by Kat Brookes
“What’s a double-decker?” Lucas asked, excitement filling his voice.
“It’s one of the trailers we use to transport horses to the rodeos during the rodeo season,” Tucker replied. “They call it that because you can put horses up on the top level as well as the bottom.” He looked to Lainie. “Mind if I give him a short ride in it?”
“A ride?” she repeated anxiously.
“A short one,” he assured her. “I need to pull it away from the barn and over to the hose across the way.” He pointed to a faucet that stood alone about thirty feet or so away from the grain bin Lainie had seen when they pulled in. “While the other trailer is gone, I’ll look this one over and then give it a good cleaning.”
“Can I, Mom?” her son pleaded.
“If you’re not comfortable with it...” Jackson began.
Lainie shook her head. “No, it’s all right. It’s not like they’re going far.”
Tucker gave a nod of acknowledgment, clearly understanding her reservations. Even if they went beyond the front area of the ranch, she knew Lucas would be safe with Tucker. With all of the Wades. Men she had grown up around and still trusted.
Her son gave a loud whoop. “Can I help you clean it?” he asked as he followed Tucker away, attempting to mimic his long, cowboy strides.
Lainie turned her gaze back to the horses roaming about across the rolling hills, still shaken by Tucker’s mention of the Vegas rodeo and how close Jackson had come to taking the title home. A title she knew he had deserved, because she had still followed his career from afar.
“Lainie...” Jackson said behind her.
She should have insisted on joining Lucas on the tour, because she couldn’t bear to face Jackson right at that moment.
“I’m so sorry about Vegas,” she forced out, the words catching as emotion flooded her.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “Yes,” she said, the word almost a whisper, “it was.”
“You heard Tucker,” he said, a hint of tenderness in his voice. “The bull I drew that night was the best of the lot.”
She swung her teary-eyed gaze around to meet his. “I never should have called you that day. If I hadn’t...” She let the thought trail off.
“Why did you call me, Lainie?” he asked, searching her face.
She let out a sob. “To hurt you. Only I hurt you more than I ever dreamed possible.” She tipped her head into his hand, a tear sliding down her face. “I’m so sorry, Jackson.”
He reached up to cup her cheek. “There’s nothing to forgive. It was man against beast. The beast just happened to be better that day.”
“Jackson, you nearly died, and whether you are willing to admit it or not I know in my heart that my call had something to do with your fall. And then I hurt my husband as well. Only Will died because I acted on my emotions,” she sobbed.
The next thing she knew, she was in Jackson’s comforting arms, her head resting against his broad shoulder. “Will’s death wasn’t your fault.”
All the grief she’d been holding in was released in that moment. “I was driving that night,” she admitted. “I should’ve seen that boy running the red light. Should have reacted faster. But I didn’t, and his car struck the passenger side head-on. Will’s side.”
“Lainie.” He sighed into her hair as he comforted her. “I had no idea what really happened that night, only that your car was struck by a drunk driver. But this changes nothing. You aren’t to blame for what happened that night. You weren’t the one who drank far too much and then slid behind the wheel of a car. That boy was.”
“I keep thinking that if I had taken a different way home,” she said, “or if we had stayed later at Will’s company party...”
“It was Will’s time to go,” he said softly. “You couldn’t have changed that.”
Hot tears slid down her cheeks.
“Lainie, we both know that sometimes things happen in our life that we have no control over, things we don’t understand. Like Will’s dying, my sister’s dying, even the fall that ended my rodeo career. At least, the riding side of it,” he added. “We just have to stay strong in our faith and continue on. The Lord will guide us through the tough times.”
She lifted her head to look up at him. “I’m trying my best to carry on, but it’s so hard. My son is shutting me out. I no longer have a place to call my own. And I have to rely on others to get around, because I can’t bring myself to get behind the wheel of a car again.”
