by Rose Pearson
“It was done almost as soon as he returned!” Mrs. Blaine said, enthusiastically. “He didn’t waste any time. But even though it’s been there for all that time and even though the gardeners make sure to keep the place neat and well weeded, he’s never gone there to visit, except at the very beginning to see it when it was finished.”
A slight frown caught Jenny’s brow. “I see.” Silently, she wondered why the Duke had never mentioned such a thing either to herself or to the children when it might have done them some good to go and visit it. However, there was not any way she could suggest it to the Duke now, not after her visit to his study yesterday afternoon when she had spoken so freely and with such fierceness.
“Oh, but that is not the important part,” Mrs. Blaine continued, her eyes gleaming. “One of the footmen saw the master quit the house yesterday afternoon, just when it began to go cloudy. He saw him go in the direction of the stone marker and he was gone for some time. When the master came back, his eyes were as red as anything and he was blowing his nose on his handkerchief!” She clapped her hands together as though this was some wonderful revelation. “You see? It is quite extraordinary, is it not?”
Not quite certain that she understood Mrs. Blaine’s reasoning, Jenny hesitated. “I – I cannot say I quite see what you mean, Mrs. Blaine.”
Mrs. Blaine chuckled as though Jenny was being deliberately stupid. “You must see, Miss Edgington! The master has never shown a moment of sadness over his late wife. Yes, he’s been drinking himself half to death – although that’s not been happening the last few weeks – but he’s never once shed a tear or even appeared to be sorrowful.” She waggled a finger in Jenny’s direction. “Not anymore. He went down to visit that stone marker and it’s all come out of him, hasn’t it?”
“Come out of him?” Jenny repeated, feeling tension wriggle its way up her spine. “You mean, all of his sadness has left him now that he’s been there?”
“Yes, that’s exactly it!” Mrs. Blaine exclaimed, looking delightedly at Jenny. “Maybe that’ll make all the difference. Perhaps he’ll be able to find a way to start smiling every so often.”
Jenny hesitated before replying, not quite certain that she felt the same enthusiasm. In fact, she felt a little concerned, uncertain as to what the Duke might do now that he had visited the marker. Have his sadness and his grief have only intensified? And what had driven him to visit it? Had her own sharp words and her demand that he consider his life and his children with a greater fervency driven him to despair?
Her heart pounding with a sudden fear that she had overstepped and done the Duke more harm than good, Jenny rose from her chair a trifle unsteadily and managed to give Mrs. Blaine a tight smile. “I should return to the children,” she said, hoping Mrs. Blaine would not see her fright. “Thank you for the tea and cakes.”
Mrs. Blaine nodded, looking a trifle disappointed that Jenny had not shown as much enthusiasm as perhaps she had expected. “Of course, Miss Edgington,” she replied, reaching across the table to gather Jenny’s crockery. “I will see you for dinner this evening as usual, yes?”
“Yes, of course,” Jenny replied, walking to the door. “Thank you.”
Hurrying back up to the children’s rooms, Jenny felt her heart quicken all the more as she passed Lord Carrington’s study. Was he within? Should she enter and apologize to him for what had passed between them before? Perhaps she should tell him that she feared she had spoken with too much forcefulness, too much intensity, and that she had not meant to torment his mind further.
Hesitating, Jenny closed her eyes and drew in a steadying breath, one hand poised to knock at the door. Then, with a shake of her head, she dropped her hand and turned back towards the staircase. She would leave the Duke to himself and would not trouble him further. If she had been mistaken in what she had said and done, then she had no doubt that the Duke would make such a thing apparent to her the next time they were in conversation.
The laughter coming from the children’s playroom brought a small sense of peace to Jenny’s heart and she allowed herself a few moments just to listen to it before pushing the door open. Jill was doing a remarkable job of keeping them entertained, it seemed!
