by Amanda Foote
“Maybe we just kiss for a little while longer, go back outside, and wait for the right time to come along some other day?” he asked, biting his lip in the most adorable way.
I grinned. “Sounds like a plan to me.” And his lips met mine.
✽✽✽
“Thanks for doing this, Liberty Bell. I really appreciate it.”
Liberty Bell smiled graciously at Cadence. “Hey, it’s no problem, Cadence. I love taking pictures, it’s kind of my job, you know.” She laughed. “Plus, anything for Heaven’s family.”
Cadence smiled at me, a little surprise on her face. She turned back to Liberty Bell. “That means a lot. Thank you.”
The sun was starting to set behind the horizon while we stood around in Marlene’s backyard. Liberty Bell was turning a few dials on her expensive-looking camera while Cadence straightened the teal frilly dress Bliss wore, and then fluffed her own hair using her reflection in the glass patio door. “Okay,” she grinned at Liberty Bell. “We’re ready.”
“Alright! I’m gonna put you over here by the stockade fence.” Cadence grabbed Bliss’ hand and led her to the white fence. The sunset cast a warm glow across them and Cadence looked more beautiful than I had ever seen her before. She wore a light purple dress and had plucked a stunning light pink flower from a neighbor’s garden and placed it in her hair behind her ear. The other side of her hair was laced with a waterfall braid, and the rest of it was very lightly curled. She wore light, simple, sweet makeup.
I heard the patio door slide open, and Marlene walked out, Dillard and Bobby in her wake. Lucius slinked out behind them before Marlene closed the door. She turned to him. “Hey stinky pickle butt, you don’t belong out here.” She picked him up and sent him back inside, sliding the door closed quickly behind him. We heard an indignant meow from behind the door and everyone laughed. “Serves you right,” Marlene told him loudly. “You just wait ‘til we find your supplier!”
Bobby sat down at the patio table. Dillard walked right to me and slid his arms around my waist, his chest pressing into my back. He laced his fingers into mine. “Hello, beautiful,” he said, and I smiled up at him.
A flash went off suddenly in front of us. I whipped my head around, seeing Liberty Bell lowering her camera with a sheepish grin on her face. “Sorry,” she giggled nervously. “I couldn’t help myself.”
She turned back to Cadence and Bliss.
“How do we pose?” Cadence asked her.
“Okay, maybe you could lift Bliss up-”
I cleared my throat loudly. Liberty Bell turned to glance at me in confusion. I gave her the slightest shake of my head, hoping she would read my mind and know not to ask Cadence to pick Bliss up.
She nodded in understanding and turned back to Cadence. “Why don’t you just crouch down right beside her. Yes, exactly like that. Wrap your arms around her, and smile. Perfect!” Liberty Bell was beaming as she crouched a few feet away from them with her camera to her eye, clicking away.
Dillard squeezed my hand and spun me around, while Liberty Bell continued to give Cadence direction, soon talking Marlene into posing with them. I put my arms around his neck, lacing my fingers behind his head. “You’re wonderful,” he said, leaning to peck me on the lips.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I smiled, kissing him back.
“Okay, okay, you lovebirds!” I heard from behind us. I laughed nervously and turned around to find everyone watching. I felt my cheeks getting hot. “When you untangle yourselves, I’d like a picture with my sister,” Cadence grinned.
“With me?” I asked.
She laughed. “No, the OTHER sister we didn’t know about. Yes, you, goofball!”
I laughed and joined her in front of the fence. She wrapped her arm around my waist and leaned into my shoulder. I hadn’t even noticed until just now that she was just an inch or two shorter than me. Cadence looked straight at the camera, but I stole a few seconds to glance at her face, inches from mine. Her nose was long and thin, and her eyelashes dusted with brown mascara were unfairly long and curvy. I could spot a few beauty marks on her cheeks I’d never noticed before, and a big one on the left side of her neck. I have a beauty mark in the exact same place.