Leaning back, he cupped her chin and tipped her face up to his. “Lucas is getting better every day. You’ve said so yourself. And we’ll find you a place of your own. Autumn can help. She knows every listing in the area.” He searched her tear-streaked face. “And you will drive again. I’ll do whatever it takes to help you make that happen. I promise.”
She looked up into his handsome face with a soft sniffle. “Jackson,” she said in a choked whisper, touched so very much by his kindness.
The tractor trailer on the other side of the barn revved to life, drawing Lainie’s gaze that way. Realizing that it would be pulling out any moment, she took a step back from Jackson, whose hand fell away. She couldn’t allow her son to see her being comforted. Not when it was her job as his mother to be strong.
A second later, Tucker eased the truck out from where it had been parked, next to the barn, driving in a slow, wide arc around the yard, finally coming to a stop beside the place where several water pipes rose up from the ground.
Turning away, she hurried to dry her eyes.
“Stay for dinner,” Jackson said as he moved to stand next to her. “Talk to Autumn about finding a place. Take in the slightly overdone Christmas light display Mom is so proud of.”
He managed to get a small smile from her. Drying her eyes, she said, “You can never have too many Christmas lights.”
“Lainie!”
Their gazes swung around in the direction of the front porch, where Jackson’s mother stood drying her hands on what looked to be a kitchen towel.
“Mrs. Wade,” Lainie replied with forced cheeriness.
The other woman draped the towel she was holding over the railing and then stepped down from the porch. “Call me Emma,” she gently scolded as she crossed the yard to where they stood at the fence. “I tell you that every time you come home to visit.” Leaning in, she gave Lainie a warm, welcoming hug.
“It’s hard not to call you Mrs. Wade,” she admitted. “That’s all I ever called you growing up.”
“Well, you’re not a little girl anymore,” his mother replied with a smile. “You’re a grown woman. Speaking of which,” she said, her gaze meeting Jackson’s for only a moment before looking past them, “where is that handsome little boy of yours?”
“He’s over helping Tucker with the trailer,” Lainie said.
Emma’s gaze drifted past her. “I hope Tucker doesn’t get too caught up in what he’s doing. Dinner will be ready soon.” Looking back to Lainie, she said, “You will be joining us this evening, won’t you? I’m anxious for my girls to meet you.”
Her girls. It was so endearing to hear Emma speak of her daughters-in-law that way. Lainie had once dreamed she might someday become one, a true part of the Wade family. “I wouldn’t want to intrude.”
Emma let out a guffaw. “Honey, you spent so much time around my family growing up, you’re practically one of us. Please stay for dinner. I know Autumn and Hannah would love to have a chance to get to know you and that sweet little boy of yours.”
Lainie smiled. “Then we’ll stay.”
* * *
“They’re here,” Jackson’s mother exclaimed as she sprang up from the chair by the living room window. Jackson chuckled, murmuring with a grin, “One would never guess by your reaction that Autumn and Hannah are here all the time.”
“Y
es, but now I have another new grandbaby to fuss over,” she replied with another glance out the front window. “And this will be the first time they get to meet Lainie and Lucas.”
He glanced over to where Lainie sat in the rocking chair his mother bought the moment Garrett and Hannah had announced their engagement. She had said that a grandmother—referring to what she would officially be to Hannah’s newborn son when they married—needed a rocker to rock her grandbaby, and any future grandbabies. Jackson found himself envisioning Lainie with an infant resting trustingly in her arms as she lulled the child to sleep. His child. And then he tore his gaze away. The last thing he needed to be doing was imagining a future he would never have, because he never intended to marry. He couldn’t bear the thought of his wife, whoever she might be, seeing his damaged leg, scars and all, her eyes filling with pity. Watching him limp around while other men moved about with confident, unhindered strides. Or just simply looking at his leg, emotions unreadable, as Lainie had done earlier.
Jackson stood. “I’ll go out and help them in. Lord knows they travel with a lot of stuff nowadays, between baby carriers, diaper bags and really big purses filled with whatever it is you ladies like to carry around with you.”
