by Kyle, Celia
He shrugged. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not. You never have been.”
Another shrug. “Okay, I’m not fine. But there’s not much that can be done about that.”
“You could quit feeling sorry for yourself. Or push all that pain to the back of your mind and live a little. Shit, I’d settle for therapy at this point and I know Paisley would, as well. Effort, Hawkins. That’s all we want. A little effort.”
Effort? Living was an effort.
Chance lowered to the bench. “Ten years, man. Ten years you’ve been alone.”
“Not alone enough.” He snorted. “You’re still here.”
Hawkins ignored the scent of Chance’s pain and remained silent.
“Yeah,” his friend nodded. “I am. Until you sever the bond between us. I am.”
Hawkins furrowed his brow and finally focused on his partner. “What makes you think I will?”
Chance met his gaze. “You won’t let it firmly form.” Chance shrugged. “I just assumed you’d break it at some point. I can only give so much and when you don’t take it, I have to figure you don’t really want to pair with me.” He shook his head. “I sound like a woman with all my talk about feelings, but it is what it is. You don’t let me in so you’ll get rid of me. I think Paisley feels the same way. We’re not tight, not a strong pairing that can support her and shoulder the addition of her abilities to our ties.” Chance tore his attention from Hawkins. “I talked to Emmett and Levy. It’ll hurt a little, she’ll try and drain us if she gets pissed, if something or someone tries to come after us. She takes every ounce of our magic that she can. If we aren’t solid, the mating won’t work.”
Hawkins huffed. “It’s a few bites, Chance. She just has to accept me as I am.”
His partner shook his head. “No, that’s not all it is. She’ll balance us, Hawkins. That means she’s stretched between us, a part of us individually as well as us as a whole. But we’re not a ‘whole,’ are we? I want her more than anything I’ve ever desired, but I can’t have her alone. Even if she accepted you, we couldn’t have her together, either. Our magic, untethered by our ties, would tear her apart.”
Hawkins let the words sink into him, let them dig into every nook and cranny in his body, and sucked in a harsh breath. “All or nothing.”
“Essentially.”
“But you said it’d take a little effort…”
“For her to forgive you. For us to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. The mating would be postponed until you let me in. All in. I have memories, experiences, that aren’t pretty, too. Doesn’t mean I’ll kick you out. It means I’ll wince a little and be happy knowing I’ve got someone to help shoulder all that messy shit. When we join with Paisley, she’s the one who’ll smooth out those jagged edges.” Chance continued to stare into the distance. “It’s the reason Warden Born and Alpha Marked exist, Hawk. To keep us from going crazy. To soothe our wolves and balance all the bullshit. She’s the one safe place in the world.” Chance pushed to his feet and stared down at Hawkins. He tilted his head back to meet his friend’s gaze. “So, I’m gonna take what comfort from her I can get and we’ll wait to see if you’re going to leave us or embrace us.”
With that, his partner left, turning on his heel and heading back up the path toward the house.
That left Hawkins alone with his thoughts. Thoughts that swirled with pain and… regrets. So many regrets.
He rose and focused on the home, eyes scanning the windows until they finally settled on the ones that belonged to their suite. Paisley stood at one, her attention on him. Even from this distance he noticed her tremble and the redness of her eyes. She clutched a white towel to her chest, fingers digging into the fabric. He stared at her, noting not just her physical beauty, but the pureness of her heart.
Could he let her go out of fear?
Chance entered the scene, his partner’s arms going around her body and tugging her close. His friend pressed a kiss to the top of her head and his wolf helped him see her even more clearly. It helped him see the tear that slithered down her cheek.
Could he let them go out of fear?
No.
* * *
Chance nearly went back to the garden and kicked Hawk’s ass. When he returned to their suite, he found Paisley standing at the window, towel encircling her body and tears clinging to her lashes.
“Sweetheart,” he murmured and tugged her close, dropping a kiss to the top of her head when she was near enough.
