by Abbie Lyons
"Stop yelling," I said, hating the pathetic, girlish sound of my voice. But I was knocked off kilter. Hearing my mom, even for that brief few words...I couldn't handle it. Longing, the ache only an orphan can really know, squeezed my heart like an iron vise.
"Get out of there." Wilder swept to the edge of the cage. He grabbed the door and rattled it violently. "I said get OUT!"
"No!" I cried, and leapt to standing, so that I was in the back of the cage, the couch between the two of us. "What do you want with me?"
"Come out," Wilder said, "and then I'll tell you."
It was mocking, taunting, not something I could trust even remotely.
"You're something else, Nova Donovan," he said, thrusting his face as close to the cage as he could. "You really are. Just when I think I have you pegged—but of course, I was overconfident. Too excited by the thrill of the chase. And now you throw me this curveball...it's brilliant, actually. For how stupid it is."
"I didn't do it because of you," I said. "I did it—"
"Save your breath," Wilder said. "Young demons don't know what kind of risks they take when they dabble in these things, least of all in this kind of...unstable pairing."
My fight-or-flight instincts were running full-tilt. Could Raines feel it too?
He said he'd fight for me. He said he'd protect me.
But he couldn't protect me if I was trapped in a cage.
In one smooth movement, I leapt forward, jammed the key into the inner lock, and twisted it, leaning all my weight forward so that I catapulted through the door.
"Ah—"
"No!"
I slashed at the air, the key still in my hand. Wilder cried out in pain, and leapt back, a gash across his cheek. I'd barely missed his eye. Guess those teeth were as sharp as I thought.
"You—"
But I didn't hear the rest of what he had to say. I dropped the key with a clatter and dashed for the door like I was being chased by the devil himself.
Which at this point, I pretty much was.
Raines, my instincts cried. Raines, where are you?
I tore down the hallway, which was deathly silent and lit with its usual eerie blue light, sprinting in the direction of the staircase and eventually the common room, the only place I could think of to find him. I didn't know who proctored his exetasis. And we'd never been able to do true telepathy like that—not with full sentences, words, sharing thoughts.
Not with hearing what each other heard.
I pumped my arms, even as my legs started to feel like lead. The decoction had me feeling like I was coming out of surgery—slow, fuzzy, clumsy. The toes of my Docs kept catching the edges of flagstones, and the more I ran, the worse it seemed to get. Fatigue and confusion pulsed through me like a shot of anesthesia, and I sunk to my knees, in the middle of God knows where in Hades.
I breathed, achingly slowly, for a few seconds. No footsteps followed me. Wilder probably knew that it'd be a bad look to come tearing down the hallway with blood pouring out of his face. The kyrioi would—
Oh, God. Kyrioi.
Sure enough, no sooner did I look up from my hands and knees than a distant, shadowy figure was sweeping towards me. I didn't hate the guards, but now I didn't want to be disturbed. Not by a stranger.
"Donovan?"
That wasn't a stranger's voice. I looked up into the kind, worried face of Collum Tavish.
"Collum," I croaked, and let him pull me to standing. I didn’t even remember to call him by his last name.
"Nova," he said again, flushed with shock. The sound of my name, my first name, on his lips was every bit as destabilizing as what had just happened. "My Gods, what's happened to—"
I buried my face in his neck.
He went silent. Said nothing, but didn't push me away, either. No, he gradually, gently, wrapped his arms around me. We stood like that I don't know how long—time had lost any meaning—until I could finally draw a full breath again. I pulled back, just enough to look Collum in the eye, too exhausted and terrified to bother feeling ashamed at grabbing him like that. I didn't care. He was a friendly face—maybe the friendliest one.
"What happened to you?" he said softly.
"It was my exetasis," I said. "The dreams..."
I couldn't finish. Collum pulled me back, back into his chest and his warmth, and I felt myself melting, as much in a calm, affectionate way as into a total and complete puddle. I was a mess. A messy, messy, mess.
