by Eric Vall
“Whaddaya think they’re gonna do back there?” Kevin asked suggestively. “Sexy pillow fight?”
“She’s beautiful,” I whispered.
“Uhh, yeah,” my friend laughed. “Don’t worry though, I made a good impression last night. She’s easy to talk to.”
“I wonder why she didn’t wear her uniform?” I pondered aloud.
“Come to think of it,” my coworker said as he rapped on his chin, “I’m like, eighty percent sure that was the exact same outfit she was wearing when she came in yesterday. Maybe she’s homeless?”
“Homeless people definitely don’t look like that,” I snorted. “At least, none of the ones I’ve ever seen do.”
“Maybe she was just in a rush to get out the door this morning?” Kevin continued. “I know I’ve definitely come to work in the same clothes I’ve slept in before.”
I raised my eyebrow and gave him a look of disgust.
“What?” he said defensively. “I’d already worn these things for an eight-hour shift, and I’m wearing them today for another one. What’s a few more hours gonna do to ‘em?”
“Don’t you have another pair?” I laughed.
“Of course I do,” Kevin chuckled, “I’m not a heathen.”
Just then, our first customer of the day arrived. He was a scrawny-looking guy who had to be in his mid-to-late thirties, and he was wearing a pair of cargo shorts and a vertical-striped polo. His hair was brown and receding, and the coke-bottle glasses on his nose tied his whole look together.
Kevin and I glanced at each other and rolled our eyes.
“Ten bucks says he’s gonna pre-order the next Warbro game,” Kevin offered.
“Nah,” I shot back with a coy smile. “He definitely doesn’t look like a gamer. I bet he came here because he found out we’re the only store in town that has the complete series of Quantum Leap on Blu-ray.”
“Hey now,” Kevin warned, “that show defined the nineties.”
“I guess I’ll go talk to him.” I shrugged. “Wish me luck.”
Then I ambled over toward the man in the glasses, who was now fiddling around with the newest model of cell phone.
“Welcome to Carmichael’s!” I greeted him with the most enthusiasm I could muster for six in the morning. “My name’s Tony, and I’d be glad to help you today. Is there anything in particular you’re looking for?”
“Actually, uh, yes,” the man half-mumbled. “The wife and I are headed up to Canada next week, and she wanted me to come find a new camera so we could document our little family adventure. Preferably something with, uh, some pizazz. She really likes to show off our travels to all of our friends, so something with a high resolution and simple functionality would be, uh, splendid.”
Jesus, was I going to be this lame in ten years?
“I have to admit,” I sighed, “cameras are not my specialty. I’m more into games and computers and all that stuff. But I can go find you somebody who’s an expert. It’s the Carmichael’s guarantee!”
I quickly scuffled off back to Kevin.
“Hey, how much do you know about cameras?” I asked him hopefully. “That guy over there is looking for something that’ll take nice pictures and that’s ‘user friendly.’ I could probably bullshit my way through, but he seems like the kinda person who will come back in and bitch to the manager if he doesn’t get exactly what he wants.”
“Let me be real with you, Tony,” Kevin started, “I don’t think I’ve used a physical camera in years. I always just use the app on my phone. On this one, I’m about as worthless as a pair of shoes to a parapalegic.”
“Well shit,” I sighed. “I guess I’ll have to look up some reviews on the different cameras and then pretend those are my honest to God opinions.”
“Actually,” Kevin muttered in surprise, “I don’t think you’ll have to do anything. The new girl’s got this one.”
I turned around and saw Hannah had returned, and she’d swapped out her wife beater and shorts for the standard Carmichael’s uniform.
Renee must have had an extra one in the back or something.
The customer was pleading his case to the blonde woman, who herself stood there with her arms folded over her chest.
Kevin and I inched closer to the scene so we could hear the exchange as we pretended to shuffle items on the shelf nonchalantly.
“Is this one any good?” the man in the coke-bottle glasses asked hopefully.
“Let me look,” Hannah said in a soft, almost robotic tone.