“I’m mad at him, but I want him, Chance.”
“I know,” he whispered. “I know. I hate him sometimes, but I’d love to be tied to him like a true Warden partner. Hell, my wolf and magic demand I force the issue, but there’s only so much that can be done.”
“I hate it.”
“Me, too.” He placed a finger beneath her chin and encouraged her to tip her head back. “I thought you were taking a bath. You said you needed to relax.”
She nodded. “I know, I just wanted to see… Did he say anything? I mean, did he say…”
“He didn’t say much, but I think he got the point. We just have to see what he’ll do about it.”
Paisley sighed and sunk into him for a moment. He welcomed her slight weight. Welcomed it and hoarded it. Being the go-between and living a half-life because of Hawkins’ stubbornness was hard as hell.
“You know,” her gaze bore into his, seeming to see past the mask he held in place that hid what lurked beneath. “This has been all about him. His problems, his issues. What about you, Chance? What do you want?”
Chance smiled. That was such an easy question to answer. “You. No drama. No mess. No past that slinks into the present and destroys things. I just want you.”
She melted against him then, her body sliding against his in a sinuous shift of muscle and he knew he’d given her the words she needed. Words she needed that weren’t exactly the truth.
He needed Hawkins, too. His wolf snapped at him while his magic bubbled beneath his skin. It was always on edge, always fighting him. It wanted one of two things—join with Hawkins or tear away from him. It was unnatural for them to be so disconnected and it sought out a better tie to another wolf.
Like always, he yanked those parts of him back under control, not giving them a chance to gain a foothold. If they got loose… his partnership with Hawkins would be over. He’d lose a man he thought of as a brother and a woman he ached to take as his mate.
So instead of screaming down the heavens, he smiled like he always did and leaned toward Paisley, brushing his lips across hers. She was so beautiful and so worth any pain his wolf and magic flung at him.
“C’mon. You wanted a bath and I think I hear the tub in your room calling your name.” He released her and then nudged her toward the bathroom. “Let’s get you relaxed. Everything will look better after you have a chance to let go of some of this tension.”
The scent of her happiness drifted to him, and it had his wolf chuffing in approval. Even if Hawkins was an asshole and hurt her, they’d managed to make her happy.
Paisley glanced over her shoulder at him, teasing grin on her lips. “Will you wash my back?”
A real grin tickled his lips. “Minx. In you go. I don’t trust myself with you.”
She feigned innocence. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Uh-huh.” He lightly pushed again. “I’m pretty sure you’re lying. Relax, let some of your tension go and maybe I’ll give you a massage when you’re done.”
Paisley batted her eyelashes. “We could start with a massage.”
“Get going. I’m not sure I can even trust myself to rub you down. We’ll have to see how much control I have after listening to you splash around in there.”
That had her smiling wide. “Yeah, you like me a little bit?”
“Yeah,” he stared into her sparkling eyes. “I like you a little bit. Maybe more than a little. Which is why you gotta let the water soothe you and I gotta stay out here.
” He cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb over her smooth skin. “Otherwise, I’ll make love to you. And that… The first time should be with Hawkins when we claim you.”
“If he claims me,” she whispered and it tore at his heart. He’d said his piece to his partner, but that didn’t destroy the rage he held in his chest.
“He will. I can’t promise when, but he’ll get his head out of his ass and realize that true magic isn’t inside us. It’s you.” Chance leaned toward her and brushed his lips across her mouth, slipping his tongue out to gather a hint of her flavors. Just enough to tide him over. “Go. I’ll wait here for you.”
Paisley nodded and stepped away. When she spun, he was presented with the perfect view of her towel-covered ass. It was gorgeous and lush even though it was hidden by thick terry cloth. He could wait to nibble and kiss that part of her. Hell, he wanted to do that to all of her.
Paisley disappeared into her bedroom, but left the door open, teasing him further. Shit, he didn’t even hear her shut the bathroom door. He did hear the roar of water filling the tub.
