by Jamie Knight
“Right, got it but I mean, why? Why help me after all the shit I pulled?”
“You are an asshole, Dave. You put me through hell, and I hate you, but – but you still don’t deserve to die.”
“Th-thank you.”
“I didn’t do it for you.”
“Right, okay thanks.”
Dave scampered off to pay the price on his own head to live and drink another day. Possibly changed just a bit for the better.
“Who did you do it for?” I asked as Clementine pulled up to the curb.
“Me. Because it was right. Because I don’t want to hate people.”
I put an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her tight., Addie put her head on my shoulder.
“C’mon,” I said, guiding her to the car, “Let’s go get your son.”
Chapter Sixteen - Addie
It was like walking through molasses. I was going to see my baby again after nearly two months. It was longest we had ever spent apart since he was born. I had worried a bit that Dave might try to take off with him before we could get there before the social worker arrived. But he didn’t, finally comprehending the extent of the power held by Tobias. Something that was still being revealed to me, on astounding layer at a time.
My mind reeled imagining all the crap Dave was telling him in that time. Trying to poison his mind against me. I, of course, didn’t know if he had been doing that, but it made logical sense.
His original plan must have been to take Duncan for good, to make me either have to get back with him or pay child support. Even back when I only worked at the factory, I had a steadier job and more money than he did. Or maybe it was some kind of blackmail scheme. Get custody of Duncan and then make me pay to see him. Or maybe then, by the goodness of his heart, suggest to the court that I get visitation, but only after I had paid him to do so.
Either way, it had always been about money, and then when he found out about the show, it was about a whole lot of money. It was just like him to exploit others to try to get what he needed.
I shouldn’t have been surprised. Dave was an ardent student of Objectivism. The copy of The Fountainhead he had been reading when we first met, sticking up out of the pocket of his tweed jacket like a name tag saying, ‘Hello, My name is DOUCHE,’ really should have been a red flag. Alas, I was too young and naive to read the signs. The spider thereby was able to capture me in his nefarious web of wit and charm.
Still, even with it all, I actually couldn’t hate him. Not on a basic, existential level. I never wanted to see him again and the thought of him made me sick. It was a revulsion that would later turn to amusement with the healing nature of time as well as the further tutelage by Tobias of his Absurdist ways. But I had meant what I said when I gave him the check. I didn’t want him to die, especially not the ways the O’Connells would have done it. They were infamous for their agonizingly creative methods of dispatch.
I couldn’t in good cognisance let anyone going through that. Not even him. In a strange way, knowing the full story had given me more understanding of Dave and his ways. It wasn’t quite sympathy, but at least I knew there was something resembling a good reason behind his actions. Self-preservation in the face of imminent death was something I thought everyone could understand. I didn’t condone any of the things he did, but I understood why he did them. He wasn’t a psychopath just getting his jollies.
He was an arguably normal, if selfish, guy trying not to be horribly murdered and doing many bad things in the process. I only hoped with the spectre of death lifted from his shoulders he might be able to be halfway decent again. I had loved him once. I couldn’t anymore, but part of me still wanted good things for him.
“Ready?” Tobias asked.
“Not really, but it doesn’t matter.”
He kissed me sweetly on the cheek in a way that made me smile and opened the door to the library.
“Mommy!”
In an instant, my big, brave 12-year-old who usually squirmed when I tried to hug him in public, was wrapped around me like a baby koala. I rubbed his back and stroked his hair. The cynic in me wondered what terror Dave had committed to bring about such a reaction. My logical mind to it to shut the fuck up, Duncan just missed me.
“How have you been?” I asked, when Duncan finally released me.
“Lonely. I mean it was fun for a while. I had the house to myself a lot, but I didn’t like it much after a while. I wanted to see Dad more, but he didn’t want to do that. He was cool when he was there, but then he would go out. Sometimes all night.”
“I know what you mean, baby.”
“Mom, don’t call me that.”
“Never,” I teased, giving him a loving kiss on the forehead, which he immediately wiped away.
“Who’s he? The lawyer?”
It wasn’t a bad guess, really. Tobias was wearing an expensive looking suit and talking on a cellphone, telling Clementine to bring the car around. His simple question brought up another much more difficult one. How was I going to tell him about Tobias? It really was a pretty odd situation that I was still trying to figure out myself in a lot of ways.
“He’s a friend,” I said, not sure of ‘boyfriend’ was not quite the right word and knowing for sure that ‘fuck-buddy’, while accurate, was a bit too truthful, “I-I live with him.”
“Why?”
“Well, remember me going on the show?”
“Yeah.”
“During the lockdown we had to do the show from inside. The hotel was closed, so I went to live with Tobias at his house. Then I had to deal with the trial and decided to stay around in town.”
“Are you going home?”
He didn’t say it, but ‘home’ was our apartment on Long Island. The one I had taken to after being released from the hospital and laid him in the crib my granddad had built for my mom, in the nursery that Mercy and I decorated ourselves with what little money we had.
