by Ann Aguirre
“Point,” Ryu admitted. “But I figured the shirt was a sign.”
I studied Seth. “Programming?”
He nodded. “What gave me away? I’m interested in pretty much all the hard sciences, though. I haven’t made up my mind on a major yet.”
“Why rush?”
Ryu nudged his roomie. “Let’s get them some drinks?”
As they moved off, Vi drew in a deep breath, covered by the music. “I can’t believe this is happening. Boys just wander over to you?”
They never did before.
“It’s the shirt. Great icebreaker.”
And maybe that’s why Kian bought it.
She shook her head. “It’s because you’re gorgeous. I can’t do this!”
“Relax,” I whispered. “Here they come.”
This was all new to me, too, but I could learn. I had to. Ryu returned with the drinks and Seth brought cookies. The four of us found some chairs in the corner where we could chill. Vi hadn’t spoken a word to the boys, and I could tell by her face that she dug Seth. Maybe we could make that happen by the end of the session.
Ryu was saying, “You ordered your shirt from ThinkGeek, right?”
I nodded, mostly because I had no idea where Kian had gotten it. Fortunately, I was familiar with the store. I’d bought things there before.
“I love ThinkGeek,” Seth put in. “I want some of their spy stuff.”
“To make stalking easier?” Ryu grinned.
“Shut up!”
Man, I had to get Vi into this conversation. I leaned toward her. “What about you? Ever ordered from TG?”
She shot me a look, but answered, “Yeah, a portable solar charger.”
Immediately, both guys turned to her with interest in the specs, whether it was strong enough for a laptop or just an iPod. She fielded their questions with obvious relief; this was something she could discuss. Oddly, her nerves made mine go away because I could see I had nothing to fear.
Vi was right; this was going to be the best summer ever.
INVINCIBLE SUMMER
As it turned out, those were prophetic words. The weeks went quickly, combining work and fun in the best possible ways. The four of us became an inseparable unit, and Ryu did, in fact, become my Japanese boyfriend. My first, though I doubted he’d believe it. Since he was going back to Tokyo at the end of the session, we both understood it was a temporary, summer thing.
During the day, we took astronomy, physics, calculus, and programming courses. At night, we teamed up and took telescopic images of a nearby asteroid, then Seth wrote software to determine its orbit around the sun. Twice a week, we had guest lecturers; my favorite was a physics professor with a great sense of humor, and I really enjoyed the Q&A afterward. The instructors worked us hard, but there was time to socialize as well. At first Vi wasn’t on board, but I kept dragging her along, and eventually, she relaxed enough to joke around with the guys.
Day by day, it got easier to recognize the face in the mirror as my own, though I still wasn’t used to my new body, even the second week in. I kept expecting my legs to be bigger or my pants not to fit when I slid into them. But I paid attention to what I ate, and I got in the habit of running in the morning with Seth. He didn’t look like an athlete, another sign that I shouldn’t judge by appearances. Maybe if my parents had been sportier, less academic, I would’ve valued physical activities as much as intellectual ones.
“Good run,” Seth said, working slowly through his cool down. He was teaching me about fitness without realizing it.
“Longest I’ve ever gone.”
“Yeah? We should get cleaned up. They’re taking us to NASA’s Jet Propulsion Lab today.”
I didn’t need a second invitation to jog up to my room, where Vi was reading. “Tell me Seth looked super hot.”
“I’ll do better than tell you.” Grinning, I showed her the sneaky photo I’d taken with my crappy phone camera.
“God, I love it here. The weather’s gorgeous all the time, it’s so pretty, and—”
“Seth,” I finished, grabbing my basket of toiletries.
Vi threw a pillow at me, which hit the door as I darted out. My shower was quick, and I still needed to grab some lunch before the field trip. A glance at my phone told me I had thirty minutes to get ready and find food. Fortunately Vi had a sandwich waiting on the desk when I got back to the room.
“You have no idea how much I appreciate this,” I said.
