘plan’ changed when I realized I didn’t need them.”
He remained silent. Staring at me with disbelief written all over his face.
“I know how this looks,” I said. “I’m not crazy… well, not in a way that you have to be afraid of me or anything. Even if you ask the teacher in L.A., he would tell you that he didn’t press charges or anything. I didn’t harm him.” My voice lowered as I looked down at my hands. “My therapist told me that this was my way of coping with my lack of love and affection growing up. That I don’t believe that I have the ability to find love in a healthy way because I’ve never experienced it before.”
“I don’t give a fuck why or what some asshole doctor says. I care about what you did. And I don’t even know exactly what you did.” He paused, rubbed his jaw a few times and then asked, “So you had no stalker? Right?”
“Right. I never had one.”
“So, what about the doors? I saw them open with my own eyes.”
“That first night, I ran upstairs to close the doors, but painted WHORE on my wall while you were checking and closing the doors downstairs. I then sent a text to my handyman who had been doing some work on the house to come in set some mice traps. I asked him to open all the doors for me. He did so while we were at dinner.”
The confession made me sick to my stomach. Here I was trying to convince D… Mr. D… that I wasn’t crazy, but hearing the words made me sound pretty damn insane.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because I knew the type of man you were. And that if you felt my life was in danger, you wouldn’t leave me. You would either stay with me—which is what I had originally thought would happen—or at the very least care about me. I would get on your radar more than just as a student.”
“And the police? Why call them all the times before if there was never a stalker?”
I shrugged. “Attention.” I swallowed back the shakiness in my throat. “When my mind began to spin, and I felt like the walls were closing in, I would call them to distract me.”
“And being late to school? Was your story about closing the doors obsessively made up as well?”
“That’s true,” I said. “I do it when I feel like I’m losing control. It’s my way to try to keep my inner demons away.” I licked my dry lips, wishing for a glass of water. “But it’s what made me start falling for you. Every time I would go into the office to get a note, I would see you. I would watch you. And I knew… we were soulmates.”
“Don’t fucking say that,” he bit, slamming his palm on the desk. He quickly looked over my shoulder to see if he was too loud and if any of the faculty had heard him. “Do you realize what you did? I risked my career for you. I went against everything that was right to be wrong for you. For you! Do you understand that? Do you get that you fucked with my life?”
“That wasn’t my intent. I never wanted to get you into any trouble.”
“No? What was your plan then? To make me fall in love with you so we could live happily ever after?”
“Would that have been so bad?” I asked softly.
“You are fucking insane,” he said, pure venom shooting from his eyes. “I want you out of my office immediately. I also want you to stay the fuck away from me. Do. We. Understand?”
“Please don’t say this. I understand you’re angry. I get that—”
“Angry can’t even begin to describe what I feel.”
“We had something… You can’t deny that.”
“What we had was some twisted schoolgirl obsession. You need help, Corrine, but I’m done offering it.”
“Please—”
“Go back to L.A. and finish out the school year. I could push for you to be committed again, and maybe I should. But I’m giving you the opportunity to leave. Leave.” He pointed at the door. “I mean it. Don’t you dare stalk me, come near me, or even think of me again.”
I stood up, tears no longer being held back, and walked to the door. Did I really expect for him to not react the way he was?
I looked over my shoulder and said, “I fell in love with you. And it wasn’t the madness that did. It was my genuine and clear-thinking heart.”
Without saying another word, I exited his office… and closed the door.
14
Corrine
Was it possible to feel betrayed when you were the one guilty of betraying?
Why would my mother tell the principal of my new school about my past? It was my dirty, dirty secret, and she knew it. Hell, she had hired some fancy PR company to try to bury the info so deep that the media would never discover the fact that I went away to “mental rehab” as my mother put it. She wanted it swept under the rug more than I did.
So why in the world would she out me to someone she didn’t know?
I hadn’t anticipated that at all, or I would have never given D all the tools I had in order to try to reach her.
I wanted to choke on my own spit.
I wanted to collapse against the lockers and never walk again.
I wanted to—
“Corrine!” I heard called from behind me. I quickly swiped the tears away from my eyes and saw Kevin running down the hall toward me. “Wait up.”
He was the last person I wanted to speak to right now, and frankly, I feared I would vomit or have a nervous breakdown right in front of the Spanish class door. I needed air. I needed to get out of this school as fast as possible.
“Corrine,” Kevin said a little winded. “I’ve been looking for you all day. I’ve also been texting and calling all weekend. What the fuck is going on?”
