An Author's Odyssey

by Chris Colfer

“I knew it was a trick!” he said in a huff. “We’ve been fooled! No one is meeting us in the woods today!”

  The Queen of Hearts and the Wicked Witch nodded in agreement. But just as they were about to order the soldiers to take them back, they were interrupted by a voice from outside the clearing.

  “Haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘Good things come to those who wait’?”

  The Masked Man lowered the revolver when he heard the voice. It sounded awfully familiar.

  The villains and the Winkie soldiers heard footsteps next and quickly turned to see a hooded creature approaching them. The soldiers raised their staffs toward the creature, but with a quick flick of its wrist, their weapons crumbled into dirt. The creature stepped into the clearing and lowered its hood—it was a beautiful woman with horns like a ram’s that curved around the sides of her face.

  “Morina,” the Masked Man whispered to himself. His desire to assassinate the villains was quickly replaced by curiosity. What did she want with them?

  “Are you the witch they call Morina?” the Wicked Witch of the West asked.

  “I am,” Morina said. “And you must be the new leaders of this world. It’s an honor to make your acquaintance. Defeating the kingdoms of humans and fairies is no easy task—you’ve achieved what the witches have only dreamed about for centuries.”

  The villains shared a proud look and stood a little taller.

  “Since you’re here, I’m assuming you received my letter?” Morina asked.

  “It’s not every day we receive an invitation delivered by a crow,” the Queen of Hearts said. “Now tell us, what is the ‘offer of a lifetime’ that you wrote about?”

  “It requires a lengthy explanation,” Morina said. “Please, have a seat.”

  The witch waved her hand toward the three boulders and they transformed into large stone chairs for the villains to sit on. So far, the witch was very impressive.

  “You see, the witches of this world have always had a long and unpleasant history with the people who ruled it,” Morina explained. “Before you arrived there were rumors of an impending witch hunt. Those fears were all but confirmed when the Masked Man became emperor. We were certain that once he executed the royal families, it would only be a matter of time before he ordered our extermination. But luckily, that’s all changed now that you’ve taken his place.”

  “If the Masked Man saw the witches as a threat, why should we view things any differently?” Captain Hook asked.

  “Because the three of you are much wiser than your predecessors,” Morina said. “Why become enemies when we have a glorious opportunity to become allies?”

  The villains side-eyed one another. They weren’t pleased with where the conversation was going.

  “For your sake, I hope you’re offering us more than friendship,” the Queen of Hearts warned.

  Morina smiled and her eyes grew wide. They could tell friendship was only the beginning of what she had to offer.

  “Of course. I’ll cut to the chase,” she said. “Recently, I convinced the other witches that the only way we could escape the pending genocide was by leaving this world. We need a place to ourselves where we won’t be controlled by fairies or ostracized by humans. So I formed a plan for the witches to invade and conquer another dimension, known as the Otherworld.”

  The villains were instantly intrigued. “The Otherworld?” they asked in unison.

  “It’s a world very similar to this one, but far greater,” Morina explained. “It has hundreds of countries, thousands of cities, and billions of people. There are structures and machines you could only dream of, and more land and sea than we would ever need. The best part is that this world operates entirely without magic. With no fairies to limit us, we would be unstoppable!”

  Her passionate description was hypnotizing. Still, the villains wondered if it was too good to be true.

  “How can you prove it exists?” Captain Hook asked.

  “Take a look for yourself,” Morina said.

  The witch’s eyes suddenly lit up like the headlights of a car. Morina magically transferred images of the Otherworld into the villains’ minds and their eyes glowed as brightly as hers. Visions of London, Paris, Tokyo, and New York City flashed before their eyes. They saw the Eiffel Tower, the Pyramids of Giza, the Great Wall of China, the Golden Gate Bridge, and the Taj Mahal.

  The villains had never seen a world so grand and diverse before. The light faded from their eyes, but was replaced by the glow of desire.

  “How do we get to the Otherworld?” the Wicked Witch asked.