“Tobias’s house is home now. We already had all our stuff sent over.”
“Oh,” Duncan said, deflating her so slightly.
I don’t think it was the loss of the apartment that really affected him. He was a Long Island baby and it was what was familiar to him. It was where all his friends were. Not to mention Mercy, who had acted as his ‘cool aunt’ all of his life.
“Will Mercy be there?”
“I don’t think so, baby, we—”
“It is a big house,” Tobias pointed out, “we could ask if she would like to.”
“Really?” Duncan and I asked in unison.
“Sure. Clementine already lives there in the east wing. She has her own entrance around the back.”
“Wow! You must be a millionaire!” Duncan enthused.
“Billionaire, actually.”
“You and the who and the what-what?” I asked, totally confused.
“You’ve seen my house.”
“I thought the network paid for it, you know, like, a perk or whatever.”
“Oh, I own the network too and a couple of others. Some cyber security firms, oh, and some very desirable property in Europe. I use my estate in France as a vacation home. It is literally a castle.”
“Cool!” Duncan said, looking like he might faint with sheer excitement.
“I know, right?”
“Can I live in a castle, mom?”
“I-I don’t -”
“Do you speak French?” Tobias asked, taking the lead again.
“No.”
“Well that could be troublesome, the castle being in France and all.”
“Oh.”
“I could see if I can find a castle in England,” Tobias offered, “though it would mean leaving New York.”
“Oh. Are there any castles in New York?” Duncan asked, ever the pillar of logic.
“Not that I know of,” Tobias confessed.
Clementine was there when we pulled up. The back door was wide open. Duncan broke away from us and leapt into the backseat, bouncing on the black, leather se
at.
“Went well?” Clementine asked.
“All’s well that ends well,” Tobias replied.
I wasn’t sure what to expect as we drove back to the house. I figured Duncan would look out the window or pepper me or Tobias with twenty questions, never quite losing his inquisitiveness. What came as a surprise was his easy banter with Clementine, who kept up with his hyperactive enthusiasm with little trouble.
I thought he might swoon when we got to the house. He knew it was big but still hadn’t quite been expecting that, apparently. I hadn’t either and could certainly empathize. I wanted to tell him what was going on, but it didn’t feel like the right time. His father had just disappeared from his life again, and I didn’t know how he would react to another father figure, even as wonderful as Tobias clearly was. For the moment, he seemed happy just to be where we were.
“Which room is mine?”
“Anyone you want. Mine is first on the right at the top of the stairs.”
Duncan dashed off to look for a new room, mercifully not asking which room was mine. He could have already guessed what was going on. He certainly wasn’t naive. He knew, in a general sense, what people who lived together who weren’t family did. Or he was just so excited at the idea of living in a near mansion with a massive yard and a hedgerow that it never occurred to him to ask.
“There’s a library!” I heard Duncan call from somewhere on the second floor.
“A library?”
“Just a small one,” Tobias said.
“A small room with some shelves?”
“Two-thousand-foot square with a mezzanine.”
“Wow!”
“I like books,” Tobias shrugged.
“So does he!”
“We should get along fine,” he said.
“That would be great.”
“You should tell him,” Tobias said, knowingly.
He was right of course. It was awkward, but I was just putting off the inevitable and the longer I waited the more justifiably angry Duncan would be that I hadn’t told him before. Tobias briefly and gently touched my focal points, focusing on the positive. It helped.
He was still in the library when I found him. On his hands and knees in front of one of the lower shelves. A low stack of books already compiled against him. Duncan didn’t have much in common with his father but a near obsession with books was one of them.
“Honey?” I said.
“Yeah, Mom?” He asked, not breaking his concentration.
“I think we need to talk about something.”
“Okay,” he said, turning around and sitting on the floor.
“It’s about Tobias.”
“Okay.”
“We don’t just live together because of the lockdown. We are together,” I said, looking for the best way to put it.
“Like you and Dad?” Tobias asked.
How to answer that one. Duncan didn’t know anything about what happened with me and Dave. He didn’t know the bad stuff, anyway. I never said anything and didn’t think he suspected.
“Kind of. I am a lot happier with Tobias, though.”
“Oh, good,” Duncan said with genuine enthusiasm.
“Yeah, I’ve honestly never been happier. But I want you to be happy too and make sure you are okay with everything.”
“Yeah, I think so. He seems really cool. I mean look at this house, and he has a driver and a castle! I’ve always wanted a castle. And a dragon. And lightsaber. One out of three isn’t bad.”
“No, it’s not, Baby,” I said, on the verge of tears.
“Are you okay, mom?”
“Yes, Baby, I’m great. Do you really think you’ll be happy living here?”
“I think so. Especially if Mercy comes here to live.”
I hadn’t really thought that Tobias was serious about that. It seemed like a joke, because it would be so lovely and perfect. But I hadn’t noticed that Tobias really joked much. He would probably actually be looking for a castle in England to buy for Duncan, as well. He could certainly afford it.
“It could happen,” I said.
