by Blue Saffire
Is that hope in his voice? His words send a chill through me, and not the good kind. He’s definitely not coming to my place. I roll my eyes. It’s better to get this over with.
“Meet me at the bar by the precinct. We can talk there,” I say.
“I’ll be there.”
No sooner than I hang up, Kevin has my neck cupped in his palm as he kisses me passionately. I’m surprised, but thoroughly turned on. I’m not sure what to think of the kiss.
It’s both possessive and filled with want. My toes curl in my sneakers, and it dawns on me that I’m still in my sweaty leggings and tank top. I must look a mess, but you would never be able to tell that from the way Kevin stares at me.
“I’m calling Shane. He can come get Con. I’ll come with you.”
He pulls his phone from his pocket even as I shake my head. I meant it when I said all of this can’t get in the way of me doing my job. I get that Kevin and his brothers are worried about my safety, but my job is my job.
“No, nope, nope, nope,” I say, shaking my head. “This is work. I’ll be fine. I’m going to see what’s up and then I can head home.”
He works his jaw as he looks down at me. I think he’s probably more handsome when he’s pissed off. I know he doesn’t like this, but he’ll have to get over it. I have work to do, and my fake boyfriend can’t get in the way of that.
I lift on my toes and press my lips to his. “I’ll call you and let you know when I get home.”
A pang in my heart tells me this feels too much like a real relationship. I ignore the feeling as I smile up at him.
“No matter the time,” he replies.
“You got it.”
He narrows his eyes, but I widen my smile and wink at him. Quickly, I get in my vehicle before he changes his mind and tries to protest. Once in the car, it dawns on me how much I’m smiling.
I wipe it off my face and start the car. I chide myself for getting lost in this charade. This isn’t real, nor can it ever be.
The goal is to get the information I need to get out. This…all of this is a recipe for disaster if I don’t reel it in. I can’t keep slipping.
“Keep your head, Dem. You have to keep your head.”
Chapter 14
Warning Bells
Danita
I get to the bar and look around for Detective Harris. I don’t see him at first and start to get pissed. I want a long, hot bath and a nice cold beer. I don’t have time for this shit.
I turn, ready to walk back out and go home, when my name is called across the semi-crowded bar. I turn back around and find Harris waving from a booth in the back corner. I growl as I realize the position this is about to put me in.
“Carajo. This motherfu—” I stifle my words and my temper.
Starting for the back of the bar, I tell myself this will be quick. I nod at a few officers I know. Their faces are lit with curious gazes. With each step, I feel like someone has tied weights to my feet.
In this moment, I’d rather be anywhere but here. I’m suddenly glad I’m still in my sweaty workout clothes. I didn’t bother to stop home to change or shower.
“I ordered some wings and those pretzel bites you always get,” Harris says as I sit.
I scrunch up my face, not sure how I feel about him knowing what I always order. However, I brush it off and reach for the file on the table. He covers my hand.
“We have time to get to that,” he says with a smile. “It’s not often I get to have you to myself.”
“Okay, first, I’m here for this case and this case only. Second, I’ve had a long day. After I see what you have to show me, I’m going home and climbing in my bed.”
“You don’t have to do that alone,” he says and gives me that smile that he truly thinks is sexy.
“Oh, yes, I do,” I say and snatch my hand and the file from his grasp.
I start to look through it angrily. I’m not surprised by the sexual harassment behind the blue wall. It’s something women officers face daily. However, I am disgusted that it’s so effortless and blatant. Almost like a sense of entitlement.
“What’s the deal? Are you seeing someone?”
I look up from the file and glare at him. He has the audacity to have disdain in his voice as if my dating offends him somehow. I think of Kevin, and I’ve never wanted to say I have a boyfriend more.
“Actually, I am,” I bite out.
He sits back in his seat, a sour look on his face. I close the file and pick it up to leave. We don’t need to continue whatever this is.
“I’m calling it a night. I’ll see you in the morning. We can follow up on this lead then,” I say and head for the door.
I’m officially done here.
* * *
Kevin
My phone rings and I grin. I wasn’t sure she would call. I saw the change in her body language after she got into her car.
She’s still fighting us. Before today, I might have been fine with that. However, after spending the day with her and Con, I know I’m not okay with it at all.
We fit.
“Are you home?”
“Hello to you too.” She laughs. “Yes, I just walked in. I’m kicking off my shoes and heading for a bath.”
Her dog barks in the background. I’m sure he’s happy to see her. A smile spreads across my face.
“Next time you should bring Sunny along. He can run in the backyard and stretch his legs,” I say.
“He gets to stretch his legs here. I have a yard.”
“Don’t sound so offended. I’m not calling you a bad mum. My yard is probably bigger than yours. He’ll have more room to spread out and enjoy.”
“So now you’re saying my yard is too small.”
I chuckle, hearing the humor in her voice. “That’s not what I meant, but okay. Whatever you say, love.”
Sunny is now barking somewhere in the distance. The sound of running water greets me this time. I close my eyes, calling up the memory of her naked body.