It was like she’d issued an engraved invitation and he refused to accept. Not without Hawkins. Even if he hated the man sometimes.
He stared at the doorway, now listening to the soft splashes as she bathed. She was naked and slick with water, her pale skin shining in the bathroom light. At least, he imagined her that way. Imagined she was nude and waiting for him to climb in with her.
But he couldn’t. So he wouldn’t.
What he would do was go to her, trace her steps and find contentment in simply being near her. Yes, that would have to be enough.
He walked toward her room and strode through the doorway, not slowing until he reached the bathroom’s open door.
“Hey, Paisley?”
Paisley squeaked and water sloshed, pattering on the gleaming tiles. “Chance? What are you doing here?”
He chuckled. “You invited me.”
She squeaked again and it was wrong that his cock hardened with the sound. “I, uh…”
“I’m just gonna sit here. Talk to you and maybe you’ll talk back. I meant what I said. I’ll make love to you… with Hawkins.”
“When he gets his head out of his ass,” she grumbled.
“Yup,” he easily agreed and lowered to the floor. He eased to the right of the door and leaned against the wall so he faced the bedroom’s entrance.
Just because he was relaxing didn’t mean he could let down his guard. Maxim was still out there and probably hunting for Paisley if he hadn’t tucked tail and hidden. Chance kinda hoped the male showed up at the Alpha Compound so he could take a chunk out of the man.
“So, what are we gonna talk about?” Chance called to her. A few seconds passed and he wondered if she’d actually answer him or just leave him hanging.
Finally, she spoke. “What makes you tick?”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” the water sloshed and he imagined her easing deeper into the warmth. Naked. He couldn’t get past the idea of naked. “What do you want out of life? What do you hope for the future? What do you want to accomplish before you die?”
“Morbid, sweetheart?”
Paisley huffed. “Just answer the questions.”
“Fine,” he let her words circle inside his mind. They spun and spun, moving faster and faster until he couldn’t separate one from the next. They were different and yet the answer to all three was the same. “I want to be loved. I want someone who can’t breathe without me standing beside her. I want a Warden partner who is strong enough to stand at my side and protect her with every breath in his body.” He snapped his mouth shut, realizing how much he’d revealed. Instead of remaining quiet, he played it off as a joke. “Basically the exact opposite of what I have now.”
The splash of water no longer reached for him and he tilted his head, focusing on listening for her presence and any distress.
“Chance…” she whispered and it was his turn to tilt his head back and focus on her. To feel the weight of someone’s feelings crashing over him. “You have some of that already.”
Water clung to her, the robe she’d snared off the back of the door now covering her body, but the wetness showed that she hadn’t dried off before coming to him.
She crouched beside him, slowly lowering to her knees. “I can’t breathe without you here.”
“What about Hawkins?” He had to ask. It couldn’t be one sided. Even with his anger, he wanted to make their mating a success. That included her caring about his partner.
“And Hawkins. I can want him and be angry at the same time.”
He nodded and the uncomfortable feeling of vulnerability plagued him. “So you need me a little bit?”
He winked and smiled. He expected a grin or chuckle. Instead, she reached for him, entwining their fingers. “I need you both. And if we give each other a chance, I’m sure we can take care of your first wish, too.”
Chance’s eyes weren’t burning from tears or anything. Pollen. Yeah, he must have allergies and wasn’t it spring or something? Didn’t flowers bloom or some shit around this time? He ignored his magic when it reminded him they were in the height of summer. Bastard.
Whatever was wrong with his eyes, it wasn’t tears. Maybe he had a sudden case of… something that made a guy look like he was crying.
A throat being cleared drew their attention and he shifted his focus to the bedroom’s entryway.
Hawkins stood, looking as uncomfortable as hell, but Chance recognized the man’s posture. He was determined to do or say whatever the hell was on his mind.
Stubborn. Hawkins had his stubborn hat on.
