by Annie West
‘Where is it now, Caro?’
‘She.’ The single word was automatic.
When the nuns had told her that her baby was dead they’d spoken of it, not her. There’d been no chance to see the child, no grave to visit, because her father had deemed it better.
Her father. He had so much to answer for. It had taken such effort even to prise out the information that she’d had a daughter.
Thinking of her lost baby as she, not it, had been a reminder that her child had been real, despite the determination of those around her to pretend she’d never existed.
Caro tried to swallow but her throat was completely clogged.
Maybe it was the gentle way Jake spoke, the concern in his eyes, now the colour of burnished pewter, dark with shadows. Maybe it was because she’d never had to answer that question before. Suddenly she felt as lost as she had years ago, both her body and her arms empty, her child taken from her.
She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the moment to pass. Trying to suppress the cold shivers.
‘Where is she, Caro? Your daughter?’
It was his tenderness that undid her. She told herself it no longer mattered. She was over the grief, moving on to happier times. Yet it seemed that buried deep within was a residue of anguish that even recent events hadn’t erased.
Frantically she gulped air and heard the terrible sawing sound of a woman on the edge. Past and present coalesced. Instead of seeing the little girl on the mountain who’d almost died today, it was the tiny, silent baby she’d barely glimpsed as they whipped it away. Adrenaline pulsed in Caro’s bloodstream and her mouth crumpled.
‘I lost her,’ she whispered. ‘I lost her.’
She gave up the battle and let the burning tears fall.
CHAPTER SEVEN
JAKE LAY BESIDE her and gathered Caro close, her head against his shoulder. Her tears tracking across him. His mouth set as she shook, her hiccupping breaths proof of her battle for control.
The contained, capable woman he’d begun to know disappeared. Wrapped against him she seemed fragile, slighter than when she stood up to him or when she’d kissed him. He tightened his hold.
‘It’s okay, Caro. Let it out.’
It didn’t take an expert to know this pain had been eating away at her. Her tormented expression and the desolation in her eyes proved that. As did the fact she’d gone from the edge of rapture to blind grief in seconds. Her broken voice replayed in his ears and pity filled him.
How long had she carried this burden? Had today’s drama dragged it to the surface?
Jake half rolled onto his back and pulled her across him while one hand went to the tumble of soft waves that had loosened as they kissed. He stroked her head, combing his fingers through her hair.
It was his fault she’d gone into meltdown. Why hadn’t he smothered his curiosity?
But given Caro’s age her baby would be young. He couldn’t imagine her leaving her child in order to look after someone else’s. It hadn’t seemed to fit.
Now it did.
He swallowed regret, cursing his determination to uncover her secrets. Yet he was glad he knew.
Not because he was an expert in comforting distressed women. Though as a one-time peacekeeper in areas ravaged by natural disaster and violence he had some experience. But because his need to know about Caro was insatiable.
He was fascinated by her and not just because he’d doubted her suitability as Ariane’s nanny.
His belly clenched as another shudder racked her. What would it be like to lose a child, one you’d carried in your body?
Jake remembered his sister Connie, her stiff upper lip as she’d told him via computer link about another miscarriage and their decision to adopt. He’d been on the other side of the world but he’d felt his sister’s heartbreak. Jake had wanted to go to her but had been wary of interfering. The days of it being just the two of them against the world had gone. Connie had had her husband and Jake had feared intruding on their shared grief.
Who did Caro have?
There was no ring on her finger, no mention of a husband. Surely if she had a partner she wouldn’t be so eager for a live-in position?
How long had she bottled up this pain?
Protectiveness engulfed him. Her abrupt transition from carnal excitement to anguish indicated she had a long way to go to come to terms with this.
Did you ever come to terms?
He hadn’t given much thought to himself as a father, though over the last year he’d thought about creating a permanent base and finding a long-term partner. His experience of families and parents made him wary.
His father had abandoned them when Jake was born. As for his mother, she’d ignored her responsibilities, focusing on her own pleasure. With her stunning looks it hadn’t been hard to find lovers who’d shower her with the trinkets, trips and the lifestyle she craved. That kept her away from home for weeks and months at a time till finally she found a rich aristocrat, holidaying in Australia, who wanted her long term. She’d abandoned her kids without a second thought.
Yet now he had Ariane, Jake discovered a strong streak of paternal protectiveness. It hadn’t been simple, learning to accommodate a child in what had been a bachelor life. But he couldn’t imagine life without her. Thinking of her rare smiles and growing trust made him glow.
If he were to lose her...
Jake rocked Caro in his arms, his lips moved against her hair as he murmured that it was all right. When, of course, it could never be all right.
Like a douche of iced water memory chilled him. The memory of Caro that first night, motionless and intent as she watched Ariane sleep. There’d been something so eerily focused about her that his sixth sense had prickled. He’d known something was wrong. Now he understood. Caro looked at Ariane but remembered her lost child.
Something plunged through his body, a weight descending to crash into his gut.