The door opened wide and Jenny stepped inside. She was suddenly frozen in place by the sight that met her eyes. The Duke was sitting on the floor beside his son, with Mary sitting on his lap looking up at him with adoring eyes. John was busy holding up one toy soldier after another, and with each one shown to him, the Duke made some comment or other. There was a lightness in John’s eyes that Jenny had not seen since the first day she had arrived at the estate, and the way that Mary was looking up at the Duke showed just how much she was reveling in her father’s company.
Jenny could not breathe for some moments, not wanting to move for fear that she would spoil the remarkable situation that was occurring in front of her. She had never once imagined that she would see the Duke in such a light, had never once thought that His Grace would be seated on the floor of the playroom, enjoying being shown all of his son’s toy soldiers.
“Ah, Miss Edgington.”
The Duke’s eyes flickered towards her, although they soon strayed back towards his son.
“I – I am sorry to have intruded,” Jenny stammered, one hand on her heart as she saw the delighted smile on Mary’s face as she looked up at her. “Please, do excuse me.”
“Oh, do stay, Miss Edgington,” the Duke said, encouragingly, patting Mary’s hand gently. “The children were just showing me some of their toys, and John has the very same fondness for toy soldiers as I did when I was his age – although his are much of an improvement on the ones that I owned as a child, I must say!” He chuckled and John grinned, his face alive with happiness. Jenny could not quite believe that such a thing was occurring right in front of her. All of her hopes and her wishes for the children in her care coming true in a single moment.
“Did you truly have ones such as these, father?” John asked, drawing the Duke’s attention again. “Did you play with them as much as I do now?”
The Duke chuckled, the sound filling the room. “I did,” he said, warmly. “Although I had one that was coupled with a cannon. It was a rather cumbersome thing but it was truly my favorite.”
John’s eyes widened. “I think I have seen one such as that,” he breathed, in almost reverent wonder. “But I do not have one as yet.”
Jenny felt her eyes fill with tears. She blinked them away rapidly, not wanting to betray herself. To see the Duke smiling and apparently happy was more wonderous than she had ever thought. His face completely transformed as he did so, his eyes alight with a deep joy that she knew had to come from deep within him. His eyes were no longer filled with sadness, nor cold as they rested on his children. His mouth was not turning downwards and his lips were no longer pulled tight. The lines of strain seemed to have disappeared from his face completely, making her realize that he was truly a handsome gentleman. He was a different gentleman entirely, she realized, her heart overflowing with the sheer joy of what she saw.
“You shall have one just as soon as I can discover it,” the Duke promised John, reaching up to ruffle his hair. “And I shall get you something also, Mary, of course.”
Mary squealed with evident delight and threw her arms about her father’s neck. John, a little abashed, leaned into his father’s shoulder, tentatively attempting to draw close to him and, as Jenny watched, the Duke wrapped his arm about his son’s shoulders and drew him near. Her mouth almost fell open with astonishment at the sight, even though the joy in her heart brought tears to her eyes. This was more than she had ever even thought possible. Her harsh words and her determination to speak to the Duke openly had, it seemed, not brought him to despair as she had feared. Instead, there was something new beginning here. Something quite wonderful, should the Duke continue on as he was now.
A long, contented sigh came from Mary as she looked up at her father with a broad smile on her face. He loosened his arm
from around her shoulders and smiled back at her.
“I must return to my duties now, I am afraid,” he murmured, letting go of John before pushing himself to his feet. “Although, I do have every intention of bidding you both good night.”
Mary looked utterly delighted at this news but John’s face bore a frown. It was obvious that the boy was not truly convinced that this change in his father would be a permanent one, and could not, therefore, be certain that he would keep his word.
“I shall,” the Duke insisted, looking down at John and apparently seeing the same concern that Jenny herself saw. “And not only this night but every night henceforth.” Reaching down, he rested one hand on John’s shoulder, his gaze fixed on his son’s face. “I will prove myself to you, my boy,” he murmured, as Jenny turned away with the realization that this was a private moment between father and son. “It will take time,” she heard him say, softly. “But I shall gain your trust in time.”