"They're not fun, are they?"
I shook my head against his collar, my hair brushing his forest-green sweater. I took in a shaky breath, then sighed.
"I saw my mom," I said. "Or...I heard her. I don't know. It...it was all over so fast."
He didn't jump in, didn't try to reassure me with fake platitudes.
"That's got to be tough," he said.
"You have no idea."
I felt calmer—so much calmer, and so fast that it almost shocked me. I pushed away, the self-consciousness my adrenaline had buried now rising to the surface again. "Oh my...oh my God, I'm sorry. I just...I tackled you." I scrubbed at my eyes with the heel of my hand. "You didn't even—"
"Donovan, it's fine," Collum said, smiling broadly. "Girls are allowed to hug their boyfriends."
I looked up at him through my tear-clogged eyelashes.
Even fake boyfriends?
I didn't even have to ask the question.
"Yes," Collum said.
And he kissed me.
Chapter Sixteen
It wasn't a bad kiss. No, all things considered, it was a good one. An overwhelming one. Warmth poured through my body. Collum was every bit as gentle as he looked, and it was only from total shock that I finally pulled away.
"I—" He stammered. "Donovan, I didn't—"
"It's okay," I said.
"I shouldn't have—I don't know what—"
"Tavish," I said, finally regaining part of my usual bantering abilities. "It's really fine. I'm fine. You're fine."
His eyes sparkled, but left the obvious joke just right there.
"I don't know where that came from," he said.
"Me neither," I admitted.
"Not really so bad, though," he ventured.
I shook my head. "Not really at all."
We stared at each other for a long moment. Boyfriend and girlfriend. Which we were.
"Do you...maybe go back to the common room?" he asked, taking a deep breath.
"I..."
A feeling overtook me, sweeping away the warmth that had flown in from the kiss. It was...urgent. Sharp, though not as sharp as fear or panic. Still, it couldn't be ignored.
Raines. I did need to find him, to tell him what happened, to see if he was okay after that trippy-ass dream. And I couldn't exactly tell Collum that I was soul bound with his best friend.
"I'm going to go find some water," I said. "Just...that whole thing was nuts."
Collum nodded. "You know, I think I'll just go ahead, then. If you're sure?" Worry flickered across his face. "Only, I probably could...stand to cool down, you know?"
He blushed. Oh my God. The full reality of what we'd done smacked me in the face. I had just made out with Collum Tavish in a hallway in Hades Academy at who-knows-what hour in the morning. What if someone saw?
No, wait. The whole point was for people to see.
"I'm good," I said. "Go ahead. I'll catch up with you later?"
He nodded again, and left, but not before sweeping in to peck me on the cheek. It didn't feel the same as always, though. Obviously. Now I was acutely aware of his lips on my cheek.
"Which way's the refectory?" I asked. The kitchen closed at night, but they left open a little station for coffee, tea, and water, which I thought was a nice touch. Collum directed me to the proper hallway, and soon I found myself at the Grand Staircase once again.
I didn't not need that water, if I was being honest with myself. Between the decoction and the regular-ass hormones that I had in my body, I was overheating so
mething fierce. But that sharp feeling, that urgency, still poked at me, like a splinter in my finger, and it was only as I was about to step up onto the staircase that I heard a voice.
"Nova, it's me."
Raines. I whirled around. He slipped out of the shadows in the opposite hallway, pale and haggard-looking, like he'd just been awake for forty hours straight.
"Holy shit," I whispered. "Raines, you look terrible."
"Good to see you too," he muttered. His collar was askew, and the hollows under his eyes were even more impressive up close. Still, he filled the space at my side with as much impressive presence as always. Why did all the guys here have to be so tall? "You seem a lot better than I do."
"I...guess?" I wasn't sure that was true. Then I remembered what had just happened.
"I felt you calm down a lot," Raines said. "Did you get your hands on some radix salviae?"
"Some what?"
