I eventually pull back to look up at him with red rimmed eyes and wet cheeks, and I’m shocked to see his eyes are also full of unshed tears.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper through the emotion clogging my throat.
“Me too. I’m sorry I made you run all this way. We’re gonna get through this together, Ginge. It’s you and me now.” My heart swells with love for him. I can see the dark shadows clouding his eyes as he tries to be strong, and it breaks my heart that he could be about to go through what I did. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. A laugh rumbles up my throat as I think about the fact that I used to think of him as my worst enemy. It’s funny how things can change so suddenly, and how the person you can’t stand becomes the most important person in your world.
He cocks an eyebrow, wanting to know what’s amused me, but I put it to one side. “Together,” I agree, as it dawns on me that I’m not alone anymore. So what, he doesn’t want to get married? What the fuck does that really mean, anyway? He’s mine with or without that piece of paper. I’ve got his heart; that I couldn’t be surer of.
“Let’s go home,” he whispers in my ear after dropping a kiss to my temple.
I nod against him. There’s nowhere in the world I’d rather go.
“Let me just say goodbye to Mum.”
“You got it. Take as long as you need. I’ll be waiting.”
Tears sting my eyes once again as I start to back away from him. “I know,” I mouth to him.
* * *
After stopping at the first services we find for some dinner, he follows me all the way back. Not once does he overtake and do the kind of speeds I’m sure he’s desperate to do as we make our way along the seemingly endless motorways. This impromptu little trip seemed like a good idea when it came to me, but now, halfway home and with a numb arse, I’m starting to think it was pretty stupid. I can’t help but feel for Dec as I look in my rear-view mirror; he must be aching like a mother as we approach what must be his eighth hour sitting on that bike today. When he took me out on it, I found it pretty comfortable, but that was only for an hour or so.
The first thing I do when I get in is run up the stairs and get the bath started. It’s been a long, emotional day, and I can’t think of anything better than sinking into the hot soothing water with his arms wrapped around me.
Liv’s sitting watching TV when I come back down. “I’m so sorry,” she says, nodding towards where Dec’s banging around in the kitchen. “He wouldn’t stop until I told him.”
“I can imagine. Don’t worry about it. Are you okay?”
“I didn’t get the job.”
“Oh shit, I’m so sorry.”
She lets out a huge breath, full of disappointment. “It obviously wasn’t meant to be.”
“There will be others.”
“Yeah. They actually said they should have something coming up soon that would be more suited to me. So we’ll see,” she shrugs. “I guess I’ll be heading back home.”
“You’re welcome to stay as long as you like,” I offer.
“Thank you, but I need to get back. I’ve not earnt a penny since being here, and the rent is due soon. I’d rather not be kicked out. It might be a shithole, but at least it’s a roof over our heads.” The look on her face guts me.
“Leave him, Liv. Leave everything up there and move down here. We can find you a job. You can live here until you find yourself a place. Please don’t go back up there just to be miserable.” I can see she’s torn. She’s desperate to do as I’ve just offered, but she’s terrified of leaving and what it’ll do to David. “Well, the offer’s there. Just promise me you’ll think about it.”
“I promise. I’ll leave you guys to it,” she says, getting up and heading towards the stairs.
“No, stay put, we’re going for a bath.”
“A bath?” Dec asks as he rounds the corner.
“Yep, a nice bubble bath.”
Both Liv and I burst out laughing at the incredulous look on his face.
“Do I look like the kind of guy who enjoys a bubble bath?”
“You look like the kind of guy who’ll enjoy a bubble bath with his naked girlfriend,” I say with a salacious smile.
“What are we waiting for?” he asks as he grabs my hand and begins pulling me from the room to the sound of Liv’s laughter. It warms my heart to hear her happy, but I know it’s only fleeting because she’s going back to her shitty life any day now.
“Why haven’t we done this before?” Dec asks as he runs his fingertips up and down my arm as it rests against the edge of the tub.
“No idea.” I snuggle deeper into him and let out a contented sigh.
“Everything’s going to be okay, you know?”
“Yeah, I know,” I say on a sigh as I try to keep reality from bubbling out of my mouth.
“No matter what happens, good or bad. We’ll be okay.”
Turning, sloshing water everywhere until I’m straddling his waist, I look down at him, his wide tanned shoulders covered in fluffy, white bubbles, and smile. “I love you,” I say, taking his rough cheeks in my hands. “No matter what happens, we’ll be okay,” I promise before lining myself up and sinking down onto him. His head falls back as he moans in pleasure. I still until his eyes come back to mine before I continue. I want him with me every step of the way.
* * *
“We’re going out tonight,” Dec says as he strolls into the shack on Friday morning.
He announced when we woke up Wednesday that he was going to go to Oxford for a few days to help his dad out since Susan had her first chemo session the day before. He reappeared unexpectedly last night after he was told to leave and stop fussing. I couldn’t help but laugh when he explained how his mum practically manhandled him out of the house and sent him back to me.
“I was only trying to help,” he said innocently.
“Just do as she asks. If they need you, they’ll reach out,” I reassured. “In the meantime, just keep in touch. If she starts feeling rough, the last thing she’s going to want is everyone there staring at her,” I say with experience.
