by Lisa Swift
‘Smells weird.’
‘It’s tasty, I promise. Try a bit.’
Connor sniffed a forkful suspiciously before putting it in his mouth.
‘Well, lad, how it is?’ his dad asked.
He shrugged. ‘’S’all right.’
Lexie laughed. ‘Don’t worry, Daz. In teenager-speak that’s actually a ringing endorsement.’
‘So where did you go this evening then?’ Daryl asked Connor.
‘Why, aren’t I allowed to go places?’ Connor asked, immediately defensive. ‘Lexie said it was OK.’
‘Of course you’re allowed. I’m just interested, that’s all.’
‘Oli’s,’ Connor muttered, poking at a piece of chicken.
‘That’s one of your gaming friends, right?’
‘Yeah. He’s my best mate.’
‘Have you been gaming tonight?’
He shrugged. ‘No, just… messing about.’
‘Come on, Connor, meet your dad halfway here,’ Lexie said gently. ‘He wants to learn more about you. Your life, your friends, what you like. Talk to him.’
Connor looked up from his food to glare at them.
‘Are you two going to get back together?’ he demanded.
Lexie frowned. ‘Why would you think that, Con?’
‘You were being weird before. Holding hands and that.’
‘We weren’t holding hands and we’re absolutely not going to get back together, no.’
Connor nodded his satisfaction. ‘Good.’
Daryl cast a helpless look at Lexie, who shrugged.
‘Was that a Starbug I spotted in your room?’ he asked Connor, trying a new approach.
‘Oh God, do we have to keep talking?’ Connor was silent for a moment, curling noodles around his fork, before looking up. ‘You don’t know Red Dwarf, do you?’
‘Course I do. It’s a classic of the genre.’
‘That’s what Theo says. He got me Starbug for my birthday. It’s never been removed from the box.’
‘Impressive. What’s your favourite episode then?’
‘Dunno. “Dimension Jump”, maybe.’
‘Can’t beat a bit of Ace Rimmer, eh?’ His dad smiled when Connor stared at him. ‘Thought I was bluffing, did you? Actually, me and Theo used to watch Red Dwarf together. I don’t suppose we were all that different from you and your friend Oli when we were young.’
‘You’re totally different. You weren’t a proper friend to Theo. You made him lose his restaurant and most of his money. Oli wouldn’t do that to me, ever.’
‘Well, there were reasons for that, Connor.’
‘What reasons?’
‘It was… business. It’s not always straightforward.’
‘It must’ve been a bad thing to do for Theo to hate you so much. He likes everyone.’
‘It was bad but… necessary. I did what I did to make sure I could keep supporting you.’
Connor scoffed. ‘Right, so it was my fault.’
‘It wasn’t anyone’s fault, Connor. It just happened.’ He paused. ‘I did handle it badly though. I handled a lot of things badly back then.’
‘Er, yeah you did.’
‘I’m not making any excuses, but I wish you could…’ He sighed and put down his fork. ‘Connor, when your mum died, all the colour went out of the world for me. Everything I thought or saw or did was haunted by this terrible thing I’d seen happen to the person I loved most. I was so angry, for so long. Can you understand that?’
Connor was silent. Lexie stood up and rested a hand on his shoulder.
‘I’m going to leave you and your dad alone to talk, sweetie,’ she said gently.
He looked up at her. ‘I wish you wouldn’t.’
‘I have to, Con. This is important. Just listen to what he has to say, OK? One day you’ll be grateful that you did.’
She kissed the top of his head and left the room with her food.
‘Connor, please hear me out,’ Daryl said, a pleading expression in his eyes. ‘You have to understand that what I saw happen to your mum, it… did things to me. No one expects to lose their wife the way I lost Elise, and suddenly I found myself having to deal with this crippling grief, with being a single dad, and still only in my mid-twenties. And I saw so much of your mum in you, it made it hard for me to… well, I’m not proud of the person I became after it happened. That man I was then, he wasn’t me. Not really.’
Connor stared down into his chow mein.
‘Theo told me losing Mum made you hard.’
