Kathy reaches for Leah, “Give me my little angel,” she says as she takes Leah from Brandon. She places a kiss on her forehead. “Mimi missed you, my sweet little angel.”
“Let them in the door before you maul them, Kathy,” John says behind her. Kathy steps out of the way, allowing us to walk into the house.
“Good to see you, son,” John says, pulling Brandon in for a hug. Then he turns his attention to me. “Is it me, or do you get more beautiful, every time I see you?”
Blushing, I tuck my auburn hair behind my ear and tilt my head. “I think it’s you. I look the same as the last time you saw me.”
“I don’t know about that,” John counters.
The last time I saw Kathy and John was the day the movers showed up. Kathy and my mom helped me pack up my house. The three of us cried throughout the day, while we reminisced, sorted through pictures, and went through everything. Kathy cried because Leah and I were moving. She made me promise to visit as often as I could. John and Kathy didn’t want to be strangers to Leah. I promised them that Leah would always have a relationship with her grandparents. I vowed they would have a role in her life.
John and Kathy have been in my life since I was fourteen years old. I spent countless hours at their home, went on vacations with them. They are a huge part of my life, Kathy is like a second mother to me. I would never keep Leah from them.
“Come, sit,” Kathy says. She sits in the recliner, bouncing Leah on her knee. “Look at you. You’ve gotten so big.”
Brandon walks toward the sectional and settles into the dark cushions, resting his feet on the ottoman, and I sit on the sectional next to John.
“Don’t hog her. I want to spend time with her,” John says beside me.
“You’ll wait your turn. Mimi needs some love from her favorite little angel.”
John pats my knee. “How’s New York treating you?”
“It’s much busier than Philly, but I’m getting used to it. With my schedule at the hospital, the trains aren’t so bad on my commute.”
“How’s work?” John asks.
“Not much different from Children’s. Somedays, my shift is done before I even get settled into a routine. Having my parents there is a great help with Leah. She goes to daycare two days and my mom picks her up since my shift ends after five o’clock. With long shifts and occasionally working extra hours, having my mom there is a Godsend.”
“How are your parents? You’ll have to tell them we said hello,” Kathy says.
“They’re good. You know Dad, he’s busy as ever with developing new properties. Mom is enjoying all the city has to offer, visiting museums and seeing plays at the theatre.”
Leah squeals, drawing everyone’s attention.
“What, no one’s paying attention to you?” Kathy says, turning Leah around to face us.
“Look how big she’s gotten,” John says. “She can sit up all by herself.” John places his hand on my knee again, squeezing it lightly. “I’m not going to lie, sweetheart, we miss the two of you terribly.”
My smile fades a little when I look at him. I place my hand on tops of his. “I know. I wish the circumstances were different.”
“You could have stayed here, you know. Kathy and I would have helped you.”
“I know you would have, but I couldn’t ask that of you with the odd hours I work. It wouldn’t be fair to the two of you.” I turn to Kathy. “I’ll try my best to come back as often as possible. I don’t want you to miss out on anything with Leah. You two are always welcome to come visit me in New York.”
“We know you don’t,” Kathy retorts. “We love the videos you send us. We get to see how fast she’s growing.”
“How are you holding up?” John asks.
“I’m good.”
“Here we go with that damn word again,” Brandon mumbles.
“Don’t start. I’m good,” I reply, shooting Brandon a dirty look.
“Let me rephrase that. How are you handling everything, knowing what tomorrow is?”
I gulp hard, the muscles in my jaw begin to quiver.
“John!” Kathy scolds. “We all know what tomorrow is. It’s hard on all of us, especially her.”
Fate has a funny way of showing itself. How ironic is it that the first weekend I have off since promising Brandon I would come home in February falls on this date. One year ago, tomorrow, all our lives changed. The course my life was on was altered.
“So, how is retirement treating you, old man?” Brandon asks, changing the subject. Smiling over at him, we exchange a look. He knows I appreciate it.
