“He knew he might not regen,” Hattie said. “It’s clear he loved you more than his own life, even if he never said the words. And no one could have predicted an accident like this. No one is to blame, Dani. We both loved that crotchety bastard, and it sucks to be the ones living without him.”
Dani nodded. Right now, she didn’t want to live, period.
“Folks are still searching for Brody; we haven’t given up on him.”
“I want to help look for him.”
“Not today. Get some rest, honey.” Hattie laid a gentle hand on top of Dani’s head for a moment, then left.
Dani stared at the closed door blankly and traced her fingertips over the closed wounds on her neck. Without Commonwealth tech, the deep cuts would have taken at least a week to close. Bones that would normally take six to eight weeks to heal on their own healed in under two weeks with the patches they’d put on her.
Her shoulder ached, and she wished she’d asked Hattie for some of her medicine. She used her foot to scoot her pack closer to her. Instead of picking it up from the floor, she used her free hand to unzip the pack and pawed around inside it, hoping to find the packet of a few pills the hospital had given her when she was discharged. Her fingers landed on the pistol in the bottom of the bag. She pulled it out, placed it on the table, peeled back the cloth wrapping, and let her eyes travel the length of the weapon.
Put it away.
No, pick it up.
Instead, she lowered her head as new tears came. She wanted the ache in her chest to go away more than she needed the physical pain to disappear.
She moved the pistol from the table to her lap.
What if she died in this life by her own hand? Regen would make her current wounds and scars disappear—plus she could forget everything with one squeeze of the trigger. It tempted her more than she would ever admit. She didn’t want to forget Jace and all he’d done for her, but. …
Grief consumed her thoughts, and she pulled the hammer back with her thumb. She slipped her hand over the grip, and her index finger touched the edge of the trigger.
She sat with the weapon cocked and lying in her lap for several minutes.
No. Jace would be so disappointed if she took the easy way out now. He’d raised her four times, and she couldn’t, wouldn’t, undo everything he’d done for her over several decades with one bullet. She placed her thumb on the hammer, squeezed the trigger, and eased the hammer down. She put the weapon back on the table and dropped her hand back to her lap.
She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. When she opened her eyes again, the room had changed. She assumed she was dreaming. The sling was gone, and she shivered when cool air drifted across her bare arms. The gun was gone, and she had a mix of wiring before her. A dog slept on an old blanket on the floor near her feet. She recognized him, but he was not her current Brody. Dani turned in her chair, no longer stiff and sore from her injuries, and spotted Miles. He rolled to his side to sit up. He passed his hands through his hair and yawned. The dog lifted his head for a moment before going back to sleep.
“What are you working on?” he asked.
Dani blinked a few times before answering. “Nothing, really.”
“Did you sleep well?”
“Um, yes?”
Miles chuckled. “You don’t sound too sure.”
“Weird dreams.”
“Yeah, I hate those kinds of nights. Hard to know when you’re awake or asleep sometimes.”
“Uh-huh,” Dani said.
Miles retrieved his clothes from the floor and dressed. He pulled his boots on last and paused when lacing them. “You waxed my boots.”
“Yeah.” He hates wet socks, she thought, and wondered how she knew this detail.
“Thanks! Nothing is worse than wet socks.”
Dani shivered again. She’d had this part of the conversation with him before, of that she was certain.
He finished lacing his boots and approached her. He leaned down, gave her a long kiss, and she didn’t resist or try to avoid him. “See you tonight, yeah?”
Dani nodded, though she wasn’t sure if that was the right answer.
He smiled and left. The door latched behind him with a loud click. She jumped at the noise—and found herself back in the shed. Brody’s blanket on the floor was empty.
More images filled her mind, and she pieced together a few more memories—against her will. She wasn’t ready to cope with the mix of emotions these memories of her prior life with Miles stirred up inside her. Where is that damn medication? She stood with a groan and used the table for support until some of the pain lessened. She intended to make the pain, physical and emotional, disappear with some of Hattie’s elixir. She was sure the older woman would give her some if she asked.
She pulled the door open to leave and instead found Oliver, poised to knock on the door.
She scowled. “What do you want?”
Oliver lowered his hand. “To talk to you.”
“Go away.”
He ducked under her arm and slipped between her and the door to enter.
“You’re such a little shit.” She sighed, turned, and glared at him.
Oliver ignored her as he placed the book he was carrying on the table, covered the pistol with the cloth it sat on, and eased the weapon off the table.
“Leave that alone.”
He darted past her again. She turned too quickly to try to catch his arm, and drew in a sharp breath when her body reminded her of her injuries.
Oliver ran across the yard and vanished through the back door of Hattie’s brothel. Seconds later, he reappeared without the weapon.
“What did you do?” Dani shouted from the doorway of her shed. “Bring it back.”
“No.” Oliver moved past her and entered the shed again.
“I’m not in the mood for this crap. Bring the gun back and go away, Oliver.”
He slid the book off the table. “Have you seen this before?”
