Carmen said, “Just move your plate a little toward the center of the table. Not much, just enough to make it clear to me.”
He said, “Okay I’ll try and remember.”
They knocked and Claudia answered the door. She looked so nice, dressed in a button down yellow blouse and a pair of white summer pants. “Carmen! What a pleasure!” She hugged her daughter.
Carmen turned toward Cavanaugh who stood just behind her. He tipped his hat and said, “Ma’am, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Carmen looked charmed, but very surprised. She quickly hid her surprise and put her hand out stiffly in front of her toward Cavanaugh. Cavanaugh felt the change. He acted as if he did not see her mild surprise. He figured it was something to do with him being a cowboy. He seriously hoped that it wasn’t because he looked exactly like an ex of Carmen’s. It was possible that he might never find out. It certainly wasn’t going to be easy to get an explanation anytime soon. It wasn’t the warmest of receptions.
He shook her hand. “Ma’am, I’m delighted to get this chance to meet you. I know Carmen has gotten her beauty from you.”
Carmen said, “My mom won a few rodeo queen contests. I bet you she’d love to tell you a story or two. Come in and meet my dad.” Alfredo stood a few feet away from the staircase. He looked a little unsettled and some might say masking a very strong desire to look Cavanaugh up and down.
Alfredo caught himself and said, “Oh, hello, I was just finishing up something I was working on in the garage, thought I’d forgotten to turn off the light back there. “ That was how Alfredo always explained any look on his face that might appear like he was judging someone. Claudia closed the front door. Alfredo continued, “It’s a real pleasure to meet you.” He extended his hand after he wiped his hands in case there was still some grease on there.
Carmen didn’t miss a beat. “Dad this is Cavanaugh. Cavanaugh this is my dad Alfredo. As you may have noticed he loves his cars.” Cavanaugh felt a little uncomfortable, but he reminded himself that Carmen had to deal with his parents every day when she came over to take care of Tad.
Daily, Carmen remembered what it was like living under her parent’s roof. That look her father gave every one of her friends, as if she had a knack of picking up all the vermin in town. There wasn’t a single one of her friends that had passed his test. After a while, she figured out her dad’s shenanigan. It was just a way for him to feel like he had the upper hand in a situation. She stopped rehashing the past, to focus on how these four people were going to enjoy each other’s companies.
She suggested, “Cavanaugh I’d love to show you the backyard. Dad, Cavanaugh and I spend a lot of time outdoors and I told him you and mom grow some beautiful flowers in back.”
Alfredo laughed, “Sure, but that’s more your mom’s hobby lately. I’ve set aside my clippers for the oily rags in the garage.”
They walked to the backyard to take a look at the flowers. Carmen said, “I know you’re uncomfortable. I hope you can forgive them. They’re not the easiest sometimes when it comes to meeting new people. It’s funny they’re easy to get along with once you get to know them. But I think they must have hung out with a tough crowd throughout their lives. I went through that in college. No one seemed like they knew how to relate to one another other without running everyone through the mill.”
Cavanaugh asked, “If I can handle the rodeo, right?”
Carmen alleged, “Well, it’s a little more of a roller coaster in this arena.” She laughed.
They smelled some of the flowers just in case her parents were looking out the sliding glass doors. They walked back inside and asked if they could help in any way.
Claudia said, “I wouldn’t dream of it. Sit down in the living room and make yourself at home. You know Carmen grew up here. There are some photos up there on the wall that might make you giggle.”
Carmen laughed and said, “And a few of my mom as rodeo queen.”
Claudia testified, “I sure was! Showed off on that horse a few times.”
They looked at the photos liked they had at Sally’s and Greg’s house. The feeling was a little different here because both her and Claudia were walking on their legs without any problem. The thought crossed her mind, and she pushed it out of her mind. Cavanaugh loved the beautiful picture of Claudia riding her horse. He smiled and realized their family had been involved in the rodeo life for a while also.
