Pining & Loving

by Emma Sterner-Radley

  Gwen got back on all fours and went to point to where she’d meant, right as Aya thought she spotted movement on the other side and leapt to investigate. They collided, Aya hitting her head hard against Gwen’s shoulder. She put her hand out to push the shoulder away but didn’t touch something hard. She got a handful of something round and yielding. She looked to her hand and so did Gwen. Yes, of course. Of course she would be grabbing Gwen’s boob. That was exactly how her damn night was going.

  She was about to retract her hand when she heard Gwen weakly stifle a moan. When Aya searched her features, she realised that this definitely wasn’t an offended face. Nor was Gwen moving away. She was leaning in.

  A moment passed in thick, meaningful silence, as all of Aya’s emotions and thoughts clicked into place.

  A sensual but cautious smile tugged at Gwen’s lips. “Do you… want to move that hand?”

  “Do you want me to?” Aya asked in a strangled whisper.

  “Absolutely not.”

  “Good,” Aya breathed. “Because I really don’t want to either.”

  Another beat of silence. Their gazes stayed locked.

  “Gwen, I’m sorry for shouting and for being cranky and for ending the date. I shouldn’t—”

  “Shh,” Gwen said. “I know. We both acted badly and we’ll discuss that in a moment. Right now, I need your hands on me. All over me.”

  Arousal flooded her without mercy, bringing back the urgency built up by every daydream and wet dream about Gwen.

  “Get up,” Aya said. “Please,” she added.

  They stood, facing each other. With reverent hands, she took Gwen’s blouse off. When only a bra stood between her and a topless Gwen, her hands began to tremble.

  Bloody hell, you’d think I’d never undressed a woman before.

  Aya got herself together and unhooked the strapless bra and let it fall to the floor, next to the blouse.

  The curvature of Gwen’s pale breasts, with tips as rosy as her lips, nearly undid Aya. How could anything be that pretty? How had she known Gwen for months without being allowed to put those in her damn mouth? She pulled Gwen to her by the waist and bowed so she could kiss those taut nipples, deep and hard, then placed kisses all over Gwen’s chest and shoulders. She wanted to kiss every sweet inch of Gwen but didn’t have the patience to remember what parts her mouth had already mapped.

  Gwen growled, deep in her throat. For a moment Aya thought she was angry about the fight again. Her worries calmed as Gwen said, “This is taking too long. Get your clothes off,” before starting to pull off her own trousers.

  They quickly but clumsily undressed, both staring at the parts of the other’s body that was being unveiled.

  Aya took Gwen’s hand and guided her down onto the thick carpet. She didn’t dare suggest pausing to go to the bedroom, didn’t dare break the spell. Gwen sprawled out as if she’d planned to make love here all along.

  The wall light barely reached them on this side of the sofa, meaning the curves and planes of Gwen’s body were painted in silver shadows by the full moon. Aya sucked in a breath. The beauty almost hurt, especially as Gwen smiled and the moonlight reflected in her gleaming eyes.

  Aya’s apprehension had transformed into affectionate passion before, but now, oh now, she became all languid arousal. The sight of Gwen brought back the persistent tug in her lower abdomen, which had first shown up when they kissed by the lift earlier. That tug now went all the way down between her thighs and spread soaking, red-hot heat.

  She had to know if Gwen was as turned on as she was. She trailed her hands up Gwen’s thighs, signalling to her what she wanted. She moaned when Gwen complied and parted her legs, her folds opening up like a pulsing, pink rose, revealing wetness and the hardness of her clit. Aya wasn’t the only one desperate for this.

  Her fingers needed to explore all of it. They glided, dipped, and came out coated with liquid as thick as the honey Gwen had in her tea. Aya put them into her mouth. She had to learn what Gwen tasted like. Sea salt and spice filled her mouth, sweetened with something that echoed the scent of Gwen’s skin.

  “You taste too good not to eat,” she murmured before diving down between those long legs. She tried to be as methodical and skilful as usual, but it was impossible. Her feelings for Gwen had undone all of her expertise. All she could do was hope her mouth would know what to do. It clearly did as it wasn’t long before Gwen’s back arched off the floor and she keened loud enough for it to echo off the walls.

