by Nina Croft
He was naked from the waist up, his shirt clenched in his fist. Now he shrugged into it, and she got the distinct impression he was giving himself time to think of an answer. He couldn’t fasten the shirt as he’d ripped the buttons off earlier, and he stood with it hanging open, his hands thrust into his pockets, looking decidedly shifty. Regan fought the urge to go to him, run her hands over his bare chest
“She’s nothing to me,” he said.
“But?”
“We had a thing.”
God, that word again. “A thing?”
“When I was sixteen. Just before I left the pack for good. It was nothing.”
“She obviously doesn’t see it as nothing.”
“My God, you are jealous.”
This time she gave in to the urge, stepped toward him, and pressed her palm against his naked chest. His skin was hot and smooth under her hand. She trailed her fingers down over the lean muscles of his belly, slipped them inside the waistband of his pants, and pulled him closer.
“My wolf didn’t like it,” she said.
His lips curled at the corners. “Your wolf made that very clear.”
“Blondie needed to know who was boss.”
She reached up and kissed him. For a minute, he was with her all the way, and she melted against him, forgetting her problems. Then he pulled back. He cupped her chin with one large hand, tilted her face so he could look down into her eyes, searching for something.
“And are you the boss?” he asked. “I got the impression you were just waiting for the right moment, you’d do your clever little spell, and your whole nasty werewolf problem would disappear.”
She pulled free of his grip and stepped back. She’d forgotten about Catrin’s spell and what it might mean, but she couldn’t think straight right now. Besides, without Catrin to tell her the spell, the whole thing was academic anyway. She looked at Caleb and frowned. “Leave it, Caleb. I can’t think about this while Catrin’s missing.”
“And then what?”
“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “That’s the truth. Right now I can’t see past stopping Sardi because that is not going to be easy.”
“Who is he?”
“Wait till we get to the Council,” she replied. “I don’t want to tell this more than once.”
“Then tell me one thing—do you still love him?”
“No. If nothing else good has come out of this night, then at least that has.”
“So, you weren’t sure?”
“It was a long time ago. I was young, and it all ended so badly that he wasn’t someone I could easily forget. But seeing him again”—she shrugged—“I felt nothing. Not love. Not hatred. Until he took Catrin. Now I’ll hunt him down, and I’ll finish what I failed to do all those years ago.”
***
They drove back to the city in silence. There was a faint red glow in the east and Caleb realized that dawn was not far away. He concentrated on the road ahead and tried to keep his mind clear, but thoughts kept intruding.
So much had happened that night.
His father was dead.
He felt no sadness, only regret for what might have been. He’d never been the son his father wanted. Would his life have been different if Ethan had known more? If he’d known what Caleb’s mother was, that Caleb would not turn until he was older? Then the torture would never have happened. Would Caleb have been happy to stay with the pack, not gone his own way? Would he have dreamed of a life among humans if he’d known he had not a single drop of human blood in his veins?
Ignorance had caused this, and from now on Caleb determined that he would not be guilty of that as his father was. From now on, his wolves would not be shunned and kept as outcasts. Caleb would take a place on the Council, and he would make sure they knew everything there was to know about this whole supernatural world.
In the past, he’d forced himself not to think of what went on in that world. Now he felt a stirring of excitement at the thought of discovering the secrets. He’d learned so much since Regan had come into his life.
He glanced sideways at her. She was staring out of the window, but it was obvious she saw nothing. Her teeth worried at her lower lip, and her hands clenched together on her lap. He had a flashback to those lips and hands on his body when they’d made love earlier that night, and heat pooled at his groin.
He knew he had accepted this new life, but he also realized that part of that was because he wanted Regan at his side. A stab of pain ripped through him when he thought of the idea that she might turn her back on him. Simply speak a spell and walk away from their chance of a life together. He pushed the thought away, but maybe she sensed his reaction because she turned to him.
“I can’t help thinking about Catrin,” she said. “Where she is. What Sardi has done to her.”
He frowned. “You think he’ll harm her?”
“I don’t know.”
He could hear the tremor of fear in her voice. “You fell in love with this guy—how bad can he be?”
She forced a faint smile. “Maybe I have appalling taste in men. How can I know what he’ll do? He kept his real self hidden from me. Even when I found out what he was, I didn’t believe he was truly evil. Then I found out he was working with the fire-demons.” She turned to look back out of the window. “It’s almost morning,” she said. “At least we won’t have to put up with any vampires.”
She was changing the subject and Caleb let her. He would find out soon enough. They reverted to silence and eventually pulled up into the underground garage beneath the Council.
This time they didn’t wait for a welcoming committee. Caleb followed Regan deeper into the building, back to the same conference room where they had met before.
Regan pushed open the door and they both entered. Caleb stepped to the side as Gina launched herself at her sister. For a moment, Regan buried herself in her sister’s arms, then she pulled free and stepped back.
“I can’t believe he took Catrin,” Gina said.
“We’ll get her back,” Regan replied.