John perks up. “It’s great. The wife here doesn’t like the amount of money I’m spending on green fees, though.”
“You go at least four times a week. It’s a bit ridiculous, if you ask me.”
“I’ve earned it. The time I put in on the force. That took years off my life. I want to enjoy every day I have left. If it’s on the golf course, so be it.”
John retired in January after serving thirty years with the Philadelphia Police Department. He was approached by various agencies to work but declined. At fifty-seven, John didn’t want to work for another paycheck or toward another pension. He gave Philadelphia a considerable chunk of his life and he vowed to spend the rest of his days spending time with his wife. Being the wife of a police officer is difficult. Their spouses and families bear the burden of their jobs as much as they do.
Knowing tomorrow will stir up unresolved emotions, I look to Leah, who always brings a smile to my face. A gift he left behind, a part of him I will always have.
Brandon stops the car, putting it in park. Kathy and John are in their car behind us. “How about you go by yourself, and I’ll stay here with Leah. Then when you’re done, I’ll go over,” he says as he looks over his shoulder at my sleeping daughter.
I nod, unable to speak. Taking a deep, unsteady breath, I pull the door handle, exiting the vehicle.
Early morning mist begins to clear, as the dew-laden, vibrant green blades of grass move in a gentle breeze. Sunlight filters through the new leaves beginning to grow on the surrounding trees. Spring flowers are starting to bloom, their petals opening as afternoon sun pours down.
Walking slowly, I tread forward and stop at his resting place. I run my fingers along the smooth granite. Gathering the words that I’ve thought over the many long months, I talk to him with a catch in my throat.
“Life isn’t the same without you. I miss you more and more as time goes by. Learning to live without you has been one of the hardest things I have ever been faced with. I try to live, but some days are harder than others. When you left, everything we built together was torn down.” Tears blind my eyes and choke my voice.
“People said it would get easier as time passes. That’s a lie, it doesn’t. Unless you’ve lived through what I have, nobody can know what it’s like. I’m simply lost without you.” Hot tears roll down my cheeks. “I can’t get past the idea that no amount of time will erase the pain. Tell me it will get better.” My throat aches with defeat.
Birds soar overhead in the blue sky, their chorus echoing throughout the silent plain. Their sound comforts me. They swiftly glide through the calm breeze, showing off the variety of colors coated on their feathers. The birds swoop and do tricks in mid-air. The wispy clouds are ivory white against the cobalt satin sky, thin enough to let streams of light shine through.
Yielding to the compulsive sobs that shake me, I find a way to talk to him. “I can’t believe it’s been a year. So much has changed. Leah is getting big. She has three teeth. Two on the bottom, and one on the top.”
Keith never got to meet our child, to hold his daughter, yet the amount of excitement he had in his heart was unlike anything he’d ever felt. He never got to listen to our baby’s heartbeat. Instead, I experienced that with my mother and his. Last Christmas should have been magical, yet I found myself procrastinating with opening presents, not wanting the day to pass. It was another milestone Keith wouldn
’t get to experience with his daughter… our daughter.
“Death may be final but the love we had is eternal.” I once read a quote by Norman Cousins which stuck with me. ‘Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.’ And a part of me indisputably died that day, right along with him.
A small red cardinal lands on the marble stone. It lifts its head upward, singing to the sky and fluttering its wings out to the side, before flying away. “You’re here with me,” I whisper.
Goosebumps blanket my skin and the hair on the back of my neck stands. A gust of wind bristles the leaves on the nearby tree and I hear ‘Always.’
I lift my fingers to my lips, placing a kiss on the tips and place them on the smooth marble. I swallow hard and bite back tears. “Always,” I repeat.
Chapter Six
Christian
What the hell is wrong with me? When I got the text from Rory telling me she was in Philadelphia, I was pissed. I know I have no right to feel this way, but I was angry. I thought after spending some time at the diner together, I was able to pick away at the wall she has built around her.