  “The late Fairy Godmother has portals hidden all over the kingdoms,” Morina said. “But each one is difficult to open, and the journey takes a toll on anyone who’s not a practitioner of white magic.”

  “Then how do the witches expect to cross over?” the Queen of Hearts asked.

  “As luck would have it, the two worlds are scheduled to collide very soon,” Morina said. “A doorway will open that will bridge the worlds like never before. Once it appears, we can charge into the Otherworld and take it by storm!”

  The villains’ suspicion grew as much as their interest.

  “You seem to have it all figured out,” Captain Hook said. “What exactly do the witches want from us?”

  A devious smile grew on Morina’s face. This was the part she was most excited to tell them.

  “The witches don’t want anything from you,” she said.

  “Then why do they want to become allies?” Captain Hook asked.

  “You misheard me, Captain,” Morina said. “The witches don’t even know I’m here. I was speaking for myself when I proposed an alliance.”

  The villains shared a look, each more confused than the other. Morina waved a hand over the dirt and a fourth boulder shot up from the ground. She transformed it into a large stone throne, much taller than the villains’ chairs, and she had a seat.

  “I had every intention of leading the witches into the Otherworld,” Morina explained. “Sadly, that leadership was stolen from me. Two witches with seniority, the Snow Queen and the Sea Witch, have taken the operation into their own clammy hands. But my frustration has taught me a valuable lesson: Witches are not like wolves—we don’t belong in packs. Once we cross into the Otherworld, we’ll fight one another for dominance until there is only one of us left. So I’ve begun a new plan for after the witches conquer the Otherworld.”

  The villains shared a smile. Morina’s plan was starting to make sense—and they liked where it was going.

  “You’re going to betray them!” the Wicked Witch said eagerly.

  “Precisely,” Morina said. “The Snow Queen and the Sea Witch plan to cast a spell on the late Fairy Godmother’s granddaughter, a powerful young fairy named Alex. They believe if they curse her strongly enough, they’ll be able to turn the girl into a weapon and use her to vanquish the Otherworld. I’m not convinced this will work. I believe there are more traditional ways of invading a new territory.”

  “You want our army!” the Queen of Hearts said.

  Morina clapped her hands excitedly. “Exactly,” she said. “I say we let the witches be our pawns. Let them invade the Otherworld and weaken its defenses. Once they’ve both exhausted all their resources, we’ll charge into the Otherworld and steal it from them! We’ll destroy Alex, the witches, and whatever is left standing in our way!”

  It was the most thrilling and lucrative offer the villains had ever received. They were all fidgeting in their seats at the thought of the conquest. However, they still didn’t know if Morina could be trusted.

  “How do we know you won’t just betray us in the end, too?” Captain Hook asked.

  “We’ve already been deceived once by someone in this world—we won’t let it happen again!” the Wicked Witch said.

  “Unlike the Masked Man, I don’t bite off more than I can chew,” Morina said. “We’ll divide the Otherworld evenly among us—we’ll each have our own territory twice the size of this world
. Surely that’s more than enough land for each of us. Time is of the essence, so if you’re interested, I need to know now. Do we have a deal, or not?”

  The villains huddled together to discuss the situation privately, but Morina could tell they had already made up their minds. They were creatures of greed and couldn’t refuse.

  “We have a deal,” Captain Hook said. “But if you disappoint us, we’ll end you just like we ended the Masked Man!”

  Morina laughed loudly. “You think you killed the Masked Man?” she asked.

  “Of course we killed him,” the Queen of Hearts said. “No man could have survived that fall!”

  “Yes, but the Masked Man isn’t a man—he’s a roach,” Morina said sharply. “Even if you cut off his head, he’d be back the very second a throne was left unattended. We haven’t seen the last of him. But don’t worry, I have something that will bring him to his knees should he try to sabotage our plan.”

  “And what is that?” the Wicked Witch asked.

  The villains were curious, but not nearly as curious as the Masked Man himself. He had very few possessions—what had the witch stolen?