I didn’t want to make any promises I couldn’t keep. I had a feeling he had gotten enough of that from Dave already. My baby daddy could certainly be charming, but you could really only trust him as far as you spit him, even in the beginning when things were all sweetness and light.
“Does Clementine really live here?” Duncan asked.
Wow, a question I couldn’t really answer. I had never really seen her there, but the house is so big that it was certainly possible. Tobias was confident that she did, and I had never known him to lie.
“Seems so,” I said.
“Cool!”
Chapter Seventeen - Tobias
It had gone about as well as could be expected. Better, in fact. Expectations generally were hampered by the natural limits of the human imagination.
It was interesting to ponder. I had gone from a contented bachelor to what could be called a boyfriend. What was more, I suddenly had kid living with me.
Neither of them was terribly surprising nor upsetting developments. I tended to try and take life as it came. It was easier than the alternative and often that was how the good stuff happened. Plans were fine, but they could only go so far and could do more harm than good.
I wasn’t sure how Duncan would take to me. Apparently, he hadn’t really had his dad around until recently. Having met his dad, I could only think of that as a mercy. There was a lot of bullshit about how kids needed both parents.
Of course, two parents were ideal for the division of labor if nothing else. It was not as if it were a sign of the decline of society were some kids to be raised by single parents.
It was something that tended to happen a lot after both world wars. The meat grinder of war left a lot of single mothers and widows. The distinction being widow and divorcee became completely arbitrary, pushed by self-appointed Social Arbiters who think they know what is best for everyone. The same pack of judgemental assholes who would consider Addie “damaged goods,” as if she were some sort of commodity as opposed to a human being. Fuck that shit.
“Clem!” Duncan squealed with delight.
“Howdy there, Dunc.”
“Dunc?” Addie asked.
“Just go with it, it’s easier that way,” I advised.
I wasn’t sure what Duncan liked, remembering enough about being a kid to remember they could be most discerning when it came to the culinary arts, giving most food bloggers a run for their money. I got around the dilemma by opting for a buffet.
“I don’t think we’ve been here before,” Addie said as a scent unique to that particular chain hit us full on. It smelled somewhere between cooking meat and dill pickle.
“They have their regulars. It’s how they survive, really. Most people in the trendy metropolis seemed to have agreed that buffets are a bit hokey. I like it, though.”
“Smells weird,” Duncan said.
“The smell of choice,” I said.
“Oh,” Duncan said, seeming to take it as gospel.
Getting our trays, the loading commenced. Duncan got way more than he could even eat in one sitting, most of it from the dessert section. He was likely just overwhelmed by choice. I could relate.
“It’s basically free you know,” I said, seeing Addie’s tray.
“I know, I’m just, you know, pacing myself. My tummy has been going a bit weird recently.”
“Oh, I see. Might what to get some ginger ale.”
“Great idea, Honey,” she said, testing out a pet name.
“You’re welcome, Pumpkin.”
I had underestimated Duncan’s dedication. He did indeed get through all of his first choices. More than covering his part of the admission charge. I figured buffets are basically free if you eat more than you paid to get in.
The rigour of success had taken its toll, however, and by the time Addie and I were finishing our dessert, Duncan was yawning. He didn’t make much of a sec
ret of it either. Addie and I glanced at each other in silent agreement. It was time to go home.
Clem pulled right up to the front steps, making the trip from the car to Duncan’s bed as short as possible.
“Night, Clem,” Duncan said.
“Night, Dunc, sleep tight.”
“You can leave the car here,” I said, before getting out.
“Thanks, Tobi.”
“Don’t push it, Clem.”
“Worth a try,” Clementine said with a shrug.
“That’s my motto.”
“Would you like me to take you up?” Addie asked.
“Can Tobias do it?” Duncan asked.
“Um, sure.”
It was an odd thing to be volunteered for. Not that I minded at all. If anything, it was a good sign. If I was going to be with his mom, Duncan and I might as well try to get along. Neither of us were going anywhere anytime soon.
It was something of a negotiation to get back out of the room. Duncan continuing to come up with new and interesting ways to stall.
“Why are you afraid to go to sleep?” I asked, addressing the issue point blank.
“How did you know?” Duncan asked, in wonder.
“Lucky guess.”
“I have bad dreams.”
Not quite what I expected, but still well within my wheelhouse. In fact, I knew exactly what to do. It was really quite lucky that he had chosen the room he had. Otherwise, I might have had to walk out for a few minutes which would not have been a good look.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“It’s called dream catcher.”
“Looks like a spider web,” he said.
“That’s just because it is.”
“You’re silly,” Duncan giggled.
“Only when it’s really serious,” I said, hanging the dream catcher in the bedroom window.
“What does it do?” Duncan asked, not unreasonably.
“It catches and holds bad dreams so they can’t get you.”
“Does it actually work?”
“Usually,” I said, not quite going into the reasons why I knew.
“Okay,” he said just rolling with it. I knew we weren’t related in, any way but I could already see a lot of me in Duncan.