I should probably end this call. I’m only torturing myself, but I can’t let go. Today was too real to me. The subtle touches she allowed, the heated kisses I stole, the look in her eyes after every kiss.
“Are you a bubble bath kind of girl?”
She doesn’t answer right away. I smile as I hear the splash of water as if she’s gotten into the tub. What I’d give to be there with her, to have her in my arms.
“Honestly, I love bubble bath, but I can’t remember the last time I got to go buy some. I know I can order online, but there are some things you want the experience of, you know?”
“Yeah, like buying a book,” I reply.
“Exactly,” she exclaims. “I love having access to my Kindle. Still, there’s something about walking into the store and the sight of all the books on the shelves. The smell of the pages and the quiet that promises to tell you so many stories.
“It’s the same with the experience of buying bubble bath. I want to go through the scents and explore my options. See the state of mind they’ll put me in.”
“You know you’ve made me want to take you to a bookstore and some type of bath and body shop all at once.”
She releases an adorable snicker. I love that she has this tough side, but I’ve seen a softer side of her on a few occasions. I don’t think that’s something she allows with just anyone.
“I loved bookstores and shopping when I was younger. I don’t much think about stuff like that now,” she says.
The sound of the water splashing as she moves about has helped me to form a full picture of her. Wet breasts, those gorgeous thighs glistening from the water, her small foot lifting out of the tub to tease me with her painted toes. I shake my head clear.
“Danita?”
“Yes?”
“I’m going to go, love. My
thoughts have gone far from the bookstore.”
There’s a momentary pause. “Yeah, okay. That’s for the best.”
“I’ll be around tomorrow. You won’t see me, but I’ll be there. Good night, love. Enjoy your bath.”
“Good night.”
Chapter 15
Just Friends
Danita
I drag my tired bones into my apartment and start to peel out of my clothes. It’s been a long day. I don’t know what’s worse: all the paperwork from closing two cases or all the work that went into the two arrests?
The squad wanted to go out and celebrate, but I dipped out before they could corner me. Between the awkward meeting with Harris last night and plain exhaustion, I knew I wouldn’t make it through a single beer, much less through the lengthy celebration I know the guys are capable of.
“Hey, boy. Cut all that noise,” I say to Sunny as he runs for the door barking.
He wags his tail excitedly. The doorbell rings seconds after Sunny reaches the door. It’s then I remember the man I’ve forced myself not to think about all day.
There was something last night about the way he told me he’d be there although I wouldn’t see him. His words were like a blanket that covered me. It was a reassurance I didn’t know I needed.
Tugging my shirt back over my head, I move to the door to answer. When I open it, Kevin is on my doorstep in all his glory. God, this man is gorgeous. The smile on his face says he knows it too.
His black T-shirt molds to his body perfectly. I swear I can see his abs right through it. The blue jeans he has on wrap his long legs lovingly, showing off strong thighs and a nice package.
Yup, I’m tired. My thoughts are proving it. I step back and allow him to walk in.
He moves inside, stopping to dip his head and drop a kiss on my lips. It feels so right, but with no one here to put a show on for, I know it’s wrong. Or at least that’s what I try to tell myself.
I close the door as Kevin steps into my kitchen. “I’ll get dinner heated. You can shower and relax,” he says as he busies himself, getting to know my place.
I smile and cross my arms over my chest. “I just walked in. How do you have dinner already? Weren’t you keeping an eye on me?”
He looks up with a smile. “I had Shane pick it up from the Golden Clover and drop it off to me.”
I tilt my head. “How did you know when I’d be done?”
“Ah, you’re asking for my secrets. I can’t give them away,” he says and winks.
I shake my head. “I’ll be back in a few.”
Sunny plops down at Kevin’s feet like he’s an old friend. I roll my eyes. Traitor. When Kevin pulls a bone from one of the bags, I can’t help the face-splitting smile that comes to my lips.
I have to force myself away from the sight. He kept his word. I try not to smile so hard as I make my way into my room to shower.
As I strip down, I think of how I used to want to be in a relationship where I could come home to someone. That was before, before I took on this assignment, before I got trapped with no way out. Now, I know that will never happen, not as long as I’m stuck living a lie.
Lies I’m starting to believe for myself. It’s getting harder to maintain the differences between Danita and Demaris. I’m starting to feel as though with each day, I’m at risk of never getting out, never getting to live the life I want.
Hold on, Dem. Eric promised you he’d get you out. You have to keep hope that he had a plan.
Tears start to build, but I fight them back. I have to stay strong. If Eric isn’t out there, I’ll figure this out. One way or another, I’ll get out. Then I can cross that bridge of finding myself again once this is all over.
With my thoughts still jumbled, I climb into the shower. I haven’t been this overwhelmed and emotional in such a long time. I haven’t had the time to be. I’ve had to look out for myself and try to figure things out.
“Pull it together,” I chide and rein it in while washing the day away. I can’t fall apart at this stage in the game. I have to keep hope.