It is in the small things I see it - how truly related we were. The way she tucked her hair behind her ear then reached briefly to scratch at the bridge of her nose - I do that too. The way she smiled with one side of her mouth, the way she always blinked twice in a row, the deepness in her laugh. All of these things were so like me, and I wondered briefly why I had ever scoffed at the idea of having a sister. No one could ever possibly understand what it means to be me the way she could, and I saw that in her dark brown eyes.
“Heaven, look at me,” I heard Liberty Bell say, and I was drawn away from her, my eyes shifting to the camera lens as Liberty Bell snapped what seemed like a dozen pictures. I felt a tug on my jeans and glanced down to find Bliss frowning at me with the biggest, most beautiful eyes I’ve ever known. I leaned down and picked her up, balancing her between me and my sister, kissing her right cheek as Cadence kissed her left. Her mouth transformed into a sharp giggle and I tickled her thigh to make her giggle again.
Liberty Bell was laughing as she snapped away on her camera.
Marlene squeezed in next to Cadence, while Bobby and Dillard joined me on my side, all of us laughing and having a wonderful time.
After a few minutes of Liberty Bell snatching images of us, Marlene said to her, “Liberty Bell, come get in the pictures with us!”
“I can’t, I mean-”
“Look, have you got a timer on that thing?”
“Yeah,” she smirked.
Marlene smiled and pointed at a deck chair. “Pull that chair over here and set the camera on it. Set the timer, then get over here!” Liberty Bell smiled and did as she asked.
“Okay, ten seconds!” she giggled and rushed over to us, kneeling in front of me and Bliss, a laugh lingering in her breathless smile.
I felt her arm wrap around my leg. Dillard’s hand rested gently on my waist. And Cadence’s hand found mine, supporting Bliss between us. She placed her hands softly over my fingers, and for just a split second, her eyes found mine. I could see myself in them, all the potential of who I could have been if she had never existed and I had been an only child. In that moment, I realized something. I could not have asked for a better gift from my parents. They left me with someone who could not possibly understand my grief better, someone who was likely feeling the same grief as me and battling cancer all at the same time. I felt a sharp pang in my chest when I realized how few the moments were that I had left with Cadence before she was gone too.
My eyes began to water. I held the tears in and faked the brightest smile I could, waited until the camera went off. As soon as it did, I set Bliss down, uttered a small, “I’ll be right back,” and rushed into the house, tears escaping quickly as much as I wished they’d stay.
I went into my room and locked the door. “You will get a hold of yourself,” I said, sitting on the edge of my bed. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door.
“Just a minute,” I called, clutching the comforter beneath my palms. I wiped the tears from beneath my eyes and took a deep breath. I glanced in the mirror. My eyes were a little red, but nothing I couldn’t pass off as a sudden allergy attack. I cleared my throat and pressed a tissue to my nose.
There was a knock again, and I opened the door. It was Cadence, frowning. “Everything okay?” she asked.
I cleared my throat again. “Yeah. Yeah. Just a small allergy attack, that’s all.”
She looked disbelieving, but nodded. “Okay. Well come on. We’re all gonna watch a movie.” I nodded and followed her. I would follow her as long as I could.
✽✽✽
After the movie, everyone left, Marlene went upstairs to write and Cadence put Bliss to bed in her playpen. Then it was just she and I sitting in the dim light of Marlene’s office-turned-bedroom. I felt myself drawn to
talk to her, to ask her questions, to get advice from her as a little sister should. “Can I ask you a personal question?” I asked. She was perched on the edge of the bed, looking absolutely happy after seeing the perfect ending to the romantic comedy we had watched. An old favorite of Marlene’s, While You Were Sleeping.
“Sure!”
I hesitated. “What was your first time like?”
She looked shocked. She got a little flustered. She bit her lip. “Um, well. That is a very personal question.”
I clammed up and started to back away. I’d overstepped my bounds. I thought we could act like sisters, but maybe we couldn’t. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. We don’t have to talk about it.”
She laughed nervously. “No, no, that’s not what I meant. I’m just surprised, is all. Are you… and Dillard… thinking about it?”
