by Kat Brookes
She lifted her face from his now-tear-dampened jacket front. “Why do I always hurt the men that I love? Will died because of me,” she said, her voice catching. “And you nearly died because of me.”
He shook his head. “Lainie, no.”
“Yes,” she reiterated. “You were on your way to winning that rodeo championship until I called. I should’ve realized the date, known where you would be. But all I could think about was calling you with the news of my engagement. A part of me wanted you to regret what you had given up, even though I had already moved on with my life.”
“I hurt you first,” he said quietly.
“I called you about my engagement before I even told my family,” she admitted. “I shouldn’t have cared about your reaction. Shouldn’t have called you at all. I know that. I’ve carried the guilt of that day with me for years. Will deserved better from me. You deserved better from me. And I know in my heart that my call had something to do with your getting thrown that day. You were too good. If you had died that day...” Her words trailed off.
“I didn’t die,” he said, pressing a tender kiss to her brow. “But I finally understood what they mean when they say regret is a hard pill to swallow. I had never regretted anything as much in my life as that moment I let you go.”
Her head lifted, her eyes searching his. “You were better off letting me go. You see what happens to the men I give my heart to.”
“I never once blamed you for what happened to me that day. The fault was mine.” He should never have taken that ride if his head wasn’t in the game.
“Jackson,” she said, emotion clear in her tone, “if anything had happened to you...”
“It didn’t. And you seem to forget that I’m a cowboy. We’re a tough breed,” he told her with a tender smile. “I’ll always be here for you, Lainie. Always.” That said, he lowered his head and kissed her tenderly.
Chapter Ten
“Is that cinnamon bread I smell?” Justin asked when he stepped into the kitchen, his hair still mussed from sleep.
She turned from the stove, a pecan-topped pan held in her oven-mitt-covered hands. “Fresh from the oven,” she said.
He looked to her, blinking. “Is that a smile I see on your face?”
“It might be.”
A grin tugged at his lips as he moved farther into the room. “Anything to do with Jackson?”
Lainie felt ready to burst with happiness, having finally set things right with Jackson the day before. Jackson loved her, always had. “Yes.”
He nodded. “Glad to hear it. Lucas has been fretting himself sick over your being a walking, talking waterworks display before now, and Jackson’s being absent from your lives.”
Her brother had comforted her after she’d ordered Jackson from her life and had then realized, too late, how badly she had misunderstood the situation. He’d even offered to talk to Jackson, who was ignoring Lainie’s texts and calls, but she’d asked him to let her mend her own broken fences. Which, thank the Lord, she’d been able to do. For her sake as well as her son’s. She thought back to the kiss she and Jackson had shared. One that had ended so differently from their first. It had been a declaration of the love they felt for each other, and a promise of the direction they wanted their relationship to move in.
“I feel like my prayers have finally been answered,” she told her brother as she turned to set the hot pan on top of the stove. “I truly believe the Lord brought Jackson back into my life to help me get my sweet little boy back.” Ever since she had answered Lucas’s questions, gently but honestly, he had become the son she had feared forever lost to her. Thankfully, the questions he’d had for her that day were simple and to the point. She hadn’t needed to go into detail about everything, like the extent of Will’s injuries. They had, however, discussed how alcohol had impaired Will’s ability to think rationally. That while Jackson had been her first love, Lucas’s father was the man she had pledged her love to in the eyes of God, and she missed him so very much.
“I’d like to think I might have played a small part in that as well,” Justin teased with a grin.
“You did, and I will be forever grateful for your having guilted him into riding back into my life.” She thought back to that first day arriving home and how her heart had reacted when she’d seen Jackson seated atop his horse. As if she recognized a part of it beat within that man.
He chuckled. “Whatever it took to see the two of you rebuilding your broken friendship.”
Pulling off the oven mitts, she tossed them onto the counter and then stepped forward to place a kiss on her brother’s cheek. “I love you, big brother.”
“I love you, too, baby sister,” he replied, his smile holding such warmth.
“Mom!” Lucas called out from the front room, where he’d been watching a movie. “Mr. Wade’s here!”
Lainie’s heart skipped a beat. Jackson was there? He was supposed to be helping Garrett with the herd’s blood withdrawals for the biannual health record updates.
“Can’t stay away from you, I see,” her brother said with a teasing grin.
She knew the feeling. Lainie hurried from the room, but Lucas had already beaten her to the door and was out on the porch waving to Jackson, who was striding toward them.
He gave a wave back, a grin spreading across his face.
Her son did what Lainie longed to do—he ran and threw himself into Jackson’s strong arms.
Jackson’s husky chuckle rent the air as he swung her son around. He set Lucas back onto his feet, gave his hair a fond ruffle and then fixed his gaze on Lainie.
“Lainie Girl,” he greeted with such tenderness she thought she might burst into tears of happiness.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, unable to keep the smile from her face. “I thought you were supposed to be helping Garrett this morning.” At least, that’s what he’d said when they’d had their talk the day before.