“It’s just the opposite. You had no reason to be so nice at registration. I’m trying to repay you and prove I know how to be a good friend.”
“You’re the best.” I hugged her with one arm as I ate.
“Hey, you’ll get crumbs in my hair!”
“Whatev, Seth will groom you like a bonobo monkey,” I teased.
Vi pretended to pout, but she couldn’t hide her smile forever. I’d noticed the way his eyes followed her and the way he brightened up when she entered the room. The boy straight up loved how she could hold her own when the tech talk commenced, getting down and dirty with all of the latest robotic trends. Some things were sexier than great hair and skinny jeans.
My old life, along with my problems at Blackbriar, seemed like a dream, a nightmare, really. Though I remembered the misery and desperation, I was happy. Maybe it was too soon to recover and I’d feel crappy as soon as I saw the Teflon crew’s faces, but for now, the change of scenery and my first real friends were doing the trick. Even if life was imperfect, it was worth living, every minute, every second, and I’d fight to keep this new tenacity, once I went home. I learned that I had a weird sense of humor, but people liked me anyway—or maybe because of it. I’d spent my life cracking jokes in my head, wondering if anyone but me would laugh.
They did.
As for Ryu, I liked being part of something. I didn’t fall wildly in love with him, but he was a great guy: kind, smart, funny, and handsome. It was cool to sit next to him, looking up at the stars, while Vi and Seth whispered beside us. The first time he worked up the nerve to put his arm around her, I smothered a grin and turned to see Ryu watching me with a goofy smile on his face.
“You act like you’ve never seen people fall for each other before.”
“Not from so close up,” I said.
No. I doubted he’d believe me if I said I was operating from what I’d read in books as opposed to personal experience. That truth didn’t fit my new look, even if I was more used to it. So Ryu would never truly know me, and that made me a little sad.
“They’re pretty cute,” he admitted.
“Did you know Seth before the SSP?”
“Only online. We’ve talked in various forums.” From his tone, he’d rather not tell me which ones.
I could guess. “That’s cool.”
“Hey, do you mind if I take a picture of us, show you off to the guys back home?” His question gave me a weird twinge.
Before, he never would’ve wanted to do that, even if he liked me. How did I feel about being eye candy? It was bizarre and slightly unwelcome, not because I didn’t think I was pretty now, but I wasn’t before, and I was still the same person inside.
“No problem.”
It wasn’t fair to dump my ambivalence on him without context. This was probably a normal request and something he meant as a compliment. Obligingly I leaned in, tilted my head against his, and smiled. The flash blinded me for a few seconds, and when I focused on the girl in the photo with Ryu, it didn’t feel like me, more as if somebody had transferred my consciousness into her body.
“We look great. Do you mind if I post this as a status update?”
“Go for it.”
He got busy tapping on his phone, so he missed the moment when Seth leaned in and kissed Vi for the first time. They bumped noses, sweet and awkward, and I turned my face away, cheeks hot. Probably they thought I was too wrapped up in Ryu to notice. I liked him, but … he was safe. There was no chance of losing myself in him.
“And
done.” Before he could do more than hug me and kiss my cheek, the instructor called us to attention and directed us to our next lesson.
Possibly because there were only thirty-six of us, no cliques developed, and nobody was left out. And that was just on the social front. School-wise, I learned a ton. By the time the program wrapped up, we had gone to the Jet Propulsion Lab, the Caltech campus, and Griffith Observatory. Of the trips, I liked the last one most. There was something freeing about being surrounded by people who shared my interests. Nobody thought I was weird for being interested in the stars, not that I wanted to study them professionally. I just found them fascinating, so I enjoyed my time in the dome, working on the orbit determination project.
The weeks melted away, and I came out of the program stronger and more confident. Kian will be proud, I thought, as I put the last load of clothes I’d ever wash on this campus into the dryer. While I might not be completely used to my new self, I’d gotten good at pretending. That’ll have to be enough.
The final night in our dorm room, Vi lay on her bed, dreamy-eyed. “Seth and I are going to keep in touch. I have his, IM, Snapchat, Whatsapp, and stuff. He lives in Illinois, so he’s only three hours away.”