I glanced around to make sure no one was paying attention to us—which they weren’t of course because beautiful people focused on other beautiful people only—but I wanted to be sure I wasn’t part of a scene, and Kevin had a loud voice.
“I’m just going through some stuff right now,” I said, lowering my voice so only he could hear.
“Yeah… well, I think this stuff you are going through is what we need to talk about.”
I tilted my head trying to read him. What was he talking about?
“You’ve been acting more distant than normal. Off. Ev
ery time I go by your house, you aren’t there, which is also odd since I’m the only person in this town you really know. So, I hid outside your house Friday as I saw cops leave. I then saw you leave, and I saw who you were with. I also saw him grab and hold your hand.”
I froze, knowing what he would say next.
“Are you fucking Mr. D?” He asked the question in a low voice, leaning in as close as he could to me without actually touching.
I didn’t want to lie to Kevin. Especially since I was just called out on the ultimate lie and was still reeling from it. But I sure as hell didn’t want to tell him the truth either.
And it wasn’t like I would ever be able to fuck Mr. D again.
Not now.
Not ever.
I gave a small laugh, realizing it sounded fake the minute I did it. “Have you lost your mind?”
Kevin didn’t even flinch. “No, but I’m worried you have. Again.” He placed his hand on my upper arm. “This is why you left L.A. To get away from… that.”
“This isn’t like L.A.,” I said.
“Really? Because it sure looks like it is. Mr. D? Out of everyone, you choose the principal?”
I couldn’t stand there and have this conversation any longer. My knees threatened to buckle, and the voices were whispering in my head.
“I can’t talk about this right now.”
“You need help, Corrine. I gave you the benefit of the doubt in L.A. I stood by you, shrugged off all the awful rumors, and tried to understand why you were into Mr. Harrison, but now Mr. D. This is fucked up, girl. Totally fucked. This isn’t you. I know you, and I know you’re spiraling. We need to get you on meds or something.”
“Don’t pretend to know me,” I hissed, wanting to hold my ears so the voices would stop chanting that the doors in the hallways were open. All the doors were open.
Why wouldn’t anyone close a fucking door?
“I do know you. I know why you do this. I see you. Call it Daddy issues, call it attention seeking, obsessive behavior—”
“Or just call it a girl looking for love,” I said between clenched teeth. “Why does it have to be a mental thing? Why are my feelings wrong? Why does it make me sick in the head? Huh? Answer me that fucking question. Am I not entitled to find love without pills being pushed in my direction?”
“You call this love? He’s the principal! The last guy you were into was a teacher! This isn’t normal, Corrine. I know you agree with me at least deep down.”
“Why does age matter? Maybe I don’t want to fuck inexperienced little boys,” I snapped.
He reached for my hand, but I pulled it away harshly.
“Corrine,” he said calmly as if he were trying to soothe a rabid dog. “I’m your friend. Let me help you.”
“I don’t need help. I need people to understand me.”
“I do. I’m like you. I get it. I know what it’s like growing up with no parents to love you. I know what it feels like to be alone. I get you whether you want to admit that or not. But I also know that you can’t repeat what happened with Mr. Harrison.”
“Stop saying his name,” I nearly growled. “I know I fucked that all up. I know I lost it. Okay? I know. But that’s not what this is.”
“Really? Because it sure looks like it to me. Are you telling me that you and Mr. D fell in love like two star-struck lovers? Or are you going to admit that you hunted his ass from the depths of your fucked up mind just like you did with Mr. Harrison?”
“I told you to stop saying his name.” I held my hands to my ears, but the voices only got louder.
And louder.
And even louder.
“You’re going to take Mr. D down that black rabbit hole with you,” he said.
“Don’t worry,” I said with a tilted grin. “He jumped out.”
I turned on my heels and headed out of the school.
“Corrine!” he called out.
“I’m leaving,” I yelled over my shoulder.
And I was.
Mr. D wanted me out of Black Mountain, and it was the least I could do.
I would ignore the voices that told me to sit in my car and watch him from a distance.
I would not be that girl.
I would not obsess.
I would not watch.
I would not wait.
I would not stalk.
I would prove them all wrong. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t crazy.
I would not stalk. I would not stalk…
Fuck that.
Yes, I would.
And he would be going home soon. I would wait. I would wait. I would make it all better.
Yes, the voices were quiet now. They were content with my decision.
Mr. D.