“Tucker had a little extra time on his hands, so he offered to relieve me of my duty, so I could ride over and see you and Lucas. Actually, he insisted. He says I’ll be as useless as feathers on a fish until I’ve gotten to look in on you two. Truth is, I missed spending time with the two of you.”
“We missed you, too!” Lucas said excitedly.
“I can vouch for that,” Justin agreed with a grin.
They were right, Lainie thought as she took in the handsome cowboy in front of her, with his boyish grin and broad shoulders. Shoulders that had helped her bear the weight of her burdens so many times since coming home. She hadn’t realized just how much she had looked forward to seeing Jackson with each new day until he’d stopped coming—at her request. And now that they had made up, her world felt right again.
“I’m glad you stopped by,” she said, meaning it from the very bottom of her heart.
His grin widened, drawing her gaze to his mouth. Her thoughts went back to the kiss they’d shared, a silent declaration of their hearts. Then her gaze lifted to meet his, and she felt his love wrap around her.
“Will you take us riding today?” Lucas asked, drawing their attention. “I’ve been really nice to my mom. Haven’t I, Mom?” he asked, looking up at her.
She nodded, her son having told her what Jackson had said about his not riding until he learned to treat her better. “My sweet, loving boy is back.”
“Glad to hear it,” he replied, and then turned his gaze to Lucas. “I’ve got time for us to take a short ride before I have to go back to the ranch to help Garrett and Tucker. But you need to see if it’s all right with your mom first. She might have other plans.”
They looked to Lainie.
She shook her head. “No plans whatsoever.”
“Yay!” her son exclaimed, pumping his little fist into the air.
“Would you two mind if I had a few words with Lainie in private first?” Jackson a
sked, his attention fixed on Lainie.
“Come on, kiddo,” Justin said with a nod. “Let’s give your mom and Jackson some breathing room.”
Lucas followed her brother into the house, closing the door behind them.
Lainie looked up at Jackson. “He’s really happy to see you.”
His grin displayed that adorable Wade dimple. “I’m hoping he’s not the only one.”
“No,” she said softly, “he’s not. Not only am I glad to see you, I’m so thankful you chose to forgive me.”
“I’m sorry you had to hunt me down for that forgiveness,” he said. “I should have given it to you sooner instead of avoiding your calls.”
“I can’t blame you for not wanting to talk to me,” she admitted. “What I said—about the Lord knowing what He was doing in making him Will’s son and not yours—was spoken out of hurt and anger, as well as guilt. You would make a wonderful father to any child. Don’t ever think otherwise. I’m ashamed to have even spoken those words.”
“Why the guilt?” he asked.
Lainie hadn’t even realized she’d said that word until he questioned her about it. With a frown, she said, “Because there were times when I’d look at my son and I found myself wondering what my life might have been like had you and I ended up together and Lucas had been your son. And then I would tell myself to let the past go. Let you go. Focus on all that I had been blessed with, because I had been blessed. But you were always there in my thoughts.”
“You were always there in mine, too,” he admitted.
“You might not be the father of my son,” she said, “but you are the one who gave him back to me when I thought I had lost my son for good. Christmas truly is a season of blessings.”
“I’m glad to have helped,” he answered humbly. “And, speaking of Christmas, I was wondering if you and Lucas might like to accompany me to the holiday social and dance on Christmas Eve?”
The holiday gathering was to be held following Christmas Eve church services. Everyone she knew would be there, including her parents, who hadn’t missed the town’s holiday social since adopting Lainie and her brother. Her thoughts drifted back to the last dance she’d gone to and how it had ended so badly. If only she had known then what she knew now. That Jackson had loved her enough to let her go.
* * *
Lainie’s hesitation had Jackson’s confidence slipping several notches. What had he been thinking, asking her to a dance of all things? He was no longer that same fearless, rodeo-riding youth she’d once shared a dance with. “Forget I asked,” he said, embarrassment heating the skin beneath his shirt collar. “I should have considered my bum leg before extending my invitation. There will be far better dance partners willing to take you out onto the dance floor.”
“I don’t want another dance partner,” she told him with a tender smile. “I want you, Jackson Wade, bum leg and all. Because I adore you. And that tiny little hitch you have in your step doesn’t make you any less of a catch for any woman. It only tells me you’re a man with not only outer strength, but inner as well. You’re not a quitter. When the doctors feared you might never walk again, you set your mind to prove them wrong. You’ve held on to your faith when others might not have. You’re kind and compassionate. And don’t get me started on that dimple of yours.”
Emotion knotted in his throat. “You like my dimple?” he said playfully, when all he could think about was how much he loved this woman.
Lainie rolled her eyes. “Oh please. Show me a woman who doesn’t get weak-kneed over a handsome cowboy with a boyish dimple. You are the perfect catch for any woman, and don’t you ever doubt that.”
“A man could get used to your kind of flattery,” he said, his gaze drawn to movement in the living room window that faced the porch. “I think someone’s anxious to go on that ride.” He gave a nod, motioning toward the smiling face peering back at them from the other side of the windowpane.
Lainie laughed. “Appears so. We’ll change into something warmer for the ride and then drive over to your place.”
