An Author's Odyssey

by Chris Colfer

  A few of the refugees cheered—but quickly stopped when they remembered the information was coming from an old geezer talking to marbles.

  “But where are they?” Jack asked.

  “They’re far away from us by now, most likely in the Otherworld—but wait!”

  All the refugees leaned in a little closer. Crazy or not, this was still the most entertaining thing they had seen in weeks.

  “See how the blue and the pink rolled toward the silver, yellow, purple, and red? Now watch—the pink and blue are rolling back to the gray with the silver, yellow, purple, and red! Look, all the marbles have knocked the gray out of the dirt! It’s a MIRACLE!”

  The Tradesman leaped to his feet and threw his hands into the air in celebration. The refugees were on pins and needles waiting for the message to be interpreted. Even if the news was not as great as it appeared, the Tradesman’s enthusiasm was infectious—they hoped this wasn’t the crazy that Red was talking about.

  “What does it all mean?” Jack asked.

  “It means the twins will have to travel to places far, far away, but will return with help and save our world!” the Tradesman said. “But this will happen if, and only if…”

  “Yes?”

  “Worlds collide,” the Tradesman said with large, energetic eyes.

  No one had a clue what the old man was talking about, but they were all so desperate for something positive, they took it as a good sign. Red, on the other hand, was not as enthusiastic.

  “All I see is an old man who’s lost his marbles,” she said.

  The other refugees slowly came to their senses, too. Just because this was the closest thing to good news they had received didn’t make it credible.

  “I agree with the old man,” Goldilocks announced. “It doesn’t matter what the marbles say or don’t say—the Bailey twins have never let us down before. Just because we haven’t heard from them yet doesn’t mean we should give up on them. We have to have faith they’ll return with help.”

  “But what do we do in the meantime?” Red asked.

  “Wait,” Goldilocks said. “It’s all we can do.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  GROUNDED

  Alex and Conner left their sixth-grade classroom and found a neighborhood park where they could rest and form the next phase of their plan. It was an hour or so before sunrise, and the night sky was lightening with every passing minute. Everything was so quiet and peaceful, it was difficult to imagine how chaotic life was back in the fairy-tale world and what awful things their friends might be enduring.

  The closer it came to sunrise, the more people drove past the park on their early work commutes. Naturally, Alex had seen this many times before, but every car she saw gave her a small thrill. It had been a long time since she’d been back to the Otherworld, and it wasn’t until this moment that she realized how much she missed it.

  “It’s nice to see how little things have changed here,” Alex said. “The fairy-tale world changes so much, I’ve never had a moment to catch my breath.”

  Conner was only half listening. He flipped through the pages of his short stories and separated them into four stacks on the ground.

  “Great, they’re all here!” he said. “‘Starboardia,’ ‘Galaxy Queen,’ ‘The Ziblings,’ and ‘The Adventures of Blimp Boy’! Those are the stories with characters that can help us! We’ll use the potion to travel inside the stories, find the heroes, and then take them back to the fairy-tale world to help us fight our uncle’s army.”

  Alex had only agreed to her brother’s plan because their options were so limited. The closer they got to actually going through with it, the more doubtful she became. It was one thing to travel into the books of classic literature, but an entirely different endeavor to go into short stories written by her brother.

  “Your stories sound more elaborate than I was expecting,” Alex said. “I thought you wrote about our experiences in the fairy-tale world and just changed all the names.”

  “That’s how it started,” Conner said. “But after I got the hang of it, I might have exaggerated things a bit and taken some liberties. All good writers do—I think.”

  “Liberties?” Alex asked fearfully. “Conner, what exactly are we getting ourselves into?”

  Conner waved it off like it wasn’t a big deal.

  “Relax, there’s nothing more dangerous than what we’ve already been through,” he said. “‘Starboardia’ is a pirate adventure, ‘Galaxy Queen’ is about space exploration, ‘The Ziblings’ are a group of superheroes, and ‘The Adventures of Blimp Boy’ follows a young archaeologist. It’ll be a piece of cake.”

  The summaries didn’t comfort his sister at all. The twins were lucky they had survived their adventures over the years. If his stories were based on those experiences, Alex wasn’t eager to relive any of them—especially if they had been exaggerated by her brother’s warped imagination.

  “Are you sure this is going to work?” Alex said. “I don’t mean to sound like a snob, but maybe we should stick to published stories.”

  “Stop worrying,” Conner said. “There are no evil enchantresses, no dragons, no French soldiers, and no literary armies. All my characters are based on people we know and love. They have the same bravery, intelligence, and compassion as our friends—they’ll want to help us. We’ll be in and out before the antagonists even show up.”

  “What are we going to do with your characters after we bring them out?” Alex asked. “Where are we going to keep them?”

  Conner had been so worried about finding his stories, he hadn’t thought about what they’d do after they found them.

  “Good point,” he said. “We need a place they can stay while we recruit the characters from the other stories. We also need someone to keep an eye on them so they don’t wander off—someone we trust completely, who won’t totally freak out about what we’re doing.”