Dani’s eyes landed on the object, and she nodded. “It’s Jace’s.”
“It’s his journal, and he asked me to take it and read it if anything happened to him.”
“And?”
“You need to read it too.”
Dani shook her head. “I can’t read his journal, Oliver. My shoulder is fucking killing me, and I need medicine to make it go away. Make yourself useful instead of being a pain in my ass, and get a bottle of Hattie’s medicine for me.”
“No. Gavin took it away from you before. The hospital didn’t give you medicine?”
“It’s somewhere in the bottom of my pack,” she said with a wave of her hand at the pack on the floor.
Oliver knelt by the pack and dug through the zippered pouches until he found a small pouch with four orange pills inside it. “This it?”
Dani nodded.
“How many are you supposed to take?”
“All of them.”
“Liar.” He placed one tablet in her hand.
She put the pill in her mouth, and he passed her the mug of water sitting on her table. She took a drink and swallowed the tablet.
He took the mug back and pointed to the mattress on the floor. “Sit.”
The command reminded her of something he would say to Brody. Her temper flared, but he wasn’t listening to anything she said, and he was too fast for her to catch him and throw him out, so she relented. She eased her rump onto the mattress and leaned her back against the wall.
Oliver shoved the packet of remaining pills in his pocket before sitting next to her with the book.
“I’ll find out when it’s time for you to have another pill and come back to give it to you. Aunt Hattie has the revolver, but don’t ask her for it. I told her not to give it back to you. I know you’re sad, Dani. You weren’t cleaning the gun. What were you going to do with it?”
Dani tightened her jaw.
“I’m glad you didn’t. We’re all sad about Jace.” His face fell. “And I miss Brody. I don’t want to l
ose you too. Promise me you won’t hurt yourself.”
Dani nodded.
“Say it.”
“I promise I won’t do anything to hurt myself,” Dani said.
“Good. Thank you. You’re an important person, Dani.”
She shook her head. “You’re wrong.”
“I’m sitting here next to you because of things you did fifteen years ago. Maybe you don’t remember them, but it was you. When the Wardens attacked Portland, you saved my mom. And my dad. I know you died, but everything is in here.” Oliver held the book out for her to take. “My mom and dad lived that day because of you, and that’s the only reason I am on this planet. You fought for my future, though you didn’t know it at the time.”
Dani took the journal from him and placed it in her lap.
“Jace wrote a letter to you. It’s in the book, and it’s sealed, so I didn’t read it.”
She flipped open the book and used her good hand to turn the pages to the front. She stared at the words, written in Jace’s hand and dated the year the war began. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“You can. I’ll stay with you.”
She took another deep breath and opened her eyes. She gazed down at the book in her lap and started reading.
Dani turned the pages as she read entries about her parents, and the family trip to Boston that coincided with the Wardens’ attack on the planet.
“My last name is Ireland?”
Oliver furrowed his brow. “You didn’t know that?”
She shrugged. “That was a detail that wasn’t ever important to surviving, so I never thought to ask Jace.”
“Dani Ireland.” Oliver smiled. “I like it.”
“I think I’ll stick with just Dani.”
Trying to read a book with one arm in a sling was awkward. Oliver helped by holding the left side of the pages down for her as she turned pages. She resumed reading for a while, and stopped to look at the few pictures between the pages. She didn’t bother wiping away tears as she read Jace’s accounts of her deaths and the things he’d done to care for and protect her when she regenerated back to a child.
“Why didn’t he give me this before? I didn’t know what he went through, and he never told me.”
“Keep reading,” Oliver said.
She continued turning the pages and paused after the account of her last death. Oliver had told the truth. She’d saved Coulson from being shot in the back by Wardens, then killed the Warden trying to kill Miles. She looked at Oliver. “Does your father know about this book?”
“Yeah. He hasn’t read it since Jace didn’t give me permission to let anyone but me and you read it, but I did tell him that Jace wrote an entry about him seeing you save Mom and another MP with her. You saved her and Dad, then Mom let Jace pass when you were back to being a kid again.”
Dani nodded. “Jace told me a lot about my history, but he left some big pieces out.”
“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, Dani.”
She wasn’t sure how to respond, so she resumed reading until she reached the folded paper sealed with a blob of wax. Her name was written across the paper. Oliver helped her break the seal, and she read the note from Jace. It made her cry, but she forced herself to finish it.
Afterward, she and Oliver sat in silence for a while.
“Bring me my pack, please,” Dani said.
Oliver sprang up from his place on the mattress, and she envied his agility. He returned with the pack, and she reached into it, removed a pencil, and flipped to the back of Jace’s book, where she wrote her own entry—two full pages. When done, she folded the pages so the edges tucked into the center of the book and wrote her name on the outside.
“What’s that?” Oliver asked.
Dani returned her pencil to her pack. She closed Jace’s book and handed the journal back to Oliver.
“It’s a letter from me, to me. You’re the keeper of this book, Oliver. If anything happens to me, you’re in charge of getting this book and that letter back to me. Understand?”