“What would I do without you?” he asked.
“Annoy the shit out of your mum.”
I pass him over a freshly made coffee as he takes a seat on one of the bar stools in front of the counter. “Where are we going?”
“I thought it was time for you to hit the stage again.”
“It’s only been two weeks.”
“Two weeks too long. I want to hear you sing again.”
“You hear me sing every day,” I argue.
“It’s not the same. I want to see you on stage. It’s so fucking sexy.” I raise my eyebrows at him and he just shrugs it off. “Everyone’s already said they’re coming, so you don’t have a choice.”
“I wasn’t going to argue.” In reality, I’m actually quite excited to sing again, which is an amazing feeling after being scared for so long. Thanks to Dec, most of what I was scared of when I first moved here suddenly doesn’t seem all that scary. Getting up on stage, riding on the back of his bike, standing by his side while his mum goes through treatment, he makes it all seem so much easier to bear.
“Good. Be ready by eight. I’ve left what you’re wearing hanging on the front of your wardrobe.”
“Oh?”
“You’ll have to wait and see.”
Excitement fills me as I think about him planning my outfit, until I have a realisation. “It’s a dress, isn’t it?”
“Thanks for this. I’ll be out back if you need me.”
“Arsehole,” I mutter as he disappears through the door, but I have a wide smile on my face.
“Things good with the boss, I take it?” Freya says as she walks past, carrying an armful of plates.
“You could say that.”
“I’m happy for you, really, but do you think you could help? That table over there is waiting for their order to be taken.”
“Oh…yeah, sure. I’m on it.”
* * *
I’m buzzing with excitement when I unlock the front door later that evening. Seeing the set of spare keys Liv was using hanging on the hook in the hallway dampens my mood slightly. She reluctantly went back home yesterday morning once she was confident I was okay after my slight meltdown. I’m gutted she’s gone, and sad that she’s going back to a life that makes her so miserable, but other than offer her a place to stay, there’s not a lot more I can do. She’s got to face her fears, and I know all too well how hard that can be. I’m positive she’ll do what she needs to do, it’s just a matter of when. According to BJ, Liam’s moping around since he learnt about her leaving. Liv was still adamant nothing was going on between them, but hearing how miserable he is, I can’t help but question that.
Opening my bedroom door, I let out a laugh when I see a dress hanging from my wardrobe. I run my eyes over the soft pink fabric and smile. He did quite a good job finding a less flashy replica of my bridesmaid dress.
He’s tried to convince me to get it out of the box it’s currently in waiting to go to the dry cleaners and try it on again for him, but I’ve stood my ground. Apparently this is his answer.
I let the smooth fabric run through my fingers. The top is almost exactly the same with the off the shoulder straps; the only real difference is the length. Instead of hitting the floor, this dress should hang somewhere around my knees.
I’m still smiling as I get out the shower and wrap my body and hair in towels. When I get back to my bedroom, I find a text on my phone from Susan reassuring me that she’s fine and not having much in the way of side effects yet. I’ve actually found talking to her about everything kind of therapeutic. I think my frank approach to the whole cancer thing has also helped her. I can give her the information everyone is afraid to even consider, but in reality she needs to know. I’ve talked about Mum more than I have since she died, and I’m finding it really comforting.
I’ve found white feathers everywhere this week, and each time I see one, a wide smile breaks across my face. I know she’d be proud of how things have worked out for me, and I know she’d absolutely love Dec. I’m gutted she’ll never see us together, or experience whatever our future may hold, but I know she’s with me every single day, and right now, that gives me more comfort than it ever has.
A photograph and piece of paper sitting on my dressing table catches my eye as I sit down to start on my hair and make up. It’s a photo of me on Molly and Ryan’s wedding day. I’m facing away from the camera. It’s actually a great shot of my hair. Wear it like this. I love seeing your beautiful neck is written on the paper. Looking up to the mirror, I wonder how the fuck I’m going to pull it off, but I’ll give it a good go.
My arms are killing by the time I think I’ve managed to achieve something slightly resembling the do I had in the photograph. Who am I kidding? It’s up in a messy bun with a couple of bits hanging around my face; it’s nothing fucking like it, but the clock’s ticking and it’ll have to do.
The dress fits me like a glove, much better than my bridesmaid’s dress. I feel like I’ll still be able to breathe when I sit down.
“Hey,” Dec shouts up the stairs. “You ready?”
“Yeah, hang on,” I shout back as I slide my shoes onto my feet. I take one last look in the mirror to check the state of my hair before I grab my bag and head downstairs.
“Fuck me,” he says as I take the last couple of steps towards him. His eyes frantically run over every inch of me. “I’ve changed my mind. We’re staying in.”
“After I’ve gone to this much effort? I don’t think so.”
“No one else deserves to see this.” My cheeks flush at his words as desire floods my body. I wouldn’t be against having a night in; I’m not all that fussed on sharing him, either, but now he’s mentioned singing, I’m kind of desperate to get up on stage again.
“Come on, caveman. You promised me a night out.”
