‘You sorry son of a bitch! You’re supposed to be going with Callie and you’d rather be with this cheap skank? God! Misty’s the school bike. Tobey, I thought you had more class. Callie’s much too good for you, you skank lover. You come near my girl again and I’ll personally put you in a chokehold …’ Sammi’s voice grew louder and more outraged as she spoke.
I mentally turned down the volume on her rant. Bless her, she had my back, but she was letting the whole neighbourhood know it. Misty was still smoothing down her dress while glaring at me defiantly. I dismissed her with a scornful flick of my eyelashes, but Tobey? He was different. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He, on the other hand, was looking everywhere but at me.
‘Tobey?’ I whispered.
And still he wouldn’t look at me. A sad stillness settled over me. This was Tobey. This was me. This was us. After everything Tobey and I had been through together, this was all that was left. At last he did look at me. Sammi was shouting at Misty and Misty was screaming back, but I couldn’t hear a word. Tobey and I went into freeze-frame mode, the rest of the world around us just an indistinct blur. Though Tobey’s dark eyes held a world of regret, that world was not enough. Though it was quiet I couldn’t hear or even feel my heart beating. No wonder. There was an excruciating pain in my chest where Tobey had reached in and ripped it out. I needed to get away from there.
‘Really, Tobey. You’re gonna stand there and not say a word?’ Sammi ranted. ‘Aren’t you even going to try to explain—’
I placed a hand on her arm to stem her tirade. ‘Sammi, let’s go.’
I turned round and left the summer house. There was nothing more to be said.
‘He was never yours,’ Misty called after me. ‘You’re a Cross, he’s a Nought. Nuff said.’
Sammi turned, blood in her eye. She was about to run at Misty and muck her shit up. I grabbed her arm, shaking my head.
‘She isn’t worth it,’ I said quietly. ‘Neither of them are.’
‘You got that right,’ Sammi sniffed, only slightly mollified.
We headed back to the house in silence, though others were now standing outside the summer house, watching the unexpected entertainment. By Monday morning, Tobey and Misty’s antics would be all round the school.
‘Callie, listen. I know you won’t want to hear this right now, but I’m going to say it anyway. Misty is so jealous of you she can’t see straight. I knew she’d try some shit like this from the moment she started wearing the same perfume as you and styling her hair like yours. You wear your hair in braids? A day later, she does the same. You wear cornrows on one side of your head? Give it a day or two and she’ll be copying. That’s the main reason she went after Tobey – because you had him. If she could get him, then she’d be more like you. D’you understand?’
I barely heard Sammi, and what I did hear didn’t make any sense. All I could think about was being alone. I was desperate to be by myself, crawl into bed and curl up in a ball until the pain stopped. I walked back into the house and straight up to the DJ, about to tell him to stop the music and announce the party was over. Sammi grabbed my arm, pulling me to one side.
‘Don’t you dare, Callie,’ she said fiercely.
‘Samantha, I’m not in the mood to smile and dance and pretend nothing’s wrong.’
‘Which is precisely why that’s exactly what you’re gonna do,’ she argued. ‘Don’t give either of them the satisfaction of ruining your party.’
It took a moment or two, but I realized she was right. So that’s what I did. I danced and laughed and flirted like it was the best day of my life instead of the worst. And inside? Inside I wished the bullet that had put me in a coma all those months ago had hit me just one centimetre lower.
forty-one. Tobey
* * *
I’m not stupid. It was just … a moment of madness. The sex meant nothing. It was nothing. Instantly forgettable. An itch that was scratched and that was all. So different to when Callie and I were together … Well, that had meant everything, and more now that I had something to compare it to.
I sat in the classroom with my eyes firmly planted on Mr Pike and the whiteboard, knowing that I was the subject of all the whispers around me. The afternoon sun was blazing through the classroom window, each ray battering at my head. It was already splitting and the light wasn’t making it any better.
This was all Misty’s fault.
