by Shayla Black
“I’m not pretending,” she snapped. “It’s only been seventeen days. I’m not sure how to let go.”
“Of the sorrow or your dad?”
“Both.”
“Your father will always be with you…here.” He pressed his palm to her heart. “But if you aren’t sure how to purge your grief, I can help.”
Finally, she lifted her head. “Though pain?”
He nodded. “If you want.”
A tremor quaked her. Sadness, indecision, then finally determination played over her face. “Please.”
She didn’t really know what she was asking for…but that one word nearly did him in.
Feeling both trepidatious and weak-kneed with thrill, Beck eased her off his chest and stood, scrubbing damp palms down his pants. Yes, he could give Heavenly an outlet to help her move on. But he was also going to leave his mark.
Without a word, Beck lifted the remote control off the table and pressed the button to close the blinds. The act of breaking her down and putting her back together was for his eyes only.
He extended his hand in her direction. Anxiety pinged off Heavenly as she bit her lip and stared at his wide palm. He didn’t press her to accept, simply waited for her to decide because he was asking her to place a whole new level of trust in him. He already knew she took time to process decisions, and her choice, to both give him the power to inflict pain and to pry into her emotions, was a huge one.
Finally, Heavenly slid her fingers into his hand. Beck’s heart clutched. And when she looked up at him, the faith in her big eyes damn near stopped it.
He’d do everything in his power to break her down without breaking her altogether. It had been forever since he’d restrained his beast on such a short fucking leash, but he’d strangle the fucker if he had to.
Beck sent Heavenly a reassuring smile as he helped her to her feet. When he released her, he widened his stance, squared his shoulders, and clasped his hands behind his back. The pulse point at her throat beat faster. Her gaze flitted nervously from his drilling stare to the plush rug beneath her feet.
“I don’t want you to kneel, little girl. I want you to strip. Bare every inch of your luscious body to me.”
With trembling hands, Heavenly tugged her shirt over her head. As the pink cotton whispered to the floor, Beck’s gaze locked on the lacy bra and her milky flesh beneath. Then she skimmed the straps down her arms and peeled the cups from her breasts before the undergarment floated to her feet. Her rosy nipples all but begged him to suckle until she shattered. Somehow, Beck managed to stand his ground and watch her wriggle from her yoga pants.
When she toed them off her ankles, she stood naked before him. God, had he ever seen anything more beautiful?
“Walk to the kitchen.” He gestured behind them.
With a tiny nod, Heavenly swallowed and glided to the other room. Beck followed, taking in the sway of her hips and the pale curves of her ass he’d soon flush rosy.
When she reached the island, Beck cleared his throat. “Turn. Face me.
Instantly, she obeyed, torso rippling, thighs trembling. Christ, he ached for her, but he couldn’t slake his need until he tore away her defenses and opened her up to him.
Vaguely, he realized she had no clue just how personal, how intimate this would get. But she would.
Perfectly compliant, she lowered her gaze to the floor.
“No. Eyes on me.”
Heavenly jerked her head up. Her cheeks looked flushed, her eyes dilating. Her breaths sounded short and shallow. Fuck, she wore her submission like a second skin. It took Beck’s breath away.
“Good girl. Don’t move until I tell you. Just watch.”
Beck lowered his hands and unbuckled his belt. As her stare locked on his methodical movements, he smiled and gripped the metal clasp in his fist before yanking the leather from the loops of his jeans with one vicious tug.
The leather whooshed through the air in an arc that ended with a crack. Heavenly gasped.
“Anyone ever punished you with a belt, little girl?” Beck inched closer, watching her stare glide over the tanned hide.
“No, Sir.”
“Have you been spanked by someone other than Seth and me?” He took another step toward her.
“By my mother. W-with a hairbrush.”
“This will be different.” Another step closer. “Had you been a bad girl?”
“She would have said so.”
As he surrounded her with his body heat, her anticipation rolled toward him in an electric wave. Her eyes sparked blue. Beck smelled the stirrings of her arousal.