“No,” his mother said. “You stay and keep Lainie and Lucas company. I’ll go help with the babies.” Without waiting for his response, his mother hurried from the room.
Jackson looked to Lainie with a shrug.
Smiling, she said, “It’s what grandmas do. Mom was the same way when I had Lucas.”
The pitter-patter of tiny feet preceded the entrance of his niece as Blue raced into the living room. “Uncle Jackson!”
Opening his arms, he caught her as she jumped up into them. “My favorite girl,” he said with a grin as he lifted her with ease. His niece brought such sunshine into their lives, giving his mother such immense joy, and turning the rough and tough hearts of each and every Wade male to butter. She was also a reminder. If he had accepted Lainie’s love back then, they might have had a family of their own to share meals with and spend holidays together. He supposed that someday he might have those things, but there had never been anyone since Lainie to stir those longing in him. He wasn’t sure there ever would be.
The moment Blue’s gaze landed on Lainie, her smile widened. “Hello.”
“Hello to you, too,” Lanie replied as she stood to greet her. “You must be Blue.”
His niece nodded. “I am. My baby brother, T.J., is out there with Momma Autumn.” The sound of women’s laughter and happy chatter confirmed their whereabouts. “She’s my aunt, but Daddy said she’s allowed to be my momma, too, if I want her to be, ’cause my momma is in Heaven.”
“You are a very blessed little girl to have two mommies watching over you,” Lainie said as she crossed the room to stand with them. “One here on Earth and the other from Heaven above.”
Blue seemed to consider that for a moment and then smiled. “I am. What’s your name?”
“Lainie,” she replied.
“That’s a pretty name,” his niece said.
For a pretty girl, Jackson mentally agreed. No, Lainie wasn’t a girl any longer. She was a woman now. As beautiful as she was smart.
Lainie’s smile softened. “So is Blue.”
“Are you Uncle Jackson’s friend? Momma said she’d be here.”
She looked his way as if unsure how to answer Blue’s question.
“She is,” Jackson answered for her. She would always be his friend, even when she wished otherwise. “Ms. Dawson,” Jackson said, wanting his niece to be respectful when referring to Lainie, “is an old family friend.”
“Michaels,” she promptly corrected him.
Jackson fought a frown at the error he had made. It hadn’t been intentional. Or had it? Because there was a part of his mind that had always refused to accept the truth. That Lainie had chosen to love another. “Ms. Michaels,” he acknowledged with a nod.
Blue studied Lainie for a long moment before saying, “She doesn’t look old.”
The corners of Jackson’s mouth twitched when Lainie’s gaze met his. “She’s not. That just means we’ve been friends for a very long time. Since we were even younger than you.” He returned his attention to Blue. “You remember Sheriff Dawson.”
She nodded.
“He’s Ms. Michaels’s brother.”
She looked to Lainie. “Are you a sheriff, too?”
She shook her head. “No. I’m a... Well, I used to be an accountant. Then I had my son, Lucas, and became a full-time mother.”
“Is he a baby?”
“No, he’s seven,” she replied. “He’ll be eight in a little over a week.”
Jackson looked to her in surprise. “He will? I didn’t realize he had a birthday coming up.”
“He does,” she said with a soft sigh. “If only we could keep our children babies forever.”
“Then we would never have any fun,” Blue said with a slight frown. “All we would be able to do is lay around while everyone talks funny and makes silly faces at us. And eat yucky baby food,” she added, screwing up her face at the thought of it.
His niece’s reply had Lainie laughing. “You have a point,” she conceded. She leaned toward Blue in a conspiratorial whisper, “Babies don’t lead very exciting lives. Not like little boys and girls your age do.”
“Did Uncle Jackson bring you here?” she asked.
“I did,” Jackson answered.
His niece looked up at him from her perch in his arms. “Does that mean you’re gonna marry her? ’Cause Uncle Garrett brought Aunt Hannah to Grandma’s and he married her.”
His response was choked. “No. Lainie and I are not getting married.” Much to his everlasting regret.
