by Jordan Deen
used to do …” Mom smiled and uncurled herself from the couch. “What about that boy you were dating?” Alex.
“I haven’t been around him much since I got sick.”
“Well, I’m sure he is missing you.” She pulled the DVD out of the player and put it back in the case. “Do you want to have him over for dinner sometime? Your dad and I would like to get a chance to get to know him.” Mom grinned and started folding the blanket.
“That sounds good.” I lied. It didn’t sound good. The pain Alex caused me the last time I saw him didn’t exactly make me want to run to him.
c h a p t e r
FOURTEEN
The next morning Mom busied herself in the kitchen making chocolate chip waffles and putting treats in a bag for my lunch. Dad sat at the table reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. Grant’s huge head was up to his ears in his food bowl; Mom had been feeding him the rice and hamburger mixture while I was sick.
“So, have you thought about homecoming at all?” Mom said without turning to look at me as I entered the kitchen. “We will have to get you a dress soon if you plan on going.”
Dad looked up and winked. “You know how your mom feels about spending money …” I thought he was mad about Mom bringing up homecoming, but his eyes were sparkling this morning.
It felt like déjà vu as I rushed with my book bag to Jillian’s Ford parked at the curb. She wore the same outfit as in my dream, but her hair was curled and she had dark makeup on. She sort of looked like she was glowing. “Hey girl! How are you feeling?” In fact, she glowed as her grin stretched ear to ear.
“I’m ok. How are you doing?” I said taking in how different she looked.
“Doing fantastic! I can’t wait for you to meet Gavin!” Jillian’s peppiness was getting on my nerves. At least I knew that conversation was real. “You don’t seem ok.” She said after a few minutes of silence.
“I’m ok. It’s just been rough.”
“I can’t believe you’ve been sick for two weeks. Alex is driving me nuts talking about you every two seconds.” Jillian pulled into the school parking lot. “What’s your aunt been doing without you?”
“I don’t know. I think Michelle has been staying late to help out.”
“I’m sure your aunt can’t wait for you to come back. She’ll need your help with that spastic cat.” Jillian laughed, but I didn’t. I had forgotten about flinging the cat across the room and the horrible way he hit the wall; so much for hoping that it could’ve been a dream too.
Jillian claimed the spot next to Alex’s Camaro in the parking lot. I hesitated to open the door, nervous of his reaction and mine. “Gavin can’t wait to meet you.” Jillian grabbed my hand and walked towards the gates to school. She had to be in love; I’d never seen her so excited to go to school before.
I felt my heart accelerate as we were almost to the office. If this were like my dream, Brandon would be leaning against the building waiting for us. I closed my eyes and turned the last corner to the office. I opened them timidly, not truly ready for what I would find.
“Hey babe!” Alex’s voice forced my eyes open; his face was beaming. He stood next to a boy almost twice his size with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. “This is Gavin.” Gavin didn’t wait for an introduction; he wrapped his arms tightly around Jillian picking her body off the ground and kissing her passionately.
“Hi.” I said but knowing fully he didn’t care what I said.
“Don’t worry about him.” Alex leaned over and whispered in my ear and brushed his face up my neck to my cheek. I didn’t want to breathe, but if I didn’t I would pass out shortly. His shirt crumpled under my grip; I steadied myself and inhaled deeply at his chest. Disappointment … no … relief came over me when nothing happened.
“Are you ok?” Alex pressed two fingers under my chin. No shock, no crawling skin … nothing. “You aren’t trying to come back too soon, are you? I mean two weeks is a long time to be sick.” I stayed locked in his stare, mesmerized by his eyes. “Lace?”
“Yeah, umm …” I stepped back after I realized I was taking deep breaths at his chest trying to find any trace of what I smelt on him before. Alex smiled and pulled me back to him.
“I’ve missed you … so, so much.” Alex took in his own deep breath against my hair. “I’m glad you are better. You had me worried.”
“Me too.” I replied and linked my fingers through his. He wrapped his arm around my back and we walked to the office door. Alex held me tightly against his body; he buried his head into my hair and took another deep breath.
