“Dear me, Roxy, who said I should?” said Miss Ruey. “I wa’n’t blamin’ the poor child, not a grain.”
“Well, who said you was, Ruey?” answered Miss Roxy, in the same high key.
“You needn’t take my head off,” said Aunt Ruey, roused as much as her adipose, comfortable nature could be. “You’ve been a-talkin’ at me ever since you came in from the sink-room, as if I was to blame; and snappin’ at me as if I hadn’t a right to ask civil questions; and I won’t stan’ it,” said Miss Ruey. “And while I’m about it, I’ll say that you always have snubbed me and contradicted and ordered me round. I won’t bear it no longer.”
“Come, Ruey, don’t make a fool of yourself at your time of life,” said Miss Roxy. “Things is bad enough in this world without two lone sisters and church-members turnin’ agin each other. You must take me as I am, Ruey; my bark’s worse than my bite, as you know.”
Miss Ruey sank back pacified into her usual state of pillowy dependence; it was so much easier to be good-natured than to contend. As for Miss Roxy, if you have ever carefully examined a chestnut-burr, you will remember that, hard as it is to handle, no plush of downiest texture can exceed the satin smoothness of the fibres which line its heart. There are a class of people in New England who betray the uprising of the softer feelings of our nature only by an increase of outward asperity — a sort of bashfulness and shyness leaves them no power of expression for these unwonted guests of the heart — they hurry them into inner chambers and slam the doors upon them, as if they were vexed at their appearance.
Now if poor Miss Roxy had been like you, my dear young lady — if her soul had been encased in a round, rosy, and comely body, and looked out of tender blue eyes shaded by golden hair, probably the grief and love she felt would have shown themselves only in bursts of feeling most graceful to see, and engaging the sympathy of all; but this same soul, imprisoned in a dry, angular body, stiff and old, and looking out under beetling eyebrows, over withered high cheek-bones, could only utter itself by a passionate tempest — unlovely utterance of a lovely impulse — dear only to Him who sees with a Father’s heart the real beauty of spirits. It is our firm faith that bright solemn angels in celestial watchings were frequent guests in the homely room of the two sisters, and that passing by all accidents of age and poverty, withered skins, bony features, and grotesque movements and shabby clothing, they saw more real beauty there than in many a scented boudoir where seeming angels smile in lace and satin.
“Ruey,” said Miss Roxy, in a more composed voice, while her hard, bony hands still trembled with excitement, “this ‘ere’s been on my mind a good while. I hain’t said nothin’ to nobody, but I’ve seen it a-comin’. I always thought that child wa’n’t for a long life. Lives is run in different lengths, and nobody can say what’s the matter with some folks, only that their thread’s run out; there’s more on one spool and less on another. I thought, when we laid Hitty in the grave, that I shouldn’t never set my heart on nothin’ else — but we can’t jest say we will or we won’t. Ef we are to be sorely afflicted at any time, the Lord lets us set our hearts before we know it. This ‘ere’s a great affliction to me, Ruey, but I must jest shoulder my cross and go through with it. I’m goin’ down to-night to tell the old folks, and to make arrangements so that the poor little lamb may have the care she needs. She’s been a-keepin’ up so long, ‘cause she dreaded to let ’em know, but this ‘ere has got to be looked right in the face, and I hope there’ll be grace given to do it.”
CHAPTER XXXVII
THE VICTORY
Meanwhile Mara had been lying in the passive calm of fatigue and exhaustion, her eyes fixed on the window, where, as the white curtain drew inward, she could catch glimpses of the bay. Gradually her eyelids fell, and she dropped into that kind of half-waking doze, when the outer senses are at rest, and the mind is all the more calm and clear for their repose. In such hours a spiritual clairvoyance often seems to lift for a while the whole stifling cloud that lies like a confusing mist over the problem of life, and the soul has sudden glimpses of things unutterable which lie beyond. Then the narrow straits, that look so full of rocks and quicksands, widen into a broad, clear passage, and one after another, rosy with a celestial dawn, and ringing silver bells of gladness, the isles of the blessed lift themselves up on the horizon, and the soul is flooded with an atmosphere of light and joy. As the burden of Christian fell off at the cross and was lost in the sepulchre, so in these hours of celestial vision the whole weight of life’s anguish is lifted, and passes away like a dream; and the soul, seeing the boundless ocean of Divine love, wherein all human hopes and joys and sorrows lie so tenderly upholden, comes and casts the one little drop of its personal will and personal existence with gladness into that Fatherly depth. Henceforth, with it, God and Saviour is no more word of mine and thine, for in that hour the child of earth feels himself heir of all things: “All things are yours, and ye are Christ’s, and Christ is God’s.”