"It undoes the effects of the decoction," Raines said. "Gives you your edge back, wakes you up. Clears out all the trippy crap. They're supposed to administer it afterwards, but..." He rubbed his jaw. "I think I need more. You probably do too."
"Where do we get more?"
"Follow me."
Five minutes later, we were trudging down a narrow corridor in a part of the second (or maybe third?) floor that I'd never seen before. Raines was largely silent, only gesturing occasionally when we needed to turn a corner. I couldn't help it; I was worried. He looked deathly pale, and he'd clearly been through the ringer in his own exetasis. I felt that, of course, that he was exhausted and had been raked over the coals. But I also felt, distinctly, my own anxiety for him. It was an odd combination, kind of like a constant mood swing back and forth.
"Here." Raines stopped in front of a small, peaked door, and pushed it open. The small room behind the door was dark inside, but I stepped in after him. Instantly, a chill blast of air hit me in the chest, and my teeth immediately clicked together.
"What is this place?" I asked. "Are we even allowed to be here?"
"It's basically a storage closet," Raines said. "Or a walk-in freezer, more like. And I'll leave you to answer the second one on your own."
That'd be a no, then. I sighed. At least with Raines there, even in his shaken-up state, I felt a little better.
My thoughts flew to Collum—back in the common room already. Presumably. Alone. Thinking about me. Maybe.
God, it was hard to date someone, or fake date them, without knowing their emotions. I wasn't sure I could ever go back to the human way of relationships again.
Raines snapped his fingers, and a small, green flame appeared above his hand. He moved it around in front of him, revealing our surroundings. Above us, icicles hung like creepy chandeliers, presumably the source of the chill that was keeping everything at the proper temperature. Around us, shelves of various glass containers gleamed in the light. Some were about the size of wine bottles, some were straight-up jugs, and some were teeny-tiny, like the bottles of airplane booze my one foster dad used to smuggle home after business trips.
"Here." Raines stopped in front of a shelf and fished out one of the teeny bottles. "This is it." He held it out to me. I crossed my arms, getting cold, and shook my head.
"No way," I said. "You need it more than me. You look like shit, Raines."
His jaw twitched. "Take it, Nova. That's an order."
"Hey, just because I'm bound to you doesn't mean I'm your bitch," I snapped, not really thinking. The multicolored blobs that had almost retreated from my vision surged back with a force, and a wave of vertigo surged over me. I stumbled backwards, the icy touch of the wall grazing my back.
“You need it,” Raines said.
I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath, then opened them. "Are you sure?"
Raines nodded. "I've been through this before."
I took the bottle, our fingertips brushing. His were cold. "Fine. But only if you give me the explanation I want."
"No promises," Raines ground out.
I twisted the tiny cork out of the bottle's neck and held it under my nose for an exploratory sniff. It smelled gingery, almost like a chai latte. Not awful.
"It's easier if you do it all at once," Raines said. I locked my gaze with his and downed the whole bottle.
The effect was immediate: my brain snapped back to clarity, my vision sharpened, and my heart trilled with a little energy, almost like a shot of espresso, but not as manic. And yet I still felt exhausted enough to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Still, it was an improvement.
"Phew," I said. "Well, thanks."
Raines nodded. The green glow hovered above his fingers, which he kept raised in the air.
"Are you all right?"
"Now you ask?" I said. Then I shook my head. "I am now, yeah. That dream shit was wiggy. But..." I swallowed. "Raines, he found out. I let you into my dream and he found out."
Raines's face tightened. "What?"
"Wilder found out," I said. "He could tell we were bound. I could hear your thoughts, hear your...the things you were hearing."
"Gods," Raines said. "That was Wilder's father. My...stepfather. Or whatever. Gods damn it. So of course he recognized it. He knew exactly where those voices were coming from."
"Does that mean you could hear...mine?" I said softly. "My mom?"
Raines nodded. "But those could've been anyone. You'd have to know that was your mom for it to seem suspicious showing up in my dream. Only Wilder would've recognized the voice you heard from me. Gods damn it."