  When Gwen was finished, Aya kissed her way up her pubic hair and onto her belly, wiping her face at the same time as she got to kiss more of that soft skin.

  Gwen grasped for her. “Let me hold you.” The words sounded soul-baring, almost broken. Aya happily moved up Gwen’s delicate frame and nestled into her embrace. Their bodies lay hot and flush against each other as Aya nuzzled into her beautiful swan neck, feeling the rapid speed of Gwen’s pulse.

  Her own heart was pulsing as hard, but so was everything between her thighs. She couldn’t wait any longer. She positioned her pussy on Gwen’s thigh and began to move her hips, the much-needed friction making her groan.

  Gwen gave a little laugh, as much sinfulness as pure joy.

  “Mm, that feels so good,” Gwen moaned. “Congratulations. You guessed my biggest kink on the first go. Maybe it doesn’t actually count as a kink but I,” she gripped Aya’s arse, “absolutely love tribbing. Not as much as I love you. But close.”

  Aya froze. Not only had Gwen mentioned having kinks, she’d professed her love! Just like that. This woman was so damn free and open.

  “I think I… No, I know that I… love you, too,” Aya said softly, feeling as vulnerable as a newborn kitten.

  Gwen connected their gazes and caressed the hair out of Aya’s face. “Then get on your back, sweetheart. Let me show you what my love feels like in action.”

  Aya slowly moved off, grieving the loss of Gwen’s body against hers. She didn’t have to miss it for long. Gwen soon draped herself over her, placing a hand between Aya’s legs. Its fingers knew what they wanted and how to drive Aya out of her mind. They moved expertly around her clit, as if they’d done so a million times before. Aya had one hand on Gwen’s back and the other entwined in her short hair, keeping Gwen tightly on top of her.

  She could hear her own groans turning into needy whimpers.

  Gwen kissed her ear as her fingers kept circling and rubbing. Then she plunged them deep into Aya, making her cry out with the pleasure of it.

  Aya was so close to climax. All she needed was the right pressure on the right spot. Gwen’s fingers danced over that spot inside her, never lingering. She kept her thrusting light and teasing while she kissed the column of Aya’s throat.

  Aya’s inner muscles tightened to the point of pain. She had to be brought over the edge right now or she was going to howl like a goddamn wolf.

  “Either stay on my G-spot or move to my clit, just bloody well get me off!” Aya grunted through gritted teeth.

  Gwen lifted her head to look into Aya’s eyes. “I’ll give you anything if you order me in that tone of voice,” she said hoarsely.

  “Then stop talking and make me come. Right fucking now!”

  Gwen applied her other hand to Aya’s throbbing clit. A couple of seconds of that was all it took. Aya blinked away dots of lights and shut her eyes tight against the onslaught of pleasure as she came.

  When she returned to her senses, Gwen’s head was resting on her chest. Not right on the tattoo between her breasts, but to the left, as if listening for a heartbeat. Her fingers were on the tattoo, though, caressing the wisps of smoke with reverence.

  With tired, affectionate movements, Aya craned her neck to kiss the top of the blonde hair, smiling as she spotted the blue tips that she’d helped dye.

  “Gwen,” she said, still slightly out of breath, “I’m so sorry for our fight. I overreacted to what you said. I mean, I always say the wrong things and mess up, but blowing up like that
was crap even for me. I suppose…” She brushed some stiffness from hair products out of Gwen’s hair while searching for words. “I suppose everything was intensified because I so desperately wanted the date to work out. You mean the world to me, and I was so scared of ruining it that I, well, ruined it.”

  “It wasn’t just you. I don’t why I phrased it so clumsily or why I kept babbling when it became clear that I was speaking out of turn. I guess I was nervous, too. So nervous that I ran my mouth without thinking. I apologise from the bottom of my heart.”

  Aya ran her finger along Gwen’s cheek. “The high stakes got the better of both of us, huh?”

  “Mm. The best thing about our friendship was that we were so relaxed and honest with each other. We should try to keep that in our relationship.”

  “Yeah, we’ll just add romance and sex.”

  “Agreed,” Gwen said with a relieved laugh.