I nodded. “A little. I’ve never, before, and neither has he, so… I was just wanting to talk about it. With you. If that’s okay.”
She smiled, still looking a little uncomfortable, but nodded. “Of course. Of course I want to teach my baby sister the ins and outs of love and all that.” She paused, looking off toward some memory that I couldn’t access. “Well, my first time was absolutely awful. My first couple of times, really. I barely knew the guy, he fumbled with the, well, with the condom.” I blushed. “Those are important, you know. If you don’t make him wear one, you increase the risk of growing this tumor, that can’t walk or talk and poops itself in its sleep and cries, like, all the time.”
We laughed. “Okay,” I said. “Good to know.”
“I’m not like, really experienced or anything like that. There’s just been a couple of guys, and most of them didn’t really care about me. But, there was one guy. Mark.” Cadence smiled with the memory. “He worked as a barista in a coffee shop. I met him after I had already had Bliss and he just really adored her. We made love in the backseat of his car. It sounds really cheesy and awful, but it was really romantic. He cared about me, and I could tell in the way he touched me. We didn’t last, though. I found out about my cancer, and then my parents died. We started growing apart. We broke up right before I came to California, to the funeral. We were together seven months. I’ll never forget them,” she said.
She looked at me. I smiled.
She played with them hem of her purple dress and sighed. “You’ll know when you’re ready, Heaven. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do until you’re ready.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“Now I have a question for you,” she grinned.
“Shoot,” I said.
She stuck a finger out toward the painting I noticed when I’d first arrived, the hand-painted one of a flip flop surrounded by flames. “What the hell is that supposed to be?”
I laughed, but there was a little sadness in it. I know I may not have been raised in a strictly latina upbringing, due to the fact that I was both half latina and half asian, and my parents differed greatly on how they want to raise me, but I knew in that moment what Cadence had missed out on by being adopted.
“It’s called La Chancla,” I grinned. “It’s a joke, sort of, but also not really. Latina mothers have been known to chase their children around angrily with a flip flop and it’s taken on a name and a myth of its own.”
She laughed and laid back on the bed. “I see. What else can you tell me about Mom and Dad’s heritage?”
I snuggled up next to her and pulled the blanket up over us, turning my phone flashlight on. “Well, let me teach you the ways of the latina-asians,” I said laughing, and we giggled and talked and cuddled for several more hours, until we fell asleep to the sound of Bliss’ snoring.
✽✽✽
“Hello ma’am,” I heard in front of me. It was a familiar voice, and my heartbeat quickened before I even looked up to see his face. “I’m looking for a book.”
I grinned at him. “What kind of book?”
Dillard smiled and rubbed his chin, like he was thinking. “Well, it’s definitely in the back of the library. You know, where there’s nobody else around. I think maybe you should come help me look for it.”
I giggled, I couldn’t help myself. I glanced over to see Joanna at her desk in the center of the room, filing her nails. The library was pretty empty. I grinned at him. “I think I can help you with that, sir.” I stood up and led him to the tall shelves at the back of the library, where the lights were dimmer and nobody visited much. It was the non-fiction history section. It was a little disappointing that nobody took the time to read about our history.
As soon as we were a safe distance from Joanna’s prying eyes and ears, Dillard grabbed my wrist and spun me around, planting a passionate kiss on my lips. I wrapped my arms around his tall back and he ran his fingers through my hair. I didn’t want to come up for air, but I knew we couldn’t sneak away for long. So I took a very small step back, my hands sliding down to rest on the waistband of his jeans, lacing my fingers behind him. I sighed. “I’m at work,” I said.
He grinned mischievously and pecked at my cheek. “But you’re so beautiful today, I can’t help myself!”
I laughed. “You said that yesterday.”
He laughed as well. “It’s true today, too!”
I kissed him again. I didn’t want to let go. I didn’t ever want to let go. I wanted to hold onto his lips forever, and lose myself in them. I could forget absolutely everything in him, all that I had lost and all that I was going to lose. Releasing his lips meant facing reality.
