He smiles, a single tear rolling down his ruggedly handsome face and nods. “Thanks, Ells. I needed to hear that today.”
“You’re welcome,” I reply softly, reaching across the table and resting my hand on his free one. I give it a gentle squeeze as he moves his thumb gently across the top of my bare skin causing me to shiver.
The rules can wait until tomorrow.
He seems to be dealing with enough pain for today.
Chapter Six
I clear my throat as I snuggle deeper into his arms. We’re lying on the couch watching a violent slasher movie—his favorite kind, and as the killer begins to slowly ascend the stairs after his prey, I begin to tremble. I hate these movies, they always scare me, but it gives Icarus a chance to be a knight in shining armor by holding me close and getting a kick out of my reactions.
It’s a win for him and that’s enough to make me happy.
The killer kicks the door to the room where the heroine is hiding and I damn near jump off the couch causing Icarus to laugh.
“Chicken,” he teases me.
“Whatever,” I grumble good-naturedly, to which he places a gentle kiss on the top of my head.
“Ever wonder what that would be like, Ells?” he asks as he shifts behind me on the couch, running a hand up and down my arm.
“What?” I ask, turning my face up toward him.
“That,” he replies, nodding at the screen. I raise an eyebrow and turn my attention back to the movie just in time to see the killer cut the girl’s throat from ear to ear. Guess she’s not the heroine after all.
“No, I don’t think I’ve ever found myself wondering what it would be like to stalk and kill someone,” I reply dryly.
“Me either; I was just wondering if you were more of a freak than I knew,” he teases again with a laugh.
I let out a loud sigh and attempt to sit up, but he pulls me tightly back against him.
“Stop being so sensitive, babe. I was just kidding,” he says before yawning and leaning his body back against the couch. It’s just enough space and relaxation on his end for me to quickly pull away from him and sit up.
“I know,” I say with a shrug as I lean forward and grab my rum and Coke from the coffee table. “I just think you take it too far sometimes is all.”
“What do you mean?” he asks, pausing the film and giving my back a gentle nudge with his knee. He wants my attention right now and I’ll give it to him because it will make him happy. I turn slightly on the couch, folding a leg underneath myself and shrug as I take another sip of my drink.
“That’s just a weird thing to ask someone,” I say conversationally. But then it makes me wonder. “Have you ever thought about killing someone, Rus? Is that why you asked me?”
He lets out a groan as he runs both of his hands back through his hair before letting them rest on his face. He’s counting to ten, I can tell because his breathing is methodical now and when he’s reached his number, he lowers his hands to his chest, interlacing his fingers together.
“No.”
“Rus.”
“Alright. Maybe.”
“Rus….”
“Why does it matter?” He asks through clenched teeth. “If I ever thought about it, I’ve had every opportunity to do it and I obliviously haven’t. Stop acting like I’m a psychopath for asking you something like that. We’re watching a horror movie, it seemed like a common-sense question to ask at the time. Allow me to apologize for exercising some common sense,” he says bitterly as he swings his long legs over my head and gets to his feet.
“You can’t be serious right now,” I reply, evenly. “Are you really walking away because I asked you a question instead of giving you the answer you were looking for?”
“I’m just gonna go to bed. It’s late anyway and I’ll be better in the morning,” he says indifferently as he damn near stomps the entire way back toward our bedroom.
I set my drink on the coffee table and sigh as I lay down on the couch. Talking to him is obviously out of the question now, so I’ll just watch the rest of this movie by myself and pray that I don’t have any nightmares.
Although I don’t think anything could possibly scare me more than Icarus when he’s in a bad mood.
Chapter Seven
"Mm.”
I roll over onto my side and wrap my arms around myself. I blink lazily a few times before I open my eyes and find myself staring at the back of the couch.
“What?” I mumble in confusion as I turn onto my back and glance up at the living room ceiling. It takes me a moment to focus but I understand why I’m out here now.
Icarus left me on the couch after he went to bed.
I yawn, stretching my arms over my head before I push myself to a seated position and rub my hands over my face in an attempt to wake myself up completely.
He’s still pissed, otherwise he would have turned off the television and carried me to bed. Instead, I’m sitting in a dark living room that’s illuminated by the DVD title menu on loop and I’m feeling a little alone right now.
I reach for the remote and turn off the movie, then the television before I get up and walk over toward the closet. Pulling the door open, I push myself up onto my tiptoes and run my hands blindly along the top shelf.
I know there’s a spare blanket in there somewhere, but since Icarus is the one that stocks the damn thing, and he’s about a foot taller than me, he’s the only one that can reach the fucking thing without struggling.
I almost admit defeat when I decide to go into the kitchen for my chair. I’ll carry it back and push it as close as I can, I should be able to get a better reach that way. I feel quite proud of myself for not giving up like I normally would. But in those instances, I can always ask Rus to get what I can’t reach but that’s not plausible this time.
I walk as quietly as I can across the carpet until I reach the hardwood flooring in the kitchen. I smile as I look down at it because it’s something that Icarus put in himself, and he’s quite proud of it. Of course, he’s always been amazing with his hands—in and out of bed.
