by Cara Colter
A horse-drawn sleigh was coming toward him, huge gray horses throwing up clouds of snow, a sleigh skimming along behind them.
And in that sleigh was Rufus and Nana and Tess, Smiley packed onto the front seat with them.
The sleigh pulled up beside him, the huge horses blowing warm steam out their noses. Tess, radiant, held out her arms and he picked her off the seat, kissed her cheek, held her close.
“Merry Christmas, Daddy!”
“Merry Christmas, Tess.”
He scanned her face. If she had experienced a moment’s concern about her father not arriving for Christmas Eve, it did not show in her sparkling eyes now.
“Guess what?” Tess breathed. “Santa didn’t come. Rufus said it’s the first time, ever, that a snowstorm has stopped Santa.” Tess sighed with contentment, somehow thrilled to have been a part of this historic event.
Aidan sought Rufus’s eyes over Tess’s shoulder, thanking him for managing to twist it in such a way that it deepened the magic for Tess instead of destroying it.
“Santa will come tomorrow, instead,” Tess said officiously. “He will need extra cookies and the reindeer will need extra carrots.”
A Christmas disaster transformed. A little girl thinking not of her own disappointment but of poor Santa’s discomfort.
“We didn’t open any presents,” Tess said.
“Why not?” Aidan asked her, ruffling her hair.
“Daddy! Silly! It’s not Christmas without you.”
He looked into her sparkling eyes and felt deep gratitude for the amazing gift of his little girl. He felt the love between them that he had so often witnessed between Noelle and her grandfather. He felt grateful that, despite all his doubts about his parenting abilities, despite his bumbling, Tess seemed to be turning out just fine.
“How did you find us?” Aidan asked Rufus.
Rufus looked...different. And so did Nana. They both looked younger, brimming over with something that had nothing to do with the crisp morning sleigh ride.
“I figured you’d get as far as the lane. A tree fell outside the house last night, too. Wiped out the power. And then I just kind of went Ah, I bet they’re at the cabin. Where’s Noelle? How come you’re in the truck when there’s a perfectly good cabin right there?”
Aidan shuffled uncomfortably and Rufus gave a snort of knowing laughter.
“Protecting my granddaughter’s virtue, were you?” And then softly, and with utter sincerity, “Good man.”
For some reason, the older man’s approval and praise meant a great deal to him. It made the sacrifice he had made last night worth it. Aidan met his eyes with a sheepish smile.
And then the door of the cabin opened and Noelle came out.
Aidan watched her and felt his heart swell. She was beautiful. With no makeup and her hair flying every which way, and her crumpled clothes from yesterday, she was beautiful. As beautiful as she had been in that extraordinary red dress. He had done the right thing. There was no way he could have shared a bed with her two nights in a row with nothing happening.
She started to come toward them smiling, an endearing shyness in her smile, just a hint of uncertainty as her eyes met his and then skittered away.
Aidan noticed she was still limping ever so slightly, and he went to her. She gazed up at him, asking, imploring. He smiled reassuringly, touched her cheek. “Happy Birthday,” he said softly.
“Merry Christmas, Aidan.”
“Happy Birthday, my little Christmas star!” Rufus got down off the sleigh with a vigor that belied his age. He went to Noelle and picked her up and swung her around. She laughed out loud and kissed her grandfather’s weathered cheek.
Aidan felt it right then. Something stinging behind his eyes as he watched them. He felt the longing he had been outrunning since he was a little boy.
It was in the very air between Noelle and her grandfather. The love. The sense of family. The deep knowing that they would always have a place to come home to.
Could he have that, too? What a gift it would be to give his daughter such a thing. It would require the bravest thing of all: to hope again, to say yes.
Greetings dispensed with, Rufus went and surveyed the tree that had fallen in front of the truck.