“The child is asleep,” said Miss Roxy, as she stole on tiptoe into the room when their noon meal was prepared. A plate and knife had been laid for her, and they had placed for her a tumbler of quaint old engraved glass, reputed to have been brought over from foreign parts, and which had been given to Miss Roxy as her share in the effects of the mysterious Mr. Swadkins. Tea also was served in some egg-like India china cups, which saw the light only on the most high and festive occasions.
“Hadn’t you better wake her?” said Miss Ruey; “a cup of hot tea would do her so much good.”
Miss Ruey could conceive of few sorrows or ailments which would not be materially better for a cup of hot tea. If not the very elixir of life, it was indeed the next thing to it.
“Well,” said Miss Roxy, after laying her hand for a moment with great gentleness on that of the sleeping girl, “she don’t wake easy, and she’s tired; and she seems to be enjoying it so. The Bible says, ‘He giveth his beloved sleep,’ and I won’t interfere. I’ve seen more good come of sleep than most things in my nursin’ experience,” said Miss Roxy, and she shut the door gently, and the two sisters sat down to their noontide meal.
“How long the child does sleep!” said Miss Ruey as the old clock struck four.
“It was too much for her, this walk down here,” said Aunt Roxy. “She’s been doin’ too much for a long time. I’m a-goin’ to put an end to that. Well, nobody needn’t say Mara hain’t got resolution. I never see a little thing have more. She always did have, when she was the leastest little thing. She was always quiet and white and still, but she did whatever she sot out to.”
At this moment, to their surprise, the door opened, and Mara came in, and both sisters were struck with a change that had passed over her. It was more than the result of mere physical repose. Not only had every sign of weariness and bodily languor vanished, but there was about her an air of solemn serenity and high repose that made her seem, as Miss Ruey afterwards said, “like an angel jest walked out of the big Bible.”
“Why, dear child, how you have slept, and how bright and rested you look,” said Miss Ruey.
“I am rested,” said Mara; “oh how much! And happy,” she added, laying her little hand on Miss Roxy’s shoulder. “I thank you, dear friend, for all your kindness to me. I am sorry I made you feel so sadly; but now you mustn’t feel so any more, for all is well — yes, all is well. I see now that it is so. I have passed beyond sorrow — yes, forever.”
Soft-hearted Miss Ruey here broke into audible sobbing, hiding her face in her hands, and looking like a tumbled heap of old faded calico in a state of convulsion.
“Dear Aunt Ruey, you mustn’t,” said Mara, with a voice of gentle authority. “We mustn’t any of us feel so any more. There is no harm done, no real evil is coming, only a good which we do not understand. I am perfectly satisfied — perfectly at rest now. I was foolish and weak to feel as I did this morning, but I shall not feel so any more. I shall comfort you all. Is it anything so dreadful for me to go to heaven? How littl
e while it will be before you all come to me! Oh, how little — little while!”
“I told you, Mara, that you’d be supported in the Lord’s time,” said Miss Roxy, who watched her with an air of grave and solemn attention. “First and last, folks allers is supported; but sometimes there is a long wrestlin’. The Lord’s give you the victory early.”
“Victory!” said the girl, speaking as in a deep muse, and with a mysterious brightness in her eyes; “yes, that is the word — it is a victory — no other word expresses it. Come, Aunt Roxy, we will go home. I am not afraid now to tell grandpapa and grandmamma. God will care for them; He will wipe away all tears.”
“Well, though, you mus’n’t think of goin’ till you’ve had a cup of tea,” said Aunt Ruey, wiping her eyes. “I’ve kep’ the tea-pot hot by the fire, and you must eat a little somethin’, for it’s long past dinner-time.”