He nodded.
She leaned the back of her head against the wall. “I’m so tired.”
“Get some sleep. I can stay in case you wake and need anything.”
“You don’t have to stay. I’ll be fine.”
His face grew serious. “Remember your promise.”
Dani gave him a small smile. “I remember it.” She hugged the boy. “Thank you for everything, Oliver.”
After sleeping soundly for a few hours, Dani got up and left the shed for the brothel. There, Mary helped her wash and change clothes, a task not easily done alone and with one arm.
The first thing Dani did upon returning to her shed was empty her pack on the table. Fifteen minutes later, a knock on the door interrupted her gear organization. She opened the door and gasped to see Brody in Miles’s arms. She lunged for them both—threw her arm around Miles and buried her head in Brody’s fur, despite his wiggles to try to lick her face.
“Ollie is bringing food and water for him,” Miles said. “I guess you didn’t see his message.”
Dani pulled her face from Brody’s fur and kissed his head. “I was asleep for a while.”
“He’d fallen through a hole in the floor and was trapped. We were searching for him on the upper levels, which is why we couldn’t find him. Javi called the MP’s vet, so he’s already been checked. Other than being hungry, a little dehydrated, and banged up from the fall, he’s fine.”
Dani touched the bandage on Brody’s right front foot.
“He has a nasty cut on one of his pads, so the vet wrapped his paw. He can limp along on his other three legs, but I opted to carry him since that was the fastest way to get him to you.” Miles lowered the dog to the floor, and when Dani knelt down to pet him, Brody wagged his tail so hard his body shook.
“Food!” Oliver announced as he arrived with two bowls. Brody thrust his head into the bowl of stew as soon as it touched the floor.
Dani stood and hugged Miles again. “Thank you for finding him.”
Miles smiled. “He’s a good dog.”
“He is,” Dani said, unable to stop smiling. She realized she still had her arm around Miles. She moved her hand to her pocket, her face burning with embarrassment.
Oliver darted back to the house to get more stew for Brody, and the dog moved to his bowl of water, sloshing liquid across the floor as he lapped it up.
“What’s this?” Miles asked with a nod toward the table.
“I was just starting to resort my gear for Portland when you knocked.”
Miles scratched at the stubble on his jaw. “Dani, they’re meeting today to discuss Portland. The training accident has people rethinking the attack. Many are calling for it to be canceled, and a lot of people think the Brigand council will agree.”
“Canceled?”
Miles nodded.
“When is the meeting?”
“It’s about to start.”
Oliver arrived with fresh bowls of stew and water.
“Can you keep Brody company for a bit?” Dani asked.
Oliver nodded and knelt by the dog while Brody started on his second bowl of stew.
Dani grabbed her jacket from the back of the chair. She slipped her arm through the right sleeve and pulled the other side over her left shoulder.
“What are you doing?” Miles asked.
“Crashing another meeting.”
CHAPTER
39
After reaching the top of the stairs to the old courthouse, Dani stopped. Her breath fogged in the cold night air. She wanted another moment to rest, but she instead forced her feet to keep moving.
“Dani, the doctors worked their asses off to save you,” Miles said. “Don’t undo everything and drop dead over this stupid meeting.”
“You think we should give up on Portland?”
“No.”
“Neither do I.” Dani pushed the heavy d
oor open and stumbled. Miles caught her before she fell to the floor.
“Thanks,” she said. “That would’ve hurt. Maybe I should go a little slower.”
“Think so?” Miles kept his arm around her as they walked.
Dani appreciated his assistance, and she didn’t stumble again.
They continued down the hall. “Why must they meet way the hell in the back? Plenty of rooms closer to the entrance.”
“Stop whining.”
She chuckled, but her fatigue remained. He held the final door open for her; when she entered the room, the people seated around the large table inside quieted. Gavin shot up from his chair as she walked through the center row between the empty chairs on both sides of the room and met her halfway. She leaned on one of the empty chairs to rest a moment.
“You look like shit,” he said.
“Thanks. Sorry I’m late.” Not that I was invited.
When she finally reached the front of the room, she lowered herself into a chair in the row closest to the table and wiped at the sweat running down her face. The night air was far too cold for her to be sweating like this. Her shoulder pain had returned with a vengeance; she wished she had one of those pills with her.
Gavin and Miles sat on either side of her.
“Why did you bring her here?” Gavin asked Miles with a frown.
“She wanted to come, so she did.” Miles shrugged. “You know you don’t have a choice in anything when she insists on doing something, regardless of how stupid it seems.”
Dani scowled at Miles.
“What? It’s true.”
“It’s good to see you, Dani, though this meeting doesn’t require your presence,” Houston said.
“Well, ya have it anyway,” Dani said. “Let’s make this quick, since I could pass out any second. We had a cluster fuck of a training accident and people were injured, some killed. Now folks are skittish about attacking Portland. That’s the short version, yes?”
Echoes of War Page 23
