by Sarah Ivens
Treva, 38
“I made the decision to end my first marriage five years ago. To escape the prison that had become my house, I went to the woods. Every morning I tossed food into my trail pack and escaped with one goal: to get lost. I rarely saw another human while I was out. From sun-up to sun-down, I rested in the woods. I would spread my blanket on the ground and lie down. Often, I fell asleep for hours, something I couldn’t do at home. One day, as I napped reclining against an old poplar tree in a shallow ravine, I was awakened by a buzzing sound. I opened my eyes and found myself face to face with a ruby-throated hummingbird. He must have been attracted to some bright color near my head, because he just hovered, only an inch from my face, for about a minute. Hummingbirds are amazing creatures. They exert so much energy during the day that their little bodies actually enter a state of torpor at night so that they can recover. I found similar comfort in the woods. I didn’t have to be anyone or anything in the woods. The smells and sounds took away all of the anxiety of what to do next. Next simply didn’t exist out there.”
Me, myself and meditation
Taking time to meditate isn’t a luxury. It will save you time from worry and feeling run down in the long run and it really is as simple as being still, closing your eyes and clearing your mind. Meditation is just a special word for musing, reflecting and contemplation. There are many apps and YouTube videos available to help you get started—and you should start. Scientists from the University of California and Harvard Medical School got together to compare the benefits of taking a vacation and doing regular meditation. They used 64 female novice meditators between the ages of 30 and 60, and 30 experienced meditators from the same demographic. The women were sent to the same resort, half taking part in a meditation program, the other half not. Surveys and blood samples were taken from the women at the start and end of the six days, and after ten months. The women who meditated showed fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety than the ones who hadn’t, the blood work showing significant and positive changes related to immune function and stress response.
MINDFULNESS MINUTE
Sit cross-legged in a quiet spot that radiates harmony and regrowth; a peaceful spot off a favorite forest trail would be ideal. Close your eyes and practice taking full, deep, rhythmic breaths. Now imagine that you are connected to the ground you are sitting on. Think of your body as part of the forest, your roots pushing and weaving their way down through the soil, intermingling with other trees and vines. Now imagine being lifted, stretched and pulled toward the sky, your arms dancing in the breeze with the surrounding leaves and branches as they reach for the sky overhead. Keep breathing and take the minute to appreciate how you are linked with this place of beauty, and harness the power you have within you.
9
Couples’ Countryside Cure
The sunlight claps the earth, and the moonbeams kiss the sea: what are all these kissings worth, if thou kiss not me?
Percy Bysshe Shelley
Humankind has always been in love with nature, from worshiping the seasons or the weather as gods and goddesses in ancient times, to honoring Mother Nature today in drumming circles and sculpture gardens. The romantic attachment we feel to the living world has inspired poets, novelists, artists, playwrights, musicians and filmmakers for centuries. The Romantic poets—Byron, Keats, Coleridge, Wordsworth and Shelley—felt the great allure artistically and philosophically of the idea that there is a deep connection between nature and man: that nature is man’s teacher, God and everything that matters; and that the urban should not overpower the pastoral. Over two hundred years later, we still agree that Mother Nature is our greatest muse, most loyal ally and sweetest obsession. It is no wonder, then, that interactions between lovers are deepened and enriched when she plays a part in their story. Nature improves human nature.
If you like piña coladas…
Making time for each other, free from distractions, is crucial for healthy, sustainable coupledom, and getting back to nature—blowing off the cobwebs from an old, dusty relationship—can give it the boost that is needed. Just think back to that classic love song, “Escape,” when the protagonist, in a tired marriage, places a personal ad in a newspaper looking for a lover to make him happy again. “If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain,” he sings, asking for his true love to write to him. The irony is, of course, that his wife is the woman who responds. She’s been desperate to share cocktails, thunderstorms and beach romance too. They’d just lost sight of each other, stopped getting outdoors and enjoying themselves, and they were miserable.
The woodland path of true love never did run smooth. Avoid your love life turning up as a novelty record in the charts by taking steps before it’s too late. Embrace each other and embrace the replenishing offerings of nature.
My husband and I had fallen into the trap, until very recently, of thinking that a date night had to mean sitting opposite each other in an expensive, loud restaurant, spending more time talking to the waiter than catching up on our thoughts and worries. We have now changed things for the better, choosing river walks, couples’ massages and swimming as our date nights, and they feel so much more intimate and “us.” Getting out and about outdoors really got us going again.
Get fresh—air that is!
Rolling in haystacks and skinny-dipping—fresh air does something to the libido, no? Outdoor nooky might sound like a good idea when you’re in love and feeling sexy, but there are strict rules on public decency, and flouting them could land you in hot water. And I don’t mean hot in a good way! So, keep it clean please, keep it clean. And if you can’t be clean, be careful.