I shake my head fondly as I take my steps into the kitchen, sighing when I think about how much easier it would be right now if I could just crawl into our bed, but he needs his space and I need mine. I won’t force him to love me when he’s obviously hurt about my insinuation like I wouldn’t force him to love me in any of my angry moments toward him.
A raging sea and an ancient mountain destined to crash against each other for eternity because of how deeply they love one another, unwilling to destroy the other.
That sums up my life with Icarus and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.
“Oh my God!”
My voice catches in my throat as I take an impulsive step backwards. I had been so lost in my own thoughts I didn’t notice I wasn’t alone.
“Rus? Are you … are you okay?” I ask the shadow leaning against the wall. The only thing dividing the space between him and my chair is the window that I like to spend my time catching glimpses of the outside world through and for some reason, I feel uneasy.
He doesn’t answer me.
The silence is enough to jar my soul, but I won’t walk away from him because I’m not like everyone else he’s ever known in his life.
“Rus?” I ask again.
He lets out an odd sound—something reminiscent of a growl and sigh before he finally acknowledges that I’m in the room with him.
“Ella, can I tell you something?” he asks in a low tone, one I don’t quite recognize.
“You can tell me anything,” I reply as bravely as I can.
My insides are screaming at me; trying to warn me that something’s wrong, but I don’t listen because I’m too intoxicated by the love I feel for him to even realize that I may be in danger for the first time since falling in love with him.
“I’m scared,” he says quietly as he moves to my chair and sits down. He drops his face into his hands and lets out a shuddering breath,
causing me to walk quickly into the room and wrap an arm protectively around his shoulders.
“Of what?” I ask softly.
“Of losing you,” he replies in a strained voice.
“What are you talking about?” I ask him, my voice raising slightly. “I told you that you’d have to get rid of me yourself if you ever wanted me to leave, and I know there’s no chance of that. You’re stuck with me, Rus; forever.”
He looks up at me with a tear-stained face and a sad smile before he rests his cheek against my arm.
“I know.”
“Then you know there’s nothing to worry about,” I say to him, running a hand gently over his head. “We love each other too much to ever let go, don’t we?”
“Don’t you think that’s strange?” he asks, pulling away from my arm.
He turns his face away from me as he begins to wrench his hands and I raise an eyebrow questioningly at him. Even though he can’t see it, I know he’ll tell me what’s in his heart without any further prodding. “I feel consumed by you, but not in a bad way. In an obsessive kind of way and I don’t want anyone else to ever know what it’s like to have you, Ells.”
I walk around to the front of Icarus and drop gently down on my knees. I reach up and place a hand on either side of his face and force him to look me in the eyes.
“And no one ever will,” I whisper to him fiercely.
He smiles, nods, and gets to his feet, holding a hand down toward me. I take it and allow him to pull me to my feet and smile hopefully as he wraps his arms around my waist.
“I love you, Ells.”
Epilogue
BEFORE
We’re dancing slowly in the living room to the sound of our own heartbeats. There’s no music because we don’t need it. I hold Ella tightly in my arms, kissing the top of her head when she rests it against my chest.
I’ve always imagined that on the day we got married, we would dance something like this—in a world of our own where music holds no meaning because we’re the only ones that would matter in that moment.
I don’t see my life without Ella and I know she doesn’t see hers without me and that’s why I know this is the only way. I’ll love her for as long as she’ll allow me to and I’ll give myself to her every night that she can stand it.
We may never have our family, but I think that we’re honestly perfect the way we are. Adding another person to the equation, even if it would be someone born of our love for each other, would only take her away from me and I can’t stand the thought.
I can’t stand losing Ella to anyone else.
It haunts me at night, thinking that maybe the bliss we shared that one time will be the time she gets pregnant and I lose her.
But Ella promised me.
She promised me I would never lose her to anyone else and I plan on making her keep that promise.
“Rus?” she asks.
I close my eyes and continue to sway around in a circle with her in my arms.
“Rus?”
She coughs and tries to push me away, but I hold Ella close and continue to dance.
“Wait. You’re holding me too tightly,” she complains with another cough and another attempt to push me away.
I won’t let go.
I’ll never let Ella go and she should know that by now.
I turn us in a semi-circle and continue to use my forearm to apply pressure to the back of her neck, kissing the top of her head again as she begins to beg and cry.
She’s telling me that I’m hurting her.
She’s telling me that she can’t breathe.
But now she knows.
She understands how I feel every time she banishes me away from her presence because I’ve pissed her off or upset her in some way and she needs some time away from me to get her head back on straight.
I feel like I can’t breathe—like it’s a pain that will never go away—and now she understands.
I’ll care for her until I decide I’m tired of living in a quiet place because I want her to know she’s loved, even after she takes her last breath. I’ll love her more than ever because then I’ll know we’ll never be apart.
There will never be anything I can say to her or do to her that will make her angry ever again.
A few more moments pass before she finally stops struggling against me and I let her body go. She falls into the recliner and I smile at her beautiful face. She didn’t die in pain and that’s all that matters to me.