  The twins thought about the perfect place and the perfect person for the job, but the candidates were few and far between. It had to be someone in the Otherworld who already knew about the fairy-tale world, someone who had seen magic before and wouldn’t be alarmed by it. The person had to be responsible enough to supervise several fictional characters and have enough space to host them. Alex and Conner came to the same conclusion at the exact same time. They looked at each other and knew they were thinking the same thing—there was only one person qualified for the task.

  “Mom!” the twins said in unison.

  The resolution was immediately followed by an avalanche of guilt.

  “I can’t remember the last time I talked to Mom,” Alex said.

  “Neither can I,” Conner said. “She’s probably worried sick.”

  “We’ve been so busy trying to save the fairy-tale world, we never had a chance to call home and check in,” Alex said.

  “We’re good people, but terrible children,” Conner said.

  “Regardless of whether she wants to help us or not, we need to visit her so she knows we’re alive,” Alex said. “Let’s just hope she cooperates.”

  The twins were in complete agreement. Conner gathered his stories, and they headed out of the park. Alex followed her brother but was confused by the direction he was walking in.

  “Where are you going?” she asked him.

  “Home,” he said.

  “But home is that way.”

  “No, home used to be that way,” Conner said. “Mom and I moved in with Bob after they got married, remember?”

  Alex’s guilt was doubled by another avalanche—she was so out of the loop, she didn’t even know where her own family lived anymore. Whenever she thought about her mom and stepdad in the Otherworld, she always imagined them living in the rental house they had moved into when her and Conner’s dad passed away. Perhaps the Otherworld had changed more than she thought.

  “I’m the worst daughter in the world,” she said. “This isn’t going to be a fun visit, is it?”

  “Nope,” Conner said. “
Mom’s gonna be pretty upset when she sees us, and I won’t blame her.”

  They reached the edge of the park and Conner came to a stop.

  “Aren’t you forgetting something else?” he said.

  “What?” Alex asked.

  Conner looked his sister up and down, like it was obvious. “Alex, you’re dressed like the Tooth Fairy,” he said. “You can’t go walking around the suburbs like that.”

  “Oh,” she said. “You’re right—one second.”

  With a quick spin, Alex transformed her sparkling dress and shoes into a T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers.

  “I forgot how comfortable Otherworld clothes are,” she said.

  “You look like you again,” Conner said. “Now come on, the quicker we do this, the better.”

  They walked through the neighborhood streets until they found Sycamore Drive. By now the sun had risen and Alex could see all the spacious homes on the street. She was delighted her mom and Bob lived in such a lovely neighborhood. Alex knew which house was theirs before Conner pointed it out because the flower beds were covered with their mom’s favorite roses.

  “Hopefully they’ll be home,” Conner said. “They’re usually starting a day shift or ending a night shift around this time.”

  The twins walked up the curved path and knocked on the door. A few moments later, their stepdad answered. Bob was still in his pajamas and on his first cup of coffee. His eyes were puffy, like he had just woken up. The doctor did a double take when he saw Alex and Conner standing behind the door.

  “Good morning, Bob,” Alex said cheerfully. “Nice to see you again!”

  Bob rubbed his eyes and scratched his head. He wasn’t convinced he was awake yet.

  “Um… hi,” he said. “Well, this is a surprise.”

  “Is Mom home?” Conner said. “We have to talk to her.”

  “Yeah, she’s upstairs getting ready for work. Boy, she’ll be very glad to see you,” he said. “Charlotte, you have visitors!” he called into the house.

  The twins heard a window open above the porch. They looked up and saw Charlotte looking down at them from the second story, already dressed for work in her blue scrubs. Her face had many expressions at once—shock that she was looking at her children, relief that they were all right, joy that they had finally come home—but it settled on anger.

  “Hi, Mom,” the twins said apologetically.

  “INSIDE. NOW,” Charlotte said, and slammed the window.

  Conner gulped. “We’re off to a good start.”

  Before they knew it, Alex and Conner were seated on the living room sofa and their mother was furiously pacing in front of them. She was so upset, she couldn’t form the words to scold them. Bob sat in an armchair beside the twins. He peered cautiously over his coffee, afraid for their safety.

  “The new house is really nice,” Alex said. “I really like how you decorated—”

  “Quiet,” Charlotte said. “Do either of you have any idea what you’ve put me through? I’ve been so worried, I haven’t slept in months!”

  “We’re really sorry, Mom,” Conner said. “We didn’t mean to worry—”

  “Less talking, more listening,” she said. “Do you know what it’s like to go to the grocery store and be asked ‘How are your children doing?’ and have absolutely no clue yourself? Do you know what it’s like to tell a school district ‘My children have transferred schools’ with no proof of a transfer? Do you know what it’s like to hear nothing from your children for weeks at a time except ‘Sorry we didn’t call you back, Mom, we had to fight a dragon,’ or ‘Got to go, Mom, an army is invading the castle’?”

  Charlotte glared at her children as she waited for an answer, but the twins stayed silent. They didn’t know if they were allowed to speak or if she was just pausing for dramatic effect.