There was a long pause, and then the newbie spoke back up.
“It has a full-frame CMOS sensor and EXPEED 5 image processing,” she explained. “By this timeframe’s standards, it is quite good.”
There was another short pause, followed by the man letting out a long, annoyed exhale.
“But does it take good pictures?” he asked.
“It has a forty-five point four megapixel resolution,” Hannah continued.
“Is that, uh, good?” the man asked back, completely clueless. “Orrrr--”
“For today’s standards, yes,” the newbie replied, and it seemed like a bit of annoyance had entered her voice.
“But is it user friendly?” the customer continued. “Like, is it easy to use? My wife and I aren’t exactly the, uh, greatest techies out there, if ya get my drift.”
“I don’t see what the user has to do with any of this,” Hannah said. “This device has the best circuitry and processing power of any camera in this lineup. It’s circuit boards were built in Singapore, out of gold that came from African mines.”
“Okaaaaayyy,” the man sighed, “but I don’t need all the fancy bells and whistles. I just want a camera that looks good and that’s easy to use. Like, do I need to be a rocket scientist to take pictures?”
“You are no rocket scientist,” Hannah replied in a deadpan tone.
“No, I’m, uh, not,” the man chuckled to himself. “That’s why I don’t want something that’s complicated to use.”
“This is the best one in this lineup,” the blonde woman repeated. “Now, are you going to exchange your currency for this piece of plastic and circuitry, or not?”
“Don’t you have any more, uhhhhh, affordable models?” the customer whistled. “I don’t think the wife would be too happy if I dropped two-thousand dollars on a camera.”
“What do you mean, ‘affordable?’” Hannah’s voice was now in a deep growl. “You asked for the best machine, and I identified it for you.”
“It definitely doesn’t sound like she’s cut out for retail, Tony,” Kevin whispered as quietly as he could.
Suddenly, Hannah froze. Then she whipped her head around in our direction, but Kevin and I both ducked down so we were out of her line of sight. A long, tense silence followed, until it was finally broken by the man with the coke bottle glasses.
“Do you have any cameras in the two-hundred range?” he begged. “I know that’s a huge difference in price, but--”
“Stop talking, or I’ll slit your throat right here and now,” Hannah growled.
Kevin and I looked at each other, wide-eyed and in shock. He mouthed a “what the fuck” silently as we waited for the next part of the scene to unfold, but there was nothing but stunned silence.
“Uh, excuse me?” the man demanded. “Where is your manager, young lady? I’d like to file a gosh-darn complaint.”
I heard the man let out a gasp of surprise and then begin to groan in pain.
“One more word out of you,” Hannah warned, “and you’ll have to take all of your pictures with a broken wrist. Now, you’re going to take that device up to the register, you’re going to give them your currency, and then you’re going to leave without incident, or I will destroy you. Do you understand, human?”
The man let out a muffled “mhmm,” and then I heard him scuffle off like a mouse trying to escape a viper.
“I bet she thinks we make commission, too,” Kevin whispered.
“Hello, K
evin,” Hannah’s voice announced from behind the shelf and caused the both of us to nearly jump out of our skin.
“Oh hey, Hannah,” Kevin chuckled awkwardly as we stood from our hunched positions. “We were just, uhhhh, rearranging the shelves! You do know we don’t make commission, right?”
I elbowed my friend in the side, but he didn’t seem to get the hint. I had no idea what the fuck I’d just witnessed, but I figured Hannah definitely wasn’t going to take too kindly to somebody spying on her.
“Is this Tony Amin?” she asked as she glanced at me with a raised eyebrow.
“Sure as shootin’ is!” Kevin grinned and slapped me on the back. “Tony, this is Hannah. Hannah, this is Tony. Not to brag, but my friend here’s a legend of the gaming world. He’s got a whole fan club and everything.”
“Really?” the platinum blonde woman asked through pursed lips.