“I hope you have a great day. If you want to go home, call me on my cell.” I watched Jillian and Gavin kiss again before Alex finally pulled them apart. Alex laughed and talked to Gavin as they headed to their class. Alex’s reaction had just been my imagination, instead of my worst nightmare coming to life.
I sat staring at the doors to the office for much of my first period. Courtney droned on and on about Thomas dating Liz even after they made out at Josh Davis’ party over the weekend. I kept waiting for Brandon to walk through the door, to chastise me for my interaction with Alex this morning. But Alex didn’t smell today; in fact, his touch felt as if nothing had ever gone wrong between us.
Alex pulled his chair next to mine in Econ to work on a project for which he convinced the teacher that we should be paired on instead of him being paired with Mike, his table partner.
Alex wrapped his hand around mine to draw a square on my paper; my heart skipped a beat from his touch. “This is the universe …” He grinned as he looked at me from the corner of his eye. He pressed the pen firmly to the paper making a small mark. “This dot is you.” He looked up at me and grinned again. “This dot …” pressing the pen hard onto the paper he made another dot close to mine, “is me …”
Jillian leaned over and looked at Alex’s handy work. “The world is round … not square.” She laughed.
“The world is whatever you want it to be. Besides, this is the universe, not the world.”
“Ooooh excuse me!” Jillian tossed her pen playfully at Alex. “But why would you think the universe is a square? I mean…”
“How do you know the earth is round?” He challenged her.
“Proven science …” Jillian said matter of factly.
“Do you believe everything you read?” Alex smiled.
“With some things … Do you believe in the boogey monster and the tooth fairy too?” She retorted.
“No … but not all things are explained in books.” Alex lifted my hand and kissed the back. “Take love … Love can be written, can be described, but until you feel it shake your entire being …” His fingers slid smoothly across the back of my hand. “You never truly understand it.” The look he gave me made me dizzy, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him.
Jillian nodded. “Point taken.”
“Excellent description of free thought Alex. Now, do you two think you could finish your project in this decade?”
“Yes Mr. Thompson.” We both said in unison as my skin turned red. Jillian tried to hide her laughter.
After school Alex drove me to my aunt’s and we sat in the car in silence. My hand wrapped in his felt perfect. He traced my knuckles and ran his soft fingertip down the length of my fingers.
“Alex …” I said, stopping his finger in its path.
“Yes?”
“I really need to talk to you about something.” I hesitated trying to figure out how to ask him if my reaction at the house was real or if it was a dream. I was afraid he would think I was crazy or maybe break up with me. Honestly, I didn’t think I’d blame him.
As if he thought I was going to say something bad, he stopped me. “Wait. Before you say anything …” Alex tightened his grip on my hand making me lose my concentration. “I have to tell you something … The last two weeks without you have been miserable. I know you haven’t known me that long, but I feel we have a connection. I hated being away from you.” He looked straight into my e
yes and whispered I love you.
I didn’t respond. I never let anyone close enough to love me. I wasn’t really sure if he was close enough to truly mean it.
“Alex …” I needed to be delicate; I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but wasn’t sure I could hold it back.
“No … I know what you are thinking. I can’t think when I’m not with you; it feels like I can’t breathe, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to move.” He smirked, “I’ve never been this type of guy. I’m not the poetry and flowers guy … but I would be if that is what you wanted.” Alex’s face turned serious. “I would do anything for you. I’d be whatever you want me to be. If you want me to buy you flowers every day, I will. I’d even start writing poetry, although, it’d probably be bad.”
Alex leaned across the console of the car and rested the palm of his hand against my cheek. “I would, I mean it. I’d do anything you’d ask of me.”
I hesitated examining his face and his hand in mine. His large thumb rubbed across the back of my hand. I tried my hardest not to think of Alex’s touch and smell causing so much pain. I didn’t want to think about Brandon saying he was here to stop my destiny. Could he truly love me if what Brandon said was true?
“Alex, I don’t want you to change for me.” I covered his hand on mine. I needed answers. I reorganized my thoughts before continuing. “I need to ask you a question. I keep having these weird dreams about people I know. I had one about you