  “Not what, but who,” Morina said. “I’ve kidnapped his son, a boy named Emmerich.”

  “The Masked Man has a child?” Captain Hook asked.

  “Not one he knows about,” Morina said. “But should he ever cross us, the boy will stop him in his tracks.”

  The Masked Man was so shocked, he dropped the revolver. He no longer felt any of his injuries or the anger boiling inside him. He forgot all about losing his empire and his desire to kill the villains. All he could feel was adrenaline and his heartbeat. All he could think about was the son he never knew he had.

  “I should return to the witches before they get suspicious,” Morina said.

  The witch stood from her stone throne and with a snap of her fingers, the boulders all returned to normal. The villains were buzzing with anticipation. If they could invade the Otherworld today, they wouldn’t hesitate.

  “When will the invasion take place?” the Queen of Hearts asked. “We want our soldiers to be prepared.”

  “It won’t be long now,” Morina said. “When the time is right, we’ll strike. I’ll be in touch.”

  The witch covered her horns with her hood and disappeared into the trees. The villains ordered the Winkie soldiers to escort them out of the woods and practically skipped back to the Northern Palace.

  The Masked Man was still so astonished, he stayed in the bushes long after the villains were gone. Having a son presented him with a world of new opportunities—opportunities he had never thought possible. If he played his cards right, the Masked Man could regain much more than just his empire—he could salvage everything that had been stolen from him.…

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  THE CAPTAIN AND HER CREW

  I packed you both a turkey sandwich, chips, yogurt, a banana, two bottles of water, and a cookie,” Charlotte said. “There’s also a sweatshirt, a flashlight, a Swiss Army knife, a first-aid kit, matches, and a compass.”

  The twins’ mother handed them each a backpack full of the items she’d packed. Alex and Conner appreciated the gesture, but traveling into a fictitious dimension was very different from going on a camping trip.

  “Thanks, Mom,” Alex said. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “Yeah, this isn’t our first rodeo,” Conner said, and looked through his backpack. “Oh cool, chocolate chip! Thanks!”

  “It’s just a few things—I’ll feel better knowing you have them,” Charlotte said. “So where’s your first stop? Any idea how long you’ll be gone for?”

  Alex turned to Conner, just as curious as their mother. For the first time in their lives, she was leaving all the planning to her brother. She had offered to help a number of times, but Conner was determined to do everything himself. Not insisting was a gamble on Alex’s part, but he seemed very confident he had everything taken care of.

  “First up is my short story ‘Starboardia,’” Conner said excitedly. “It’s a pirate adventure set in the Caribbean Sea around the early 1700s. The story’s about Captain Auburn Sally and her all-female crew as they search deserted islands for buried treasure.”

  Charlotte hid her concern behind a smile. “Sounds progressive,” she said.

  “Don’t worry—we’ll be fine,” Conner said. “Auburn Sally is based on Goldilocks. We’ll find her ship, tell her the situation, and bring her and her crew back to the house. It’ll be easy.”

  “If you say so,” Charlotte said, unconvinced.

  “Go get ’em,” Bob said, and patted him on the back.

  Conner had organized his writing neatly in a binder with tabs separating the short stories. He opened the binder to the first page of “Starboardia” and set it on the living room floor.

  “Are you sure there isn’t anything we need before we go?” Alex asked one final time. “There’s nothing you’re overlooking or forgetting about?”

  “Trust me. I’ve got everything under control,” he said. “If there’s one thing I know inside out, it’s my short stories. I’ve actually been really looking forward to this. I bet my characters will be excited to meet me!”

  Traveling into the short stories had been all Conner could think about since he’d first had the idea. Naturally, the circumstances to warrant the trip were terrible, but he still felt like the luckiest author in the world. Who else got to visit the worlds and meet the people that existed only in their imagination? Conner often fantasized about seeing a film or a play based on his writing one day, but this would be much better than that. It wouldn’t be someone else’s interpretation or adaptation of his words; everything would be purely as he’d envisioned it.

