by Nolon King
No shit. Who wouldn’t regret taking a bite out of themselves?
Dane looked at him expectantly. Like he wanted a serious response. What was he supposed to say?
So no surprise, Levi went with a joke. “Here’s a tip: don’t bring up autophagia until after the girl has sucked your dick.”
Dane laughed, but more like he thought Levi expected it. “So you never feel guilty?”
“About what?”
“Sex.”
“Nope.”
“Not even with Lacy?”
“Why would I feel guilty about Lacy?” Levi asked. “She wants it even more than I do. And she hates her husband.”
“She’s still married. And you’re still helping her cheat.”
“I’m sorry, Officer Russell.” Levi held his hands in front of him, ready for cuffs.
Dane forced another laugh.
Levi was bored with this conversation. He stood and stretched. “Want to go for a walk?”
On their way out the back door, they stopped to check out the setup for the barbecue. Lights were strung and the grill was gleaming under the bright nightlights spilling down from the giant garage. Dad put heat lamps out in case the party ran long, and set up the bar that would be stocked with a generous selection of alcohol that Levi would try to sneak a drink or two from while his parents were busy chatting up the neighbors. The only things missing were the popcorn machine they would bring down from the game room, the mountains of food that would be delivered in the morning, and the hundred or so people that the Nashes would be hosting.
“So,” Dane asked, “if you pretend that Elliot won’t be a giant douche, are you looking forward to the party?”
“The food will be good.”
“That’s not an answer, Levi.”
He sighed. “Our parents hate it when Corban and I fight, and it’s never really been this bad. That means I’m going to have to play pretend, and I hate that shit. Makes me too tired to kick your ass in HardCorp. Meanwhile, I’ll have to watch my mom being obnoxious and trying to make sure that everyone knows exactly how awesome she is and my dad pouting because she’s hogging the spotlight. Oh, and I’ll have to watch Corban being all awkward with Kari.”
“Do you still have a thing—”
“Yeah, but whatever.”
“And Elliot and Pussabo still aren’t allowed to know?”
“I don’t want to hear Elliot’s shit, and Pussabo can’t even keep his own secrets.”
“Yeah, I didn’t need to hear how he tried waxing his junk.”
“No one did.” Levi snickered. “Especially not the girl he was trying to impress. Speedos ought to be illegal. But if either of those two fuckers finds out, then it’s only a matter of time before they tell my brother, and then I’ll have to deal with all of his crybaby bullshit.”
“And you’re still not going to say anything to Kari?”
“Corban’s still my brother.”
“But it’s not like Kari and Corban are together,” Dane said, repeating his usual argument. “If you’re going to do anything, then you need to do it now before they are. Then it will be too late. Kari has the right to decide between you. It’s not—”
“That’s what gets me,” Levi said. “She and Corban have nothing in common.”
“They have a lot in common, man. They’re always talking about stuff they’ve read. When’s the last time you opened a book?”
“Well, we like to talk about what we watch. And Corban is bored by TV. Seriously, since when is he too good for TV?”
“You guys have the same DNA.”
“He’s an introvert and Kari is an extrovert, like me. She and I talk. Corban just stands around listening. He barely adds anything to the conversation.”
“Maybe Kari wants to be heard. You’re not the best listener.”
Levi gave Dane a dirty look.
“It’s true. The two of you would be talking all over each other.”
“At least we’d be having conversations. We’d also look good together.”
“That’s a terrible reason to want to be with someone. And not to point out the obvious, but you’d look exactly the same as they would.”
Since when was Dane on his brother’s side? “Corban slouches and he’s a shit dresser.”
Dane rolled his eyes. “Whatever happened between you two is stupid. You’re obviously going to get over it, so why not just do it now and stop making everything shitty for the rest of us?”
“You don’t understand.” No one did. Because none of them were twins. They’d never get what it was like to have a brother who got you. And then stopped.
“How can I, if you won’t tell me what happened?”
“I told you, it’s between me and Corban.”
“Then find another girl. It’s not like you’ve had a problem with that in the past.”
But he couldn’t. Because he wanted Kari. In spite of the fact that she was the only girl in the world right now that he couldn’t have. Or was that why he wanted her?
“Some couples are just right together. Look at my parents. Sure, they can be annoying, but even their fights are fun to watch. It’s like they’re good at it. They’re both good at everything. My mom just needs everyone to know it.”
“You’re really hard on her, dude.”
Levi looked down at Dane's crotch. “You’re really hard on her.”
“Gross. That’s your mom.”
“You’re the one who’s always like, Oh, Mrs. Nash, will you please be my new mommy and spank me?”
“Dude.”
The steel in Dane’s tone told Levi that he’d gone too far. “Sorry, man. Really.”
A beat, then, “It’s cool.”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“I know.” Dane smiled. We’re cool.
“I am hard on my mom. I don’t mean to be, but you don’t have to live with her.”