Once out of the shower, I tug on a pair of sweat shorts and a T-shirt. Sunny barks from the kitchen and I remember that I should put a bra on. I’m not home alone tonight.
It feels strange, but brings a smile to my face as I walk out of my bedroom and I’m hit with the aromas of something delicious-smelling. My mouth waters and I remember that I only had a banana and smoothie for lunch. The closer I get to the kitchen, the more my stomach starts to growl.
“That smells so good,” I say as I stop at the kitchen counter. “What is it?”
“Irish stew and potato cakes,” he says.
“They’re called boxty, right?”
A huge smile covers his face as curiosity fills his eyes. I shrug and take the bowl and plate he offers me. We both move toward my small dining table.
“Aye, that would be right. Where’d you learn that?”
“When I was younger, I wanted to travel. I’d look up random facts and things to try when I got there. Ireland was on my list.”
“I’ll have to take you someday,” he says and winks at me.
I actually flush. I’m surprised at myself as I feel the heat in my cheeks. He chuckles, but doesn’t say anything as he begins to dig into his food. I tell myself he doesn’t pick up on the change in hue of my skin. That might be me hoping so more than anything.
“Mmm, this is so good,” I exclaim as I take my first bite.
“It’s Ma’s recipe. My mum has always been a great cook.”
I nod and take another bite, this time trying the boxty with the stew. I can’t hold back the moans and groans. Kevin smiles across the table at me, a heated look right beneath the surface.
I clear my throat. “You mentioned the Golden Clover. That’s your family’s business, right?”
“Aye, my father started the pub and expanded when my mum wanted a restaurant of her own.”
I smile. “I remember the sweet stories you told me about them. Man, you would think that night was a week. I can’t believe the things I still remember.” I chuckle.
“I remember everything from the night. I’ve thought about it from time to time.”
I drop my eyes back to the bowl before me and fidget in my seat. Heated memories of that night assault me. It’s as if I still can feel his strong hands grasping my thighs.
“Any progress with Conroy?”
He releases a heavy sigh. “Not yet. We were all at Quinn’s this morning. I wasn’t able to get much from him. Things took a turn, and we had to mobilize.”
“Anything I should know about?”
“No, we’re taking care of it.”
I get a little frustrated. “Taking care of what?”
He’s silent for a few beats. “Alicia Rhodes, the woman my brother is seeing, is a friend of Erin’s. Until we settle all of this, we want to keep an eye on everyone close to the family. I’m watching over you and now Alicia has someone looking after her.”
He goes back to eating, and I know it’s the end of this conversation. My heart twists. I’ve gotten yet another person involved in my mess. How did I go from Eric telling me to tell no one because it could be life or death, to sharing information with Cal and putting everyone’s life in danger?
I try to think of something to distract my thoughts and to lighten the mood. I swallow another bite as my mind races. I settle on something I believe to be safe.
“It looks like the firm has been sustaining. You were concerned about that. You guys have been doing really well from what Cal said.” He lifts a questioning brow. “We spent a lot of time together. I’ve always gotten the impression that you guys mean a lot to him. Almost like he looks up to you and the other two, and Shane is his best friend, right?”
Kevin nods. “We give him shit, but he’s family. I think he gets hims
elf into this crap because he’s always trying to prove something or please others. I get it. He grew up tough. I think my family was a saving grace for him. He can be a stook, but he means well.”
I place my spoon down and smooth my hands across the top of the table, beside my bowl and plate. It’s as if a knife twists inside me. I’ve been blaming myself for what happened to Cal since I heard.
It’s all piling up, and I’m feeling the weight press down on me. First Cal and his wife. Now this is affecting others. My chest grows tight.
“I was so desperate for help. You know? I never should have let him get involved. Now, in hindsight, I can see all the times he was unfocused and prone to making mistakes,” I say in almost a whisper. “He was a good cop when he was on the force. He was one of the nice ones.”
“Hey, Cal would have found his way into trouble no matter what, love. It’s his MO. I don’t know the depth of what you have going on, but if he was willing to get involved, I know it was for something worth it.
“Cal is always willing to help the underdog. That’s what blinds him. He forgets to be cautious because he wants to help the person so much,” he tries to reassure me.
This time, the tears do spill over. I swipe at them quickly. Kevin stands and rounds the small table.
He pulls me into his arms, and I sag into his embrace. For the first time in years, I allow myself to break down. I allow myself to feel.
* * *
Kevin
“Shh, baby. Shh,” I coo in her ear. “None of this is your fault.”
“Bullshit.” She sniffles. “It’s all because of me.”
I pull back. “What aren’t you telling me?”
She pulls away, shaking her head. “This was a bad idea. Thanks for the food. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Oh, no you don’t. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. Let’s finish our dinner, and we’ll watch some TV.” I reach to tug her back into my arms. “I think you need a friend more than anything. That’s what I’m here for.”
It’s the truth. I’ve been watching Danita, and I think she could use a friend or two. For now, I’ll be that for her.