“And if you two give an old wolf a chance, we can take care of the last, too.”
Paisley snorted for the both of them. “Old? Experienced. Or perfectly aged. Like cheese.”
Chance grinned, loving—maybe—her a little more for putting Hawkins at ease with her small joke.
Hawkins locked eyes with him, the silent question in his eyes. Could Chance let him in?
Yes. The answer was always yes.
Chance jerked his head toward Paisley. “C’mon, our mate is soaking wet. We need to either get her dried off or back in the tub.” He then focused on Paisley. “Which will it be, sweetheart?” When indecision flitted across her features, hope and unease battling each other. “Your choice. Always. Whatever you want.”
“I,” she blushed, the redness having nothing to do with her heated bath. “I am a little damp.”
“Then let’s get you dried off.” He rolled to his feet and helped Paisley do the same. “Hawk, why don’t you help Paisley out of her robe? I’ll pull the plug on the tub and grab a towel.”
The hope in his partner’s gaze gave Chance the courage to feel a bit of his own.
Maybe it’d work out. Maybe.
Chapter Eight
Hawk’s hands were warm on her skin, heating her with his touch as he stroked her. His fingers brushed her shoulders, tracing the edges of her thick robe. The lapels crisscrossed over her breasts, revealing her rounded cleavage. His gaze was intent on her chest, his yellow-eyed attention on her body.
“You’re so beautiful. Did you know that?” His voice was husky with a hint of a growl. “I…” He slid a single digit along the swell of her breast. “Do you want my touch, Paisley? Do you want me?”
He was so unsure, so timid with his question and she hated that a big bad wolf wasn’t firm and demanding.
She rested her hand atop his, stilling his movements, and his attention shot to her face. “I want to feel you and I want to get to know you. Touch me, Hawkins. Just…” she shook her head. “I’m not ready to mate, okay? We can learn each other now and sort through emotions later. I think we all need to build a connection.” She cupped his cheek, aching to brush away the wariness in his gaze. “I want you, but I want to know your heart before we tie ourselves together. Can you do that with me? Can I give myself to you and trust you won’t try and
mate me? If you tell me I can trust you, I will.”
“I can do anything for you, baby.” The growl was gone, replaced by an earnest murmur. “I will take whatever you give me. Everything is at your pace. I swear it.”
Those amber eyes pleaded with her and she knew he spoke the truth. Oh, she had no doubt his magic or wolf could push the issue, but she wouldn’t be mated to the wolf or the magic. She’d be living with the man. She could trust this man.
Paisley released his hand and lowered hers to her waist and tugged at the robe’s tie. It took one gentle pull and the knot released, allowing Hawkins to part the fabric. His calluses scraped over her skin and stoked her growing desire. She wanted him, there was no denying her need, and she was ready to put herself in his hands.
The fabric caressed her as it slipped from her shoulders to pool at her feet.
“You’re so beautiful.” She felt the truth of Hawkins’ words in her soul. He slid his palms over her shoulders, tracing her arms and he finally snared her wrists. He brought them to his lips and pressed a kiss to one hand and then the other. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Your trust,” he murmured, and then pressed gentle kisses to the center of her palms. “Your faith in me.”
The stone wall she’d built around her heart cracked. She was letting him—them—in, but she still hid behind the tough barrier. He slowly demolished it with his sweet words.
“You’re taking the first step, Hawkins. It will always be there, waiting for you to give me your trust.” She freed herself from his gentle hold and reached for the hem of his shirt. She tugged at the fabric, lifting it and exposing his muscled abdomen. “You’re a little overdressed.”
That was all the prodding he needed. In less than a second the cloth was gone and she was gifted with an unimpeded view of his chest. She touched him, stroked and traced each rise and valley that represented his physical strength.
His hands weren’t idle. No, as she stroked him, he caressed her. Each brush spurred her arousal, her body responding to her mate’s nearness. She wanted him. There was no question about that now.
