I spill the rest of the water into the sink and rinse out the glass, setting it in the dish drainer when I’m done. I decide that until this takes effect, the best place for me will more than likely be my couch where I can freak out Miko who probably made her way back to my bed at this point.
The only real friend I have in the world, and she doesn’t even know how to talk, I think with a chuckle as I lay down and drape an arm across my forehead.
I close my eyes and focus on the ticking of the grandfather clock I managed to find at a second-hand store for one hell of a bargain. It’s a little trick I like to do on the nights where I’m so exhausted from the lack of sleep but can’t drift off no matter how hard I try.
I let out a soft sigh and shift my back on the couch in an attempt to become slightly more comfortable and wonder when this “wonder” pill will start working. I make a fist with the hand that’s resting on the couch, then release it. For some reason, it’s starting to feel a bit sweaty, but I assume the chill that follows it only means that my body wants me to fucking go to sleep.
While it’s not entirely true that I’m doing my best to avoid going to sleep, it could be a fair statement to make. I just don’t know if my past will be waiting for me when I fall into the world of dreams which quickly become nothing more than a hellish dominion of nightmares.
My arms suddenly jerk and my heart begins to race. Something’s wrong. I sit up and the world spins around me, causing me to almost vomit, which I think would be the ideal thing right now.
What the fuck did he give me?
I close my eyes tightly as I drop to my knees, my breathing becoming labored and the sweat of my body starting to coat my skin in a glistening shine.
Am I going to die?
I dig my fingers into the floor beneath me and will myself to crawl over to my phone which is sitting in my purse on a kitchen counter somewhere.
I won’t get to it in time because my body is rebelling against me at a much too rapid rate. What could I have possibly said to a virtual stranger that he would react by trying to kill me?
No.
This is my own doing. Silas only provided me with the means and I was stupid enough to swallow a pill that held secrets and now I’m paying the price for my brash behavior.
Miko is suddenly next to me, licking my face, and I give her a gentle shove away from me. She shouldn’t have to see this—she doesn’t understand what’s happening to me, but I hope that if I do die, she’ll have no qualms sustaining herself on whatever she can find around the place, and if it just so happens to be me, then I deserve it.
I can’t die, not like this. Not over something that I never would have willingly taken had I known it would render me this heaving mess.
I begin to crawl toward the kitchen, and even though my vision is starting to blur, I can see my purse sitting on the edge of the sink where I left it. I take a deep breath which burns because of the restriction in my chest and use every last ounce of energy I have to make my way over and pull it down by the strap.
It lands on the floor, spilling out the contents, and my phone slides across the room. I manage a laugh despite myself because that would be my luck.
I lower myself onto my stomach and reach for the phone, but I can’t get to it from where I am and I’m almost out of energy. Reaching for my purse, I grab the strap tightly and swing it at the phone, managing to pull it close enough for me to grab it.
Okay. Almost done.
I tap the screen to life and fumble in the almost darkness to find the call log, swipe it away, and dial 9-1-1. After two rings, an operator picks up, but I can’t quite make out what they’re saying.
“1346 East Elm Street. I’m dying,” I mumble into the speaker.
The operator’s voice becomes frantic with questions, but I’m too tired to answer anything. I can barely understand what’s going on anymore. Instead, I just close my eyes and wonder if they’ll get to me in time or if they’ll think this a joke.
Either way, surviving this won’t mean a difference in the world to me because the world I live in is so mired in shit, that death has to be better.
Chapter Four
“Ugh.”
I groan as my eyes struggle to open. The bright, florescent lights above me give me an almost instant headache.
“What the hell is going on? Where am I?” I ask, lifting my hand to try and block the glare above me.
“It’s okay, sweetie. You’re alright now.”
I don’t recognize the voice that’s speaking to me, and even though it’s meant to be a gentle whisper, it sounds like nails on a chalkboard.
“Gave us a scare, though!”
Her light laughter rings through my head like bombs going off in a minefield and I wince.
“Sorry about that,” she says knowingly as she pulls the thin blanket up underneath my chin. “It’ll go away soon. I promise.”
I nod as I shiver beneath the warmth of the blanket and sigh heavily. Even though it hurts me more than it should, I force myself to open my eyes completely and find a young woman in her mid-twenties looking down at me with a kind smile. Her big blue eyes are startling and the way her strawberry-blonde hair frames her face makes me smile slightly.
“Are you a nurse?” I ask her groggily.
She nods, the smile still on her face, as she leans down and presses her hand against my forehead.
“What happened?” I ask her when she pulls her hand away.
“You almost overdosed, honey,” she explains quietly as she picks up a clipboard she had lying on the bed next to me and jots something down. “Any particular reason?”
The way she looks at me now is almost accusing—as if I thought it would be fun to end my own life because I didn’t have anything better to do.
“I was thirsty,” I bark at her. When she bites her lip and lowers her eyes to her clipboard, I almost feel bad for being such a bitch, but it’s in my genetic make-up to mistreat those around me. “Sorry.”
She forces a smile onto her pretty face for my sake and smooths out the edge of my blanket.