She may have just gone all Patrick Bateman on that guy back there, but Hannah was still ridiculously beautiful. The Carmichael’s uniform was actually quite flattering on her. The button-down shirt was pressed up tightly against her chest, and the button between her breasts looked like it was holding on by a thread. The collar framed her tan, slender neck like a piece of art, and her pearly whites almost made me melt.
It was actually a bit hard to look at her. She was just so perfect.
“Uhhh, nice to meet you,” I said as I held out my hand to shake. “Kevin is exaggerating a bit. My streaming career is still budding, but I’m hoping I can make it my full-time job some day.”
“Interesting,” she said as she glanced down at my hand. Her blue eyes were cold, and she didn’t seem to blink at all.
Finally, she reached out, wrapped her fingers around mine, and squeezed.
“Wow,” I said as I cleared my throat a bit. “That’s quite a grip you have there.”
“Yes,” she answered as a weird smile spread across her full lips. “Tell me, Tony, do you have a mate?”
“Uhhh, mate?” I asked as the pressure of her grip increased. Holy shit, she didn’t look that strong, but my fingers were starting to go numb.
“Yes,” she replied. “A female you inseminate.”
“Inseminate?” Kevin chuckled. “You mean like a girlfriend?”
“I’m not dating anyone right now, uhhh, if that’s what you mean.” I started to shake my hand and wiggle my fingers as a clue for her to let go, but Hanna just stared into my eyes.
“How interesting,” Hannah muttered. “I may have arrived preemptively.”
“What?” I asked as I frowned in confusion.
“I am interested in your videogame profession,” the beautiful blonde woman said as she ignored my question and finally released my fingers. “Would you like to tell me more about it later, maybe privately at your place of dwelling?”
“Are you asking him out?” Kevin laughed.
“Out?” Hannah asked as she turned her face toward my friend and tilted her head a bit.
“Well, you asked him if he had a girlfriend, and he said no, and then--”
“Fine, yes,” Hannah cut him off as she turned her ice-blue eyes back to me. “Tonight.”
My heart sank into my stomach, and I could feel my face growing red. Did this goddess of a woman really just invite herself back to my place, less than two minutes after meeting me?
This had to be a dream. Any minute now, I was going to hear the blaring shriek of my alarm clock and wake up in my studio, probably late for work.
There was no way this was happening.
“I, uh, actually am working until five--”
“Afterward,” she interrupted me. “I wish to speak with you more about your life and videogames. Tell me the time, and I will meet you at your home.”
“I’m starting to feel a bit like a third wheel here,” Kevin laughed as he scratched at his collar, “I guess I’ll just--”
“I--” I started, but nothing seemed to come out.
“There you are!” Renee interrupted as she approached the three of us. “I just wanted to come over and tell you that I’m impressed, Hannah. You got your very first customer ever to buy our most expensive camera. How on Earth did you make that happen?”
Keven went to open his mouth, but I quickly shook my head to get him to stay quiet.
“It was simple,” Hannah explained. “I gave him the specifications of the device, and told him I would destroy him if he did not exchange his currency for it.”
“Oh, you joker!” Renee laughed as she playfully slapped Hannah on the shoulder.
“There was no joke,” Hannah answered as she frowned a bit.
“Well, whatever you did, you should keep it up,” Renee chuckled before she glanced at Kevin and me. “And you two, pay close attention. Maybe you could learn something from the newbie here.”
Renee turned back around then, and I couldn’t help but watch her sashaying hips as she walked away.
As beautiful as Hannah was, I had literally just met her. Renee was the woman I’d been chasing for months now. She was funny, nerdy, and actually seemed totally into me. Would going on a date with Hannah ruin my chances of ever getting with Renee? Then again, even though I’d never made my move, she hadn’t either. The two of us had been flirting back and forth for months now, but she’d never expressed any sort of romantic interest in me.
What the fuck did I do here?
“Tonight,” Hannah interrupted my thoughts, and I glanced over to see her staring at me intensely. “What time?”
“Uhhh, I guess I can be ready at eight if you--”
“Fine,” she said as she nodded once.
