by Jordan Deen
evening.” She had a long black dress on with a slit up the side that left little to the imagination.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you. We hope you have a great time at our party.” OUR? She continued, “Tonight is a celebration.”
Before I could ask Sophie what she meant, Alex pulled me away from her. “Come on. Let’s dance.” He led me over to the large white dance floor in front of the windows. Alex looped his hand easily around my back; butterflies formed in my stomach as we started to slow dance to the music amongst the other couples. Alex’s body pressed firmly to mine, his warm breath swooping down the length of my neck by my ear. When a waiter passed us Alex took two glasses of red wine from him and offered me one. I refused.
“This isn’t like getting drunk. Here. It’s fine.” Alex lifted his own glass to his lips and then eased the other cup to my lips. I took a deep breath of the earthy, musty liquid and then a small sip. The liquid was cool on my lips and then went down my throat smoothly. It wasn’t like anything I had ever experienced before. “See? Beautiful … just like you.” I took several more sips and before I realized, I had my second glass in hand and was drinking from it.
The rest of the night was a strange blend of slow dancing, alcohol and appetizers that were good regardless of their funky names. Jillian never showed up and I didn’t know anyone else at the party other than Alex. But his presence was irresistible; in my drunken state I caught myself more than once breathing close at his neck and his shoulder. One time Alex caught me and I buried my face deeper into his shoulder.
“Don’t be embarrassed.” He whispered and gently pulled my face up to his. All I wanted to do was kiss him but my head couldn’t get my body to move. As if Alex could read my mind, he wrapped my arms around his neck and lowered his head down to secure my lips with his. He slowly rubbed his tongue against my lips mixing the taste of his wine with mine.
Before I could object, Alex whisked me off the dance floor to a candle-lit room. Dozens and dozens of flowers lined the huge bedroom. The bed had crisp white sheets and the room was impeccably neat with various art works on the walls. To say I was surprised this was his bedroom would be an understatement.
“Come here.” Alex pulled me towards the bed. When he laid me back the room started spinning; I blinked several times trying to steady myself. Alex positioned his body next to mine and my heart accelerated to the point of hyperventilating. I started to speak but he stopped me. “Shhh … just breathe …” Alex buried his face in my neck and his hands were quickly untying my shirt. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rubbed the stubble on his face; it scratched the palm of my hand making me aware that his body shifted closer to mine. When he reached down and pulled off his shirt, I hoped I’d remember this tomorrow. In fact, I seriously hoped I didn’t do anything foolish considering my lack of experience in this department and my drunkenness.
You’re perfect. Alex panted pulling off my shirt. I was not going to argue with him now as his fingers traced the edges of my bra against my skin. You’re so beautiful. His voice was smooth as the wine coming out of the darkness. When Alex’s lips came back to mine he was breathless and I could barely tell I had hands. Is this your first time? Oh no. He noticed. I might as well have said yes. This was the first time I’ve done it that has counted. The first … well … it wasn’t like this.
No . . . I whispered. I thought if I told him this was my second time ever, he might not want to continue. But I’ve never felt this way before.
I haven’t either. He responded. But I found it hard to believe. Relax. I’m going to take care of you. Don’t be nervous.
Alex’s body hovered over mine as he gently kissed my lips. His hands roamed my body. I felt dizzy. My head swirled with everything that had happened in the past week that led me to get drunk and end up in bed with him. I couldn’t focus on what Alex’s mouth was doing. He felt weightless on top of me. The world once again completely melted away. There was no reality, no light, no sound. And through the silence came a voice whispering easily in my ear- REMEMBER. I whisked back to Brandon’s hand on mine, his lips, memories of us … memories of much more than kissing; images of places I’ve never been, things I’ve never done.
Warmth from these memories spread through me; destroying any feelings I had for Alex. Instantly I sobered, gaining the strength for what I knew I had to do.
“Stop.” I said firmly, but I know it sounded more like Snwap. I pushed at Alex’s shoulders, now fully aware of the weight of his body. “No.” I said more firmly as his tongue traced circles up my neck. The horrible smell came back making my stomach churn, I had to get away; if I didn’t I would throw up on him. I thrashed urgently under his weight.