Something happened to Rory in Philadelphia, I’m sure of it. There is indeed more to her story, a story I want to know.
My phone beeps on the table. Reaching over I pick it up and coincidentally see a text from Rory.
Rory: 9:00 a.m. Java House on 5th Ave. & 97th St. by the hospital.
Me: C-ya then.
Rory: I’ll be the one in scrubs, with a sloppy ponytail on top of her head, looking exhausted.
Me: You’ll be the one with shining emerald green eyes, looking amazing, waiting to have coffee with a very happy man.
Rory: You’re too much. But thank you for the compliment.
Me: See ya tomorrow morning. And thanks.
Rory: Thanks for what?
Me: Giving a man a chance.
Rory: Goodnight, Casanova.
Christian: Don’t hate a man for being honest.
Rory: I enjoy your honesty. Goodnight, Christian.
Me: Goodnight, Rory, see you in the morning.
Smiling, I toss my phone on the couch next to me.
“What’s got you all smiley?” Camryn asks next to me.
“Nothing, mind your own business.”
“Does it have something to do with a girl?” she asks, eyeing my phone on the cushion next to me.
Jamie sits with his arms crossed over his chest. He doesn’t say anything, as he watches the exchange between the two of us.
“What part of ‘mind of your own business’ do you not understand?”
Her nose crinkles, “Come on. Give me something. I’m heading out of town for a few days for work. I’m going to miss my husband, at least I can imagine that my brother met someone and is contemplating the idea of settling down.”
Laughing, I get up and make my way into the kitchen. Pulling the refrigerator door open, I grab a beer. “You want another?” I holler out to Jamie.
“Yeah, sure. One more, then we need to head out. She has to be at the airport early.”
Camryn walks into the kitchen, cornering me by the counter.
“You know I won’t let this go. I’m like a shark that catches a whiff of blood. I’ll go in for the kill.”
Shaking my head. “There’s something wrong with you. Mom must have dropped you on your head one too many times as a baby.”
Camryn places her hands on her hips and gives me a stern look. “That’s not true.”
Pushing my way past her, I join Jamie in the living room, handing him his beer. “Your wife has lost her mind,” I grumble.
He takes a long pull of his beer. “You’re just figuring that shit out? I’ve known it for years.”
Camryn walks over and kicks her husband’s foot before sitting down. “I heard that.” Her eyes bore into him. Jamie laughs, making the corners of his wife’s mouth turn up.
“It wasn’t like I whispered it, baby.” He leans over and kisses her on the lips.
We sit and watch the rest of the basketball game. I notice my sister’s odd looks. She tries to grab my phone, but I am faster. Turning on the password, I toss the phone in her direction. “Here, have at it.”
“You’re an ass,” she hisses when she sees she can’t get in my phone. She throws it back at me. “I have a secret, but I’m not telling you,” she announces.
“What? Please share. You want to know all my business. Feel free to share yours to fill the void.”
Jamie chews on his bottom lip and gives his head a subtle shake. A muscle ticks in his jaw.
“Fine,” Camryn huffs, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Are you ready?” he asks, standing and picking up the empty beer bottles from the table and heading toward the kitchen.
I wonder what that’s all about. Not wanting to cause a fight between them, I’ll let it go for now, but I’ll question my sister when Jamie isn’t around.
Camryn stands, picking up her coat and slips her arms into it.
“Have a safe trip,” I say and pull my sister in for a hug.
“You really won’t tell me,” she says, looking up at me, batting her eyelashes.
Leaning down and kissing her forehead, “I don’t know what’s going on yet. When I figure it out, I’ll let you know.”
Camryn squeezes my arm. “I’m going to hold you to that.”
I laugh. “You do that.”
I hate having secrets from my sister. But when it comes to women in my life, I’ve never been one to keep Camryn in the loop. Lincoln and Jamie usually know, but never my sister. I prefer to keep things simple, but with Rory, I don’t think anything will be simple.