“Is it?” said Mara. “I had no idea I had slept so long — how thoughtful and kind you are!”
“I do wish I could only do more for you,” said Miss Ruey. “I don’t seem to get reconciled no ways; it seems dreffle hard — dreffle; but I’m glad you can feel so;” and the good old soul proceeded to press upon the child not only the tea, which she drank with feverish relish, but every hoarded dainty which their limited housekeeping commanded.
It was toward sunset before Miss Roxy and Mara started on their walk homeward. Their way lay over the high stony ridge which forms the central part of the island. On one side, through the pines, they looked out into the boundless blue of the ocean, and on the other caught glimpses of Harpswell Bay as it lay glorified in the evening light. The fresh cool breeze blowing landward brought with it an invigorating influence, which Mara felt through all her feverish frame. She walked with an energy to which she had long been a stranger. She said little, but there was a sweetness, a repose, in her manner contrasting singularly with the passionate melancholy which she had that morning expressed.
Miss Roxy did not interrupt her meditations. The nature of her profession had rendered her familiar with all the changing mental and physical phenomena that attend the development of disease and the gradual loosening of the silver cords of a present life. Certain well-understood phrases everywhere current among the mass of the people in New England, strikingly tell of the deep foundations of religious earnestness on which its daily life is built. “A triumphant death” was a matter often casually spoken of among the records of the neighborhood; and Miss Roxy felt that there was a vague and solemn charm about its approach. Yet the soul of the gray, dry woman was hot within her, for the conversation of the morning had probed depths in her own nature of whose existence she had never before been so conscious. The roughest and most matter-of-fact minds have a craving for the ideal somewhere; and often this craving, forbidden by uncomeliness and ungenial surroundings from having any personal history of its own, attaches itself to the fortune of some other one in a kind of strange disinterestedness. Some one young and beautiful is to live the life denied to them — to be the poem and the romance; it is the young mistress of the poor black slave — the pretty sister of the homely old spinster — or the clever son of the consciously ill-educated father. Something of this unconscious personal investment had there been on the part of Miss Roxy in the nursling whose singular loveliness she had watched for so many years, and on whose fair virgin orb she had marked the growing shadow of a fatal eclipse, and as she saw her glowing and serene, with that peculiar brightness that she felt came from no earthly presence or influence, she could scarcely keep the tears from her honest gray eyes.
When they arrived at the door of the house, Zephaniah Pennel was sitting in it, looking toward the sunset.
“Why, reely,” he said, “Miss Roxy, we thought you must a-run away with Mara; she’s been gone a’most all day.”
“I expect she’s had enough to talk with Aunt Roxy about,” said Mrs. Pennel. “Girls goin’ to get married have a deal to talk about, what with patterns and contrivin’ and makin’ up. But come in, Miss Roxy; we’re glad to see you.”
Mara turned to Miss Roxy, and gave her a look of peculiar meaning. “Aunt Roxy,” she said, “you must tell them what we have been talking about to-day;” and then she went up to her room and shut the door.
Miss Roxy accomplished her task with a matter-of-fact distinctness to which her business-like habits of dealing with sickness and death had accustomed her, yet with a sympathetic tremor in her voice which softened the hard directness of her words. “You can take her over to Portland, if you say so, and get Dr. Wilson’s opinion,” she said, in conclusion. “It’s best to have all done that can be, though in my mind the case is decided.”
The silence that fell between the three was broken at last by the sound of a light footstep descending the stairs, and Mara entered among them.
She came forward and threw her arms round Mrs. Pennel’s neck, and kissed her; and then turning, she nestled down in the arms of her old grandfather, as she had often done in the old days of childhood, and laid her hand upon his shoulder. There was no sound for a few moments but one of suppressed weeping; but she did not weep — she lay with bright calm eyes, as if looking upon some celestial vision.
“It is not so very sad,” she said at last, in a gentle voice, “that I should go there; you are going, too, and grandmamma; we are all going; and we shall be forever with the Lord. Think of it! think of it!”