  “For your sake, I hope your future children show you more respect and courtesy than mine have shown me,” Charlotte went on. “Because not knowing if your children are dead or alive in another dimension is the worst feeling you could ever have. It’s worse than fighting enchantresses, it’s worse than slaying dragons, and it’s worse than battling armies, I promise you!”

  Tears came to Charlotte’s eyes and she looked away from the twins to wipe them with a tissue. The guilt the twins had felt before was nothing compared to the guilt they felt now. It tightened their stomachs and chests so much, they thought their bodies might implode.

  “Mom, we weren’t neglecting you on purpose,” Alex said. “We’d like to explain, if you give us a chance. Something really terrible has happened and we need your help—”

  “I don’t care what’s happened!” Charlotte said. “There will always be another crisis in the fairy-tale world to tend to! Your family should come first! That’s what your father and I raised you to believe, or so I thought.”

  “You did—and we do,” Conner said. “But so many people’s lives are in danger—”

  “What about your lives?” Charlotte asked. “Since you were thirteen years old, you’ve been so busy saving other people, you’ve never taken care of yourselves. Do either of you even know what today is?”

  Alex and Conner looked at each other, but neither knew what she was referring to. They quickly went through a mental list of possible holidays or special occasions that it could be, but both were blanking.

  “Is it your and Bob’s anniversary?” Conner asked.

  Charlotte looked more heartbroken than ever. “No, today’s your fifteenth birthday,” she said.

  The twins were shocked. How could they not have known it was their birthday? Suddenly, everything Charlotte said made perfect sense. They were so occupied with saving other people, they were missing out on their own lives.

  Charlotte glanced at her watch and then grabbed her purse and car keys off the rack by the front door.

  “I have to go to work,” she said. “Both of you are grounded.”

  Conner glanced at Alex. “Wait, can she still do that?” he asked.

  “You bet I can!” Charlotte said. “I want both of you to go upstairs to your bedrooms and stay there until I get home.”

  “Do I even have a bedroom here?” Alex asked.

  Charlotte was offended she had to ask. “Of course you do,” she said. “When I get back, we’re going to go out for a nice family dinner to celebrate your birthday.”

  “Mom, that sounds nice, but we’re really pressed for time,” Alex said.

  “Alexandra Bailey, it’s the least you can do for me,” Charlotte said. “After we have a nice family dinner and discuss normal family things, we can talk about what you need help with—but only after. Conner, please show your sister to her bedroom.”

  Charlotte left for work, leaving her children in very uncomfortable silence. They were feeling so many things—guilt, shame, disappointment, anxiety—they didn’t know which emotion to settle on.

  Bob tried to break the tension, but even he didn’t know what to feel.

  “So…” Bob said. “Happy birthday?”

  CHAPTER THREE

  THE FALLEN EMPEROR

  The civilians were so thankful their kings and queens had escaped execution, they all stood a little taller in the dried-up lake. However, to avoid being the target of the emperor’s building frustration, they kept as still and quiet as possible.

  Inside the ruins of the Northern Palace, in a large chamber that Queen Snow White and King Chandler once ruled from, the Masked Man paced feverishly in front of his new throne. The large chair had been built from the pieces of all the other thrones of the kingdoms the Literary Army had conquered.

  “I don’t understand how your idiot soldiers didn’t know the platform was rigged!” he yelled. “Why didn’t they check it?”

  The Wicked Witch of the West, the Queen of Hearts, and Captain Hook stood before the Masked Man. The new emperor had fallen into a daring routine of blaming the literary villains when something didn’t go exactly as planned.

  “Our soldiers?” the Wicked
Witch of the West said. “You’ve been commanding our armies since we arrived! If you wanted them to inspect the platform before the execution, you should have ordered it!”

  The literary villains had endured about as much as they could stand from the Masked Man. It was thanks to them he was emperor in the first place, but instead of fulfilling his end of their bargains, the Masked Man was bossing them around as if they were his servants. Power had clearly gone to his head, and that was far enough.

  “I’ve heard enough about how we have failed you!” the Queen of Hearts barked. “It’s time you coughed up what you promised us!”

  “You promised me Peter Pan!” Captain Hook shouted.

  “And you promised me the silver slippers!” the Wicked Witch of the West hollered.

  “And you promised me HEADS!” the Queen of Hearts roared.

  The Masked Man didn’t have an ounce of empathy for the literary villains. Their frustration was nothing compared to the rage boiling inside of him.

  “You will get what I promised once the royals have been recaptured and executed,” the Masked Man said. “You agreed to make me an emperor, and I won’t be a true emperor until all my adversaries have been destroyed!”

  Footsteps echoed through the throne room. The Masked Man and the literary villains turned to see Mr. Smee sprinting toward them. The pirate was sweating, wheezing, and shaking—like he had been running from something terrible.

  “Excuse me, Your Excellency?” Smee panted.

  “This better be important,” the Masked Man said.

  “It’s about the creature in the dungeon, sir,” Smee said.

  The creature responsible for turning the Fairy Council into stone was kept in the dungeon in the very same cell that once contained the Evil Queen. It was a monster of legendary power, so the Masked Man had ordered all of Captain Hook’s pirates to patrol the dungeon and keep an eye on it.