Once Jamie and my sister leave, I make my way to the bathroom and hop in the shower.
While I wash my body, my mind begins to wander to Rory. I can’t seem to stop thinking about her. I wonder what it would be like to have her in the shower with me. What would it feel like to lather her up and have my hands all over her body? Hell, what it would feel like to kiss her. Rory has a starring role in my dreams every night. Just thinking about her has my dick semi-hard.
Trying not to think of what it would feel like to be inside of Rory, I squirt some shampoo in my hand and scrub my head. Looking down, I’m fully aroused from thinking of all the things I want to do to her.
Fuck, there’s only one way to get rid of this. My hand slides down and tightly grips my shaft. Images of Rory on her knees in front of me flash before my eyes. Her mouth lined with red lipstick on my dick while my fingers twist in her long, auburn hair. Her emerald eyes staring at me while she takes my cock in her mouth. Her tongue licks me from balls to tip. With one hand against the wall holding me up, the other strokes my dick. Slow and steady at first, then I tighten my grip and begin to stroke fast and hard. It doesn’t take long for my orgasm to hit. Squeezing my eyes shut, I continue to jerk myself off until semen spills across the black marble tiles of the shower. I once again ask myself, what the fuck am I thinking? She isn’t mine. I haven’t even slept with her yet, and all I can think of is what it would feel like to be inside her. To have her on top, riding me. What she tastes like, what she sounds like when she climaxes. The possibilities are endless.
Looking down at my hand wrapped around my cock, I have only one wish. I wish it was Rory’s mouth causing me to come.
But like the past few nights, I dry myself off and go to bed alone, wishing a beautiful redhead was sharing the bed with me.
A man can wish, can’t he?
Chapter Seven
Rory
A loud beeping noise wakes me from my sleep. The clock on the dresser informs me it’s six o’clock. Tossing the blankets off my body, I quickly shut it off before it wakes Leah. Walking to the bathroom, I turn on the shower. When the water is hot, I step in, rinsing my body to wake me up. Once I’m wide awake, I shut the water off and grab my towel from the vanity.
I sneak a peek of myself in the mirror, and I’m a little
scared at the reflection staring back at me. I’m beginning to see pieces of the woman I once was. A smile appears on my face.
After drying myself off, I secure my comfy robe around my body, leave the bathroom, and check on Leah. She’s still sleeping, so I have a few minutes to myself to get ready for the day.
Once I select the blend of coffee I want this morning, I pop the K-cup in the machine and wait patiently for my morning fuel to brew. The heavenly aroma of coffee fills the kitchen. Coffee, one of my favorite necessities.
Coffee.
Shit.
I’m having coffee with Christian this morning. Should I send him a text and bail? Find an excuse why I can’t?
Gathering Leah’s oatmeal from the cabinet, my hands shake as I scoop some into her bowl.
When my coffee is made, I add some creamer and stir. Lifting the cup to my lips, I inhale the scent before taking a sip. Coffee. It’s just coffee. I can do this. I did agree to it. Placing my mug back on the granite counter, I begin to line up Leah’s bottles for the day, so they’re ready for my mom.
Leah begins to make noise in her crib. I’ll let her go to see if she falls back to sleep. After a few minutes, she lets me know she has no intention of sleeping any longer. Walking into her room, I turn on the light switch and make my way to her crib and pick her up.
“Baby girl, you’re wet.” Her crib sheet is wet, too. Lying her on the changing table, I remove her pajamas, onesie, and soaked diaper. “You need a bath. You are soaked all the way up your back.”
I carry a naked Leah into the bathroom and turn on the water. Once it gets to the temperature I desire, I put her in her bathtub seat. Immediately her arms and legs begin to move a mile a minute. “I know, you love bath time. You didn’t have to pee all over yourself for Mommy to bathe you, ya know.”
Unspoken Fears (The Unspoken Love Series Book 4) Page 7