Many were the words spoken in that strange communing; and before Miss Roxy went away, a calmness of solemn rest had settled down on all. The old family Bible was brought forth, and Zephaniah Pennel read from it those strange words of strong consolation, which take the sting from death and the victory from the grave: —
“And I heard a great voice out of heaven. Behold the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people; and God himself shall be with them and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow nor crying, for the former things are passed away.”
CHAPTER XXXVIII
OPEN VISION
As Miss Roxy was leaving the dwelling of the Pennels, she met Sally Kittridge coming toward the house, laughing and singing, as was her wont. She raised her long, lean forefinger with a gesture of warning.
“What’s the matter now, Aunt Roxy? You look as solemn as a hearse.”
“None o’ your jokin’ now, Miss Sally; there is such a thing as serious things in this ‘ere world of our’n, for all you girls never seems to know it.”
“What is the matter, Aunt Roxy? — has anything happened? — is anything the matter with Mara?”
“Matter enough. I’ve known it a long time,” said Miss Roxy. “She’s been goin’ down for three months now; and she’s got that on her that will carry her off before the year’s out.”
“Pshaw, Aunt Roxy! how lugubriously you old nurses always talk! I hope now you haven’t been filling Mara’s head with any such notions — people can be frightened into anything.”
“Sally Kittridge, don’t be a-talkin’ of what you don’t know nothin’ about! It stands to reason that a body that was bearin’ the heat and burden of the day long before you was born or thought on in this world should know a thing or two more’n you. Why, I’ve laid you on your stomach and trotted you to trot up the wind many a day, and I was pretty experienced then, and it ain’t likely that I’m a-goin’ to take sa’ce from you. Mara Pennel is a gal as has every bit and grain as much resolution and ambition as you have, for all you flap your wings and crow so much louder, and she’s one of the close-mouthed sort, that don’t make no talk, and she’s been a-bearin’ up and bearin’ up, and comin’ to me on the sly for strengthenin’ things. She’s took camomile and orange-peel, and snake-root and boneset, and dash-root and dandelion — and there hain’t nothin’ done her no good. She told me to-day she couldn’t keep up no longer, and I’ve been a-tellin’ Mis’ Pennel and her grand’ther. I tell you it has been a solemn time; and if you
’re goin’ in, don’t go in with none o’ your light triflin’ ways, ‘cause ‘as vinegar upon nitre is he that singeth songs on a heavy heart,’ the Scriptur’ says.”
“Oh, Miss Roxy, do tell me truly,” said Sally, much moved. “What do you think is the matter with Mara? I’ve noticed myself that she got tired easy, and that she was short-breathed — but she seemed so cheerful. Can anything really be the matter?”
“It’s consumption, Sally Kittridge,” said Miss Roxy, “neither more nor less; that ar is the long and the short. They’re going to take her over to Portland to see Dr. Wilson — it won’t do no harm, and it won’t do no good.”
“You seem to be determined she shall die,” said Sally in a tone of pique.
“Determined, am I? Is it I that determines that the maple leaves shall fall next October? Yet I know they will — folks can’t help knowin’ what they know, and shuttin’ one’s eyes won’t alter one’s road. I s’pose you think ‘cause you’re young and middlin’ good-lookin’ that you have feelin’s and I hasn’t; well, you’re mistaken, that’s all. I don’t believe there’s one person in the world that would go farther or do more to save Mara Pennel than I would, — and yet I’ve been in the world long enough to see that livin’ ain’t no great shakes neither. Ef one is hopefully prepared in the days of their youth, why they escape a good deal, ef they get took cross-lots into heaven.”
Sally turned away thoughtfully into the house; there was no one in the kitchen, and the tick of the old clock sounded lonely and sepulchral. She went upstairs to Mara’s room; the door was ajar. Mara was sitting at the open window that looked forth toward the ocean, busily engaged in writing. The glow of evening shone on the golden waves of her hair, and tinged the pearly outline of her cheek. Sally noticed the translucent clearness of her complexion, and the deep burning color and the transparency of the little hands, which seemed as if they might transmit the light like Sèvres porcelain. She was writing with an expression of tender calm, and sometimes stopping to consult an open letter that Sally knew came from Moses.
Complete Works of Harriet Beecher Stowe Page 232