‘It made me… cold,’ Daryl admitted. ‘Not because I didn’t care. Because I knew I was in danger of caring too much, letting my emotions spiral out of control. I never used to get angry at the drop of a hat before I lost Elise. The unfairness of what happened, the fact I felt guilty it had been her and not me… it felt like I was on a knife edge, constantly trying to stop myself getting overwhelmed with all these things I was feeling. It felt like… almost like I might lose my mind unless I kept tight control of every emotion. I know that must be hard for you to understand.’
‘So you shut me out.’
‘Not just you, Connor. Everyone. Theo, Lexie, your grandparents, they all tried to help me, but I just threw myself into work and bottled everything up. Told myself it was all for you, as if by making sure you were provided for financially I could convince myself I was doing my duty as your father. It’s only been these last few months, since I started therapy, that I’ve begun to confront everything my grief turned me into.’ He sighed. ‘Connor, I’m sorry. You were a child and you were grieving too, and I wasn’t there for you. I never have been. But I do want to change that.’
‘Why should I believe you?’
‘Son, you’re a young man now, so I’m going to talk to you as one adult to another,’ Daryl said quietly. ‘I know the time’s passed when I could shield you from what’s painful. The truth is…’ He looked down, and for a moment it seemed as though he was struggling against tears. ‘The truth is, it did prey on me, the shooting,’ he said in a choked voice. ‘When I closed my eyes it was your mum’s face I saw, as she was in her last moments. When I slept, the memory of it woke me up, struggling to breathe. I’ve got no excuses – you deserve better than that – but I would like you to try and understand how that must have felt for me.’
Connor was silent, fighting against tears of his own. He’d always tried so hard not to think about how his mum died; never to picture it…
‘You really loved Mum, didn’t you?’ he whispered.
Daryl bowed his head. ‘More than anything in the world.’
‘More than you loved Lexie?’
‘Differently than I loved Lexie. Lexie was… a waste.’
Connor frowned. ‘She’s not a waste. She’s my mum. My other mum.’
‘I mean, it was a waste for me to have met her when I did. My mind was full of Elise, and I couldn’t appreciate the different but equally amazing woman I had in my life then. I loved Lexie, but not as she deserved to be loved, and I regret that.’
Connor looked up to meet his eyes. ‘Dad, can I ask you something?’
‘Of course.’
‘And you’ll tell me the truth? You promise?’
‘I promise. What is it?’
‘Are you here for me or Lexie? I heard you before, talking about it being good for me if you guys got back together.’
Daryl paused for a long moment before he answered.
‘Well, I am here for you,’ he said finally. ‘But as I said, I do regret not having been in a place mentally to make a proper go of things with Lexie. If she told me she wanted to give me another chance, have us be a family again, I wouldn’t say no.’
‘She won’t. She doesn’t feel like that about you any more.’
‘You sound very sure.’ Daryl narrowed one eye. ‘There isn’t anything you and her are keeping from me, is there?’
Connor flushed. ‘No. Like what?’
‘She hasn’t had any boyfriends since I’ve be
en gone?’
‘That’s none of your business.’ He hesitated. ‘She hasn’t though.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Yeah. She says she doesn’t want a boyfriend till I leave home.’
Daryl gave a satisfied nod. ‘That’s a good plan. I approve of that.’
‘She won’t get back with you though, not ever, so I’d leave her alone about it if I were you. You said you were here for me, not her.’
‘That does rather depend on you deciding to talk to me, don’t you think?’
‘We’re talking now, aren’t we?’
Daryl smiled. ‘Well, I’ve talked quite a lot at you, I suppose. What are you feeling then?’
‘I think…’ Connor took a deep breath. ‘I think I understand why Mum getting killed made you weird. But I’m still angry about it. It wasn’t my fault and you made me feel like it was.’
‘Yes, I understand that. Go on.’
‘And for most of my life I felt like you never gave a shit about me.’
‘That isn’t true, Connor.’