“Fine, but we can’t go until you’ve redone your lipstick.”
“But it’s fi—” His lips crash down on mine and cut off my argument. His tongue sweeps into my mouth as his arms wrap around my waist and pull me up against his hard body.
I let out a sigh as I eagerly kiss him back, wondering if staying in would be such a bad idea.
When he pulls back, his mouth is covered in my red lipstick and I can’t help but laugh at him. “Suits you.”
“It would look better on my dick,” he calls as I make my way back upstairs to sort myself out.
Shaking my head, I rub the mess off and reapply before going back downstairs and attacking him with a face wipe.
“Finished?” he asks after I’ve been scrubbing at his face for a minute or two.
* * *
“We’ve got a table up the front,” Lilly shouts when we walk towards her at the bar.
Glancing around, I see BJ, a brunette I don’t recognise, and Liam looking up at a guy trying to sing an Ed Sheeran song.
“Go on then, go and put your name down,” Dec encourages.
“You mean you haven’t already done it, like last time?”
“Nope. I didn’t think I’d need to go to those lengths this time.”
I feel his eyes on me as I walk up to the stage. Stopping to look back, I find exactly what I was expecting—his attention solely on me as BJ and Liam look at him like he’s a stranger to them.
We all chat away while I wait for my name to be called. I don’t know whether everyone had been briefed or not, but no one mentions anything to do with cancer, treatment or hospitals. I must admit it’s a relief to have a reprieve from it, and I’m glad Lilly and Dec are able to escape it all.
“How’s he doing?” Lilly asks when we excuse ourselves to the ladies’.
“He’s okay. Now the shock’s worn off and he can see clearly, he seems better.”
“I was so worried about him that night. I was convinced something had happened.”
“Your twindar must have been glitching, thankfully.”
“Things are good with the two of you now?”
“Yeah, really good, actually. I never thought I’d say it, but he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He pushes me, makes me face things I don’t think I’m ready for. I’m a better person because of him.”
“Aw, Nic Nac, that’s so cute,” she says, wiping an imaginary tear from her eye.
“Shut up.”
“Hey,” Dec says, pulling me to him the second I drop down on to the chair next to him. He wraps his hand around the back of my neck and pulls me to him. “I think you’re up next.”
Butterflies explode in my stomach. I can’t wait to get up there. I’ve already planned out the songs I want to sing; they’re much more upbeat than the last time we were here when I was focused on telling Dec how I felt about his little stunt to get me up singing. I want to be hopeful about the future. Yes, we’ve all got some big hurdles to get through, but we’ve got good things in our future, I know it.
I manage to get three songs in before someone else wants a go. My mouth drops when the woman with the mic announces the next performer.
“Declan?” she asks through the sound system, and I watch as he puts his drink down and stands.
He made such a fuss about getting up here last time, I really didn’t think it would ever happen again.
He grabs my hand as he passes me coming off stage, and pulls me back with him. Is he planning a duet?
He stands behind the microphone but makes no effort to allow me to get close enough to join in. I stare at him the entire time, trying to figure out what the hell he’s doing.
I watch as he nods for the music to start, and the moment the first beat fills my ears, my heart swells. He squeezes my hand and goosebumps race across my entire body as he turns to me and begins to sing Kodaline’s The One. My heart pounds in my chest as I eat up every single word he sings directly at me. If I ever needed proof of his feelings for me, this really is it.
I’m gutted when I realise the
song’s coming to an end. I could stand here all night and be serenaded by him. My thoughts are cut off when he takes a step back from the mic stand and drops to the floor. On one knee.
Holy shit.
My hands fly up to cover my mouth, hanging as wide open as it will go. “Oh my god,” I mutter. This can’t be happening.
Silence falls across the entire room as we all wait for what’s going to happen next.
Dec pulls a little black box from behind his back and looks up, his eyes almost as wide as mine, although I’m pretty sure his are with fear.
“Nic…” he starts, but has to clear his throat before he’s able to continue. It doesn’t matter; I can read everything he wants to say in his eyes, and it makes tears sting mine. I fight it the best I can, because I don’t want to be a blubbering mess before he’s even had the chance to say anything.
“Nic, I spent so long trying to believe what I felt for you was hate…” I hear a couple of gasps in the room but I can’t help but smile, because I know exactly what he’s talking about. “But it turns out that need I had to annoy the hell out of you wasn’t because I didn’t like you, it was because I liked you, a little too much, but I had no idea how to deal with it. Then you came marching back into my life and turned it upside down. Everything I thought I wanted was washed away as I realised I’d spent all my life trying to push away the one thing I wanted more than anything else. You.
“I think I’ve loved you since before I knew what it really meant, and I’m tired of fighting it, and I’m hoping you are, too. There’s no one else I want to argue with, or rile up until they want to cause me physical pain, but there’s also no one else I want to curl up in bed with every night and make a future with. That’s what I want, Nic, a future with a house full of our kids and a dog or two.” The picture he paints for me has tears dripping from my jaw. I’m desperate to wipe them away but I don’t want anything to distract me from him right now. “Nicole, will you marry me?”
Falling For Declan (Falling Book 8) Page 24