John replied to his father but it was too quiet for Jenny to hear. She did not mind, knowing that her young charge would need to have a good many conversations with his father before his trust could be regained. But she was glad that the Duke had made it so apparent and so clear to his son that he would do just that. She had to hope that now, the Duke would keep his word. To turn his back on his children again, to be unable or unwilling to fulfill the promises he had made to them would break their spirits all over again – and with a good deal more pain this time. However, as the Duke walked past her, his eyes still on his children and a slight smile on his face, Jenny felt her heart lift with the certainty that it would not be as she feared. She believed that the Duke had, for whatever reason, found his way from darkness to light and that, as such, would not easily return to the gloom once more.
“Might I speak to you for a moment, Miss Edgington?”
She caught herself at once, looking up into Lord Carrington’s face and seeing a small smile catching on one corner of his lips. Did he find it amusing seeing her shock and astonishment over his sudden change of character? Or was he merely pleased that she was finally seeing the results of her long, difficult struggle to help him see what had been missing from his life these last few months?
“I should be glad to, Your Grace,” she murmured, throwing a quick glance towards the children. Mary was busy watching them with interest, whilst John was busy lining up his toy soldiers. “The children will be quite all right for a few minutes.”
The Duke nodded and opened the door for her, allowing her to walk through. As she did so, Jenny felt her heart beat with a sudden flurry, her hands holding tight to one another as she battled against her flurry of nerves that had happened upon her so suddenly. This was merely another conversation with the Duke, which she had done many times before.
“Miss Edgington.” The Duke closed the door tightly as he said her name, which was then accompanied by a long clearing of his throat. His eyes dropped to the floor, his hands swinging behind his back and holding there fast. Jenny did not dare say a word, discovering that she was holding her breath as the Duke prepared himself, wondering what it was that he wished to tell her. Surely he would not send her from the house now? Her employment would not suddenly be brought to a swift end, would it?
“Miss Edgington,” the Duke said again, inclining his head towards her as though he wished to apologize for his delay in speaking. “I have had something of a revelation since our last conversation.” His eyes flicked to hers but darted away again, as though he could not hold her gaze steadily. “I would not have you concerned with your manner of speaking nor with your sharp words. They have, I think, brought a healing to my heart and soul that I did not once expect.”
Relief poured into her veins and she felt herself almost melt before him. “I am truly glad to hear you say such a thing, Your Grace,” she replied, quietly, remembering what Mrs. Blaine had told her about the stone marker and the news from the footman that the Duke had appeared upset. “Might I ask what it is that has helped such a transformation?” She made every attempt to keep her voice light but the tremble within it could not be hidden. What was it that she wanted him to say? What was it that she wanted him to reveal to her?
The Duke sighed heavily and ran one hand across his forehead. “I cannot say precisely, Miss Edgington, but the realization that I have been hiding from my children for fear of remembering more about their mother has always chased at my heels, ever since you first brought it to my attention.” A wry smile was shot in her direction before the Duke looked away again. “I have made my peace with her death, I believe and, in doing so, feel able to now return to my life and to see the many good things that are contained within it.”
“I am so very glad.”
Her voice was hoarse, her tears pressed away from her eyes with nothing more than sheer effort. She wanted to reach out and take his hand, wanted to press his fingers tightly so as to convey her joy, but instead, she forced herself to do nothing more than stand stock still and look up into his face. There was a new freedom in his expression, a new lightness in his eyes and Jenny found herself smiling at him with a new-found happiness that seemed to go out from within her and out towards him.
“I cannot tell you, Miss Edgington, just how grateful I am for what you have done,” the Duke continued, his voice low as he looked at her. “You must have found it exceedingly difficult at times to remain in this house when either myself or my children were behaving in a most inappropriate fashion.” To her surprise, the Duke reached out his hand and held it in front of her. Jenny found herself giving him her hand without hesitation. The sensation of her hand in his sent a flurry all through her heart and, much to her shock, she felt a heat rising in her cheeks that she could not prevent.