“Let me guess.” He slid against her, the heat of his breath caressing her lips. “You lied about something.”
Her eyes widened. The reaction was telling.
“Old habits are hard to break, little girl.”
“I don’t enjoy deceiving anyone.”
“You need to stop hiding behind convenient lies designed to preserve your dignity. You think they’re harmless.” Beck shook his head. “They won’t fly with us.”
And I’ll underscore that point tonight…
She sent him a sassy scowl. Beck was going to enjoy wiping that off her face.
With a ghost of a smile, he draped his belt over his open palms. “Touch it.”
Her focus fell to the wide strap. She lifted her fingers and stroked the smooth leather, then her gaze bounced back to him. Her breathing picked up pace.
“Now kiss it.”
She pinned him with a stunned stare. “The thing that’s going to hurt me?”
So, she grasped the mind-fuck part of the gesture…
“It’s also the thing that will set you free. Kiss it. I won’t repeat myself.”
A heavy tremor shook Heavenly as she closed her eyes and pressed soft lips to the black strap. Beck shuddered and struggled to contain his excitement as he dragged the end of the cool leather over her shoulder and trailed it down one pebbled nipple. A shaky sigh escaped her throat.
“Shall we begin?”
“Y-yes, Sir.”
“Turn around. Stand at the counter beside the sink. Face the cabinets.”
When unease glinted in her eyes, Beck wondered if she’d changed her mind. But his tenacious girl positioned herself exactly as he’d demanded.
“Very good. Don’t move. You do not have permission to speak unless spoken to, except to use your safe word. Is that clear?”
“Yes, Sir.”
Beck stepped back, peeled off his shirt, and tossed the belt over his shoulder before moving in behind her. Pressing his wide chest against her back, he savored the ripple that skittered through her. Then he clasped her elbows, guided them to the counter, and pressed her palms flat against the cool granite before threading his fingers through hers. “Are you sure you’re ready to taste my pain?”
Her ragged breath zipped up his excited senses. “Yes, Sir.”
He’d never imagined he’d have the chance to command her in this way, to ever put his marks on her. The terrible anticipation was killing him.
“But I’m afraid.” Her voice trembled.
“I won’t tell you that you shouldn’t be.” He dragged his tongue up her neck. The flavor of her warm flesh exploded on his taste buds. The sharp, sweet scent of her fear mixed with the spicy musk of her pussy as he bit her lobe and tugged. “What’s your safe word?”
She sucked in a tiny gasp and squeezed his fingers. “Freedom, Sir.”
“Don’t forget. You’ll need it tonight.”
Heavenly said nothing more, simply braced. Her willingness to serve him was a powerful aphrodisiac. His cock—a throbbing slab of steel and leaking like a fucking sieve—grew impossibly hard.
Beck backed away just enough to stroke the soft, supple flesh of her ass before he opened the drawer at her hip and retrieved a pair of bungee cords. “Raise your arms.”
Slowly, she did. Her breasts rose. Her nipples jutted up like an offering to the gods.
The temptation to toss
the belt aside and spend the night wringing one ear-piercing scream of ecstasy after another from her roared. But if he gave in to his urge to violate her in every way known to man, he’d also deny them both this chance to connect on a potentially deeper level.
The irony of wanting to make love to her didn’t escape Beck. In the past, sex had been the fringe benefit he enjoyed after a whipping good time at Shadows. He’d never been tempted to opt out of a scene in lieu of it—until now. But he owed Heavenly this experience; she needed it. Then once he’d reddened her ass and sipped her tears, he would drive as goddamn deep inside her as he could and brand himself onto her soul.
As Beck worked the bungee cords around her wrists and fastened them to the stainless cabinet pulls, tension bled from her body. She found security in being bound, and the unconditional trust she was handing him wreaked havoc with his control.
“If your arms get tired, you can’t handle the pain, or you find any reason to stop, say freedom. Understood?” He curled a finger under her chin. “Listen to me. Using your safe word isn’t a failure. Only not stopping me if you need to is.”