But I’ve never been very good at avoiding reality.
I took another step back and faced him seriously. “You really do have to go. I’m at work. They’ll fire me if they find me back here, like this.”
He sighed, giving me another quick kiss. “Okay. Do you work tomorrow?”
I shook my head. “No.”
He smiled. “Good. Let’s go out on a real date tomorrow. Like, a museum. An art museum. And dinner, my treat.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Okay,” he repeated. He kissed me again. “See you tomorrow, Heaven.”
He walked away, letting my hand go at the very last second. I watched him leave and took a deep breath, making my way back to the front of the library, grinning like a fool.
Joanna eyed me suspiciously from her perch, but in that moment, I didn’t care. I was weightless.
✽✽✽
I came home after work to find Cadence reading a book at the kitchen island. She was eating Oreos one by one and dunking them into a small glass of milk, but she was so caught up in the book in front of her that she kept missing the cup entirely and hitting the Oreo on the counter. Lucius was curled up next to her, purring loudly.
I startled them both when I dropped my purse on the dining room table. She jumped. “Oh, Heaven! You scared the pee out of me!” She snorted then, a cute little grin on her face. “I mean, not literally, thankfully!”
I smiled. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to. What are you reading?”
She glanced down at the book with a shy smile. “It’s one of Marlene’s.” She picked the books up and showed me its cover. “Road Less Travelled,” she said.
“Oh, that’s one of my favorites,” I replied.
“You’ve read it?”
“I’ve read all of Marlene’s books,” I said, taking a seat at the table. She studied me from her perch at the kitchen island.
“I have to know,” she started. “Do you Cam and Edith end up together? Tell me.”
I laughed. “Well, just keep reading!”
She sighed. “What if I can’t finish it?”
I tensed up. “What do you mean? Of course you’ll finish it.”
Cadence frowned. “You don’t know that for sure.”
“You’re scaring me, Cadence.”
She stared right at me. “I’m just trying to be realistic here, Heaven. You need to understand there is a possibility that I'll never finish this book.”
I took a moment and let her stare at me.
I couldn’t let her words sink in. I couldn’t picture her leaving. But I couldn’t disappoint her, either. I sighed, half in frustration and half in resignation. “What part are you at?”
She smiled giddily. “Cam just boarded the train.”
I got up and sat down at the bar next to her, studying the page she’s on for a few minutes. “Edith follows him to America. She gets lost in New York and walks into a cafe. It’s completely cheesy but completely perfect, because he’s there, having lunch with Aaron. She tells him she loves him and they kiss, she moves to New York to be with him.”
Cadence laughed excitedly, her eyes bright and shiny. “Yes! I was so hoping they would end up together. All of her other books have such sad endings.”
I nodded. “It’s her only happy one. Her first book.”
“Ah.” Cadence replied. “Before her fiance died.”
What? Apparently Cadence knew more about Marlene’s past than I did. When did that happen? Did they have some heartfelt conversation I had not been a part of? It didn’t seem fair. I didn’t even know Marlene had been engaged.
I nodded my head yes, like I knew what she meant. “You really should read the rest of the book,” I said, and she nodded. “It’s worth it.”
✽✽✽
“Look at the way he uses color,” he said, gesturing toward the painting in front of us. “Like he understands it. Every color means something to him. And every shade of that color is a different feeling within that meaning.”
I smiled up at him. “Fascinating,” I said. I wasn’t trying to sound sarcastic, but it came out that way, a little.
He tossed a look at me to his right, grinning. “Sorry. I can really get into this stuff. It’s really interesting to me.”
“No, no. Me too. I mean, it’s interesting to me that it’s interesting to you,” I said. “I can understand the appeal. You look at art how I look at books.” He turned toward me, I kept going. “You look at a painting and can see how he felt because he used certain colors or brushstrokes, probably because you have used the same colors and techniques in your own art. I read a book and I can feel what the writer felt, I can see it in his word choice and sentence structure. It’s almost the same. The way you feel about art is how I feel about literature and writing.”