Another look. “I wish I had a mom a quarter as great as her.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
The silence was long and the loud wind made it feel longer. Levi needed to break it. And he needed to make up for the potshots he’d taken at Dane.
And so he finally spoke.
“Wanna know what happened between me and Corban?”
Chapter Fourteen
Adam looked around his backyard and felt an almost-overwhelming wave of pride.
Everywhere he cast his eyes, people were smiling.
He tolerated Selena’s barbecues more than he actually liked them. She loved being a big deal in Almond Park. Said that there was no reward in having a life full of riches if you couldn’t share them with the people around you. And life had been good to the Nashes.
But the barbecue wasn’t just about sharing in their family’s abundance.
Selena was meticulous in cultivating their family’s image. The way things looked often determined the way people felt about them. Selena made it clear to Adam that maintaining an air of decency and respect was essential to the world not knowing what was constantly boiling like lava beneath his skin.
Backyard events like this barbecue helped to build the picture of a perfect family, and that was exactly what he needed — what they needed — to keep the world off his trail.
But Adam thought it made them look like one of those families whose picture comes with your new wallet.
Still, he enjoyed them for the most part, even though he suspected that Selena would throw the parties even if she wasn’t trying to protect him. The food was always fantastic. In addition to the usual spread, Selena found a guy who’d brought his own mobile kitchen and was making fresh tacos on the far side of the guest house. She wanted fish, but couldn’t get the guy to budge. So it was carne and pollo asada.
Adam had to admit, it did give him hope that if he could convince everyone else he was normal, one day he might be. And she was always in a great mood at these things. She usually made eyes at him all day, delighting in the dirt underneath both of their nails, d
eep enough that no one could see, and here they were right in front of everyone. Sex afterward was always hot and raw and more than once.
“I just can’t believe this is happening here,” said June Mays. She’d been at the press conference this morning, where the police had confirmed that the two killings were linked. “It must be someone new.”
“It’s terrible,” Adam agreed. He’d been saying it all day. Because what else could he say? “Truly awful.”
But with every repetition, his urge to say what he really thought grew stronger, until he was biting back all but the simplest responses and swallowing half-formed monologues dripping with desire and death.
By the time meat was coming off the grill, the pool was filled with splashing, and at least half of the guests who could legally drink were tipsy, including the hosts, and Adam found that his tongue was finally loosening. Selena’s, too.
“You really think it could be a serial killer?” Leonard Murphy, who made his money making blinds in Manila and lived three houses down the street, looked at Selena in stark disbelief.
Everyone nearby quieted, looking to Selena. Like she was about to share the Serial Killer Gospel with them.
“I said it could be,” Selena repeated. “There is something very specific about a scarf. That’s what I’m most curious about … these scarves. There’s something there, and it’s big. I bet someone here has an idea.”
Selena turned to Abigail Granger. Until last week, Abigail had shared the 9:30 a.m. class at Yoga Bear with the mom who burned in the fire. “Did Molly like scarves? I mean, any more than the rest of us?”
Abigail covered her mouth.
“I’m … I …” She stopped, stammered, clearly uncomfortable. “I’m not sure,” she finally finished.
Selena wasn’t usually so obvious. But it sure could get ugly when she was.
Adam looked around, noting the handful of last-minute additions, people from town rather than just their neighborhood. More than usual. And several, including Abigail Granger, were friends with the deceased.
Selena had spent the early afternoon flitting from cluster to cluster like a gossiping little fly, gathering connections and looping them together.
What did people know about the victims?
How were the families connected?
Did the children know each other?
Were they in some kind of trouble?
What kinds of rumors had people heard?
Who had access to the houses?
Selena had so many theories, and loved to voice them out loud. So what if she ruffled a few feathers? She could always blame it on the alcohol. He’d guessed from the way the world blurred around the edges that he’d had more than a bottle of wine himself by the time she finally pulled him aside.
She squeezed his hand tight. Maybe too excited. Her eyes were dancing. “I think I’ve got it.”
“Got what?” Like he didn’t know.
“Ollie. Ollie Harris, Kari’s father.”
“No.” Adam shook his head. “Stop it, Selena.”
“I’m serious. Don’t you at least want to know what I found out?”
He did, but this conversation wasn’t smart. Not here, not now, and not with Ollie Harris waiting in line for a taco a few yards away.
“Can we talk about this later? Or somewhere else?”
“We’re the hosts. If we disappear inside, people will come looking for us.”
Adam translated that as: I’m important, people will miss me if I leave the party.
“No one is listening to us, and even if they tried, The Stray Bullets are loud enough to drown us out.”
“Still …” Adam said, glancing around.
On one side of the pool, Levi, Dane, Elliot, and Pussabo played a game of pickup. On the other side, Corban and Kari sat on lawn chairs, each of them holding a book — Corban’s on a Kindle and Kari’s made of paper — with several pounds of snacks sitting neatly between them.
To Adam, the pool looked like a demilitarized zone.
Resigned, he said, “Fine. Tell me.”