I lean down and place her hands on either side of the armrests, push her legs together, and brush her hair out of her face.
I love Ella and now she’ll be mine forever.
Just like I always promised her.
Burnt Embers
ALLY VANCE
Chapter One
EMBER
“Oh my God, your brother is so fucking weird, Casey,” I whisper to her.
I caught him watching me from across the living room where we were lying on the floor with our homework books laid out in front of us. I’m pretending to be annoyed, but I can’t help being drawn to his dark and brooding looks with his double lip rings, eyebrow piercing and nearly black hair that flops in his face. We couldn’t be more opposite, but that only makes me want him more.
I feel myself start to blush under his scrutiny, so I bury my head back into the calculations in front of me. I sigh because I can’t concentrate now. I’m not one of those girls who is typically distracted from their studies by boys, but something about Ash draws my eyes to him whenever he walks past me or walks into a room in Casey’s house.
She looks at me and seems to be fighting back a smile at how red I’ve gone before she turns to him and says, “Ash, fuck off. We’re trying to work, and my girl can’t concentrate when you’re staring at her ass like that.”
Kill. Me. Right. Fucking. Now. Casey did not just say that to him. I'm totally mortified, so I bury my head in my hands and try to sink through my books into the floor. It doesn’t work, and now she's cackling like a loon next to me. I love her, but she's soooo embarrassing!
I hear Ash’s deep chuckle from the other room and then his voice, which feels like it’s coating me in warm honey, “I wasn’t looking at her ass. Don’t be so crude little sister.”
“You so were!” Casey calls back, her voice high with laughter, “Wasn’t he, Em?”
I splutter, “I don’t know! Oh my God, why do you do this to me? I swear I’m going to kill you if you don’t shut up.”
I’m going to actually kill her when we get upstairs because she does this all the time. I think she knows I have a crush on Ash, but it’s not just Ash. Any guy I’ve been interested in since we started high school, she’s teased me about. I know she thinks I’m weird because I don’t go for the nerdy types like myself, and honestly, I don’t know why either. Casey is the laughter to my silence, the life and soul of our friendship, and I wouldn’t ever change what we have. She’s my best friend and like a sister to me. If only her being like a sister to me meant I saw Ash as a sibling. But I can’t see him as anything other than my best friend’s hot brother. A guy I have secretly wanted since I was fourteen, and he was eighteen.
When we finally get up to Casey’s room, I close the door and flop down on her bed, mumbling threats under my breath while she giggles at my expense.
“Em, you know he’s twenty-one and leaving for college again soon, right?” Casey says, suddenly a bit more serious.
This girl gives me severe whiplash at times, but I turn and smile softly at her. “I know, and besides, I doubt he would be interested in doing anything anyway. I’m seventeen, Case, and he isn’t stupid.”
She comes and sits next to me, putting her arm around my shoulders, and I lean into her as we get lost in our thoughts. I know she means well and is just teasing when she does that, and I know she's only looking out for me. I’m sure she's probably mortified that I have any interest in Ash at all. I hug her back, smiling because it’s just a crush, which I'm never going to
act on.
He's leaving again for college soon, and I will have moved on from here before he comes back. College is a year away, and I’m not going to even think about guys until then. I need to keep up my grades and focus on graduating at the top of my class, so I can do what I’ve always wanted and get into college to study art and architecture.
We spend the rest of the night curled up on her queen-size bed watching movies. Our serious moment is long forgotten as we lose ourselves in the story on the screen and talk about school and our upcoming exams. This year is going to be tough, and we both need to buckle down and get stuck into our studies.
Casey falls asleep about halfway through the movie, but I don’t turn it off. I just sit there staring at the TV and not really seeing or hearing anything. All I can think about is dark hair, lips that curve up in a smirk, and metal lip rings and how they would feel pressed into my skin if he kissed me. I drift away to thoughts of Ash’s deep blue eyes and the way they watch me with unwavering intensity.
Chapter Two
ASH
I was definitely looking at Ember’s ass, but I wasn’t about to admit that out loud to my little sister. Casey is enough of a pest as it is without her thinking I’m going to hit on her best friend. Whether I want to is beside the point, she’s seventeen, and I don’t fancy having my ass thrown in jail for going there. Ember’s dad isn’t one to mess around, and he's very protective of his little girl.
The fact I’m leaving for college again soon is another kick in the gut. Without me here, keeping her nice and distracted with heated looks and innocent touches as I walk past her, she’ll no doubt catch the attention of some idiot kid in her school and end up dating them.
I suck the rings on my lip into my mouth, biting the cold metal as I consider the revelation that other boys will have their sights set on her. Ember may not be mine in any official sense, but she will be. As soon as she reaches eighteen and sets foot out of this town for college, leaving behind the life and friends she knows, including my sister, I’ll swoop in and claim her for myself. For the time being I’ll watch and wait. She’s going to be mine, and she has no fucking idea. I’ll wait because she’ll be worth every second of torture I now suffer, lusting after her.
Love is Strange: A Taboo Anthology Page 24