What can you do to take your love back to nature? Getting caught in a rainstorm and having a drenched snog is obviously the timeless romantic maneuver. Obviously! I mean, Andie MacDowell makes puppy-dog eyes at Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral—“Is it raining? I hadn’t noticed” and boom! Dodgy marriage to rich old Scottish man forgotten, and in the next shot, they’re clutching a baby. Having sex on the beach is such a classic they named a cocktail after it, but sand in certain crevices is never nice, and it’s too risqué for most, but here are some things you could try:
• Grab a blanket, lie down somewhere with a breathtaking expanse of sky, and spend the day chilling out horizontally, cloud watching. Follow the slow drift and look for shapes and patterns. Can you see a rabbit, smoke rings, how many colors?
• Star gazing at night from a place with minimal light pollution is magical. Look out for shooting stars. They have left humans in awe since time began, and Ancient Greeks believed that seeing one brought good luck. Carry that luck with you into your relationship.
• Rent a tandem bike and explore your local park on wheels. Working as a team deepens bonds and promotes respect.
• Take on a green-thumbed project together. Join a community garden or gardening club, or take on a challenge in your backyard. The flowers and romance will blossom. Keep seasonal scrapbooks of seed packets, photos and drawings to look back on as the weather and your relationship shifts and re-blooms.
• Build a log fire, at home or somewhere permitted outdoors. Cozying up together will put you in Hollywood-romance territory. Rock Hudson and Doris Day eat your heart out. A faux fur rug and cut-glass decanter of brandy are optional props.
• Whenever you spot a rainbow, call your partner to tell them to make a wish. Make it a tradition. And the wish could spark some serious flirtation to put a smile on your face.
• Support each other’s climb to the top—of a mountain, a hill, a topsy-turvy forest trail—then stop at the top to admire the view and celebrate how far you’ve come. It’s always good to bring fresh perspectives to your relationship. Hiking the same path during all four seasons will help you truly witness change and the beauty of passing time and your story’s progression.
• Go on a senses safari Pick a place—a river walk, a forest trail, a beach path—and explore the scents, sounds, colors and tastes of nature
’s sensual delights. Feel the leaves or grains of sand, stroke the smooth pebbles in the cove. Such a challenge can be super-sensual and heighten your sensitivity to everything you see and smell, even your partner.
• Become carefree kids again Flying a kite, a romantic and colorful pastime that doesn’t involve a lot of work but gives big rewards, is great for windy beach days. Building a forest fort out of branches will build up your communication skills and give you somewhere to snuggle afterwards. Graffiti love messages to one another on your patio with washable chalk.
• If you need more ready-made laughs, go to a park, pub or hotel with a super-sized chess set or Jenga in the garden.
• Set yourselves a seasonal challenge As each new cycle of life changes, set yourselves a target to achieve within those three months: a glamping trip, a 5k run, a Sunday meditation class—anything that commits you to spending quality time together. At the end of each season look back at the highlights, both individually and as a couple. If something worked really well, make a promise to make it an annual thing, building pleasurable routines and customs into your self-made family.
• Grab a float or a tube and drift off on an ocean wave or lake together. A little adrenaline and the need to cling on tight to someone will reinvigorate your love life, just be sensible and respect the sea.
• Head to a country brewery for a tour and tasting, and a chill-out in the beer garden. Play a game of Beer Pong or Fuzzy Duck for laughs.
• Pick fruit or berries at a local farm or go blackberry picking. It could be a fun way of telling your sweetheart that you’d still pick them. Grab a basketful, then go home and bake together. Yummy.
• Rent a convertible and head out into the countryside. Stop for ice cream or a picnic at a picturesque spot, then drive home for a warm bath as the sun starts to fade.
• Meet for an impromptu date after work—when you spot a nice sunset brewing—for a cocktail al fresco at a nearby rooftop bar. Promise not to look at your phones or talk about work. Live—sup—in the moment.
• Pitch a tent in your back garden for a night under the stars—with the bathroom and comfortable bed close at hand if needed. Snuggling to keep warm does wonders for rekindling romances. You may need to share a sleeping bag.
Top ten romantic reads
Rent a rowboat or set up a woodland camp for the day, and drift away in a heaving, heady daze with these novels, my most treasured love stories. Paper has never burst with such passion, I assure you. Surrounded by the birds and the bees—on the page and in the landscape around you—you’ll see your own love story in a new light. Reading particularly sensual, moving excerpts aloud to your loved one is positively encouraged.
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje
Me Before You by JoJo Moyes
Forever by Judy Blume
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
The End of the Affair by Graham Greene
A Room with a View by E.M. Forster
Animal husbandry
We show off about being the civilized ones, but really we could learn a lot from the natural world when it comes to love, romance and fidelity. Animals don’t have as many arguments about who last unloaded the dishwasher either. Some creatures have got this love thang down pat. We call doe-eyed couples lovebirds for a reason: those fluffy birds love to cuddle and are monogamous until their dying day. Other creatures who form lifelong bonds include bats, beavers, foxes and otters. Penguins are monogamous too, but it should be noted that their happy relationship might be possible because they spend most of the year apart. Flamingos get it on in much the same way we do at teenage dances, splitting into a group of boys and a group of girls, then catching each other’s eye with some seriously cool dance moves. Seahorses court each other with lots of nose touching and tail holding. Wolves mate for life and take family life seriously, keeping loyally to their pack of male, female and offspring. What animal magic!
