by Ruby Brooks
“So, in mixed martial arts, which is what this is, you tap twice to bow out.” Cole kept his voice low as he explained. “Every fight here is friendly, and no one will ever judge you if quit before the fighting has really begun. We are all here to get stronger.”
“It feels judgemental, why is everyone staring at us?”
“Because I’ve never brought a girl here before.”
“How often are you here?”
“Every night.”
I turned to face him, his expression impassive. “When? I look out of my window and… Never mind.”
“I wait until you’ve gone to sleep,” he admitted, turning his attention back to the circle. “Want to go next?”
“With who?”
“Me,” a woman said, coming up next to me. “I’m Mia.”
She held out a slender hand and I shook it, her grip firm. I eyed her curiously. She was dressed similarly to me, but was incredibly lean with a figure I would die for. Her blonde hair was in two tight braids that reached her ribs.
I also had no doubt she could kill me with a simple click of her fingers.
“Come on then,” she said, stalking into the ring when the guys left.
I gave Cole a look, but he nudged me forwards. I hoped he was being serious when he said he would look out for me. I felt his gaze the most out of everyone watching, a comforting weight.
“Have you ever been in a fight before?” Mia asked, assessing me.
“Not really.”
“Sweet. I’ll be easy on you.” She inhaled deeply. “Wolf?”
I nodded. “Um, what are you?”
“Jaguar,” she smirked eerily, like how Cole does. I briefly wondered if they had been together and felt a shot of jealousy. “Whatever that anger was that I just felt, hold onto it. We all get angry and are a lot more volatile than humans. You need to learn how to harness that.”
Her fist shot out, but I was faster, catching it in mine.
“Good,” she commented. “Now what though?”
I still held her fist in mine. “Um, I don’t know?” I admitted, and she nodded again.
“Twist it. Like that, good. Now, get your leg— ooft.”
Some people clapped. Before Mia could finish her instruction, I positioned my foot behind hers and gave her a hard shove. She got off the floor but before I could apologise, she smiled.
“Again.”
We repeated it until I had to put in some actual effort to get her onto the ground. I knew she wasn’t using her full strength, but I was grateful for the workout. Sweat poured down my back and I felt Cole’s eyes on me the whole time.
“Punch her back!” Someone called. Mia raised her eyebrows in challenge and nodded.
I swung and missed, but she kept on encouraging me. Correcting my form each time, it felt fucking good when I did make contact. Everyone in the crowd started cheering as we started fighting properly.
I knew she was going easy, and I was shit, but I didn’t care. I finally got it.
I understood why Cole came here, every night. I may not know what his issue was, but I felt like I was connecting to him a little bit more. Each time I swung at Mia, or intercepted one of her blows, I felt that wound heal a little bit more.
Cole stepped in after who knows how long and helped me off the ground.
“I think that’s enough, assuming you still want to walk tomorrow?” He asked, grinning at me.
Mia stretched out her limbs and we shook hands again. “You going to come back?”
I nodded. “Thank you, honestly. I didn’t realise how badly I needed this.”
“We do proper training on Tuesday’s. It could be good for you.”
I looked over at Cole who was already nodding. We said our goodbyes and he stayed close to me as we left. He handed me my original clothes and I slipped my hoodie on.
“Hey, isn’t that mine?” He asked as we got into his car.
“Maybe,” I shrugged. It was, but he wasn’t having it back.
“Thief,” he clucked his tongue.
“Thank you for tonight, Cole.”
“You’re welcome.” He gave me one of his secret smiles and squeezed my leg gently, before starting up the car. My leg was burning from his touch.
I was sweaty, tired, and still a little agitated. This took the edge off though and so, each night after college, Cole would come and pick me up. Sometimes he would fight, and I would drool over him. The rest of the time though Mia helped me out with training and we became good friends.
If the Steelmans knew, and I’m sure they did, they never commented on it.