  How do we do that? Hm, some friendly teasing might be a good start.

  Aya knew exactly what banter to go for. “I suppose we should also add tribbing, huh?”

  Gwen sat up with a flirty expression and playfully slapped Aya’s abs. “Are you slut-shaming, or rather, trib-shaming me?”

  “Hell no, I loved it, too, shug. I want to do that in all its variations.”

  “That can be arranged! But let’s do it on the bed. As comfy as this carpet is, we’re not twenty-one anymore.” She stretched, popping her back as proof of her point.

  “Sure. Hang on. What about finding Meatloaf?”

  Gwen winced. “Ah. Yes. About that. Um, you know how I blurted out that there were no exposed cables and the other doors were closed?”

  Aya sat up. “Yeah. That was a bit weird.”

  “Yes, well, that was because I didn’t want you to worry when we didn’t find her.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that Meatloaf is safely asleep in her cage. Saying that she escaped was a white lie. I needed a reason to make you come in, so we could talk and clear the air before that little misunderstanding became a big thing.”

  Aya stared at her for a few seconds and then cackled. “You clever minx! Brilliant. Come here.”

  Gwen did, first kissing Aya’s lips and then her neck, then down to her breasts. She planted a gentle kiss on the tattoo next, her fingers following where her lips had gone, caressing the black lines of ink. “Can I ask about this? It’s incredible. What is it?”

  “It’s an enenra, a Japanese smoke creature taking human form. I got it to honour my Japanese heritage about seven years ago.” Aya looked away. “I wanted it to be something I could talk to my mum about, but she just said she hated tattoos.”

  “I’m so sorry. Well, I love it, just like I love every other part of your body.” Her delicate hand slid down Aya’s torso to rest on her hip, right where she’d gotten a bruise the day they fell in the perfume shop in Chester.

  Gwen tilted her head to the side. “Why did you pick the… Nenra, was it called?”

  “Enenra. I was young and thought it was cool, being a monster made of smoke and darkness. And well,” she coughed in an embarrassed manner, “an enenra is only meant to be seen by those pure of heart, and I’d broken up with a girl who cheated on me. At the time I sort of only wanted pure-hearted women to be able, or rather allowed, to see it.”

  “And you just let me see it?” Gwen said, teasing sneaking into her tone.

  Aya wasn’t rising to the bait. Both she and Gwen knew that for all of her faults, her heart was certainly pure. “Mm-hm. And you’re one of the few lovers who took this much interest in it. Most women just accept that it’s from Japanese folklore, and that’s it.” Aya made herself say the rest, wanting to be open with Gwen. “They don’t really see it and how important it is to me.”

  Gwen was quiet for a while. The dim light and earnestness made her eyes darken to a deeper blue. “I do. I want to see all of it and all of you. Inside and out. If your mum won’t help you connect to your Japanese heritage, you and I will figure it out together. If that’s okay with you?”

  In answer, Aya pulled her into a long kiss. She tried to pour every ounce of gratitude, adoration, and vulnerability she could into it. Sealing their bond in the best way she knew how.

  After a while, Gwen moved back a hairsbreadth. “So, you still want to go to bed with me?” she whispered against her lips.

  “More than ever,” Aya replied hoarsely, standing and giving her lover a hand up. When they were face to face, Aya knew the kiss hadn’t been enough. Gwen deserved more. Aya would need to do the hardest thing: put it all into words.

  “Gwen?”

  “Yes?”

  “Thank you.”

  “For what, sweetheart?”

  “For making me clear the air right away and for, well, wanting to stay with me. For falling in love with me. For needing me. For choosing me.”

  “I should be thanking you,” Gwen whispered. “I’m not an easy partner to have. Everyone who came before you gave up and left.”

  “Well, I don’t want easy. It’s overrated and usually hides something rubbish. Give me complicated and meaningful any day.” Aya felt her grin go from ear to ear as she decided to break the serious mood. “Anyway, we should go thank each other in bed.”

  “Yes!” Gwen laughed. “You go ahead, my love. I’ll be right there. I’m just going to grab our clothes. I want to get my knickers before I forget that I threw them into the damn bookshelf!”