“It’s okay. I’ve been told worse reasons,” she replies making a face. I laugh despite myself, then wince. Even the sound of my own laughter is grating on my nerves right now.
“Do you have someone you’d like us to call for you, sweetheart?” she asks in a gentler tone.
I close my eyes and shake my head. The only two people I want to talk to about this clusterfuck would end up in hospital beds of their own if they got too close to me right now, and I don’t think getting arrested is in my best interests.
Not before I can get my hands around their throats first, anyway.
“No, I’ll be okay,” I finally say to her. “Any idea how long I’ll be in here, though?”
“Seventy-two-hour mandatory psych hold,” she replies quietly.
I roll my eyes and sit up as much as I can. “Listen, I didn’t try to kill myself—I really didn’t. My life may not be a bed of roses, but it’s not a raging thorn bush either. It was a stupid mistake on my end and I’ve obviously learned not to take candy from strangers anymore,” I say, gesturing around the room.
“I know, honey, but it’s hospital policy regardless of the situation. There’s nothing we can do about it but think about it this way—you get free T.V. and three-square meals a day just for laying in bed,” she reasons as cheerfully as she can.
I sigh loudly because I know I’m defeated. There’s no point in arguing something that obviously isn’t going to go my way. I’ll do my best to look at this Susie Sunshine’s way and I’ll take the time off from the real world and rest up.
Seventy-two hours of being watched, and more than likely interrogated, over less than a thirty-minute conversation with someone I barely know.
Serves me right, I guess.
I’m the one that fell for those pretty eyes belonging to the boy that I knew I should have just turned away from, and I almost did.
But something in his tone stopp
ed me. Something in the way those eyes took me in made me feel almost safe.
Safe enough to go home and almost die, I think with a scoff as I roll on my side and pull the blanket up tightly.
I should have remembered the hard-learned lesson from my childhood. Boys are only made to break your heart. They’ll toy with you, tell you they love you—or some similar bullshit lie, just to get what they want, and when they see you’re at your most vulnerable, they strike.
The test of a true woman is if you’re willing to strike back and move the pieces along the game board with them, and if they’re worth it, you will.
Three days.
I can do this.
I’ve done longer time in the prison of my own mind.
Closing my eyes tightly, I sigh again and pray for a dreamless sleep because the last thing I need right now is a nightmare on top of what I’m already dealing with.
I’ll find out if Silas is worth anything more than the anger he’ll be on the receiving end of shortly by the way he handles it.
Chapter Five
“Thanks,” I call out to the cab driver as I drop a twenty-dollar bill onto the front seat and climb out of the vehicle.
I walk straight for the door of Lizard’s Tavern with every intention of giving Silas a piece of my mind if he’s unlucky enough to be in here tonight. I figure if I can get him to understand just how close to the brink of death’s door he got me, maybe he’ll apologize—or at the very least find, a new hobby.
The walls are shaking once I step inside. The jukebox is full swing into some ninety’s alt-metal music and everyone seems to be feeling good. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see an arm waiving and when I glance over, I see Vanessa. I clench my jaw tightly and nod at her, an angry and betrayed feeling washing over me. Once I’m done with Silas, I’ll be paying her a little visit for suggesting that I take up with him in the first place.
I look around the crowded bar and crane my neck toward the pool tables. Of course, that’s where he is, I think, shaking my head as I pull my hair back into a tight ponytail and roll up the sleeves of my shirt. Silas is bent over, lining up his next shot, and just as he’s about to hit the cue ball and win the game, I reach over and yank it off the table.
“What the fuck!” he shouts angrily as he glances at me.
I walk right up to him; ball firmly clasped in hand and poke a finger into his chest. Silas’ anger gives way to a smirk when he realizes it’s me. His eyes lock onto mine, giving me a level stare that causes me to take an unwitting step backward.
“That shit you gave me the other night almost killed me,” I accuse through grit teeth. Silas rolls his eyes and tosses his pool cue over at one of the guys standing next to us. He crosses his arms loosely over his chest and raises an eyebrow.
“Do I know you?” he asks.
“What?”
I’m confused by his question. I can’t tell if he’s being serious or if he’s just fucking around with me right now, but either way, I won’t leave without an apology.
“I asked if I know you because I don’t have a fucking clue what you’re talking about. Now, may I suggest that you hand over the cue ball, get your fucking finger out of my face, and maybe walk that sweet little ass to the bar and buy me and my guys a round? Listening to chicks bitching always makes me thirsty and I don’t like to drink alone. Off you go sweetheart; and make sure that you come back fast with those. We like our beers nice and cold.”
My mouth drops open slightly. What happened to the Silas from the other night who dubbed me Hair Metal and took playful jabs at my awkward shyness to make me feel comfortable around him?
I look around the table for a moment and notice that we’re being watched by his friends. One of them is impatiently tapping his pool cue against the side of the table.
“Here,” I say, tossing the cue ball onto the table before I turn to face him again. “My mistake, I thought you were a decent guy.”
The men standing idly by all break into laughter.
“Damn Silas; seems like you’re always making friends,” one of them says to him as I turn away from them and start to make my way toward the bar. I won’t leave just yet because I don’t want to give them the impression that they were able to chase me out.