Caro’s hiccups stopped and the shivers eased but she didn’t move away. Instead it felt as if she was trying to burrow in his chest. Surprisingly Jake didn’t mind one bit. She’d touched something inside. A chord of fellow feeling.
More. Something to do with Caro herself. He’d wondered what lay behind her façade of prim control. Now he knew at least one of her secrets. And she fascinated him more than ever.
Fascinated and attracted.
His mouth twisted. Whatever was between them, this wasn’t simply sexual attraction. Sex was here—very much so, as his unsatisfied body reminded him—but so were compassion and something he didn’t have a name for.
‘Sorry.’ Caro sniffed and rubbed her cheeks. ‘I can’t believe I melted down like that.’ She moved her shoulders as if gathering herself to pull away. Jake’s hold tightened.
‘You needed to let it out.’
‘Not like that. Not sobbing all over you like...’ She paused and he felt the sear of her breath against his skin. It felt like a caress.
Despite everything, his body still equated Caro with sexual hunger. Jake shoved the knowledge aside, ashamed.
She lifted her head and red-rimmed eyes met his. ‘I apologise. I don’t know what came over me. I’m never emotional in public.’
Jake’s eyebrows rose. ‘It was hardly public.’
She shook her head and dark curls tickled him. ‘It was weak and selfish to sob all over you.’ She pulled back a little.
Normally the idea of a woman crying over him would make Jake avoid her. Even now he felt discomfited by the display of such visceral emotion. He’d learned to bury emotions deep. Yet when Caro voiced the same idea, as if her grief were shameful, he wanted to reassure her.
‘It’s been an eventful day. Emotionally charged. Seeing Ariane in danger triggered sad memories.’
Her gaze caught his and a zap like an electric current coursed through him. Then, in a flurr
y of movement, Caro scrambled off the lounger. By the time he stood she was shrugging into the towelling robe, wrapping it close as if for protection.
Jake’s brow knotted. Surely she didn’t think she needed protecting from him?
But seeing the hectic colour in her cheeks, he guessed she was embarrassed.
‘Caro, I—’
‘Please, Jake.’ She paused, the picture of discomfort.
It was the first time she’d used his name. He wished it had been in the throes of passion instead of like this. His fingers curled hard and he shoved them into his pockets.
She opened her mouth to say something, something important by the look on her face, then she shook her head. ‘I need to go.’
‘Stay!’ He made himself stand immobile rather than reach for her. ‘Have that spa. I’ll leave you in privacy.’ Stupid to feel rejected because she needed time alone.
Her mouth hitched at one side but it wasn’t a smile. Sadness was there and a tension he supposed came from embarrassment. ‘That’s kind of you but I’ll go to my room. I need to think.’
She hurried away, leaving him staring.
* * *
Caro had plenty of time to think but it didn’t help. Whenever she made up her mind to tell Jake the truth all the reasons it was a terrible idea crowded in.
Hair damp from the shower, wrapped in her fluffy robe, she curled in the deep window seat of her turret room, her back against tapestry cushions that softened the stone wall. She hugged her knees and watched the sun rise with relief.
She’d spent sleepless hours staring at the massive peaks glimmering pale against the starry night. The view had been peaceful, at odds with the churning in her stomach. She’d wrestled with her conscience. She couldn’t let Jake think her child had died. Or that she was simply a nanny.
He wasn’t the cold-hearted man she’d thought. Jake was caring, not just with Ariane but with her. He’d held her and showed no impatience when her tears interrupted their passion. Her limited experience of men told her his forbearance, putting her needs ahead of his, was rare.
The gentle way he’d embraced her, the way he’d rocked her, no one had ever done that. Maybe her mother when Caro was tiny, but no one since. When she hurt she was expected to suck it up and get on with things. Even after losing her baby—no, make that having her baby snatched—she’d got little support. The nuns in the convent had seemed kind but with a distant, impersonal charity. There’d been no hugs, no shoulder to cry on.
No one like Jake.
She’d known the man a week yet in his arms, with that deep voice murmuring reassurance, she’d felt such comfort. Such healing.
Caro drew a shuddery sigh. Her chest expanded with the first free breath she’d taken all night.
Watching dawn’s rosy fingers spread across the mountains, turning indigo to peach, apricot and finally the dazzling white of snow, she made up her mind.
They all had to face the truth some time.
Today would be the day.
She’d do it one piece at a time. First the revelation that she was Ariane’s mother. Then, after Jake had time to accept that, the rest. The full story would be a lot to absorb in one chunk.
Decision made, her tight shoulders dropped, the tension in her neck easing. Jake might react badly but the longer she delayed, the worse it would be.
Her relief lasted exactly fifty-five minutes. Till her phone rang while she was pinning up her hair, ready to find Jake. Few people had this number. Her lawyer, Zoe, and a couple of friends.
‘Hello?’
‘At last, she answers!’ The terse voice splintered shards of ice down her spine. Caro froze, dropping the last hairpin. It seemed the only part of her still working was her heart, beating double quick.