Chapter 7
Cole
“What is the plan for tomorrow?” Kian asked, sliding into the seat next to mine. We had a maths lesson together and I was deeply regretting all my life choices. Why did I pick maths? Clearly, I like torturing myself.
“What do you mean?” I asked, chewing on my pen lid.
“Hayley’s birthday?”
“Shit. That’s tomorrow?” Surely not.
“Uh-huh.”
“Fuck. And her nan just died. What are we going to do?”
“Your mate,” he said, shrugging.
“Very helpful,” I muttered.
I stretched my legs out in front of me and tried to think. I had to come up with something good, and not a party. Since her nan deteriorated, so had Hayley. She was becoming a much better fighter now, and Mia had to try when blocking her, but I knew it wasn’t going to be enough to get her through this.
“Would your dad mind if we just holed up in her room? I’m thinking greasy pizza and chocolate fudge brownie ice cream.” Proper good comfort food, as Hayley would say in her thick Yorkshire accent.
“Nah, he won’t care.” Kian shrugged.
“How are things going with you? I feel like I haven’t been there for you much.”
A pained look crossed his face, but it went as quickly as it came. I decided not to push him on it as it would only make him clam up further. I was like that in many ways.
“Same shit, different day. However, now my mum is on my case, too. I need to be in all of the tactical meetings from next week.”
We, as a pack, rarely saw Kian’s mum. She fell ill a few years ago and Tristan told her to step down. Whenever she was around, the pack would bend over backwards to accommodate her. She was an incredible woman with a kind heart, and I was often jealous of Kian growing up. If only my mother gave a shit about me.
“When do you reckon your dad will pass the baton you?”
“Who knows? I’m hoping never.”
He confessed a while ago to me that he never wants to be an alpha. I did, I knew deep down I did, but I couldn’t leave the Steelman pack. Especially not if my best friend was leading it.
I was going to have to be happy with second in command.
“You want to go the café before the gym? I know I could do with a coffee,” I asked, after the class had finished.
“Sorry, I can’t. If you want me to come tomorrow, then I have to go home now for more pack stuff.” He flung his rucksack over his shoulder and waved goodbye.
I didn’t rise from my seat and focussed on people watching outside, wondering what had happened to my friends. Ever since I kissed Hayley at that party, she was acting weird with me, and I didn’t see much of Kian anymore.
“Hey, Cole,” Laura slid into Kian’s empty seat and ran his fingers along my shoulder. I grabbed her wrist, forcing her off me.
“Mike bored of you?” I drawled, completely uninterested. Fuck. Why did I do this to myself?
“Hmm. I think so.” She pursed her lips in confusion.
Hayley passed the window by us, her head down, and headphones in. I shot out of my chair, grabbing my bag to catch up with her. I didn’t give a shit about what Laura wanted. An easy lay, probably. Most of the time I wouldn’t refuse a bit of fun, but since Hayley… I wanted to smash my face into the wall. I was a pig.
“Hayley, wait up,” I called, jogging after her. “Dam
n. I didn’t know you could walk fast.”
“Years of trying to keep up with you,” she quipped. “What’s up?”
“I wanted to see how you were doing.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.” I caught her arm, making her stand. She looked down at my hand on her skin and I knew she felt the same as me. The fucking sparks between us, Christ. I couldn’t be alone in this. “I want to take you out tonight.”
“You’re supposed to be fighting Hector tonight.”
Hector had challenged me to a fight tonight, and it was one I had already put off twice. Tristan was going to be there tonight, watching. He tried to stay away as an alpha, as it made some of the other shifters uneasy, but it was my chance to prove myself to him. If I win tonight, I could bid to be one his next bodyguards.
“I can take you out before that.”
“What about Kian?”
“He has pack stuff.”
Hayley chewed her lip, deliberating. “I don’t know, Cole. I just want to go home and rest tonight.”
So, you won’t support me tonight?