Vanessa, who’s been watching the entire scene unfold, walks quickly down the length of the counter and waits for me because she knows that I always end up in the same stool, in the same bar, every fucking night.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asks when she reaches me.
“Oh, get the fuck away from me,” I snap at her. “You and kid wonder over there almost landed me into an early grave the other night.”
“What are you talking about?” she asks, wrinkling her nose. “I didn’t give you anything.” I give Vanessa a level stare. I refuse to believe that she doesn’t recall the perfect set up between me and Silas—the one I had told her I wanted no part of.
“Silas did. He gave me something ‘fun’ to make me forget, and you fucking set me up with him even though I asked you not to, so you’re just as guilty in my eyes,” I reply through grit teeth.
“Whatever,” she mutters with a shrug. I’m fighting the urge to pick up the napkin dispenser next to me and throw it at her head over her nonchalant attitude, but I decide it’s in my best interest not to get arrested—especially not in a place like this.
And most definitely not when the only person I know who would come to my rescue would send my demon instead and I’ve run for far too long to have to come face to face with it ever again. He wouldn’t send him out of malicious intent, he would only do so because he would assume that as time has gone on and distance has been put between us, that he would have grown out of his sickness.
It’s too risky and I can’t take that fucking chance.
With a heavy sigh, I decide it’s best to stay where I am and try to compose myself. That is until I feel an arm drape around my shoulders. I turn my face and look right into Silas’ eyes.
“For fucks sake! Can’t you just leave me alone?” I ask, attempting to shove him away.
“Stop,” he says in a quiet tone. “I’ll explain why I treated you like a stranger just now if you follow me into the bathroom.”
“I’m not interested,” I say, giving him a hard-enough shove to move his arm from around my shoulders.
He lets out a long-suffering sigh, then leans over the bar-top and waves at Vanessa. Silas reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of cash, orders two beers, and steals a glance at me.
“Those guys that I run with? Bad dudes. All of them—myself included. If you’re spending your nights here looking for a hero, I think it would be in your best interest to give the villain a second look instead, Hair Metal.”
I turn slowly to face him, my eyebrows arched, and venom on my tongue. If he thinks that I only come here to look for some random dick to take home, then maybe it’s in his best interest to go back and play pool with his little friends.
“Do you want to know why I come here night after night?” I ask him after I’ve taken a deep breath to compose myself. Silas shrugs but looks at me with a renewed interest. “I come here to get away from the bullshit that is my life. This is the only place that’s loud enough for me to get lost in everyone else’s thoughts rather than having to combat my own. I’m not here looking for anything other than a good, stiff drink and maybe someone to talk to until it’s closing time.”
Vanessa places a beer in front of each of us, but neither of us pay her much mind. Silas is trying to understand that maybe, just maybe, there’s a girl in this bar that doesn’t want to ride his dick.
I roll my eyes at him, grab my purse, and throw money at her. He comes to and retrieves my fifty-dollar bill, sliding it back to me, and replacing it with one of his own. He waves her off and she shakes her head as she walks away and leaves us staring at each other again.
“What happened to you, Hair Metal? Why the tough girl act?” he asks quietly as he twists the cap off of his bo
ttle.
“It’s none of your business,” I snap at him, reaching for my beer. I begin picking at the cap, not wanting to open it just yet, and Silas lets out a sigh.
“Alright. Fine. But can you please just come with me to the bathroom? I want to explain.”
He holds out his hand low enough where his friends won’t see it, but just high enough that I can. I sigh and against my better judgement, take his hand and let him lead me toward the restrooms.
“Get out,” he says evenly as soon as we enter the men’s room. There’re about four guys in here pissing at the urinal, but they all scramble for the door the moment he tells them to.
“Okay,” he says, setting his beer bottle on the edge of the sink and running a hand back through his hair. “I have a feeling you’re not a gal that’s too big on rules, but we are—me and my guys, I mean.” I raise an eyebrow as I fidget with the cap on the bottle and he smiles, reaches for it and pops it off for me, then hands it back. “So with us, if you bring a girl around and she doesn’t belong to anyone, she’s free game. I know it sounds shitty,” he says once he sees the look of outrage cloud my face, “but it’s just how we do shit. That’s why I treated you the way I did, because if they got any inkling that I knew you, then they would start interrogating me and once I told them the truth, there would be a big ass target on you.”
I stare at Silas for a moment. What he just said to me is cruel and a little hard to swallow, but I’ve had a target on my back ever since I was a little girl, so the only thing this would do is trigger old memories if they attempted it.
“I’m gonna go,” I say softly. “And I’m really angry at you over that fucking pill.”
“I’m sorry, okay? I really am. I gave it to you because I was pissed that you blew me off and I hadn’t even tried it on anyone yet. It’s my fuck up and I’ll own up to it if you can forgive me,” he says, reaching for his beer and taking a swig. I watch him carefully as he sets it back down onto the edge of the sink, then takes a step toward me, grabs my bottle, and sets it next to his.
Love is Strange: A Taboo Anthology Page 11