‘Father.’
‘You remember who I am now, Carolina? That surprises me.’ He thundered on. ‘How dare you make me call you personally? I don’t have time for this nonsense but my staff tell me you haven’t answered their messages. You haven’t said when you’ll arrive for your brother’s party. I’m forced to waste time doing the work of secretaries!’
His voice boomed so loud Caro lifted the phone from her ear. Remnants of old habits stirred. Habits of obedience and meekness. For years she’d let this man run her life and see where it had got her.
She wanted to scream that he’d stolen her child and let her spend years uselessly grieving. But she wouldn’t scream, wouldn’t respond to his bullying with emotion. Instead she’d be calm and in control, in contrast to his arrogant orders and malicious jibes.
When she did confront him it would be in person. She wanted to look him in those choleric blue eyes and let him see that he no longer had power over her. She wanted to see his reaction when the mouse of the family finally stood up to him.
‘Are you there? Why aren’t you answering?’ Even at this distance that voice, like a thunderstorm crashing over mountains, made her skin twitch.
‘I’m here, Father. And I did respond to the messages. I gave my apologies. I won’t be able to attend—’
‘Nonsense! Of course you’ll be here.’
‘Not this time.’ Caro was proud of her even tone.
The silence that followed resonated with foreboding. No one, ever, said no to her father. Not her stepmother or half-brothers, not the prime minister, not anyone among St Ancilla’s rich and powerful.
Caro almost wished she could see him, though the thought of being near him made her feel physically ill. Was there surprise as well as fury on that mottled face?
His voice when it came sent another polar freeze through her. ‘Your brother’s engagement is a major event. All the family will be there, you included.’ He paused as if hearing her silent protest that she wasn’t really part of the family. She hadn’t been since he remarried and fathered the sons he’d so wanted.
‘There’ll be photos tomorrow evening before the first informal celebration. You’ll be there and the rest of the week, doing your duty.’
Caro gathered her breath, storing it up in her lungs till she thought she’d burst. Her hands turned clammy and the butterflies in her stomach were the size of sea eagles.
‘I’m afraid that’s impossible. I—’
‘I’ll say this once, Carolina.’ He said her name like an insult. ‘It’s vital we present a united front for this engagement. The wedding is important. Whatever you’re doing in Switzerland you’ll drop it immediately and come home.’
Shocked, her breath hissed in.
‘Oh, yes, I know you’re in Switzerland. My security staff keep me informed. I haven’t asked them to dig deeper. I’m not interested. However...’ he paused and the air turned heavy as if anticipating the next lightning strike ‘...if within the next hour my secretary doesn’t receive details of your arrival time, I’ll instruct security to find you and bring you home. By force if necessary. They’re on standby. I’m told they can be with you within two hours.’
Caro opened her mouth to say kidnap was an offence when the line went dead.
The phone fell to her bed and she stared at it as if at a venomous snake.
Caro wrapped her arms around her ribcage where her heart thundered. She imagined the men in dark suits, driving vehicles with blacked-out windows. They gave her the creeps. They’d been the ones to spirit her back to St Ancilla when her father discovered her pregnancy, and to the isolated convent on the north of the island. They’d kept a discreet but not invisible watch on the convent and ensured she didn’t run away before the baby was born.
She told herself they had no jurisdiction here. She could appeal to Jake for help. He’d protect her.
Then she imagined how that would play out. Swiss police, official reports, maybe press interest from those reporters who still kept an eye on this valley because of its connections to the rich and powerful.
Worse, she imagined Jake
’s reaction when he discovered not only that she was Ariane’s mother, but who her family was, all in one terrible sweep. Fear pounded through her, drying her throat and churning her stomach.
She’d already decided she needed to handle this carefully. If he was bombarded with it all at once, especially with her father’s henchmen battering at the door, he wouldn’t take it well. He’d see her as the enemy, here to take Ariane from him any way she could. He was as likely to hand her to her father’s goons as keep her from them.
Caro turned and paced, torn between distress and fury. There was something about all this she didn’t understand. That final threat of her father’s hadn’t been simply because she’d annoyed him.
‘It’s vital we present a united front... The wedding is important.’
She knew enough about her father to understand he wasn’t concerned about her brother’s love life. It wasn’t a love match but an arranged marriage. Why was her father so adamant they all be there, smiling and putting on a good show?
Caro shook her head. No time for that now. She had to figure out what to do. Unfortunately, she realised as she considered it from every angle, she didn’t have a choice. Not if she wanted a chance to discuss Ariane’s future calmly with Jake without her father interfering.
* * *
Jake strode the corridor towards his office. It was early but after a night of little sleep he might as well start work. The consortium he was trying to entice into this project was proving difficult to pin down. He needed to concentrate on that rather than Caro.
The woman perplexed him, intrigued and attracted him. He couldn’t recall responding to any woman like this. Not even Fiona, his ex-lover, the woman he’d fleetingly considered as a possible spouse.