He saw a picture of Carmen playing with a little boy. Then, he saw a picture of Carmen watching the same little boy roping a calf. Then, there was a picture of that same boy holding up a rodeo buckle he’d won. Carmen noticed out of the corner of her eye that Cavanaugh saw those photos. She didn’t have the guts yet to talk about that with him. She wasn’t ready. He would respect that without much of a fuss. He didn’t broach the subject. She pointed to a picture of herself with a rope lassoed over her head.
Carmen said, “I remember that day. I was in a groove. Shorty was one of my favorite horses. I can’t believe how long it took me to get over that day. Years went by and I remembered that moment. Not sure if it was the photo that always reminded me or actually if it was just how good I felt that day. I’ve always considered it was how good I felt that day. It made me feel like a million dollars. I felt like I had just given myself the best chance of my life and I’d given it all I had.”
He said, “I bet you did. You look like you never shy away from what it takes to win.”
She confirmed, “That’s true.” She saw her mother scrambling in the kitchen and excused herself. “Grab a drink and I’ll be right back. I should help my mom get some of the food on the table.”
He said, “I’m alright.”
She walked into the kitchen and started to help her mother. She stirred a pot. Claudia looked over and said, “Oh thanks dear. That’s awful nice of you.” She grabbed at her apron a little, tugging at the strings, a bit too long Carmen thought. Maybe there was something about the nerves running through Claudia’s hands. Often, that’s where she stored her nervousness. It would come out in all of the activities that she suddenly immersed herself into unless you caught her at a bad moment and she might start wringing her hands.
Claudia said, “You’ve been wandering around this town for years. You’re so beautiful, so talented and such a remarkable doctor. I bet you some of those rodeo men didn’t know what hit them when you walked up to be their angel, sweetheart.”
Carmen was caught by surprise, “Wow, mom you just almost made me cry. That’s one of the nicest things you’ve ever said.” Then, Carmen realized it was a lead up to the something that was weighing on her mind. She was a little worried that she had just scratched the surface that would call for some whiskey.
Claudia said, “You know there’s so many regrets that hit us, like we might have worked it all out before we started walking around town and thinking we’re ready to get into a relationship with someone. And sometimes we do, and other times, we realize in the middle of it, we walked right into a mess of our own because we still have baggage. Suddenly it hits us! Hand me the spatula Carmen.” Carmen handed her the spatula.
She continued, “It hits us that standing in front of us is the very thing that we were trying to escape and instead of feeling like we healed, we realized we’re still healing and now, we’ve got an innocent person wondering why the phone’s not ringing.”
Carmen felt a little confused. She gave Claudia a little time to explain herself, but looked back to where Cavanaugh was when she’d walked into the kitchen to see if he was still looking at the photos. It looked like he’d made it to the couch and had switched the tv on. She wondered where her father was. She realized he was staying away from Cavanaugh afraid he’d ask too many questions.
Claudia continued, “Doesn’t he remind you of Fernando?”
“Cavanaugh? Just that he’s in the rodeo, but that’s it,” Carmen laughed. Carmen figured that the reason her dad hadn’t given him the warmest of receptions had to do with
how he always acted with anyone she’d brought home. Then, it dawned on her, the moment of surprise and her father’s hesitation added up. They knew he was from the rodeo. No question. It became real clear to her.
She argued, “You think that I have a hang up on Fernando and Cavanaugh is some sort of spitting image? I’m not trying to work things out about Fernando with Cavanaugh. I would have done that by now considering I became a doctor mom! Why do you want to get into this right now?”
“Sometimes you can’t really put your finger on it Carmen. He’s a lot like Fernando. In more ways than one. Take this out to the table,” Claudia insisted. She handed Carmen a dish of ribs and potato salad.
Carmen took the plates to the patio table. She came back to the kitchen. She said, “Can’t you just see him for who he is?”
“You’re going to lose him in the same way and it’s going to be very hard for me to see this happen without having said that this romance might be worth thinking about before you get in too deep. You’ve always been good about thinking, but when it comes to your emotions, well, I feel like you might be ignoring what you might be setting yourself up for,” Claudia claimed.
