by Blair Grey
“Maybe,” I said. Again, I could hear those warning bells in my head, reminding me that I really couldn’t get involved with her. There was just too much other stuff going on in my life at the moment. I just couldn’t risk getting her into danger.
But to be honest, I liked her. She looked at the world in a different way from me, and I wanted her to open my eyes to that. I wanted to see Las Cruces as more than just places that Red Eyes owned versus places where I could forget about MC business. Besides, it wasn’t as though I was leader of Red Eyes already. Ray was still alive. He hadn’t handed the reins over to me. Yet.
If I didn’t let myself get too attached to her, this didn’t have to be a problem. And if I didn’t let her get too attached to me. I glanced over at her. Was I being an asshole, leading her on, knowing that we could never actually be together? But she didn’t seem like she was trying too hard to be with me either. Maybe this was okay.
I had to hope that this was okay. Because as selfish as it might be, I wanted her. And I wasn’t sure that I could deny myself.
14
Holly
Grant was full of surprises. I knew that he wasn’t just some thug. I had known that since before I met him at the diner this time. No, there was something more to him. Something that made me question whether Ryan had his eyes set on the right target.
The clue had to be in what Ryan said to me when he assigned me this specific part of the case. It had to be that Grant just wasn’t like the other guys. That he wasn’t fully on board with his position in the MC, and that he was a sweeter sort of guy. The kind of guy who had a heart.
Maybe the rest of the guys in the MC were terrible. But Grant wasn’t. He just wasn’t.
Or at least, that wasn’t the kind of guy that he was toward me.
I felt like I was racing against the clock, trying to piece together his real identity. Trying to prove that he wasn’t guilty. Because there was no way that he could be. He was as innocent as it got. I had told him some lie about how Montana was just so beautiful and how I was having a hard time fitting in here. And now, he had shown me this beautiful place overlooking Las Cruces. The kind of place that I had never known existed.
How could I have lived here for my whole life and not found this beautiful overlook? Grant must have been looking at the world differently all along. He must have been seeking out the most perfect spots, while I’d just been existing day to day. His motorcycle might make him part of the club, might make him part of the most dangerous MC in New Mexico, but that didn’t mean he really fit in with them. Because to him, I could see that his motorcycle meant nothing more than freedom.
Not only that, but I had a stupid reaction to the fact that he had automatically pulled out a helmet for me. If this guy didn’t care about humanity, if he was a stone-cold murderer, why would he want me to be safe riding on the back of his bike? It might be a stupid gut reaction, but it was one I couldn’t seem to shake.
There was something more to him. I was sure of it. He just wasn’t the criminal that everyone had made him out to be.
And to be honest, that just made me want to learn even more about him. But not for Ryan’s sake. Not for the sake of the mission. But for my own sake. Who was this guy? I wanted to know. I ached to know.
“How did you even find this place?” I asked curiously, glancing over at the man. He looked just as surprised by the view as I was, but I knew that this was exactly where he planned on taking me. I had been able to tell, by the way that he confidently steered the bike, that he was heading for a specific point. Here. And that made me even more curious.
Grant shrugged, grinning bashfully over at me. “I didn’t have the best childhood,” he said. “And when I learned how to ride bikes, I swore that I was going to use it to get away from it all. You know, I just needed my own space. Away from Las Cruces.” He paused, and I could tell that he was picking his words carefully. “Las Cruces has always been my home. It probably always will be. I’m not like you, Holly. In so many ways, I’m just not brave enough to ever leave.”
He shrugged. “But the thing is, the way that I make things okay is to look at them differently. I step outside of the way that I’ve ever known things. I find sanctuary within certain parts of the city that my past can never touch. Or I find places like this.”
I narrowed my eyes, realizing more about what he was saying than he would think that I understood. He didn’t know I knew that he was part of Red Eyes. Contrary to what Ryan seemed to think, he wasn’t keen on talking about the MC. I could tell that his sanctuaries probably didn’t have to do with Red Eyes.
Maybe some of those places did. Those guys were like his family after all. A family that he had never had in any other way. But there was more to him as well. More than he was letting on even.
“When I was a teenager, there was this guy who pretty much adopted me. Who helped me become the man that I was always meant to be.” Grant was staring out at the horizon now, and I could tell that this was difficult for him to talk about. I was surprised that he was sharing this with me, and I couldn’t help but feel special.
“He’s a good guy. He could tell just what I needed. The first time he found me feeling down about life, he took me out here. Said that this was a place where I could just get away from it all. Where I could forget about everything that the system had done to me.” He gave a short laugh. “To be honest, that was the first time that anyone ever admitted that the system might have fucked me over. Everyone else was still trying to tell me that it had been my own fault. That I was never adopted because I never put out the effort or because I was never the right kind of person. That kind of thing.
“Ray was the first person who ever admitted that the system had failed me. That still means more to me than you could ever know.”
I stared over at him. Ray. That was the leader of Red Eyes. That must be who had gotten him into this life. And if even I could see what a horrible fit for the MC Grant was, then it must have been obvious to Ray. Maybe Grant wasn’t the only guy with a soft spot in the organization. Maybe the leader of the club was the same.