“Should be able to move that with the tractor. I had to cancel, though, Old-fashioned Country Christmas. I didn’t want anyone risking life and limb to get here. Plus, there’s no power. Pretty hard to cook a turkey dinner without that. Good thing I still have that old rotary phone that you young people think is so funny. You don’t need power to make a few calls. And we got the woodstove. You can cook a few rudimentary things on that.”
“Aw, Grandpa,” Noelle said. “I’m sorry about your Christmas plans.”
“Ha.” Rufus lifted a shoulder. “You get to be my age and you figure it all out—there’s a greater plan. It’s probably better than anything I could ever plan for myself, anyway.”
Those words seemed to fill every space in Aidan’s head as they began loading gifts out of the truck and into the sleigh. Tess wanted to sit in the front with Nana and Rufus, and Aidan found himself under a shared blanket with Noelle. He took her hand and squeezed it gently.
He thought of the strange set of events that had brought them together. He thought of playing in the snow with her, and her eyes on him as he had cut down the tree. He thought of her laughing as he bungled gingerbread decorating. He thought of them sitting in the cold in the hayloft looking at stars. He thought of the new lightness in her spirit as she had owned that red dress and owned the Enchantment Ball. He thought of how he’d confided his broken dreams to her and how it had felt—not like a weakness, but like an invitation to wake up, to live again. He thought of driving with her through the storm, and her incredible calm and bravery. He thought of decorating that funny little tree with her last night, and playing cards, and laughing until his stomach hurt.
It seemed as if it could be true. All part of a greater plan.
Noelle gave him her full attention, scanning his face. And whatever she found there reassured her, because she broke out in a smile.
Aidan felt himself reach for what he saw in Noelle’s eyes. He watched his daughter wrap her arms around the dog as the sleigh lurched forward, and he saw Nana slip her arm around Rufus’s waist. He saw the old man’s smile as he turned his head to look at Nana.
Love. It was in the air. Was it possible that was what was really part of a greater plan? It all boiled down to that, didn’t it? That simple instruction, the one the seed had been planted for on a Christmas Day a long, long time ago.
Love one another.
Love the strangers you met along the way. And the family you’d been given, even with their flaws.
Love one another.
Every single time that magnificent force—love—came to you, say yes instead of no.
Aidan felt that question intensify within himself. Could he say yes to what he had waited his entire life to feel?
A sense of being part of something larger than himself?
He struggled for a moment. It seemed overwhelming. The cynic in him tried to rise up, one last time. But then he felt even that part of him surrender to it, that larger force, which sparkled in the air on this snowy Christmas morning.
Inwardly, he heard a whisper. Yes. And then louder, a celebration, yes.
* * *
Noelle felt his surrender. She had not been aware that some heaviness remained in Aidan, until it was gone, until she saw a new sparkle in his eyes when he looked at her.
Her grandfather wheeled the horses around and they headed back across the fluffy banks of sparkling snow, toward the distant home place. The horses’ manes lifted, and their footsteps beat a muffled tattoo in the snow. Their bells could have been church bells; they rang across the crisp air with such purity.
“Gee up,” her
grandfather said, slapping the reins. The horses changed gait easily, pulling forward powerfully, the sleigh skimming along behind them. Tess laughed out loud, and, if Noelle was not mistaken, Nana tucked herself against Rufus just a little more tightly. It was cold, and yet the sun, the blanket and most especially Aidan’s hand in hers made it seem bright and warm.
It was Aidan’s voice that lifted in song. “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way...”
His voice was beautiful, strong and steady, a pure tenor. Tess clapped her pink-mittened hands with delight and looked at her father’s face with pure wonder, the wonder of a child who still believed in the magic and the miracles of Christmas.
Her voice, innocent and bold, joined her father’s. And then they were all singing, and the dog was howling along, and it was, possibly, the best Christmas moment Noelle had ever experienced. When that song died, another one rose to take its place. They sang all the way back to the house.
While Rufus looked after the horses, Nana herded them all inside and managed to do quite nicely, putting together a Christmas breakfast on the woodstove.
After they had eaten, Tess was not waiting one more second for her presents. