by Blue Saffire
Trust me, I’m not complaining at all. Not when it comes to being satisfied. However, these feelings and all I have on my plate need to be handled with care.
“What are you doing, Dem?” I say to the mirror.
I wish I could give myself an answer. The level of guilt I had when Kevin introduced me to his parents as Danita, his girlfriend, was so intense, it felt like it would crush my windpipe. This all feels so wrong.
I shake my hands out and head back out into the bar. When I look for Kevin and his two brothers at the bar, they’re gone. I start for the back room in the restaurant where we were when we first arrived. Kevin is right outside the doorway, with his head bent over his phone as I make my way to him.
He lifts his head and his eyes light up as they fix on me. He places a hand on the small of my back and draws me into him. I don’t have time to protest the kiss he places on my lips.
“What happened to dialing it down in public?”
He snorts. “That was your naff idea. I never agreed to it.”
“Naff?”
He gives me a pointed look. “Stupid,” he says, his accent in place, showing his annoyance.
“It’s not a stupid idea. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.”
He gives me that look again. “The point is for everyone to get that idea, love.”
Okay, he’s right, but I’m trying to keep a grasp on my sanity here. I don’t know what the future holds for me. I need to put the brakes on what’s happening between us somehow.
He brushes my cheek and butterflies take off in my stomach. I have no idea why that simple gesture always gets to me, and I swear he does it because he knows. I close my eyes and bask in his touch.
“Do me a favor. Stop overthinking things with me. Use your gut, follow what it tells you about us.”
“Are you so sure my gut will lead me to what you want?” I say.
“I’m positive.” He says the words with so much conviction, I open my eyes and look up at him.
He gives me a sexy smile and lifts my hand to his lips. “Come on, Quinn and Alicia are here. We should join everyone else.”
“Tea will be served now that everyone is here,” Renny, Kevin’s mother, calls as we enter the room.
Kevin leads me over to Quinn and his cute little girlfriend. She’s pretty and curvy—a few shades lighter than me and a bit shorter. I lift a brow as I realize she’s African American as well. It brings to mind a friend once telling me that she had no shortage of interest when she took a tour of Ireland and Scotland.
Okay now.
“Alicia, meet my girlfriend, Danita,” Kevin says. I don’t miss the taunting in his voice.
I scowl up at him. We just had this conversation. I want to strangle him. For one, it stings to hear him introduce me as Danita. A part of me gets angry that he can’t introduce me as Demaris—and doesn’t have a clue that it’s my name in the first place.
Then there’s the fact that I don’t know what it is about him calling me his girlfriend, but it makes my heart skip a beat. Trying to keep anyone else from seeing it, I elbow him for being an ass.
He keeps that smile on his face as if I haven’t touched him. Alicia holds her hand out to me, drawing my attention away from Kevin. It’s a good thing because I might lose my temper with him, and I know he doesn’t deserve it. It’s not his fault that I’m warring with my shitty life.
“Hi, I’m Alicia,” she says as we shake.
“Nice to meet you,” I say, then turn to Kevin. “Boyfriend, can we talk?”
“After dinner, love,” Kevin says, turning to walk away.
Oh no, he doesn’t. I meant it when I said we should dial it down. I follow after him, grumbling under my breath. Catching him by his arm, I halt him before he can get close to anyone else.
“I meant what I said,” I say.
“You’ve said a lot. So, you’ll have to tell me what you’re talking about.”
I purse my lips and frown up at him. Releasing his arm, I throw my hands up in the air. He folds his arms over his chest.
“I’m not your girlfriend. Stop introducing me to people as such,” I say.
He makes a sound in the back of his throat and glares at me. “Are you serious?”
“Do I look serious?”
He looks around, there are quite a few eyes are on us. Grabbing my hand, he quickly leads us to a little alcove out of sight. “First, let’s get this straight. I”—he points to his chest—“belong to you. I’m your man.” He points to my chest. “Which makes you mine. Since I haven’t put a ring on your finger yet, that would make you my girlfriend.
“It’s a pretty easy concept, love. You share your bed with me. I’m yours and you’re mine. Second, the entire point is to make everyone believe we are dating, for your safety.” He steps up to me, cups my neck, and leans in, his breath fanning my lips. “I plan to keep this same energy because this is what it looks like to be mine.”
With that, he kisses me. I swallow my argument. Not because of the kiss, but because I’m not making sense. Not to me and not to our cause. The only reason I’m truly upset is because I want to be his, I want this to be real with everything that I am.
“Oh, come on, Uncle Kev. Get a room.”
Kevin chuckles as he breaks the kiss. “Ya wait until ya get ya a little girlfriend, Con. I’m going to make ya pay for that one.”
“The ladies love me. I can’t just pick one,” Con says cockily.
I snicker and turn to find the teen looking at us in our hiding place. “He’s so much like you.” Kevin wraps an arm around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. “And by the way, keep this same energy? Really?”
He shrugs. Yup, Kevin would totally be my type if I had the freedom to date and fall in love. However, with Graves’s words of caution and the incident this morning, I know I don’t have this luxury. Eric’s warning rings in my ears.
I shouldn’t get involved with anyone. The knowledge of Cal being in a hospital bed because I didn’t heed Eric’s words sends an ache through me. I look over at Erin, and I know I need to cut this off and soon.
Too bad you’re already in love and he’s not going to make this easy.
* * *
I watch Kevin with his brothers and smile. I’m not going to head over there. I’m only observing. This is one tight-knit family. It reminds me of my own.
My brothers are overprotective and loving. While all in law enforcement, they were pissed as hell to learn I’d entered the training academy for the FBI.
Diego, my middle brother, warned me about this life. I look down at my feet. It’s the one time I should have listened.
“Hey, Detective Moralez,” Conroy says, drawing my attention.
I had gone to the bathroom and was heading back to the room we all had dinner in until the guys caught my attention. As I turn to Con, I notice Alicia sitting with Renny and Teagon, Renny and Kevin’s dad. A pang hits my chest.
They’ve taken us both in tonight. However, it doesn’t feel right because I’m not being true to who I am. They don’t know me. I don’t belong here.
“What’s up, kid?”
“I was thinking about asking Uncle Kevin if we can hang out again once he moves back into the house. He said it’s ready.”
“Sure, I’d like that. We can get more footage of me kicking his butt on the court.”
The smile that takes over his handsome face almost makes me laugh. He nods. “Yeah, or we can invite my other uncles this time and they can see it for themselves,” he says excitedly.
“I’m there.”
His eyes grow distant for a moment. I hold my breath and say a prayer that he’s ready to talk. He’s been opening up to my presence more and more all night.
“Did you know my dad when he was a cop?”
“I did. Not well, but I did know
him. We became close after,” I reply. “I know he was a good cop.”
He beams, his chest seeming to swell with pride. He opens his mouth as if he’s going to say more, but stops as his eyes lock on something behind me. I turn to see Mckenna talking to one of the younger staff members who’s clearing a table. He’s a tall lanky blond.
I don’t blame her for the dreamy-eyed look she’s giving the boy. He’s cute and looks like he knows it. She flips her hair and giggles at whatever the boy has said.
“She’s so boy crazy. None of them are good enough for her,” Conroy says angrily.
I turn back to him. Remembering the time when my brothers were just like him, I smile. I can’t help wondering what they would think of Kevin. My oldest brother Emilio is a lot like Kevin; I think they would get along.
He would probably butt heads a little with Diego, but I still think they would vibe. Joaquin is the most easy-going of the three, but he’s the most protective. I can’t say how he would respond to Kevin. In Jo-jo’s eyes, I should never date or marry. I should remain his virgin baby sister. I have news for him.
“She’s a pretty girl. I’m sure the boys are into her as much as she’s into them,” I reply to Conroy.
“Yeah, that’s the problem. Hey, I’ll catch you later.”
Before I can caution him to allow his sister to be a teenage girl, he’s headed over to her and the guy that has a piece of her hair wrapped around his finger. I smile and shake my head.
Glancing at my watch, I see it’s getting late. I think it’s time I call it a night. Instead of starting for the back room, I walk over to let Kevin know I’m going home.
I didn’t ride with him, so he’ll probably insist on following me out to ensure I make it home safely. When I stop at his side, he reaches for my waist and pulls me into him. I almost lose myself and lean in to kiss him.
“I’m going to head home,” I say.
He leans into my ear. “Come stay the night with me.” He searches my eyes when he pulls back.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m going to take a night to think to myself.”
He frowns and turns to his brothers to excuse himself, then leads me away from their table. Once in a corner by ourselves, he cups my cheek. Again, he takes his time appraising my face as if he can find all the answers there.
“You’re pulling away.” It’s a statement not a question.
“I’m going home to get some sleep and sort out my thoughts. You and I know that’s not going to happen if we’re together.”
He’s silent for a moment. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a set of keys. I eye them with curiosity.
“I have a key to your place. I thought it only fair that I make you copies for mine. The smaller ring is for the apartment. The larger one is for the house. I’ll give you your space tonight, but if you change your mind…my door is always open to you,” he finishes.
My phone rings as he says his last word. I pull it out and groan when I see it’s Harris. His timing is complete shit.
I connect the call. “Hello.”
“Serg wants you in on this one. Where are you? I’ll pick you up,” Harris replies.
“Text me the address. I’ll meet you there.”
There’s a pause for a few seconds. “Yeah, all right.”
He ends the call, leaving me grumbling to myself. I look up at Kevin, and he’s watching me closely. I reach to brush his hair off his forehead.
“I’ll call you when I get home.”
“I’m coming with you.”
I shake my head. “Enjoy your family. It’s work. I’ll text you when I’m headed home and call once I’m there. We’ll talk then. I think we have a few things to sort out.”
He thins his lips, but he doesn’t protest, which lets me know he’s pretty upset. I remind myself that I need to start putting this space between us. Kissing my forehead, he hands me the keys.
“Be safe, love.”