‘You didn’t ask what was true, you asked how I felt. Well, that is how I felt. And I think I was right to feel like that when you ignored me all the time and never hugged me or told me you loved me or… or anything. So if you want me to forgive you or whatever then you’ll have to show me you mean it about wanting to be in my life.’
‘That’s all I’m asking for: a chance to prove that.’
‘Right. Then I get to make the rules.’
Daryl frowned. ‘Rules?’
‘Yeah. Rules are: don’t boss me about. Lexie gets to because she earned it but you don’t. Don’t keep going on about working hard at school, like the only thing you care about is whether I do well in my exams. Don’t tease me about girlfriends or try to have cringey sex talks with me because I already know everything I need to know. And leave Lexie alone because she isn’t ever going to get back with you, ever.’
Daryl blinked. ‘That’s a lot of rules.’
‘Well?’
‘OK, if that’s what it takes.’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise.’
He held out a hand, and Connor eyed it warily before deigning to shake it.
Daryl smiled. ‘So come on, is it true you don’t know Monty Python?’
‘Never heard of him.’
‘It’s not a him, it’s a they… look, it’s better if I show you. How about we have a film night tonight, just us boys? You’re in for a treat if you’ve never seen Holy Grail.’
‘Well… we can have a film night, I guess,’ Connor said. ‘But Lexie has to be there. I don’t want it to be just us.’
‘All right, if it’ll make you feel more comfortable.’
‘And can we have popcorn? Theo always brings popcorn.’
‘If you like. I can go to the shop for some.’
‘OK. It doesn’t mean you’re forgiven though.’
‘Well, for now I’ll settle for you not shunning my company,’ Daryl said, smiling. ‘Do I get a hug as well as the handshake? I’d like to start as I mean to go on.’
Connor hesitated. ‘Well… all right. I guess so.’
They stood up, and his dad clapped him on the back as Connor submitted awkwardly to an embrace.
‘It’s good to feel like a dad again,’ Daryl whispered. ‘Thanks for hearing me out, son. I promise you won’t regret it.’
Chapter Thirty-One
The next day was the outcome of months of planning as the village prepared to celebrate the first ever Leyholme 1940s Festival. Lexie was up early and dressed in her waitress uniform, ready to get everything set up at the restaurant. The festival officially began at one, kicking off with a costume parade down the main street.
With all her worry being expended on Connor, Daryl and the drama at home, Lexie had barely had any to spare for the festival, but the nerves hit her in force as she walked into the village. What if hardly anyone came? What if all the time and public money the committee had invested was for nothing – and after it had all been her idea? She wondered if Theo, down in the park setting up the refreshments marquee, was thinking the same.
The Blue Parrot was going to be fighting on two fronts today. A special festival menu of hot food was being served up at the restaurant, while the marquee cafe in the park – run jointly by the Parrot and the Highwayman’s Drop – would be serving cakes and sandwiches, hot drinks and bottled beer. She and Theo had hired a handful of extra servers for the day, with their team on rotation between the marquee and restaurant.
It looked as though the villagers had done their bit to get Leyholme looking the part, anyway, which gave Lexie a glimmer of reassurance. Red, white and blue was everywhere: in the bunting that decked the old Victorian primary school, on the Union Jacks and American flags draped from shop windows. An Austin utility vehicle, swathed in Tonya’s rainbow-coloured bunting, had been parked outside the bakery. Scarecrows in military uniforms formed a guard of honour up to the door of the Mechanics’ Institute, where the village dance society was advertising drop-in sessions teaching jive, swing and the Lindy-Hop.
Tonya was outside the Parrot when Lexie arrived, pinning bunting across the large front window.
‘Morning.’ Lexie glanced down at the grey boiler suit her friend was wearing. ‘What uniform is that? Munitions?’
‘Nope, Holloway Prison. I’ve come as a conscientious objector unfairly imprisoned for her pacifist convictions.’
‘Naturally.’
Tonya finished pinning up the string of bunting and turned to face her. ‘So, have you murdered Daryl and buried him under the patio yet then?’