The flare of white-hot anger aimed towards Misty vanished almost as soon as it had appeared. I hung my head. My predicament was just as much my responsibility as Misty’s. I’m not stupid. I knew how she felt about me and that she’d have no objections if I made a move on her. I had no intention of doing any such thing, I really didn’t. Turns out I didn’t have to: she’d got in first. She followed me into the summer house when I’d just wanted to be alone for a few minutes, and started kissing and touching me. The huge mistake I made was to close my eyes and pretend it was Callie flinging herself at me, Callie kissing me, Callie wanting me.
I take that back – I am stupid. I knew what I was doing and did it anyway.
I can still feel Callie’s eyes laser-burning holes straight through me. Come the break, I’ll find her and try to explain. If I have to grovel, so be it. She’s the best thing in my life.
I can’t lose her.
I won’t.
forty-two. Callie
* * *
I sat down on the lid of the toilet in the closed cubicle and seriously considered bunking off school for the rest of the day and heading home. The mid-morning break had barely even begun and I’d already had enough. Five weeks after my party and I was still getting stares and pitying looks and snide smirks. Five weeks since Tobey and Misty had got together. Why does it still hurt like it was yesterday, like it was five minutes ago?
Let it go, Callie.
Easier said than done. Sammi in particular was such a true friend, squaring up to anyone who tried to get into my business, but I couldn’t expect her to act as a buffer for me for the rest of the term. Sooner or later, people would find something else to talk about, that’s what Sammi and Jen kept telling me. Even Maxine, my classmate, who I must’ve shared two sentences with all year, had taken to giving me a hug every time she saw me, which had grown old real fast. I had important exams coming up, the most important of my life if I was to get into law school, and every day I struggled to concentrate on my work and my revision.
But I wasn’t going to let Tobey or any guy make me a failure. Never again.
As for Tobey and me, well, whatever it was we’d had together, it was now officially dead in the water. The fact that he could get with Misty, of all people, had made what he and I had together tawdry. And it had taken Tobey too long to get that message. He’d tried to tell me he was sorry, that being with Misty was all a huge mistake. How do you mistakenly screw someone?
He’d initially inundated me with texts, asking me to forgive him. What difference would that make? Forgive him, don’t forgive him – it wouldn’t change what he did. I was glass and he’d dropped me. Now I’m shattered into a million pieces. I’ll truly forgive him when he can put me back together again as good as new, with no visible joins or seams. I’ll truly forget when he reaches into my head and erases the images I have of him and Misty together.
I took out my phone to read his last text message to me. Why didn’t I delete it? I had no idea. Reading it was like pressing my tongue on an exposed nerve in a tooth cavity. But, in spite of all my self-reproach, I read it anyway.
Callie, please talk to me. I made a mistake. I’m only human. I’ll keep saying sorry till you believe me, till you forgive me. Please don’t hate me. Just let me tell you face to face how truly sorry I am. Tell me what I can do to make things right between us. I love you. Tobey
How could he? If I believed each letter of every word he texted me, that just made it worse. He loves me? How could he love me and sleep with someone else? That made no sense. I texted him back.
Tob
ey, I don’t know what you feel for me, but it isn’t love or you wouldn’t have had sex with Misty. I don’t hate you. I wish you only good things, but you and I are over. Now please stop messaging me. Don’t force me to block you. Callie
That was three days ago. He hadn’t texted me or tried to talk to me after that. Had he finally got the message? It looked like it. So why did I feel more miserable than ever? I never thought I’d be one of those girls who sighed over guys. What the hell was I doing in this toilet cubicle, feeling sorry for myself?
I stood up and went to take my bag off the hook on the door when someone rushed into the cubicle next to mine and retched, throwing up violently. I wrinkled my nose. God, I hated the sound of vomiting and the smell was already hitting me. Well, nice to know I wasn’t the only one having a lousy day. I left the cubicle and went to one of the sinks to wash my hands. The sound of vomiting had died down. The lock on the toilet cubicle clicked open and Misty stepped out, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, her eyes watering. She froze when she saw me, her eyes widening like she was caught in headlights.