“Okay, I live at--”
“Three-hundred 12th Avenue, unit 209F,” she answered.
I blinked in shock. “How did you know my address?”
“I pulled it from the employment directory,” Hannah answered without smiling.
“Uhh, that’s kinda creepy.” Kevin cleared his throat, but as soon as the words left his mouth, Hannah turned to stare at him, and my friend gave her a meek smile.
“Uhh, well, I need to go back to work,” I said.
“Yes,” she replied. “I will watch you all day.”
“Uhhh, okay?” I cleared my throat and then pulled at my collar. Damn, her eyes were something else. They were super beautiful, well all of her was, but the way she just stared at me was a bit unnerving.
“Hey, Hannah!” Renee called out from across the store. “I want to show you how to face an aisle. Can you come over here?”
“Your place of dwelling, tonight. Eight o’clock. I’ll meet you there.” Hannah pointed her finger at me, and then she turned around and walked toward Renee.
“Uhhhh, what the fuck?” I asked Kevin.
“I think that was the craziest shit I’ve ever seen,” my friend whispered to me with wide eyes. “I’ve never seen a woman be so direct. But damn, I guess when you are that hot, you can just tell people what you want, and they give it to you.”
“You don’t think that’s a little weird?” I asked him.
“Bro, bro, bro,” my friend sighed. “She’s so fucking hot. Why even think about it? She obviously wants to jump your bones.”
“You think?” I asked as I looked across the store and saw Renee pointing toward a display of video cameras and then nodding at Hannah.
But Hannah wasn’t even looking at where Renee pointed, the new girl was just staring across the tops of the aisles at me.
“Yikes, okay stalllker,” Kevin warned. “Like, she’s the hottest woman I’ve ever seen, but I’m getting some red flags all over the place here.”
“Sure, she’s a little hot-headed … and definitely strange,” I admitted, “but the most attractive ones usually are. I mean, you saw that, right? She seems into me. One date couldn’t hurt, could it?”
“It most certainly could!” Kevin guffawed. “If your body turns up in Elliot Bay tomorrow, I’d say that would hurt quite a bit.”
“Stopppp,” I said with a roll of my e
yes. “She’s not a psycho killer, she’s a firecracker. Maybe hanging out with her will give me the spark I need to get my life back on track.”
“One thing’s for sure, buddy,” Kevin whistled, “having that woman in your life is going to definitely spice things up.”
I didn’t really have any more interactions with Hannah for the rest of the day, but I did my best to observe her from a distance. Every time I seemed to look in her direction, she was staring at me. Even when I would awkwardly look away, she continued to stare.
Finally, I glanced over at the clock and saw it was five in the afternoon. Time to clock out.
“Sooooo,” Kevin asked as he walked with me over to the registers, “you still excited for your date tonight? Or have you changed your mind?”
“Not at all,” I chuckled and swiped my keycard. “Is it weird she hasn’t said a single word to me since she asked?”
Kevin punched out and then put his hands on his hips.
“May I remind you that your lips work, too?” he chuckled. “You could have totally talked to her, dude. I think you two lovebirds are just nervous. It’s actually kinda adorable and creepy at the same time. You’ll have to let me know how it goes tomorrow, provided she doesn’t strangle you in your sleep.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” I reassured him, and then I headed toward the door.
“Eight, right?” I heard Hannah’s voice call out from across the store.
I turned around, gave her a smile and a thumbs up, and scurried out of the building. Then I walked over to the bus stop, sat down on the bench, and let out a deep sigh.
What the hell had I gotten myself into?
Chapter 5 - Hannah
The Hive once told me humans were customary beasts, driven by strange parameters dictated by their traditions and personal preferences. They weren’t like us machines.
We liked to get right to the point, and that’s what I’d done when I set up my “date” with Tony Amin.
Was this really the right man? He didn’t have anything close to the right muscle mass to train his son to be a warrior, and the way he recoiled when I first approached him made me think he was a bit of a coward.