Carmen blurted, “Why would I set myself up for another loss, mom? Can we just have a nice evening? I thought it was dad who was going to be difficult tonight. It turns out that you’re the one who is giving me a hard time. Mom, I can’t believe you!”
“I’m just bringing it up because it’s what it looks like.”
“I want to get past this. Let’s have a nice time with Cavanaugh tonight. He and I are enjoying each other. I want you to be happy for us. I need you to respect this man. He’s a loving man. He doesn’t know anything about Fernando and I don’t want you to bring anything up about him. That’s for me to decide when it’s a good time to bring him up.”
“Sure. I’m sorry Carmen. I didn’t mean to suggest that I would say anything.”
They walked onto the patio and put the rest of the food on the table and called Alfredo and Cavanaugh outside. The men joined them. Everyone loaded up their plates from the buffet.
A few minutes went by and they settled in. Alfredo looked up at Cavanaugh and said, “I bet I’ve seen you at the rodeo. I don’t make it around there that often.”
Cavanaugh proposed, “Any time you’re there, come and say hello. I run the circuit, but I always participate in the local events. I see your lovely wife made a splash as a rodeo queen. Are you also affiliated with the rodeo?”
“Me? No, no I’m just a supporter, of course, head over there occasionally. I just have a love for cars. We’ve owned a few horses. Carmen used to ride them when she lived here, but then over the years, we just wanted to simplify a bit. I wanted Claudia to be happy and I would be lost if I didn’t see a smile on her face every day. So much work goes into taking care of all of those animals,” Alfredo contended.
“Not to say that we might not own them again, but right now we’re happy the way things are. It’s funny at times to walk out there to the barn and forget that I didn’t need to bring hay,” Claudia giggled.
Alfredo recalled, “I do miss them sometimes. Tell me Cavanaugh, do you own animals?”
Cavanaugh replied, “I don’t. I’m not around enough given the rodeo. I’m around them all of the time though, so I get a chance to make friends with some of the horses.”
“My plants get a lot of my attention,” Carmen intervened. Everyone laughed.
Everyone enjoyed the meal and the company. Claudia asked Cavanaugh if he’d seen the recent new restaurant down the street, because some of their friends had opened it and were excited about attracting some younger folks there. He hadn’t, but he thought it might not be a bad idea to check it out with Carmen.
They chatted during the rest of the dinner, but Carmen felt unsettled because of her mother’s conversation with her in the kitchen. She didn’t give any clues to Cavanaugh. She just made him shine and laughed at every one of her dad’s bad jokes.
Chapter Eleven
A few days went by since the patio lunch. Cavanaugh called every day a couple of times and continued to get Carmen’s voicemail. He figured she must have been busy at the rodeo. Even when she came to visit Tad, she made the visits very brief. He couldn’t catch site of her at his parent’s house. He never even saw her at the rodeo. He didn’t know if her schedule had changed. However he started to feel like it might be personal. He was so used to people switching sides and piling on lies about what they were up to or what they were going through.
He knew they had been getting along so well. It’s possible that she got scared and didn’t realize what to do next. Carmen stopped answering calls from Cavanaugh and although Cavanaugh was trying to figure out whether it was personal or if she just got caught up in life, it would have broken his heart if he knew why she was staying away from him.
By staying away, maybe Cavanaugh would be better off, and maybe she wasn’t so sure about how her Brother Fernando’s death affected her. Maybe it was influencing the type of man she attracted. She could walk around town and find someone who had nothing to do with the rodeo. Why would she put herself through all of this instead of stepping away from the rodeo and helping contestants and just leave it at that. She knew in her heart of hearts why she was in the rodeo business. She didn’t want to have to explain that to Cavanaugh.
They hadn’t gotten too far in the relationship. She figured he probably felt pretty uncomfortable over at her parent’s house. The same kind of uncomfortable that Sally made her feel when she told Carmen that Cavanaugh needed a good woman. Maybe that also meant that his mom wanted someone who didn’t live the rodeo lifestyle. There might be some truth to one person needing to be the one who keeps everything all right at home and the other one can live the life of the rodeo. If they both lived the life of the rodeo, then how were they going to live a balanced life?