‘Are you OK?’ I asked.
Misty’s hand flew to her abdomen, only to immediately drop to her side. Too late.
Ohmigod! ‘You’re pregnant?’
Her mouth opened, but the only sound that came out was a strangled gasp. ‘I … I …’
My jaw dropped. Maybe, if Mum hadn’t been pregnant too, I wouldn’t have recognized the signs and symptoms, but I did. Misty was pregnant. And there was no doubt about who the father was.
‘Please don’t tell anyone. Please,’ she begged.
She wasn’t even going to try to deny it.
‘How far gone are you?’ Stupid question. I knew exactly how far gone she was. Five weeks, two days and several hours. ‘Never mind.’
But Misty did mind. She burst into tears. I stepped forward and, before I knew it, I was hugging her. Within moments, my shirt was soggy. It was like a dam bursting.
‘I’m so s-stupid. What am I going to do?’ she sobbed.
‘Are you going to keep it?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Have you told Tobey yet?’ I asked.
The door to the girls’ toilets opened.
‘Bugger off!’ I snapped before getting a proper look at who was entering.
Without a word, three Year Four girls beat a hasty retreat. Misty straightened to wipe the back of her hand across her face.
‘Are you OK, Misty?’
‘No. Not even close,’ she replied miserably.
‘Does Tobey know?’
‘No one does – except you.’
Oh. My. God!
Misty’s pregnant.
Tobey’s going to be a dad.
I felt like I’d been dropped down a mineshaft and was still falling. But this wasn’t about me. Not any more.
‘Misty, you need to tell him,’ I said. ‘He has the right to know.’
Misty’s tears were flowing faster now. ‘He’ll think I did it on purpose.’
Didn’t you?
A stab of bitter anger impaled me. In that moment, I loathed Misty. Despised her. She had to know Tobey had only got with her to get back at me. Why didn’t she just say no? Didn’t she have any pride? And now she was a bomb thrown between Tobey and me, blasting us so far apart, it felt like no force on earth could put us back together again.
Another look at Misty’s unhappy face and the anger didn’t die, but it did take a step or two back. Her misery was real. Whatever it was she’d set out to do, this wasn’t it.
‘Whatever you decide to do, you should tell Tobey,’ I said. ‘He’ll stand by you.’
‘No, he won’t.’
‘Well, he won’t if you don’t give him a chance,’ I said. ‘You can’t go through this alone, Misty. You’ve got to tell him.’
‘He’ll hate me.’
He wouldn’t be alone. I closed my eyes briefly and swallowed hard to bank down the roil of desperate hatred I felt inside. Only when I trusted that I had my true feelings under control did I open my eyes.
‘Tobey needs to know. He deserves that much.’
A moment, then Misty nodded. There we stood, Misty and I, watching each other. And what I felt about her in that exact moment scared me. Actually scared me.
forty-three. Tobey
* * *
The moment the end-of-lesson buzzer sounded, Callie had been one of the first out of the classroom. I was the last. Two days ago, Sammi – Callie’s good friend – had taken me to one side and put me straight. ‘Listen! If you want Callie to forgive you, you need to back off. The more you push, the more she’ll dig her heels in. Give her a chance to cool off and miss you.’
‘Why’re you offering me advice?’ I couldn’t help asking. ‘You’re not exactly my number-one fan.’
Eyes narrowed, Sammi looked me up and down, confirming my words. ‘My girl is hurting, and if the only one who can stop that is you, then I’ll do whatever I can to get you back together.’
For the first time in weeks, I felt a spark of hope.
‘You’d do that for me? Really?’ I asked.
‘I wouldn’t do a damn thing for you, Tobias Durbridge. You’re a twenty-four-carat ass hat. I’m doing this for Callie.’ Sammi was as blunt as ever. ‘She might eventually forgive you, she might not – but you’ve got to back off. No more text messages or trying to speak to her. OK? All that’s doing is pissing her off.’