Jo, 42
“The romance of nature has never been lost on me. As a ten-year-old, I first learned to flirt with Boy Scouts on rowing lakes. Then, in my late teens, my first taste of courting occurred during camping trips to the New Forest, tents pitched next to groups of handsome boys, dusky summer evenings filled with possibility. I still can’t resist the temptation of spending a few nights with nature every year. Luckily, my husband agrees—and it can be romantic, I promise.”
Making mountains into molehills
Airing arguments in fresh air is always a good idea. Buildings and cities can be pressure cookers for stress, anger and other unhealthy emotions. Slight annoyances take on monumental meaning and we turn molehills into mountains. I feel it. Being stuck within four walls—or on a noisy, polluted street—with someone you’re annoyed with makes it worse. I feel trapped, unheard, itchy and frustrated when the world around me won’t let my husband and me take a step back, take a breather and take positive action to resolve our issues. I always find that when one of us eventually says, “Come on, we’re going for a walk / to the park / for a drive along the river,” the tension is instantly diffused. The ticking time bomb is gradually dismantled and we either forget about what we were angry about or we can talk about it calmly, distracted not by clutter and clatter but by blue sky or towering trees. You’re also less likely to fight before bedtime (which is always a bad idea and often leads to insomnia) if you’re taking your issues out into the woods and getting exercise and fresh air.
Once you’ve found your comfy, calm place in nature to restore peace in your love life, these tips could help you come to a resolution more quickly:
• Don’t go straight to blame. Start sentences with “I” not “you.” If you get straight into the “you did this” and “you are wrong,” your partner will go straight to a defensive position.
• Agree that you can take time away from each other if things get too heated. If you’re in nature, you can easily escape to cool off in different directions and then meet up again on neutral territory, whereas if you are in the house, one of you could be trapped.
• Physical exercise releases anger, so if you’re feeling frustrated, don’t sit—hike your problems out.
• Use everything you’ve got. The pleasure hormone oxytocin is released by physical touch. Improve the mood by holding hands or looping an arm over a shoulder, even if at first it feels forced. And even if you’re not feeling warm and fuzzy, don’t resort to harsh tones and formal language. Use affectionate nicknames.
• Follow the advice given in previous chapters about being mindful and present. Don’t jump or overreact if you hear something you don’t like. Let it sit for a moment, breathe, focus on something beautiful while you think, and then respond. It’s like counting to ten but in a more natural, awe-inspiring way.
Sylvan sweet talk and smooth operators
If you need to get it on and don’t know how, you might be thinking of throwing some natural imagery out there—roses are bed, violets are blue, or even going down the single-red-rose-wrapped-in-gas-station-plastic route—but you can do better than that. Keep the natural romance alive with gifts of fresh bouquets of wild garden flowers, air plants, bottles of essential oil misting sprays, membership to a local arboretum or botanical garden, cactuses in ceramic pots, a subscription to a nature magazine, a beekeeping class, an outdoor wildlife camera, gardening tools and colorful watering cans, a pair of binoculars, a hammock, a starry-sky bedroom light or an IOU for a forest picnic. If you must do poetry, stick to Wordsworth, the god of pastoral poetics.
Nature’s aphrodisiacs
Unfortunately, love potions and magic spells aren’t real, but the next best thing is nibbling on an aphrodisiac, many of which you might just have hanging around in your kitchen. For centuries, Aphrodite’s natural helpers (she’s the goddess of love and sex who ga
ve aphrodisiacs their name) have been said to boost sexual desire with ingestion. How? Nutritionists suggest they have been selected for their ability to decrease stress, increase blood flow or make our neurotransmitters happy: three things that are proven to increase libido. Spice up your sex life by trying some of these herbs and nourishments. Even if you can’t feel the physical changes, you could get psychosomatically fruity just knowing you’re healthily and naturally eating your way to a tasty time in the bedroom!
• Almonds are a biblical symbol of fertility, given out at weddings to this day, and famous for their sweet and sexy scent.
• Avocados have been considered a saucy fruit since Aztec times when they were called Ahuacatl—which translates as “testicle tree.”
• Basil increases heart rate and blood flow, as does cardamom.
• Celery contains androsterone and androstenol, two chemicals that give you a glow.
• Chili peppers release endorphins, which make us feel good and frisky. Their heat also gives us swollen lips and flushed skin, two physical signs supposed to show sexual desire.
• Chocolate is perhaps the most famous aphrodisiac. It contains phenylethylamine, the same hormone the body releases during sex, which would explain why we all love a Twix so much.
• Cinnamon heats up your body, as does ginger.
• Coconut water increases blood flow and will keep you hydrated during a steamy session.
• Garlic (if you both eat it) can work, as it contains allicin, which might increase stamina.