Looking up at the sky, as she walked up to her house, she thought, sometimes, mistakes happen and both of them knew they could walk away at any time. He’d get caught back up in the rodeo and get a look in the eyes of another beautiful woman, maybe not at the rodeo this time. Maybe he’d find himself a sweet beauty that loved her home town, and didn’t have a constant itch to get on the road. That would make her a good woman. She was sure of it, for the moment at least. She’d fallen really hard for him, though.
***
A week went by without a word from Carmen. Cavanaugh returned to see Tad as often as possible hoping he might run into Carmen. She knew she would never be able to convince him to give up the rodeo. It was his life, even though it would keep bruising him. He’d pick the rodeo over anything. She’d always be wishing he’d come back home and he’d be worrying about his bruised pride. He’d get lost on every one of those bulls, waiting for the next thrill ride.
Late one night, Carmen received a call from an unknown number. It was close to 2 am. She’d spent the night crying about her strong feelings for Cavanaugh. She had been impressed at Tad’s recovery process. He had been practicing walking with the walker a few times a day. His spirits were high. That’s what mattered a lot more than her own crush on Tad’s brother. The feeling might pass, even if it felt like the biggest mistake of her life to stop talking to him, but that was her rationalizing her choice.
Maybe, seeing Cavanaugh at that moment just at the time was all about the emotions that were wrapped up in helping Tad. It could be residual. Cavanaugh did look at her that day in the hospital as someone who saved his brother’s life. Sometimes, she had a one-track mind. All they were doing was playing with each other’s minds. They appreciated each other, but it looked like their families were going to be another story. It might be time to put away this little love story. Love wasn’t the only thing she needed.
***
“Hello,” she answered.
She heard Cavanaugh’s voice on the other end. She almost hung up. He’d called from an unknown number just to hear her voice. Actually, he was sobbing. Carmen sat bolt
upright. She didn’t have time to think suddenly. His pain resonated with her and she would have leapt out the window and ran to help him out. Suddenly, she wanted to curse herself out. He needed her; she could barely hear him over the lump in her throat. She threw on her jeans and shirt, dragged herself into her boots, grabbed her keys and ran out the door. She started the car and realized she’d forgotten her purse. She ran back inside and got her purse.
Tad had fallen out of bed earlier that night and was rushed to the hospital. They had induced a coma in hopes that his newly fractured spine would heal itself.
She drove quickly to the hospital. His entire family sat in the waiting room. Sally jumped up without a thought to hug Carmen. Carmen’s eyes looked like she cared more than a doctor, despite the curve ball Sally had thrown her. At the root of it, she knew two people cared for each other in a time of need. Sally sobbed in Carmen’s arms. Carmen fought back her own tears. She attempted to comfort Sally. As she opened her eyes, fighting back her tears, Carmen saw Cavanaugh stand up and walk towards them. It almost broke the only hold she had on herself from falling apart.
He stared at her with a hurt in his eyes. She felt ashamed of her childish games. She wanted to say I’ll never leave you but the words got stuck in her lips, the ones that he had kissed so gently in the cabin. Maybe he wasn’t the red door, maybe he was the one who needed her to help him walk away from his own pain. Maybe it was all about helping each other; and not judging how someone might bring them more pain.
She walked into the hospital room to sit with Tad and Cavanaugh followed her in. The sight of Tad broke her heart. She could hardly stand wondering why the nurse hadn’t made sure that he couldn’t fall out of his bed. Didn’t they put barriers? How could this happen?
Cavanaugh broke the silence. “What did I do wrong?”
She cried, “Cavanaugh, oh no, it’s not like that. You’ve done everything right.”
Cavanaugh pressed, “Then why haven’t you answered any of my calls?”
She apologized, “Sorry, sometimes life feels like a maze. I’m just afraid of what is happening to your brother and if that happened to you, well, I don’t know if I have it in me to be the one who you come home to.”
(3 Book Box Set) "Cowgirl Desires" & "Last Chance Cowboy" & "Embracing Love Again" Page 11