“I understand, Sir.” She lowered her head, her whole body tightening, seemingly braced for impact. “I’m ready.”
Suddenly, the realization that he was about to hurt his little girl felt like a punch in the gut. His throat went dry. His heart raced. Never in all the years he’d been a sadist had Beck ever balked at a scene.
Get a grip, man.
Dragging in a deep breath, he wrapped the belt around his fist, rolled his shoulders, and centered himself. Then he brought the leather down across Heavenly’s ass with a slow, soft slap.
She jolted and yelped. Then in the next moment, she began to giggle.
“You’re laughing at my lash, sub?” Beck feigned insult.
She started to glance over her shoulder but caught herself. “Not at you, Sir. The swat surprised more than hurt me.”
“Because I didn’t want it to…yet.”
He flicked the belt over her ass again, eliciting a smaller jerk this time. He repeated the process, landing a series of light slaps. As he delighted in the pink hue blushing across her pale ass, her heels started to leave the ground. She wriggled unconsciously to escape the slowly building pain.
He lowered the belt and stepped in, caressing her warm, lush flesh. “Enjoying my warm-up?”
She swallowed audibly. “That was a warm-up? You mean it’s going to get—”
“More painful? Definitely.” Beck sidled closer and forced her gaze to his. “Is it too much for you?”
She didn’t answer right away. “No, Sir.”
“Let me know when it is.” Beck flashed her a wicked smile, caressed his way down her spine, then spanked her—hard. Heavenly sucked in a sharp breath and held it.
He leaned back and admired the angry imprint of his hand.
When a silent sob shook her body, he sank a fist in her hair and tilted her head back. “Breathe through the pain. Let it flow through you so you can rise above it.”
“Yes, Sir,” she squeaked, shuddered.
“Good girl.” He stepped behind her again and lifted the belt, squaring his shoulders, already riding the fringes of his Dom space. She was being brave. Pride in her submission surged.
But the warm-up was over. Time to get real.
He jerked his arm back and lowered the belt, his downward strike much harder than before. The report of leather on her flesh melded with her high-pitched scream. Her shock and anguish echoed in his ears. She grabbed at the cabinet pulls and clawed as she hung her head.
“Too much now? Do you need your safe word?”
To his surprise, she shook her head, but it took her a moment to find her voice. “No, Sir.”
He tugged on her hair until he could see her face once more. She wore her resolution like a shield. It served as another fucking barrier between them.
He’d shatter that quickly enough.
“Then brace.” He landed another stinging blow, this one even harder, right below the welt already rising on her ass.
Heavenly shrieked and danced on the tips of her toes. A loud sob ripped from her throat. She bit it back.
“Ready to cry yet?”
“No, Sir.”
So she wanted to be stubborn. Beck didn’t blame her for wanting to protect her psyche. Sure, she’d asked him for this. And she needed it, every bit as much as she feared falling apart.
As he unleashed a torrent of wicked lashes, her screeches and wails coiled around him, binding them together. He wasn’t simply marking her; they were marking one another.
But when he heard something that sounded like a sob and she nearly collapsed against her bindings, he wondered if he’d already dished out too much.
“You don’t have to do this now,” he pointed out. “I’ve given you a taste. We can leave it here or come back later.”
“No, Sir.”
“Why?”
“I want this.”
He pulled on her hair again and growled right in her ear. “Why?”
“Because I do.”
“I don’t believe you.”
She cut tear-filled eyes at him—and stunned him with pleading defiance. “Just keep going. I don’t want to talk.”
Beck laughed—just before he skimmed his fingernails across her fiery backside and sank his teeth into her neck. Something between a shriek and a wail ripped from her throat. She squirmed and tried to avoid him, but he pressed her into the cabinets with his body and held her firmly in place. “Guess what? You’re not in charge here, little girl. I am. And I will fucking talk to you until I get the answers I need. Let’s try this again. Why do you want this? Because let me tell you, I refuse to give you something you merely endure.”