I didn’t say that though, of course I didn’t. I knew she was grieving, and I needed to give her space. Tristan and Kian being occupied tonight meant Hayley could have the night to herself, and I knew she loved her alone time.
“Okay. Let me know if you change your mind.” I gave her arm a gentle squeeze and let go. “Do you want a lift home?”
“Please,” she sighed, shifting her rucksack. I grabbed it for her and threw it over my shoulder. “Thanks, I can lift it myself you know.”
“I know, but it weighs a ton. What the hell do you have in here?”
“Uh, it’s my English re-sit exam next week. Those are my revision notes.”
“Christ. You are revising for an exam next week?” Even I didn’t cut it that short.
“I’ve been busy,” she snapped, before rolling her eyes. “I’m sorry, Cole. Take me home.”
I didn’t try pushing her for conversation as I drove. Her head was against the window and I saw then just how tired she was. Purple circles under her eyes were showing through her makeup and there was almost a dead look to her eyes.
Fucking hell, I didn’t know what to do with her. Five years after that first night, I still sometimes think I don’t know her. I wanted to though. I wanted to climb over all those walls and bulldoze the lot of them.
“Mate,” my wolf growled, and Hayley shot me a look. I cleared my throat, pretending nothing happened.
My wolf was getting more vocal around her and I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. One day I was going to snap and claim her. I knew I needed to tell her, find out her thoughts, but I didn’t know if I could handle the rejection.
“We’re here, Hayley,” I said, after I realised she wasn’t getting out of the car.
“Oh, shit. Sorry.” She jumped out and poked her head back in. “Good luck tonight, Cole. You are going to be incredible.”
Please come tonight. “Thanks, Hales. I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight. Text me if you’re up?”
She nodded and shut the door. I longed to go after her, beg her to watch me tonight. It meant a lot to me and yet neither of my friends were going to be there.
Guess it’s just you and me, wolf.
He growled against me, itching to get free. I sped back towards my house and didn’t bother saying hello to either of my fake parents. They were watching something on the television, oblivious to my arrival anyway. They knew nothing about my fighting, and it was something I was going to continue hiding.
I tied my shorts to my ankle and shifted into my wolf form. My bones popped and cracked as I did, and I let out a low groan as I stretched. It had been too long, and I needed to let out this pent-up energy.
I raced towards the Steelman property out of instinct. They had the most land, and a cross-country course set up with logs and pools of standing water so I could practise my lunging and jumps. I needed to fight in my wolf form, but Tristan enforced a rule that we couldn’t until we were deemed in control.
I needed tonight to change that for me. Change everything for me.
Without realising it, I had run to Hayley’s room. It was on the first floor and overlooked the forest round the back of the property. My ears pricked when I heard her crying and I let out a low whine. I wanted to go to her, comfort her, but the alpha appeared from the shadows.
“Cole.” He nodded in greeting before looking up at her window. “Did I ever tell you about when I met my mate?”
I shook my head. Why was he telling me about his personal life?
“I almost lost her,” he admitted, flooring me. I wasn’t expecting something like that. “Kian doesn’t know. In fact, no one does,” he let out a chuckle. “I was working in a bar because my dad didn’t give me any money after I turned eighteen and expected me to pay board. Anyway, in comes Maria and my God. She was stunning – still is. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Funny though, my wolf was crying out that she was my mate, and she treated me like I was any random guy on the street.”
I wasn’t getting the point, but I listened anyway.
“I never told her how I felt. I watched one night as she was practising her shifting, someone came over, and tried to take her down. I fought him off, killing him in the process.” He swallowed hard. “Maria was bleeding out and I didn’t think she would make it. I vividly remember her saying, let me die, Tristan. No one is going to miss me anyway. She had no idea how I felt about her, because I never told her. I was like you in a way, protecting my ego, and waiting for her to make the first move. All I did was push her further away.”
Fuck my life. He wanted me to tell Hayley because he understood. But then surely, he understood exactly why I wasn’t telling her.