I paused the packing long enough to suggest, “You could meet halfway for dates.”
She sat up in excitement, got online and found the town that was exactly an hour and a half between them. “Oh my God, I can’t believe I never thought of this. It could totally work. I mean, we’d only see each other once a week, but it would be so worth it.”
“He really likes you.”
And it was so awesome to see that not all guys were assholes. Both Seth and Ryu were decent people, who cared more about what a girl was like than how she looked. But I couldn’t help a kernel of doubt regarding Ryu when I considered that Seth had gone for Vi without her getting a complete makeover.
She wore a stubborn look. “Ryu’s into you, too. Sucks that he lives so far away.”
“Yeah, I won’t be doing the long distance thing to Tokyo.”
Vi relented with a laugh. “I guess not. I don’t even know what the time difference is.”
I’d been dorky enough to look it up, but both Ryu and I agreed while we could e-mail, it wouldn’t be like we were in a relationship. We’d both be free to date, which was crucial for the next phase in my plan. I couldn’t wait to see Cameron Dean—and not because I secretly adored the guy who had been so cruel to me. I had no soft feelings for him. This fall at Blackbriar I’d be a one-girl wrecking crew. And I knew who I’d hit the hardest.
Cameron had been the meanest of the guys, focused on me with an uncanny laser beam of douchebaggery. He was the one who got them to steal my gym clothes. He’d also squirted ketchup on my pants, which led to an endless parade of on-the-rag jokes. Then, of course, there was the worst prank—the one that broke me—but I wouldn’t think about that right now. Slowly I shoved down the wave of endless shame.
Vi’s here, and she likes me, here and now. She doesn’t know any of that, thank God. Not that it would change things, but I needed a clean slate, free of mockery and humiliation. While I strangled memory demons, Vi called to tell Seth the good news and they talked for an hour, making plans. I laughed when I heard her arguing with him about where they should meet, because that would be their place from that point on, and didn’t it deserve a little thought, and certainly shouldn’t be a random Burger King? This was the girl who couldn’t talk a guy earlier in the summer, and gladness surged through me that I’d played a part in leaving her life a bit better than I found it. Otherwise, she hadn’t changed. She wasn’t prettier. But she had more confidence, which resulted in a boyfriend. The people who wrote articles about self-assurance being a great attractor obviously knew what was up.
“What’s so funny?” she demanded, after she hung up.
“You are.” Still laughing, I explained why.
She hurled a pillow at me, a habit I’d miss. “You’re not wrong, though. It’s pretty cool that I’m not freaked anymore. Guys are just people, you know? Some will like me, some won’t. That’s life.”
“You’re wise beyond your years, young Padawan.”
“Whatever. I’m going to brush my teeth. And you should call Ryu.”
Once Vi gathered her basket of bath supplies, I headed for the phone, which rang as I reached for it. Apparently, Seth had been telling Ryu the exact same thing.
“Hey, you,” he said.
“Hey, yourself.”
A knot formed in my throat. I liked talking with Ryu, laughing with him, his arm around my shoulders on a summer night, while we made notes on astrological phenomena.
“Did Vi lecture you?”
I laughed softly. “Yeah. They don’t get that our circumstances are different. Long distance will be hard, but doable, for them.”
“But it doesn’t make sense for us,” he replied.
“I knew that shirt was a good move.” Idly I wondered why Kian had bought the thing.
“Are you going to wear it again?” Though he tried to hide it, I could tell he didn’t want me to.
If I put the shirt on again, it would become a fetish-thing, like I was obsessed with Japanese guys, and I didn’t plan to cheapen what we’d had.
“Nah,” I said. “It did the trick. But I’ve gotta be honest. That shirt was a gift. I had no idea what it said. I just didn’t want you to think I was an idiot.”
He laughed. “I know. You covered, but I could tell. For the first thirty seconds, you were very W-T-F?” Ryu went on, “And of course you’re not an idiot. You blew us all out of the water in physics. You’re the total package.”