  Conner removed Mother Goose’s flask, which contained the Portal Potion, from his back pocket. He poured a couple of drops on the binder and then stored the flask safely in his backpack. The pages illuminated like a powerful spotlight, shining a bright beam of light toward the ceiling.

  “Here we go!” Conner said. “Wish us luck!”

  “Good luck!” Bob said. “We’ll be here when you get back.”

  “Make good choices!” Charlotte said. “There’s also some sunscreen in your bags if it’s sunny out!”

  Alex and Conner strapped on their backpacks, stepped into the beam of light, and disappeared from the house.

  Just like it had when they traveled into The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Peter Pan, and Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, the Portal Potion first took them into an endless space with nothing but words. Rather than printed text, words were written all around them, as if there were hundreds of invisible pencils moving through the air. Each word was in Conner’s messy handwriting.

  “Awesome!” Conner said. “It’s like we’ve stepped inside my brain!”

  “You’ve got to work on your penmanship,” Alex noted.

  The handwritten words stretched into shapes, then gained color and texture, and finally transformed into the objects they described. Conner watched in awe as the world of his first short story came to life around him. Alex was excited, too, until she saw the words ocean waves stretching below their feet.

  “Hey, Conner?” she said. “Should we be worried about—”

  Before she could finish her sentence, the twins fell into an ocean that formed under their feet. Strong waves crashed over them, pushing them farther and farther below the water. The water was difficult to swim against, but they kicked their way to the surface and spit out mouthfuls of salty water. Conner saw his binder of short stories floating in the water nearby and retrieved it before the waves carried it away. If he lost the binder, the twins would lose their exit back into the Otherworld.

  Alex angrily splashed water in her brother’s face. “Why didn’t you say we needed a boat?” she asked.

  “Sorry!” Conner said. “I forgot the first thing I described was the ocean!”

  By now the handwritten words had finished forming the world of “Starboardia” ar
ound them. They were bobbing up and down in the middle of the Caribbean Sea. The air was so misty, they could barely see each other, let alone any land or ships in the distance. Alex snapped her fingers and a small wooden rowboat appeared in front of them.

  The twins climbed aboard and caught their breath. Conner put the binder in his backpack, where it would be safe. If anything happened to it, they would have no way back home.

  “Well, that was a rough start,” Alex said. “What’s the second thing you described?”

  “The Dolly Llama,” Conner said.

  “The Dolly Llama?”

  “It’s the name of Auburn Sally’s ship,” he said. “Don’t judge me, I thought it was a funny name for a ship. We should see it any minute now.”

  A towering shadow appeared in the mist—something very large headed their way. The shadow grew larger and darker and details formed as it got closer. Finally, the twins saw that it was a pirate ship sailing straight toward their rowboat with no sign of slowing down. It was going to plow right into them!

  “Abandon boat!” Conner yelled.

  The twins dived into the water just as the ship smashed into their rowboat, crushing it to pieces. Once again, Alex and Conner were caught under the vicious waves. They swam to the surface and were sloshed around the choppy water as the pirate ship sailed right past them.

  “Ahoy!” Conner yelled up at the ship. “Twins overboard! Help us!”

  A few seconds later, a rope ladder was rolled off the ship, and it landed in the water next to the twins. They grabbed it, climbed up, pulled themselves over the ship’s railing, and collapsed onto the lower deck. They were drenched and coughing up seawater.

  Alex looked up and saw a large black flag flying above the ship with a llama skull on it.

  “This must be the Dolly Llama,” Alex said. She pointed out the flag to Conner, and a giant smile grew on his face. He leaped to his feet and helped his sister to hers. The flag was proof they were in his short story.

  “We made it!” he exclaimed. “Alex, we’re in ‘Starboardia’!”

  His excitement was cut short when they heard footsteps nearby. A dozen female pirates surrounded Alex and Conner, and they didn’t look friendly. The pirates pointed their swords and rifles at the twins.