“Cole, man the fuck up and tell her.”
With that, he walked off. I was stunned by the whole admission. I looked up at Hayley’s window again, her sobs were quieter now, a sign she was drifting off to sleep. No matter what happened in this fight tonight I was going to come back to her. I needed to tell her.
I’m going to be alone. Her words were on a loop in my head and I ran flat out to the fight club, not caring if it was a breach of the rules.
✽✽✽
The fight club was packed fuller than I had ever seen before. I was the only one dressed ready for a fight as the rest were here to watch. I had to meditate outside before I could shift back into my human form. No one said a word to me, and I wondered if it was because I was livid, Tristan was already here, or a combination of the two.
Hector was warming up with a skipping rope and I decided to do the same. We made small talk as other people came in and some took to sitting on the floor. The ring was barely visible, and I hated working in tight spaces.
“Good luck tonight, Cole. I won’t be easy on you,” he winked, flashing me a smile.
My mask was fully in place tonight and I grinned back. “Right back at ya.”
As we stepped into the ring, I couldn’t help but search out Hayley. I knew she wasn’t going to be here, but I felt the disappointment anyway. I checked my phone for the final time. Nothing. I tossed it to Tristan.
I loosened up my shoulders, not taking my eyes off Hector. I knew he favoured kicking and I was going to have to make sure I always stood close enough to him that he wouldn’t have a chance. I felt hundreds of eyes on me and, before Hector was ready, I landed a punch straight on his nose.
His eyes watered, as everyone’s did when their nose broke, but he recovered well. Landing a few on me in retaliation, I let him think he had the upper hand.
I let everyone in the room think it too.
I felt my alpha’s stress rising, wanting to step in to help me. I decided to string him along, see how far I could push him. Just as I was about to receive a knockout blow, I stepped back, and delivered a kick to Hector. My heel struck his chest, sending him flying into the crowd.
They cheered, pushing him back in, and I ra
ined blows on him as he staggered around on his feet. There was blood dripping down my face into my eyes, but I embraced it.
This is why I came here.
I wanted to hurt.
I wanted to feel pain.
I wanted to fucking feel something that I only got when I kissed Hayley.
I roared when I delivered my final blow, Tristan’s arms wrapping around my biceps.
“Come on, Cole,” he demanded. He wouldn’t use his influence here, the space was too small and too crowded. It would rub off on others, and their own alphas would be livid.
We stumbled outside, the fresh air making me woozy.
“I didn’t think you would make it,” he admitted. We walked towards his car and I was glad because I had no energy left to shift.
“I know. It was deliberate.”
“Of course it was,” he muttered.
I thought I caught the scent of Hayley, but I must have been imaging things. The whole drive back, Tristan was peppering me with questions about the fight. I answered them all, desperate to get home, and crawl into my bed.
“Um, alpha, sir,” I stammered. “You just drove past my house.”
“I know.”
I didn’t push him further. When we were alone like this, he let a few things slide but I didn’t dare test my luck.
“Go to her,” he commanded. Did he…? I didn’t know. All I knew was I needed her. Some pack members shot me curious glances when I stumbled through the kitchen, making my way upstairs. I waved at them, but didn’t stay to answer their questions about how the night went.
I had a one-track mind and it involved a particular woman: one that was privy to keeping secrets. I was a hypocrite, but whatever. I kept mine to protect her.
“Hayley,” I called, knocking on her door. I didn’t wait for her to answer as I let myself in. “Why are you dressed?”
“Um, no reason. What the hell happened? Did you win?” She ran over to me, stopping moments away from touching me.
Touch me, Hales. Anything.
“Why do I feel like you are acting?”
She swallowed hard. “I’m not. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”
I shook my head but followed her into her bathroom. It was a tight fit with the two of us, and she bumped into my chest. I caught her checking me out which made my wolf purr like a bloody cat.