I needed Mr. D.
15
Corrine
Day One:
I will see him. I will make it right.
“Please let me in. I need to explain.”
“You need to get off my property right now, Corrine. I’ve seen you out there in your car. It’s sick.” Rage danced in the darkness of his eyes, but I couldn’t be afraid.
“I fucked up. I know this. But I can explain some of it. Please let me try.”
He moved out of the doorway, and I took my chance and entered. I very well could have been entering the den of the beast that would devour me and tear my flesh to shreds, but I didn’t want to give up.
As I turned around to face the man I planned to get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness if I had to, I was surprised when he took a handful of my hair and forced his lips onto mine.
The kiss was hard, passionate, aggressive and yet welcomed. He continued to master my mouth with his as he pressed me hard against the wall, causing the paintings hanging nearby to rattle. His actions were far from gentle, but I knew they matched the fury inside that had to be eating him up.
“Take off your fucking clothes,” he commanded.
He took a step away and began doing the same.
I brought my shaky fingers to the button of my pants and began doing exactly as he said. If this was my penance to earn his forgiveness, then so be it.
Anything.
I would have done anything.
He pressed his mouth to mine, thrusting his tongue past my lips. I waited for him to bite, to shove, to hurt in order to contrast against such an intimate touch.
I returned the kiss, cautious at first, but did not resist at all.
He grabbed my breast and broke away from the kiss so he could watch my expression. Pinching my nipple hard, I wondered if he waited for a cry, a scream, something. I simply stared as his pupils dilated and his mouth opened slightly in an almost snarl.
Not saying a word, he lowered his hand and pressed his finger into my pussy without any warning at all. My wetness made the invasion smooth and painless, and when I spread my legs wider and moaned in response, I knew I was losing my fucking mind—or what was left to lose. He made me feel that way.
All I wanted was him to hurt me.
Abuse me.
Make it right.
Make all I did go away.
Punish me.
Make me pay.
Thrusting his finger up inside me as deeply as he could, he growled, “Did you think I was a good guy? A nice man who would be easily tricked?” He thrust again, and then again. Each thrust harder than the last. My juices seeped around his finger, coating his palm.
I moaned loudly with each aggressive movement of his hand, clinging to his back as if holding on to life. I was submerged into complete darkness and he was my only beacon of light.
With his other hand, he grabbed my throat and began to squeeze. “I could hurt you right now. I could do things to you that would damage you forever. I could fuck with your mind in ways that you would never recover.”
My eyes widened, but I was not afraid. Maybe because I was curious just how he would do that.
Maybe I wanted it.
Maybe I wanted to be taken right to
that edge.
My pussy tightened around his finger, and I knew that if he continued, I would come. I was going to come from his threats alone.
In a moment of rage, he flipped me around to face the wall.
I didn’t cry. I didn’t whimper.
He slapped my ass hard, causing a need to moan and plead for more.
Taking hold of my hair again, yanking hard at the scalp, he swatted my ass fiercely again, and then again.
Yes, Mr. D.
Punish me.
I’ve been bad.
So very very bad.
Breaths of air released from my open mouth, but still no cries for mercy followed. No shouts. No begging to God.
I liked it.
I fucking loved it.
He continued to spank my ass, the sting of his touch burning all the way down to the wet lips of my sex. I would win this battle with him. I knew he wanted me to hate him. I knew he wanted me to fear him. I knew he thought he wanted me to leave his home vowing never to come back. But that wouldn’t happen.
It would never happen.
Mr. D would reveal his desire to be with me by the time this night was over.
After spanking my ass several times, aggressively and hard—practically growling with every breath—he shoved me down to the ground, towering over me. “Look at me,” he shouted. “You want to play in an adult world, little girl? You want to fuck with people? You want to mess with the minds of others? Well, you picked the wrong fucking person to do it with.”
I stared up at him… waiting. I saw pain in his eyes, a deep despair. I saw fury and rage—which I knew would pass. But I did not see hatred. Mr. D did not hate me, and I knew that.
“Answer me,” he demanded. “Do you think you can mess with grown ass men and not think there would be consequences?”
“I want the consequences.”
“Jesus, you’re insane.”
“Yes,” I answered, my eyes never leaving his. “I am who I am, and I’m not going to deny it.”
“You hid this side of you. You lied. You deceived. Shame on me for falling for it,” he said between clenched teeth. “But I see you, Corrine. I see clearly now. Never again will I fall for your traps.”