“I don’t mind waiting if you want to ride over with me.”
“No,” she told him. “This is something I need to do. For me.”
“Proud of you.” He clearly wasn’t the only one with inner strength. Lainie had a good bit of grit in her, too. His Lainie Girl, who had never stopped loving him. Now it was his turn to put his heart on his sleeve and take that chance he pushed away all those years ago.
* * *
Lainie felt like a teenage girl again, her heart all aflutter, as Jackson accompanied her and Lucas to the Christmas social. Even though they had already spent the entire morning and part of the afternoon together, this felt different. Maybe it was because she remembered all too well how the last dance she’d shared with Jackson had ended. She just prayed she would be able to keep her feelings for Jackson to herself this time. She cared too much to risk losing what they had, even if she longed for so much more.
“Lainie,” Autumn said as she came over to give her an affectionate hug. “Thank you so much for helping with the basket drive.”
She smiled. “Thank you so much for including me. It felt so good to be a part of something so special.”
“The reverend was so pleased with how it turned out he’s already planning for next year’s charity drive.”
“Sign me up,” Lainie offered excitedly.
“I’ll let him know,” Autumn said as her gaze shifted. “Looks like Blue found the cookie table. I’d better go make sure she leaves a few for everyone else.”
Laughing softly, Lainie watched her friend walk away. Her thoughts drifted back to earlier that morning when she and Jackson had gone out together to deliver the baskets they’d been assigned. The surprise and then the emotion that had come over the recipients’ faces was something she would never forget. And the feeling it had given her in her heart was beyond describable. She vowed to be a part of the charity basket collection every year and intended to seek out other opportunities to make a difference in others’ lives.
Turning back to face the milling crowd, she caught sight of her parents, who stood talking to the Dawsons across the room. The four old friends were all smiles, clearly enjoying that evening’s festivities. It was good to see her parents out and about, enjoying themselves. And her father looked to be holding up surprisingly well, considering the long day he was putting in. After they had finished delivering the baskets, Jackson had come over to her brother’s place for her family’s annual Christmas Eve lunch. Jessica and her son had come as well, at her brother’s invitation.
Lainie had to admit he had never seemed happier. More surprisingly, Justin had invited them to spend Christmas Day with him. The man who would have rather worked than sit around admiring a lit Christmas tree. A true Christmas miracle. Lucas had even asked Jackson to help him string more popcorn for the tree, because, according to her son, there wasn’t near enough on there. It had warmed her heart, watching the two of them together, creating new Christmas memories. Happy ones. And now she was here, in the church’s festively decorated social hall, surrounded by family and friends, celebrating the great blessing the Lord had bestowed upon them when He sent His Son into the world to be born.
“I believe this is our dance.”
She turned to find Jackson standing there, a wide smile gracing his handsome face. “You’re claiming the first one?” she said teasingly.
“I’m claiming all of them,” he told her as he led her out onto the floor.
She glanced around, expecting other dancers to follow. Instead, everyone, including both of their families, formed a wide circle around them. “What are they doing?” she whispered anxiously to Jackson as all eyes turned their way.
“Giving me the opportunity to do this,” he said as he turned to face her, dropping down onto one knee.
Lainie gasped, her hand coming to rest on her sud
denly pounding heart. “Jackson,” she breathed. This was the moment she had dreamed of for so long, but suddenly felt so unprepared for. Her legs trembled beneath her as she stood looking down at him, searching his handsome face. Oh, how she loved this man.
“Lainie Girl,” he began, his eyes glinting with an even deeper tenderness than she’d ever recalled seeing in them, “Christmas is filled with blessings and you are mine. I’ve loved you for what feels like an eternity, but I had to be patient and allow the Lord to bring you back to me. And now here you are with your beautiful smile and tender, always-giving heart.” He withdrew a small box from the front pocket of his dress pants and opened the lid. “I love not only you, but your son as well. And while I would never seek to replace his father, I’d be honored to be the man he looks up to for guidance when he needs advice. Lainie Dawson Michaels, will you make me the happiest cowboy in all of Wyoming this Christmas and agree to become my wife?”
Everything seemed so surreal. So much so, Lainie found herself praying she wasn’t dreaming this moment. Her gaze came to rest on the pear-shaped diamond sparkling beneath the tiny white lights strung over the dance floor. Then she looked up into Jackson’s loving eyes and knew this was the moment she had waited a lifetime for. She also knew in her heart that Will would have wanted her and Lucas to move on with their lives. To find happiness again. To become a real family.
“Just so you know,” Jackson added with a lone-dimpled grin as he waited for her answer, “I’ve already asked your father, your brother and your son for their blessings.”
“We said yes!” Lucas hollered from somewhere in the crowd.
Laughing happily, Lainie nodded, tears filling her eyes. Her son’s approval meant the world to her. Now they could be a family, building a new life together in the only place she ever really thought of as home, surrounded by those they loved. “Yes, Jackson,” she said, her heart overflowing with happiness, “I’ll marry you. And I promise to spend every day of my life loving you just as deeply as I do today.”
