by C.M. Owens
Chapter 16
Home to Haluali
Sometimes you spend your whole life looking back, and then you stop moving forward until it is too late.
"Now boarding flight 151 to Brazil."
The loudspeaker snapped me out of the catnap I had been taking. I got up and wheeled my small bag over to the stand to hand in my ticket. The lady warily examined my stolen identification and my ticket, skeptically glancing from the photo to me.
I knew Ash and I favored, but we didn't look a lot a like. I was only seventeen though. I would have needed parental consent. I'm sure Jaslene wouldn't have agreed to that. Alvin either.
She handed me back my things, still regarding me skeptically, but a whoosh of air left my lungs when she motioned for me to board.
It worked.
The flight was long, but I slept for the majority of it, so I didn't mind it much. I woke up when I felt the plane landing. I looked out the window to see the sun was just peeking out. I didn't have long to be there, but I was going to soak up every bit of warmth I could.
I was going to take in every radiant color I could see. Most importantly, I was going to breathe in the freshness of my rainforest and let it calm me.
I paid a cheesy local tour guide to drive me to my favorite spot. Then I paid him more to drive faster, feeling rushed to start enjoying the few days I had.
I planned to go to the village after I visited my hideaway.
I almost giggled nervously when we neared. "Stop," I said, deciding that was close enough.
As soon as the car stopped, I got out of the jeep and tossed my bag on the side of the trail. I pulled out my sketch book and started walking down to my favorite spot. I could hear the falling water getting closer.
I sat down on my sitting rock that had gathered more moss in my absence. I stared up at my peaceful giants, all of them looking different. I appraised them, regarding them with more appreciation than I had before.
The waterfall glistened with reflective specks from the radiance of the sunlight. It seemed excited to have me back, and I smiled a true and genuine smile, though it was brief. My pain hadn't left me the way I had hoped.
I started sketching, trying not to think. Unfortunately, I was thousands of miles away from Tallis, and still, his face was all I could draw. I studied as I shaded in each line. My drawings never gave his beauty true justice.
I shook my head. Heartbreak wasn't easy at all. A harsh breath entered my lungs as an unwelcome realization came to light. Haluali was no longer my home. It wasn't the cozy hut I had grown up in. It wasn't the forest I had marveled at for so long. It wasn't my serene hideaway I had come to for peace. It wasn't even anything at all in South America. I thought I had left Grayford to run home. I abruptly assessed I actually ran away from home. Tallis. Tallis was now my home. My broken, screwed up home.
I started shouting at the treetops as the excruciating pain in my voice echoed through the forest. "I think they're all idiots! They're all wrong! I know I love him. I know he's the only person in the world for me! Why can't that just be okay? I hate magic and all of its stupid plans and stupid rules! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's. Not. Fair. Dammit!"
Tears ran from my eyes in such a relentless flow that they rivaled the gushing waterfall behind me. I was weak and wounded. I thought being here would make things easier, but it didn't. I was still in pain - too much pain.
The one place I thought I would be able to escape wasn't strong enough to take my mind off the pain. It only made it worse. Now I was so far away from him that it was torturous to even think about him at all. Considering he was all I could think about, the pain was verging on the boundary of unbearable.
The sun was lower. I must have been there for at least six hours. I continued to scream at the forest, making my voice feel strained and rasp.
"Why do this to me?" I asked through a sobbing hiccup.
I tried to compose myself, but it was pointless. The pain refused to dull. I was crying harder, and my words were muffled by the stabbing waves of piercing heartbreak that paraded itself in my tone.
"Why can't he just see how much I really do love him? Why can't he believe it's real? Why can't he believe I am his one?"
My once smooth fingertips felt like sandpaper as they brushed the cheeks that had been left ravaged and raw from the ruthless, never-ending flow of scalding tears.
Still sobbing, I dropped back down to the rock, and my sketch book fell from my lifeless hands to the ground. I wept for a few minutes longer as I thought back to the first time I saw Tallis. The way his touch burned through to my soul with such captivating power. The way his lips felt so soft against the bits of my skin he had touched with him. The first night he slept in the bed with me, and how safe and peaceful I felt just being with him. The first time we almost kissed, when our bodies were radiating such magnificent heat. How intensely surreal it was the night when our lips had just brushed, before Taryn interrupted.
I lay on the ground, crying, looking up at the streaks of sunlight escaping through the leaves of my once serene giants. Even they looked smaller and sadder now. Nothing was as it should have been. There was no peace and no escape from my insufferable misery.