Lexie laughed. ‘Not yet. Actually, he’s coming along later. Things are going pretty well, considering.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yes, Connor’s finally decided to give him another chance. We had a family film night last night.’
‘And how are you feeling?’
‘It does feel awkward having him in the house, I must admit. Still, I was wondering if I ought to invite him to stay for another week. It seems a shame for him to leave just when him and Connor are getting close.’
‘No temper tantrums?’
‘No, he’s been ever so well-behaved. This therapy he’s having really seems to have made a difference.’ Lexie glanced behind her to make sure no one was in earshot. ‘I am a bit worried though.’
‘About Theo? I don’t suppose he’s very happy about the arrangement.’
‘No, Daryl. Yesterday… well, he seems to be nursing a hope that me and him can try again. Obviously that’s never going to happen, but I’m not sure he was entirely put off when I shut it down.’
‘Hmm. You need to nip that in the bud before you invite him to stay longer, Lexie. He might take that as encouragement.’
‘I know.’ She unlocked the door to the restaurant. ‘Here, come on in. We’ll get sorted out in here while the others are putting up the marquee.’
* * *
The first guests started to appear about half past twelve, ready for the costume parade. By that time, the pavements of the main street were lined with stalls and games run by members of the festival committee and other volunteers. Lexie was chatting to Stevie Madeleine’s wife Deb on the tombola when she felt someone tap her shoulder.
Daryl had appeared behind her. He was wearing an American army captain’s uniform, with Connor beside him looking terribly grown-up in his own GI costume.
Lexie smiled. ‘Aww. Look at you two in your matching outfits.’
‘Can I take this stupid cap off yet?’ Connor asked, rubbing his head.
‘No you can’t,’ Daryl said.
‘Why not?’
‘Because it’ll ruin the whole effect. And because I’m a captain and you’re only a private, and I say so. Now drop and give me twenty.’
Connor looked puzzled, and Lexie laughed.
‘He’s joking, Con.’
‘You’re wearing the thing wrong anyway.’ Daryl reached up to
push Connor’s cap to a more rakish angle. ‘This is how they used to wear them, not sticking straight up like that.’
‘I feel like a right twat,’ Connor muttered.
‘Well you look as cute as a button,’ Lexie said, pinching his cheek. ‘Just think of it as a convention, Con, only with fewer superheroes and more… you know, history.’
Connor glanced across the crowd and groaned. ‘Oh God, Oli’s here. And he’s not in fancy dress. Can’t believe he has to see me like this.’
‘Honestly, sweetie, you look great. Ever so handsome.’ Lexie took out her phone and held it out to Deb. ‘Would you mind? I need a picture of this.’
‘No problem,’ Deb said, smiling.
The three of them clustered together, Connor in the middle with his parents either side, as Deb took the photo.
Lexie glanced in the direction of the park when the brass band who were playing on the bandstand struck up ‘In the Mood’.
‘That’s my cue to get to work,’ she said. ‘You boys go enjoy yourselves. I’ll see you both later.’
‘Sounds good to me,’ Daryl said. ‘What do you think, Con, shall we have a wander? Perhaps you can introduce me to your friend.’
‘Yeah, all right then.’
They disappeared into the now sizeable crowd and Lexie headed in the direction of the park.
There were loads of people out now, many of them in costume, lining the main street in readiness for the procession. Lexie recognised a lot of them from the village, but there were plenty she didn’t know, which was heartening from the Parrot’s point of view.
Nell Shackleton was there, heavily pregnant now in a maternity Land Girl uniform. Her little sister Milly gripped her hand, looking adorable in pigtail plaits and a beret as an evacuee. Ryan Theakston and the other members of his re-enactment group were forming ranks behind a utility vehicle, dressed in full combat gear. There were spivs, French Resistance fighters, Home Guard members, WAAFs, Wrens and ATS girls, nurses, munitions workers, a few Rosie the Riveters; even a Churchill. It was a better turnout than Lexie could ever have hoped for.
Theo was serving cream teas and plates of sandwiches when she joined him in The Victory Cafe, as the refreshments marquee had been christened.