Chapter 23
The Ones We Love
Danita
Things like this make me so sad. Look at her. She’s so young and had her entire future ahead of her. Now, her life is gone, and she has a needle sticking out of her arm.
“Why, Mommy?” I whisper as I squat beside her. “You had a whole life to live.”
The party stopped here for her. Inside an abandoned warehouse at a rave. She’s so pretty with her strawberry-blond hair and tanned skin. With her eyes closed, she could be Mckenna.
This girl is only a few years older than the twins. I’m guessing she’s no older than twenty, maybe twenty-two. We’ve been getting a lot of these calls. It’s pissing me off. The gangs are selling some new shit that’s too pure.
What boils my blood is that I know for a fact the supposed good guys have a hand in this somehow. I glance down at the girl’s hand and find an engagement ring on her finger. My jaw clenches.
She has someone who loves her, someone waiting for her to come home, and she made the choice to be here. To lose it all like this. I can’t help but wonder if I’ve hurt my family with my choices the way she has tonight.
“What’s with the attitude? Blackhart not getting the job done?” Harris says over my shoulder.
I turn my head to glare at him. He’s been getting on my nerves since I’ve arrived. This isn’t his first comment about Kevin. Honestly, I’m on the verge of losing it.
Between the look on Kevin’s face when I left, this young girl lying before me, and the crap coming out of this asshole’s mouth every five seconds, I swear I’m about to hit the roof. Standing, I turn around fully. I place my hands on my hips and glare at Harris.
“This would work so much better if you would do your part instead of hovering over me,” I say.
“View’s better over here. Besides, you smell nice. How about we forget all this bullshit and head back to my place?” he says with that smug grin of his.
I press my hands to my temples. My head feels like it’s ready to explode. I drop my hands and look up at him, tilting my head to the side to see if maybe I’m the one with the comprehension problem. I’ve been a straight-A student all my life, but I tend to have my dunce moments in the practical world.
Okay, lies.
I don’t do stupid, so stupidity goes over my head. Therefore, this shit right here has missed me on so many levels, I might be the one who’s confused. I narrow my eyes.
Harris is not a slow man. He’s actually not a half-bad detective when he does his freaking job. This is purely his lack of give-a-fuck when it comes to rules, other people’s feelings, and the fact that someone might not be attracted to him.
“I’m going to break this down for you real slow. I. Don’t. Want. You. Not today, not tomorrow, and no time in the future. It’s never going to happen. We will never be a thing. I’m not dropping my drawers for you. I’m not getting on my knees for you or any of the other things you’ve suggested repeatedly that I’ve turned down,” I hiss.
“You act as if I haven’t offered to take you to dinner first,” he says smugly.
I growl. Seriously growl in frustration. This motherfu—
Calm down, Demaris. Do not lose your cool on this nut.
My emotions are already all over the place. Kevin handing me those keys was a big deal. I haven’t had time to process that. I don’t know why I gave him a key to mine. I was in a rush to get to work after we’d spent the morning in bed together. I hadn’t had time to feed or walk Sunny. Kevin offered to do both and catch up with me.
I was in a cloud from our first night together and relishing the lingering soreness of our love making. Okay, I was dickmatized. I handed over the spare key without a second thought.
Not like my heavy thoughts tonight. Kevin asked me to move in with him before giving me his keys. I said no, but the metal in my pocket is weighing down my entire being. With all of
that riding my thoughts, I don’t think I have it in me to hold on to my sanity for too long.
Then there’s this girl. Her lifeless body has placed a spotlight on my life. My decisions always hurt the people I love.
Yes, there is a dealer who sold drugs to the partygoers who packed this place earlier, but this girl made choices that led to this path. Ultimately, she sealed her fate. I’m doing the same every day. Making choices, hurting people—it doesn’t matter that there are bad guys I want and need to put away.
How many people who love me have to suffer along the way? I think of Kevin. Can he love me the way I’ve fallen in love with him? I’ll never know as long as I continue to choose to push him away.
“Fuck off, Harris,” I grumble and turn back to doing my job.
“What…you too good for me? Is that why you’ll spread your legs for him and not for me? Or is it the money? I’m not a million-dollar Sherlock Holmes so I’m shit on your shoe?”
I whirl back around on him. “What business is it of yours who I sleep with? Furthermore, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Kevin and his brother thought they were something special when they were on the force. Then they went and started that fancy investigation and security firm with their high-profile clients, and now we’re all supposed to kiss their asses. Bite me.”
I squint at Harris. That green-eyed monster is seething as it shows its head. I know that Kevin has high-profile clients, but I’ve never thought about the kind of money he makes. Actually, when I think about it, his home is in a very nice neighborhood, and it’s a really nice house on at least a half an acre from what I can tell.
If I’m honest, Cal’s house is pretty nice too. I know for a fact his neighborhood can be very pricey. Cal has told me that they do well. However, it never dawned on me how well.
“If it bothers you that much, I think they’re hiring,” I tease, just to be a bitch.
“Yeah, we’ll see who gets the last laugh.”