“I should make you wait for pretending like you don’t want to know, but I’d rather get back to the party. Get a refill.” Selena raised her mostly empty glass, swished the swallow at the bottom, then she downed it before delivering her theory.
“Ollie is the only one with access to both families. He recently did the electrical on both houses, and was the most recent contractor …”
But now Adam was disgusted. It wasn’t that he doubted Selena wanting to find the killer. But did she not care how it would hurt Corban if she accused his girlfriend’s father of murder based on gossip and a hunch?
Sad as it was to admit it, even Selena probably wouldn’t deny that finding the killer was as much about saving lives as it was gathering material for her new show.
“You can’t tell people this. Not without proof.”
“But it makes sense. Don’t you see that it makes sense?”
“No. I see that you promised things would get better. But instead you can’t even enjoy a barbecue without making everything about you.”
Adam tried to keep his voice cool, not wanting to come off as pissy or needy or defensive. He didn’t want to come off as any of the things she would later hurl his way.
He smiled, to give the impression he was having a pleasant conversation with his wife. She smiled back.
Nothing to see here, folks. Everything is perfectly normal.
Adam wasn’t simmering because Selena had been ignoring him, petty as that might be. There wasn’t a hint of jealousy behind his annoyance. His wife wasn’t an attention whore, and neither of them had downed one too many.
“Look, I don’t want to fight. I want to enjoy the afternoon, and put on our best faces like you’re always wanting to. Without you interrogating the town … or digging for gossip.”
“I’m digging for—”
“Mrs. Nash? Mr. Nash?”
“Adam,” he said, like always. He had known Dane’s father for years. They’d been introduced many times, but for some reason, the man still insisted on calling them by their last names, and he reintroduced himself every single time they met.
Adam offered his hand. “It’s good to see you, Brandon.”
“I don’t mean to interrupt.”
The man had been close enough to see their forced smiles and gritted teeth. But like always, Brandon seemed oblivious.
He gave them a pleasant but battle-weary smile. “I just wanted to thank you both.”
“For what?” Adam and Selena asked together.
“For everything. For being leaders in this community, but also for taking such great care of Dane. The two of you are a wonderful influence on him. He looks up to you both so much.” Brandon turned to Selena. “Especially you, Mrs. Nash. I know how busy you are, but you make time to raise two fine boys and still pay attention to mine.”
“It’s my pleasure, Brandon. Really.”
“Last month was especially helpful.”
“Last month?” Adam said.
“It was nothing,” Selena said, a little too fast.
“What happened last month?” Adam asked.
“Oh.” Brandon smiled. “Dane and Levi got their wires crossed or something, and Dane came over to an empty house. Or mostly. Your wife was there, and entertained my boy after an especially hard day, even though no one was home and she sure didn’t have to. He needs that kind of care, in a way I can’t get him. You know … just … thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Then to Adam, Selena said, “Levi had detention. Corban waited with him, so Dane was there for an hour or so before the boys came home.” And back to Dane’s father. “It was nothing, really.”
“It was, though …” Brandon took a moment, and it looked like he needed it. “It’s hard … not just being the only parent around, but …” another moment “… but always wondering if maybe the wrong parent died.”
“Brandon.” Adam was surprised by how raw he sudden
ly felt. This was a man who seemed brittle enough to break right in front of them, a man who turned off the endings of sad movies because he couldn’t bear them. “You know that’s not true.”
Selena said, “You have to be fair to yourself. It isn’t your fault that Dane doesn’t have both of his parents. And we’re always happy to do what we can.”
“Thank you,” Brandon said again, then he fell into yet another long and yawning moment.
Adam couldn’t take it. He said, “I think I’ll go and check on our guests,” then walked to the bar alone, leaving Selena standing dumbfounded behind him with Brandon.
Adam asked for two shots of Patron and a margarita. He swallowed the first shot, poured the second into his maggie, then slipped into the first available conversation he could find. Like the second and third and all the ones after that, Adam listened to the chatter, making slightly off-color jokes about the murders, and watching his audience shift on their feet amid twitters of anxious laughter.
He looked at his sons, disappointed to see that they had drifted even farther apart. Bad blood between them still. Levi’s group was now in line waiting for tacos, while Corban and Kari ambled about the party’s perimeter.
And then he saw Selena walking up to Dane.
The two of them were laughing.
Even from here he could see her bright red lipstick, and wondered if the shade was for Dane.
Of course it was.
Bloody murder swallowed his thoughts.
Chapter Fifteen
Selena looked at her patient, sprawled on the couch.
He looked almost at peace with his hands folded on his chest and his feet crossed at the ankles, bouncing ever so slightly. Selena hadn’t had a full calendar in years, her load now reduced to a small handful of regular appointments, plus the occasional session with her longest-standing client.
“Are you still experiencing these compulsions?” she asked him.
“Yes,” Adam said. “But I’ve learned to control them.”
She wasn’t supposed to be seeing him. Not like this. And her use of hypnosis to indulge his fantasies …