I hadn’t been, until Kian got his hands on me. My pulse fluttered, thinking about seeing him again. Bad hormones. Cut that out. Likely it was just a combination of factors that made me feel this way. He’d saved me, changed my life. How could I not feel something toward him? I’d get over it.
“I’ll e-mail,” I said softly. “With the time difference, it’ll be tough to Skype.”
“Cool. And who knows where we’ll go to college.”
“Are you considering the US?”
“Yep. My mom’s family lives in Sacramento.”
I’d known his dad was Japanese, his mother American, transferred overseas by her company; she met his dad, loved it there, and stayed. Since I hadn’t expected to be alive, I’d made no college plans. A spark of remorse popped like a live wire; I had lied through my teeth when my parents checked with me, and because they trusted me, they didn’t demand to see my scores. Why would they? I didn’t deceive them, so far as they knew, and I never got in trouble. I was smart; I had their genes, and I always brought home straight As. So when I made up some results and accepted the accolades, they ordered pizza.
Fortunately, there was still time to salvage the wreck of the SS University. “I need to take the SATs again,” I murmured.
Lie. I’d never taken them. I told my parents I’d signed up, but instead I went to the movies and ate popcorn all day. Busy with research, grad students, and grant proposals, they let me manage academic milestones because it taught self-reliance. This way, I wouldn’t go off to college and end up dying in a pile of my own vomit because I’d never been in charge of my own life. From listening to Vi talk about her parents, I’d come to understand my folks weren’t uncaring; they just didn’t realize how their hands-off approach felt to me. What they meant as a show of faith registered as indifference, though teenagers with helicopter parents would prize the freedom I’d taken for granted. It was amazing how much I’d learned—and changed—in five short weeks.
He glanced at me, brows raised. “That surprises me.”
“It was a bad day.”
“I’m sure you’ll rock them next time,” Ryu said.
“Anyway, yeah, I’ll let you know what schools I’m considering.”
He sounded more cheerful already. “And vice versa. Even if we never date again, it would be fun to hang out.”
I smile
d. “You, too. Have a safe flight home, Ryu.”
“Bye, Edie.”
Before he could say anything else, if he would, I put down the phone, and it didn’t ring again. I was glad he knew when to let go. A few minutes later, Vi came in, cheeks pink.
I raised a brow at how obviously kissed she looked. “Did you sneak up to see Seth? I hope Barbie RA didn’t catch you.”
“Nope. I’m a ninja.” She couldn’t say this with a straight face, or maybe making out with Seth had left her with that can’t-stop-smiling expression.
“Don’t leave your throwing stars where I can step on them in the morning.”
“You’re leaving early, too? I got my parents to change my flight. I’m going to Chicago with Seth, then I’ll catch a connection, and he’ll take the bus.”
“Sweet. I’ll try not to wake you when I head out.”
“Then I’d better do this while I can.” Vi ran over and hugged me. “I told all my friends about you, by the way. They hope you’ll come visit so they can meet you.”
“I’ll try.” I had no doubt Vi’s friends were cool and nice.
I could use more of that in my life.
Before bed, I packed and got everything ready to go. I fell asleep thinking about Kian, wondering if he’d look the same, if it would be weird after the kiss. The alarm on my phone went off at seven, and Vi didn’t stir. Taking my clothes, I snuck out with my bath supplies. After I showered, I dried off and dressed in the dorm bathroom, and then went back to the room to grab my bags. A quick check verified that I’d left nothing behind, so I slipped out for the last time.
My cell said it was 7:46, early, but no time for breakfast; that didn’t matter since I’d be home in ten seconds. I found the spot where he’d dropped me off and pushed into the quiet, leafy cathedral. At least that was how it felt to me with the sun shining through the leaves, all green-cast. It was silent and sacred, divorced from the other side of the hedge.
At precisely 8:00 a.m., Kian appeared. I’d convinced myself he couldn’t be everything I’d remembered.
He was.