“You are remarkable, Miss Edgington.” The Duke bowed over her hand, his mouth just a breath away from her skin. “I cannot ever express my thankfulness for what you have done, although, of course, I shall do my utmost to try.” Raising his head, he looked at her again for a long moment, silence passing between them. Jenny drew in a long, steadying breath, telling herself that there was no need to feel such delight at the way he held her hand nor the words coming from his lips. She simply needed to accept his gratitude with quietness, not allow herself to react excessively.
“You are very kind, Your Grace,” she replied, softly, almost relieved when he let go of her hand. “I have just been doing the duties assigned to me.”
“No,” he said, fervently, shaking his head. “No, Miss Edgington. You have done far more than what has been required of you, and this family would not be so restored were it not for you. You need never fear leaving this house or being sent away from the children. You shall be governess to John and to Mary for as long as they require you, and then, thereafter, Mary’s companion if you wish it. I will have you as part of this family for many years to come, Miss Edgington, as recognition of the gift you have been to us all.”
Jenny could barely speak, her throat constricting as she took in all that the Duke had said.
“You will join me for dinner this evening, will you not?” the Duke finished, softly, holding her gaze with his own. “I have grown tired of dining alone.”
Jenny nodded at once. “If you wish it, Your Grace, then I should be glad to dine with you this evening,” she said, inclining her head. “I thank you.”
“I look forward to speaking with you again,” he said, something in his gaze that she could not make out. “Until this evening, then.”
“Until this evening.”
Chapter Fourteen
It had now been a week since Miss Edgington had first spoken to him with such harshness. A week since he had gone to his wife’s grave marker and felt his heart break to pieces within him. And, a week since he had looked at his life with eyes afresh and felt something like happiness begin to flood his soul.
Stephen allowed himself a small smile as he lifted his wine glass to his lips. He quietly thought to himself that Miss Edgington looked rather lovely this ev
ening, even if she was wearing the usual drab color of gown and had her hair pulled back sharply from her face. He could not imagine what she might look like if she were allowed to wear whatever color she chose with a gown of the highest fashion. Would her hair tumble down her back in long, thick curls? Or was it straight and long, easily brushed and tied back?
Why do you wish to know?
The thought made him jump, his fork clattering on his plate as he did so.
Miss Edgington looked up.
“Are you quite all right, Your Grace?”
Clearing this throat, Stephen glanced at her and smiled somewhat self-consciously. “Yes, I am,” he replied, with a quick nod in her direction. “I am simply a little clumsy this evening.”
A small laugh came from one end of the table, where Mary sat. Grateful for his daughter’s interruption, Stephen allowed himself to share a grin with her. Seeing the way her eyes lit up with mirth, he found himself thinking the child was one of the most beautiful creatures he had ever seen.
“I still have not found a toy soldier with a cannon, father.”
He turned to look at John, who was looking back at him with a slight sadness in his eyes.
“I have a large collection of tin soldiers and I have looked through them all, but none have the cannon,” the boy continued, sighing. “I think I have seen one before, however, if you would be able to come with me one day, father?”
Stephen nodded at once, fully aware that he would have to keep his word to his son so as to prove to the boy that he was not about to let him down. He was still building up trust between himself and John, and whilst Stephen knew it would take time, he was glad that their relationship was improving steadily. “I would be glad to,” he replied, catching the swift smile that crossed John’s face. “We can make arrangements tomorrow. How good it will be to find one similar to the very same I had when I was a boy!”
Miss Edgington smiled back at him and Stephen felt his heart lift suddenly. He held her gaze for a moment longer, feeling his own heart begin to clamor within him as he did so. It was the most extraordinary thing. In the week since he had set aside the past and chosen to look to the present, he had found his heart increasingly considerate of Miss Edgington. She was in his every thought, it seemed, for he often became distracted during his hours of work and would find himself reading the same piece of correspondence over and over again until he was able to push all thoughts of Miss Edgington from his mind.