Blue’s face registered disappointment. Thankfully, before she could pursue the matter any further his mother, sisters-in-law and their little ones entered the room.
Jackson set Blue on her feet and then moved to stand beside Lainie. “These pretty ladies are my sisters-in-law. The one holding the empty baby carrier Mom wasted no time in confiscating my new nephew from is Tucker’s wife, Autumn.”
His mother beamed with joy as she stood, cooing over her newest grandchild.
“And the one preparing to have her baby removed from her arms by my mother next is Hannah, Garrett’s wife, which is why I’m going to snag him first.”
“He’s all yours,” Hannah said, laughing softly.
As he settled his oldest nephew, baby Austin, into the crook of his arm, he felt the usual tug of yearning at his heart that he felt whenever he held one of his brothers’ children. He hoped his siblings realized just how lucky they were.
“Look at him,” his mother said with a grin, “so caught up in my grandbaby that he forgot what it was he was in the middle of doing.”
Jackson’s head snapped up and a tinge of warmth moved through his cheeks. “Sorry,” he said. “Autumn, Hannah, I’d like you to meet Lainie Michaels. She’s Justin’s little sister.”
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”
They smiled warmly at Lainie.
“It’s so nice to finally meet you, too,” Hannah said.
Autumn nodded. “Emma has done nothing but chatter on about you since she found out you had moved back to Bent Creek. Not that we mind,” she hurried to add. “It’s clear how much they care about you and your brother.”
“We were all very close growing up,” she said, her gaze lifting to meet Jackson’s.
His mother must have noticed her discomfort, because she added, “Justin and Jackson were like brothers, blood related or not, and Lainie was like a daughter to me.”
“You were like a second mother to me,” Lainie replied, her eyes misting over.
His mother smiled warmly as she swayed back and forth, cradling her newborn grandson in her arms. “It�
�s so good to have you home.” Her gaze shifted to Jackson. “Honey, why don’t you run out and get your brother and Lucas? Tell them to come in and wash up while I put dinner on the table before it gets cold.”
With a nod, Jackson handed his eight-month-old nephew back to Hannah. His brother had wasted no time in setting legalities into motion to adopt Hannah’s son after they wed that past September. But in Garrett’s mind Austin Sanders was already his. Austin’s parents, Hannah’s sister and her husband, had died in an automobile accident. Hannah, also their surrogate mother, was left to raise the baby she had so selflessly carried for them. “He’s growing like a weed,” he told her.
She laughed. “He sure is.”
“Here,” Autumn said, reaching to take her son back from Emma, “let me take him. I’ll settle T.J. in his carrier and then give you a hand with setting dinner out.”
“May I hold him?”
Everyone’s gaze shifted to Lainie.
“I mean I would be more than happy to help set the table or whatever you might need me to do.” Her eyes were fixed on the sleepy infant now resting peacefully in his sister-in-law’s arms. “Even hold this precious little bundle.” She looked to Hannah. “Or yours. I just miss holding a little one in my arms.”
Jackson watched her thoughtfully. Having lost her husband, Lainie wouldn’t have the chance to do that again anytime soon. If only things had turned out differently, Jackson would have given her all the babies she cared to hold. But they hadn’t, and she had been blessed with Lucas because of it. So he needed to stop allowing the if-onlys and the what-ifs to burrow into his thoughts. What mattered now was repairing his fractured friendship with Lainie, something he intended to do everything in his power to make happen. The good Lord willing, with perseverance and patience, Jackson would win Lainie’s trust back.
Chapter Five
The next day, Jackson couldn’t get his mind off dinner the night before. Lainie had fit in so well, making fast friends of both his sisters-in-law. Even Lucas had found a friend in Blue, who wasn’t much younger than him. It was good to see Lainie’s son interact so easily with Blue. Unlike the way he tended to treat Lainie, the boy was patient with his niece’s never-ending questions and laughed along with her at things even Jackson couldn’t figure out the humor in.