‘You think?’
‘I know,’ said Sammi. ‘You two are good for each other, much as it pains me to say it, but it’s not gonna happen if you don’t stop with the crazed-stalker act.’
‘Consider it stopped.’
And I meant it.
Two of the longest days of my life had passed since then. I could only hope that Sammi knew what she was talking about and was really on board with Callie and me getting back together.
‘Tobey, I need to speak to you.’
I looked up, then sighed. For Shaka’s sake, couldn’t this bitch leave me alone?
‘Not now, Misty.’ I gathered up the last of my things, stuffing them into my rucksack.
No, I didn’t want another date. No, I didn’t want to hook up. It wouldn’t bother me if I never spoke to Misty again. Shouldn’t she have got the message by now? I really didn’t need any drama today. And, besides, if I were to stand any chance of getting Callie to forgive me, I needed to stay away from Misty. After bolloxing things up so badly already, I wasn’t about to do it again. That was a hard lesson I’d finally learned. I headed for the door.
‘Tobey, I’m pregnant.’
All the clocks in the world stopped. The earth stopped orbiting the sun. Time itself ceased to exist. My blood was dry ice in my veins. I turned slowly. ‘What?’
‘I’m pregnant.’
I stared. My mind began to whirl though I stood absolutely still. Frozen. I must’ve misheard, right? I was asleep and dreaming – no … having the worst nightmare of my life. Did Misty say she was pregnant?
‘You’re what?’
‘I’m pregnant.’
‘Whose is it?’ I asked.
Misty’s eyes widened. ‘It’s yours, Tobey.’ At my sceptical look, she repeated angrily, ‘It’s yours.’
‘Are you sure?’
Oh God …
‘I haven’t been with anyone since you and I had our first date together,’ she said.
‘Why the hell didn’t you use something?’
‘Why didn’t you?’ Misty shot back at me.
NO! The word was an explosion in my head.
I stared at her, mere moments away from being physically sick. My stomach was churning; my heart hammered at my ribs for release. Saliva filled my mouth. I was actually going to vomit.
Misty was pregnant …
I swallowed hard, then again. And again. My plans, my world, my whole life was circling round the plughole.
‘You’re going to have an abortion, right?’
Misty’s eye
s narrowed. ‘I haven’t decided yet.’
‘You can’t seriously be thinking of keeping it,’ I argued.
I knew I was being a douche sack, but the shock of Misty’s revelation was still pummelling me. Hell, I didn’t know what I was saying. I just wanted … I wanted to get back my life as of five minutes ago. Five minutes ago was pretty shitty, but it was la dolce vita compared to now. Oh hell, I just wanted Callie as my girlfriend again. I wanted my old life back and to reclaim my sanity. All those things were floating away from me like helium balloons.
‘Tobey, couldn’t we … I mean, couldn’t the two of us try to make this work? We’re going to have a child. We could maybe try living together—’
‘And live off what?’ I asked. ‘I don’t have the money to look after you and a child. Are you kidding? All my money is gone, if that’s what you’re banking on. And I have plans. I’m going to university. I’m going to be a lawyer. Nowhere in that scenario is there room for a baby.’
Oh God …
‘Then you should’ve used a condom,’ Misty said bitterly. ‘I can’t believe you’re talking to me like this. Have you even taken a second to think about how I feel?’
I stared at her. Truth to tell, no, I hadn’t. But there was no room in my mind for what she might be going through. Oh my God! What was Mum going to do? She was going to kick my arse, that’s what. Misty had to have an abortion. Didn’t she see that it would ruin both our lives if she didn’t? No. All she could see in front of her was some stupid fantasy she’d built up in her head. A fantasy where she and I skipped off into the sunset, hand in hand, and played happy families. Wasn’t gonna happen. Ever.
‘Who … who else knows – apart from you and me?’ My words were as sharp as knife points.
‘No one,’ said Misty, dropping her gaze.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
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