  Ecstatic, Aya sprinted for the bed and jumped into it, breathing in Gwen’s scent on her bedding. Soon she heard naked feet quickly padding to the bedroom and realised that the source of the scent, the most incredible person on this whole bloody earth, was about to join her. Her Gwen. Gwen, who, for some reason, loved her back.

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Epilogue

  Gwen shifted to get comfy in the jeep’s front seat. Six months. She put down the notepad where she’d been drawing Aya’s tattoo and the impressive abs it led into. How had it already been six months since their pining over Susannah brought them together?

  Half a year, containing enough drama and growth for a decade. She was as grateful for these six months as she was that her depression was in an up phase.

  “Can you believe it’s been six months?” Gwen shouted, trying to be heard over Donna Lewis’ “I Love You Always Forever.”

  “What? Sorry, I have to switch this off,” Aya said and pushed the off button.

  Gwen couldn’t blame her. They’d listened to it four times in a row, partly because it was Gwen’s favourite song and partly because Aya knew her girlfriend loved it when she sang the part about “the most unbelievable blue eyes I’ve ever seen” to her. It was sugary sweet, but in Gwen’s experience, life was bitter. She’d take all the sugar she could find.

  With the music off, Gwen tried again. “Can you believe we’ve been together for six months already?”

  “Seven.”

  “Uh-uh. Wrong, sweetheart. Tomorrow it’ll be exactly six months.”

  Aya kept her eyes on the road. “Nope. Seven.”

  Gwen sighed. “I’m not doing this with you. Not today. Today, nothing can shatter my good mood.”

  “Ha! Give me time and I bet I can shatter it like a shatter expert.”

  Gwen shook her head. “What does that even mean? You’re impossible, you know that? Luckily I know how to handle you.” She put her hand on Aya’s thigh.

  “None of that, duck,” Aya said. “Not while I’m driving.”

  “Fine. Fancy pulling over at the next unoccupied lay-by?”

  Aya swallowed visibly. “Yes, but we’re not going to.”

  “Oh? We’re not? Want to give me a reason?” Gwen purred.

  “Just because we shag like champions doesn’t mean we should do it all the time.”

  “Shag like champions?” Gwen questioned, laughing.

  Aya shrugged in her embarrassed way. “Yeah. You’re the best lover I ever had.”

  “Really?”
Gwen thought back to the pining that had brought them together. “Better even than the exciting Susannah?” she asked acerbically.

  “God, yes.” Aya paused to switch lanes. “Whoever came up with the cliché that sex in a good relationship with a caring partner is worse than sex with a hot hook-up needs to have their head examined. You’re smashing in bed!”

  “Same,” Gwen said, mollified. “You’re smashing in every way. I mean, look at you.”

  Aya snorted.

  “No, I mean it! You’re taking time off from two jobs that you love just to drive all the way to Cilcain and meet my family!”

  Aya’s forehead creased. “There’s nothing smashing about that.”

  “Maybe not to you,” Gwen said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “Anyway, I’ll get to return the favour when we go to Shirahama and hopefully find some of your relatives.”

  Hopefully they’ll give a damn, since your parents don’t.

  Aya’s forehead creases doubled. “Yeah. A Japan trip is a bit pricier than a drive to Wales, babe.”

  “We’ll get there, one quid at a time. Being back at Coffee4U and working on the comic with November Jones means I’ll be earning more soon.”

  The creasing smoothed, and Aya beamed. “Yeah. That’s true. I’m so proud of you.” She nodded towards the notepad in Gwen’s lap. “Did you only draw my body parts today, or did you actually work on any of the panels for the comic?”

  Gwen smiled as well. “Mainly your body parts. I’ve been drawing your amazing enenra again! If you want any other tattoos, I’d love to sketch them out for you and come with you to the tattoo parlour.”

  “That’s very sweet. But,” Aya’s face grew stern, “you changed the topic. I know your tricks now, I won’t fall for that. Answer the question. Did you work on the last of the panels before we left?”

  The comic was almost finished. The last panels she had to colour and shade were coming along well. Well, except for the heroine’s shoulders. Why was drawing shoulder musculature still so hard? Aya’s shoulders were frequently in her sight, in her hands and, on good days, under her mouth.