Relax. He repeated. Shhh … this is meant to be.
“No, it’s not.” Finally, getting out from under him, I stumbled across the room struggling to get my footing. I slid off my heels and held them tightly to my chest wondering what I should say and knowing I would regret this tomorrow. “I’m sorry.” I said and backed out of the room. The look on Alex’s face killed me; he looked so disappointed. Hurting Alex was the last thing I wanted to do, but it didn’t feel right. I must be crazy for passing up something amazing with Alex for something imagined with Brandon, a guy that I knew even less about.
Stumbling out to the sidewalk, I was thankful that a cab was nearby. I gave the driver my address, sank down in the seat and folded my arms across my chest. I was half naked having left my shirt on Alex’s bed. The driver stopped a few blocks from my house and I asked him if he had a jacket I could borrow, but he didn’t. Walking with my heels clutched to my chest I avoided the lighted circles on the sidewalks. The last thing I needed was one of the neighbors telling my parents I came home half dressed. I hoped it was late enough that my parents were in bed. All the lights in the house were off as I turned to walk up the pathway to our house and almost fell over Grant. He lay in the shadows, half on and half off the path.
Ohhh. GRANT! I tried to whisper, but since my head was so cloudy I could’ve been yelling. My mind was playing tricks on me as thoughts of Alex on top of me were morphing into more realistic images of Brandon. I just wanted it all to stop. I felt like I was moving, but I wasn’t, or at least I hadn’t been. Or maybe I didn’t think I was moving … well that was until I hit the grass.
I awoke the next morning surprisingly more relaxed than I had ever been. I stretched my arms up and over my head expecting to feel grass and dirt; instead I felt the smooth cotton of my pillow.
My fingers brushed against my headboard and the sun shone perfectly through the sheer curtains on my window. Grant snored peacefully next to me. I pulled myself quietly off the bed trying not to wake him and went into the bathroom. I expected to look terrible with bags under my eyes or bloodshot, but I looked perfect with my favorite tank top and shorts on. Maybe falling onto the grass was a dream or maybe the whole night was. Scratch that; I knew I couldn’t be that lucky.
It was already 9am. My parents were talking in the kitchen. I wasn’t ready to face their scrutiny yet. I grabbed the phone. I had two calls to make: to Jamie to find out about Mr. Tinkles and to Jillian to find out where the hell she was last night. More importantly, why she insisted on coming if she just planned on bailing anyway. Jamie was the easier call. I curled back up in my bed and lazily rubbed Grant’s back as I dialed her phone number.
“Hey, good morning.”
“I didn’t think I’d hear from you so early.” Jamie laughed.
“How was your date?”
“It was interesting. I don’t know if we’ll go out again though.”
“You seemed pretty hot and heavy yesterday … what happened?”
I hesitated; this wasn’t really something I wanted to share with her, although I didn’t think I’d spare any details that I could remember, with Jillian. Well, maybe not.
“Do you ever just have one of those feelings like something isn’t right?”
There was an uncomfortable silence on the other end of the phone. “J
amie?”
“Yeah, sorry.” Jamie’s voice seemed strained.
“What’s wrong?”
“There’s this thing on the news. Yeah, I know what you are talking about. I guess you can’t force things. So … should I assume there is another guy?”
No I’m not going there. She’d think I’d lost my mind. “No, not really.”
“You don’t sound too positive.” She pried. I didn’t like prying.
“No there isn’t another guy. Alex and I just didn’t click. It felt like he was trying too hard.”
“That’s a shame. I’m sure you’ll find someone wonderful.”
I barely listened to what she was saying. I had a connection with another boy already; even though I’m not sure if it was real or not.
“Hey, I have to jump off here. It’s time for breakfast. I’ll see you Monday.” I immediately dialed Jillian. “Hey! Where were you last night?”
“I was there, but you and Alex never showed. I figured you got distracted on the way. It was a raging party though! I had a blast. Justin was there and so were Courtney and Thomas. Justin and I made fun of them all night. Nate showed up, so I thought it was better that you didn’t.” I knew I wasn’t drunk when I got to the party and I didn’t see any of those people there.
“What?”
“The party? How come you