“I already told you.”
“Tell me again.”
“I want to understand you.”
“I’ve given you enough to get the drift. What else?”
“I want to see if this will bring us closer.”
He huffed. “If we want to be closer, we can just fuck. C’mon. Get honest.” When she hesitated, he pressed his fist to the small of her back and poised his other hand over her ass, where she was sure to feel the heat of his palm hovering above her burning skin like a threat. “You’re pushing me for something even as you’re fighting to hang on to your control. I won’t allow either.”
She tensed and met his gaze, pressing her lips together for a long mute moment.
He spanked her again. “I can stand here and do this all night.” He slapped the other cheek, gratified by her yelp. “Talk to me.”
“There’s something happening to me. I feel it just out of my reach…”
Now they were getting somewhere. “You’re on a precipice, aren’t you?”
“Yes. I don’t know what it means. I want it…and I’m afraid.”
“You can’t hang on to both your barriers and your grief. Don’t fight, little girl. I’ve got you. Let go.” He raised the belt again and jerked it down onto her flesh with a whoosh.
Heavenly jolted, screeched, and grabbed the cabinet pulls. “I don’t know how.”
“Just give it to me. That anguish doesn’t belong to you anymore.”
She clenched—her teeth, her shoulders, her ass—as she gave him a ferocious shake of her head.
Beck had done this too many times not to know she was hanging by a thread.
“Yes.” He shortened the lead and reared back, landing a blistering smack on her glowing ass. “Now.”
She shrieked, trembled, tried to climb the cabinets—and remained mute.
He backhanded her ass with equal force. “You’re taking my pain. I want yours in return.”
Heavenly’s screams as she tugged on the pulls and tried to dance away scraped him to the bone. God, she was right on the edge… Doubt sprouted inside him. She hadn’t cracked and acknowledged her sorrow yet. A part of him wanted to release her wrists and simply coddle her to his chest, but the fear of never breaking
through her barriers forced him on.
“Hand it over, little girl.” He raised the belt one more time, then sent it colliding onto her flesh with just enough force to splinter her apart.
Heavenly sucked in a shocked breath, shuddered, then spewed a heart-rending wail that nearly undid him. Beck knew a split second before her shoulders sagged that Heavenly had finally broken.
As her legs gave out, he tossed the belt aside, unfastened the bungee cords, and scooped her against his chest. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and planted kisses against her damp flesh as she crumpled against him, her entire body bucking with sobs. Sorrow poured off her.
His heart broke for her as he gathered her closer. “That’s it. Purge for me. Mourn. It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” she wailed almost incoherently, tears spilling down her face and onto his bare chest.
“Shh. Abel was a good man. It’s time for you to honor him.”
“I-I don’t know how.”
“Weep for him. Let him feel how much you love him.” He pressed his lips to her ear. “You were his greatest treasure. He loved you with all his heart, didn’t he?”
“Yes.” The inhuman noise that left her throat was something between a scream and a sob.
“Show me,” Beck challenged. “With your tears.”
“I m-miss him s-so m-much. I-I want him b-back.”
“I know you do,” Beck whispered. “I wish I could bring him back for you. But I’m here.”
“I’m s-so…scared,” she sputtered in confession.
Beck savored every heartbreaking howl and the ocean of tears that poured out from deep inside her because it brought her one step closer to being cleansed and healed.
“I know. You may feel alone, but you’re not. You never will be unless you choose to. Seth and I will always be here for you.”
Heavenly nodded and drew in a deep breath. A lump of love, pride, and awe clogged his throat.
Christ. She was gorgeous. Brave. Strong.
And she was his.
Beck’s cock throbbed for relief, but Heavenly didn’t need sex right now. She needed to process her freedom from the most oppressive parts of her grief.
“And I know your father’s death is fresh, the pain so raw… You don’t realize yet that he’s still alive inside you. He’ll live on through you, your children, and their children, until the end of time. He hasn’t left you, Heavenly. He never will.”