I filed that information away to discuss with Ryan. Sure, it was a pretty big leap to make, and I wasn’t sure that it would help us in the long run. Just because Ray had a weakness for getting kids off the street or out of the system, it didn’t mean that he was a good guy. But it definitely bumped him up a few notches in my esteem.
If kids like Grant were on bad paths anyway, maybe it was a good thing for Ray to be out there. Maybe these kids would have gotten into worse problems otherwise.
I suddenly realized that I couldn’t talk about any of this with Ryan. He would take it as what it really was: yet another sign that I didn’t feel like these guys were really the bad guys or that they needed to be taken down. Ryan would have me off this task force in the blink of an eye if he thought I was questioning him again.
“I don’t come here very often anymore, I guess,” Grant continued, shrugging a shoulder. “I’ve got other places to go now. Back then, I didn’t. I guess I sort of forgot how much I love this place.” He glanced over at me. “My adoptive father is in the hospital right now. There’s been a lot on my mind. I guess I just feel better, being here and with you.”
I blinked at him. His adoptive father? Was he still talking about Ray? That would be such a crazy piece of news to tell Ryan if so. If Ray was in the hospital, how would that affect the rest of the club? Would they be weakened without their leader? I had to think that they would be.
It didn’t make sense, though. The guys trailing Braxton from business to business would have to know if Ray was in the hospital. We knew that Braxton and Landon were Ray’s sons. If Ray was in the hospital, wouldn’t Landon have come back from Florida? Wouldn’t they both have gone to visit Ray at the hospital?
I should ask about it, I knew. But I didn’t want to push it. If Ray really was the one in the hospital, I could only imagine how difficult it would be for Grant, watching his adoptive father go th
rough something at the hospital. Grant probably needed all the comfort he could get right now, and I didn’t know him well enough to pry.
Grant glanced over at me. “To be honest, that’s why I walked out of having drinks with you the other night,” he said seriously. “I just have a lot of other shit going on in my life right now. I’m not sure I’m good company for you.”
“I was wondering about that,” I said slowly, trying not to let on about how surprised I was by his revelation. I couldn’t help but wonder what else he had going on, but if he kept speaking so openly with me, I had a feeling it was only a matter of time before I found out.
Somehow, I had gone from thinking that he wasn’t interested in me to thinking that I had him in the palm of my hand. It was starting to make me feel suspicious, like maybe he was somehow playing me. But that was ridiculous. He couldn’t know who I was. He didn’t even know that I was from around here. He thought that I was from Montana.
“I know it’s last minute, but did you want to get dinner with me tonight?” Grant asked suddenly, and with the way he pushed his hands into his pockets, I had to admit that he looked nervous to ask.
Almost as though he really liked me. And I was starting to realize that I liked him too. I nodded at him, a smile breaking out on my face. “Yeah, let’s grab dinner,” I agreed. “That sounds like a great idea.”
I knew I couldn’t let myself develop feelings for him, but I also knew that I needed to collect more information for Ryan. And I liked spending time with Grant. I felt comfortable around him in a way that I could never have expected. So why not go to dinner with him? It wasn’t a date; it was a work project that I didn’t mind doing.
15
Grant
I watched as Holly shook out her hair before deftly pulling it into a quick braid. She put her helmet on and then joined me on the bike. “Where to?” she asked.
“Another surprise,” I told her teasingly. I liked keeping her in suspense. And she didn’t seem to mind.
In fact, she laughed, and I could feel her arms tighten around me just a little, almost as though she were hugging me rather than hanging on so that she wouldn’t fall off the bike. “All right, fine. Keep your secrets,” she said. “But this better be good. You have a whole town to impress me with.”
“Oh, I have to impress you now? Is that how it is?”
I was starting to realize that I really liked her. The banter was easy. Teasing. Fun. Even when we were talking about serious subjects, it just seemed like she really respected me. That she wanted to listen. And I wanted to tell her everything.
I still hadn’t told her about Red Eyes, though. I couldn’t tell her about that. She was a good girl; I knew that. One hint of trouble, and I was sure she’d be out the door. Girls might always be attracted to the bad boy, but girls like Holly knew better than to get tangled up with someone who was in a gang. Even if I didn’t really do any of the bad stuff.
Even if we never do bad stuff to the good guys, I thought, remembering Cameron’s words.
I shook those thoughts out of my head and started the bike, feeling that low roar between my legs. There was no question in my mind about where we were going. I wanted to show Holly everything that I loved about Las Cruces. I didn’t know why, but something about hearing how dejected she was, how homesick she was, really struck a chord in me. I wanted her to feel some sense of attachment to Las Cruces.
Not least of which, because I didn’t want her to leave, to go back to Montana. Not just yet. She was the first friend that I’d had outside of Red Eyes in a long time.
And I still wanted to bang her. There was that as well.
Holly raised an eyebrow at me as I got off the bike in front of what had to be the most unassuming restaurant in the world. We were on a quiet, mostly residential street a little bit outside of the city, and I could tell that she was confused.
“What is this, home cooking?” she asked, her brows drawing together.
I laughed. “If you mean, am I going to cook for you? No.”
“Phew,” Holly said, smirking at me. “I didn’t think we were to that point in our relationship just yet.”
“You mean the point where I put aside my pride and try my hardest to cook something, and you pretend to like it, but I can tell that you actually don’t, and it totally cripples my confidence from there on out?” I joked. “Yeah, definitely not.”
Holly giggled and swung off the bike, handing the helmet back to me. “Then what are we doing here?”
“Believe it or not, this happens to be a world-class restaurant,” I told her. “Well, maybe not world-class, I don’t know. But the food is amazing.”
Holly looked doubtful, but she gamely followed me inside.
Monica bustled over immediately. “Grant Gilbert, it has been too long,” she said, swatting at me with a rag before pulling me into a hug. “And who is this?” she demanded, eyeing Holly. “A girlfriend? You disappear for months, and you come back with a girlfriend?”
I could feel my face start to heat. I was starting to wonder if I’d made the right choice in bringing Holly here. How was she taking Monica’s accusation that she was my girlfriend, though? It looked like she was trying very hard to hold back laughter.
“This is Holly,” I said, not giving any other explanation for her. She definitely wasn’t my girlfriend; we barely knew each other. But I had to admit; I liked the idea of her being my girlfriend. “And I didn’t disappear. I've just been busy lately.”
“Too busy to eat?” Monica asked, frowning disapprovingly at me. She clucked her tongue. “Look at you, though. Too much time in the gym, I’m sure. Trying to keep up with those twins, are you?”
I laughed. “I’m never going to come even close to them,” I said. Braxton and Landon were of a different breed, basically. Braxton barely even went to the gym, as far as I knew, but he was still built like a bull. “But if you’re interested in fattening me up, can we get a table for two?”
Monica laughed and led us back to a secluded table in the back. “Our lovers’ booth,” she said, winking at me.
I groaned but slid into place at the table. Holly was still fighting back laughter. I tried to think of some way to explain, but I didn’t know what to say. Monica was Monica—that was the thing. She had known me for years now, ever since I had moved into my first house down the street. If Ray was like a father to me, Monica was definitely like a mother. I was actually surprised that she hadn’t given me more grief about having been gone for so long, but I supposed Holly’s presence had distracted her.
Holly leaned back in her seat, looking around the place. The inside didn’t match up with the outside at all. Where the outside looked like just another suburban house, the inside had been transformed to look like something out of Morocco. The walls on the first floor had been mostly knocked out, and new ones had been put in to make the room over into an octagonal shape. Tables were dotted around the room, many half-hidden behind hanging tapestries, which fluttered in a slight breeze that came from somewhere I couldn’t see.
“This is amazing,” Holly said, shaking her head. She turned back to me. “So what’s the story here? There has to be a story, right?”
I laughed. “I guess so,” I said. “Monica’s husband was Moroccan, and when he died, she didn’t know what to do with this big house all on her own. So she turned the upstairs into her living space and turned the downstairs into a restaurant that would always make her remember him. It’s gotten more and more lavish over the years, but the food’s still the same good stuff.” I eyed Holly nervously. “You’re not afraid to try different ethnic foods, are you? I should have asked before I brought you here.”
Holly laughed. “No, this is great,” she said. “I would honestly have pegged you for a burgers and pizza kind of man, though. I guess maybe it’s the beard.”
I snorted. “Don’t get me wrong, I love a good burger. A good pizza too. I mean, you met me at the diner. To be honest, I go there most days. I just don’t like coo
king for myself.” I shrugged. “But this place, I don’t know. It’s just really nice. Like I said, the food’s pretty much world-class.”
“I’m excited to try it,” Holly said. “But I guess I should let you pick for me. I don’t know what half of the stuff on the menu even is.”
“I can do that,” I said, grinning at her. “Anything you don’t like?”
“Nope, I’m pretty easygoing,” Holly said, smiling right back at me.
“Good,” I said, liking that. I was glad she wanted to be here. This place wasn’t one of my oases from Red Eyes. Monica paid her dues, and her husband had been somehow involved with Ray. I still didn’t know how the man had died, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to ask. Braxton and Landon knew about the place, too. They were actually the ones who had brought me here when they found out how close I lived.
But it felt like a different kind of oasis. Like a safe space, the kind that time never touched. And I guess I wanted to share that with Holly.
I was starting to feel a real connection with her. And that made me nervous, especially since I could tell that she felt the same way. I knew this couldn’t go on forever, and I didn’t want to hurt her. I tried not to think about that, though. Have a little fun for now. Maybe Ray would keep his hold on Red Eyes for years and years. No sense worrying so much.
“How’s the job search going anyway?” I asked, trying to distract myself. “I’m sure that’s part of why it’s hard to move down here, right? You’ve totally changed your life. That must be difficult.”
Holly shrugged. “Yeah, I guess,” she said, glancing away from me. I suddenly had the feeling that she was hiding something from me. I wondered what it could be. But I didn’t want to press her. I didn’t want to make her talk about things that she didn’t want to talk about or make her uncomfortable. We still didn’t know each other very well.