He clicked his fingers again and the light disappeared. The ghostly images of everything inside the closet flickered in front of my eyes.
"It was fucked up," I agreed. "I woke up suddenly, and I had to escape. I...I slashed him across the face. With the key."
Raines raised his head, eyes glowing. It was remarkable, though maybe not surprising, how bright they looked in the total darkness. How even the icicles reflected their red light.
"You ran away?"
"I didn't know what he was going to do," I said. "It was the only thing I could do."
Raines frowned. "So he didn't give you the antidote."
"What? No. Why would you think that?"
"Because I felt it," Raines said. "Or I thought I did. That calm you felt. I thought that was..."
"Oh." My face got hot. "No." What version of the truth could I safely tell here? "I ran into Collum in the hallway. He reassured me. It was random, but like, thank God he was there."
Raines chewed his lip. "Collum."
"Yeah, I think you've met?" I said.
"Why'd you let him defend you?"
"He didn't defend me," I said. "He just...pulled me back to earth. Helped me realize I wasn't about to immediately die."
A thick, viscous feeling clung to the inside of my stomach—jealousy.
"Don't be jealous," I said. "Seriously? What's your problem? We clearly have bigger issues."
Raines rubbed his temple, spinning on his heel to stride as far away from me as the space would allow.
“Do you know what I was thinking about in my exetasis?” he said. “I was...it was you. I was worried for you—terrified. I’ve never been scared like that, Nova. I’ve never really felt terror. We’re not supposed to. Demons aren’t supposed to. But I felt it. I felt it when you felt it. It was like I was breaking apart.” He turned back to me. “I can’t bear that kind of thing, Nova. I’ve lost all kinds of things, people, in my life. But it’s never felt like that. I can’t come back from that, Nova.” He rubbed his mouth. “I can’t ever feel that again.”
“You’re shivering,” I blurted out. He was. He’d stuffed his hands in his pockets to slow himself down, but it wasn’t working. I could feel his discomfort welling in my own chest.
“Shut up,” Raines said, but softly. Even in the red light of his eyes, his lips and cheeks looked pale. “I’m fine.”
“You aren’t fine, and there’s no use lying about it to me,” I said. “Take it fro
m the girl who lived on the streets—you can get hypothermia in a heartbeat. God. Here.” I closed the distance between us and rubbed his arms. “Don’t let yourself get too cold.”
“I’m not,” Raines said, tipping his face down to me. We’d gotten closer than I realized. My hands slowed against his arms, which were tense beneath my palms.
Without another word, Raines pulled me to him.
He buried his face in my neck, in my hair, breathing hard, almost as if he was about to cry, holding me tight. My arms wrapped around his back, though I could barely reach, my heart pounding where we were pressed together.
I felt it calm him. It calmed me too.
There was no way I could let go.
Slowly, gradually, as I felt his fear ebb away, he pulled back—not all at once, not in disgust, but a gradual retreat, almost as though he were reluctant. For once, I didn’t have to worry about what I was feeling, about him feeling it too, because we were in the same place, feeling it together. There was nothing to conceal, almost nothing to share—it was the same thing. The same emotion.
Inches apart, Raines took my face in his hands and gave a half-smile, his breath coming in small, visible puffs of air.
“Beats the hell out of a whispering bench, doesn’t it?”
My pulse felt suffocatingly close to my skin, tight like I was having my blood pressure taken. We were so close, impossibly close, and even in the cold and with the lingering traces of two different magic potions draining from my body, my mind was clear enough to push me towards one realization:
I might have kissed the wrong one.
"I have to go," I said, maybe too abruptly. If Raines noticed, he didn't say anything, just let me go.
"It's late," he said, which I guess was his version of agreeing. "I'll walk you back to the dorm."
I didn't know how I was going to get out of that, so I followed him out the door and back into the relative warmth of the hallway. Outside, with more light, I could see that his cheeks were flushed, a little pink coming through under his pallor.