Her tone was confident, and Caleb could hear no trace of the doubts that had plagued her earlier.
“At least Lola is safe.”
“Where is she?” he asked. He hadn’t seen Lola since that first time he had visited Regan’s home.
“We sent her up to Scotland to stay with friends of Darius,” Gina replied.
“Vampires?”
His surprise must had shown in his voice because Gina narrowed her eyes in his direction. “And what’s wrong with vampires?”
“Er…nothing.” Well, apart from the blood-sucking-monster bit. But he presumed they wouldn’t have sent Lola unless it was safe.
He glanced around the room. With the exception of Catrin, it was the same group as before. Kael and Darius sat at the table. Raven stood behind her husband, one hand on his shoulder. She smiled at Caleb, flashing her small white fangs, and a wave of heat washed through him at the memory of them piercing his skin. He looked away quickly, then stepped toward the table and took a seat opposite Kael. He glanced around for Regan. She was staring at Darius, a look of resignation on her face.
She scowled. “Shouldn’t you be tucked up in your coffin or something?”
“And miss this?” he drawled. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
Regan ignored him and sat down next to Caleb. She fidgeted in her seat, and Caleb realized she didn’t want to talk about Sardi. How could he blame her?
“So,” Kael said. “Who is this man?”
“His name is Sardi,” she said. “He’s one of the Lords of the Underworld.”
“And you knew him.”
She nodded but remained silent, seemingly lost in thought.
“Come on, Regan.” Kael’s voice held an edge of impatience. “You have to give us more than that.”
Caleb reached under the table and touched her thigh. She glanced at him, surprise showing in her expression, then she slipped her hand into his and squeezed.
Then she took a deep breath. “I met Sardi over two thousand years ago,” she began. “I was eighteen, and I was on my own for the first time. Up until then, I’d stayed with my mother. She obviously thought eighteen years was quite long enough and pushed me out into the world.”
“So, what did he want?”
“I believe he targeted me because I have the power to open the gates between the worlds. He wanted to bring his people through. He was in league with the fire-demons, and they’ve always had plans to take over this world. Of course, I didn’t know that at the time. I thought…” She paused then shrugged her shoulders. “It doesn’t matter what I thought.”
“He was working with the fire-demons?” Kael asked. “You know this for sure?”
She nodded. “My mother returned. She knew Sardi from the past. She told me what he was. I faced him with what she’d told me, and he didn’t deny it. In fact, he boasted how he and the fire-demons would take over the world of men. He said I could reign at his side.” Her expression hardened. “He thought by then that my feelings were so involved I would do anything for him.”
“Obviously, he didn’t know you too well,” Darius murmured from across the table, and Caleb flashed him a look of dislike.
She’d been eighteen, and this guy Sardi had obviously traded on that. He was responsible for the woman she was today. She was strong enough to come through it, but it was clear now that it had dented her confidence, her trust. But he realized it was more than that. Regan had loved this man. Even when she knew what he was and how he planned to use her. She’d probably loved him right to the moment she used her considerable powers to destroy him. What would that have done to her?
It wasn’t so much her faith in men that was smashed—it was her faith in herself. For two thousand years, she hadn’t risked falling in love again, and Caleb wasn’t sure that she would risk it now. Somehow, he needed to find a way to overcome that.
“He’s powerful.” Regan was speaking faster now, as though she wanted this over with. “Most of our magic won’t work against him. Without my mother’s help, I would never have defeated him.”
“How did you do it?”
“Together, we wove a spell of destruction. It should have destroyed him, but he must be even stronger than we believed.” She bit her lip, a small frown forming on her face. “My mother told me he was gone. Maybe she lied.”
“Why would she do that?” Darius asked.
She shrugged. “You’ve met my mother. Who knows why she does anything? Anyway, Sardi was obviously weakened. He must have gone back to where he came from but has slowly regained his strength until he was able to return.”
“And what do you think he wants?”
“The same as he wanted back then. He’s always had access to this world, but his followers can’t come through without a portal.”
“So there’s only so much damage he can do here without a gate being opened. What about your sister, Catrin?”
Caleb felt her stiffen beside him. “What about her?”
“Can she open a gate?”
“She can, but she won’t.”
“You don’t think he can force her? Use torture?”
Caleb glanced at her face; the color had drained from her skin, and he knew she was blaming herself again, but there was nothing he could say to make it better. She needed to face the truth.
“I don’t know.”
Gina got to her feet and came around the table. She sat next to Regan and took her other hand. Regan looked into her sister’s face, and Caleb saw some message pass between the two of them.
“I keep telling myself that Sardi won’t hurt her,” Regan said. “I loved him once. I couldn’t love a man who would do something like that.”
“But he’s not a man,” Darius said. “He’s a demon.”
They were all silent for a while. Then Kael turned to Caleb. “Tell me what your father told you about Kyla.”
Caleb recounted his father’s words. Kael winced when he said that Ethan had described his sister as broken, but otherwise he remained emotionless throughout the story. At the end, he frowned. “And he never saw her again?”
“He said not, but he also said that at times he felt as though he was being watched and could never find who it was.”
“Why didn’t she come back?” Kael rubbed at his temples. “If she was free, why didn’t she come and find me?”
“Maybe she needed time alone,” Raven said from beside him. “Perhaps she didn’t want you to see her like that. She’d been a prisoner for a long time. Who knows what she went through.”
“We have to find her,” Kael said.
“Even if she doesn’t want to be found?” Caleb asked.
Thoughts of his mother had been going through his mind since his father’s dying words. He didn’t know what to think or what to do. He’d always wanted to know about her, but then again, he’d always accepted the fact of her death. He’d always believed she hadn’t left him voluntarily, that she had died.
Now he needed to get his head around the idea that she was alive. That she was just one more person who had abandoned him to his father’s tender care. It was hard to take in, and he knew he was being unfair, but the bitterness wouldn’t leave him. Regan squeezed his hand, but he didn’t return the gesture.
After all, here was another woman who would turn her back on him as soon as she was able. He pulled his hand free, and confusion flickered across her face.
“Yes.” Kael answered his question. “Even if she doesn’t want to be found. She’s not well, we can help her.”
Caleb nodded. “I’ll take you to my father’s house. It would be the last place she was seen. We can go from there.”
“We?”
Caleb released his tight hold on the bitterness inside him. “She may be your sister, but she’s also my mother.”
“Okay, we go together. First, we need to find this Sardi. Send him back to where he came from. Where would he go?”
Regan shrugged. “I don’t know. His allies here are dead. We need to know more about him. We need my bloody mother. She knows him.”
“Can’t you get hold of her?”
“No,” Regan snapped. “She’s not answering my prayers.”
“Maybe you need to pray harder,” Darius said.
“Or perhaps you could have a go,” Regan replied sweetly. “As she seemed to take a liking to you.”
Caleb saw a shudder of unease ripple across the vampire’s expression. It made him wonder what Regan’s mother was like. Then Regan sighed.
“What is it?” Caleb asked.
“I was remembering something Sardi said. He told me not to expect any help from my mother this time. I can’t help thinking there might be a reason she’s not answering.”
“Could he have done something to her?”
“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “I’ll try and contact her. But don’t hold your breath.”
***
Regan cast a sideways glance at Caleb. He had drawn away from her both mentally and physically. And who could blame him? This whole mess was her fault.
His face was closed, expressionless, but his body was tense. It was obvious that he regretted their closeness earlier, and a wave of longing washed over her. She longed to be alone with him, find somewhere they could release their wolves, run together until they fell from exhaustion, and then make love until they forgot everything. Wolf stirred at the thought. Caleb must have felt her. He flicked her a look of surprise, and for a brief flash, she saw his own wolf peek out from his eyes. Then he shut down.
She released a sigh of regret. She’d always known it could never work between them. She had loved once in her life and look how that ended. But at least it had ended. One of the reasons she refused resolutely to believe that Sardi could be alive was she was terrified that her feelings hadn’t died. That she would have to relive the whole scenario of destroying the one thing she loved. She wasn’t sure she could survive that a second
time.
She looked again at Caleb. Tonight, for the first time, he had come to terms with what he was. He was strong. If he survived this whole Sardi fiasco, he would make a great leader. He was a man worthy of her love, but was she worthy of his? Could she ever bring anything but pain and destruction? Would she destroy him in the end as she had destroyed Sardi?
But Caleb wasn’t Sardi.
She realized that while she had survived Sardi, she would not want to survive if anything happened to Caleb. She’d seen how Sardi had looked at him. She needed to find a way to keep them apart.
But her first priority was to get Catrin away and safe. Unfortunately, she had no clue how to start.
Where was her goddamn mother?
She pushed back her chair and rose to her feet. Gina still held her hand, and Regan pulled free.
“I’m going to see if I can’t get hold of our dear mama,” she muttered.
Gina bit her lip but nodded. “Good luck.”
“Yeah, I’ll need it.”
She glanced again at Caleb; hoping he would say something, offer to come with her. Of course she would turn him down, but she needed some sign that he cared. Instead, he looked away.
She sighed and headed for the door. Caleb spoke as she was about to leave the room.
“Will you be at the pack ceremony tomorrow night?” His voice was toneless; she could get nothing of his thoughts. Did he want her there?
“I’ll be there.”
She made her way up to the roof of the building. Not that it would make any difference, but she liked to be outside to pray. The sun was fully risen now, but low in the sky. She stood and listened to the sounds of the city, muted up here but ever-present, the air filled with the scent of too many people, living too close together. She longed to be home.
With Caleb at her side.
She wanted to run with him in the ancient forest, show him the sacred places, sleep with him under the moon and stars. She wandered to the edge of the rooftop and leaned over the wall. Below her, traffic crawled by as humans went about their short lives. She’d never been part of that. Caleb had. How did it feel? Was he regretting the end of it? Would he try to maintain a place among men?
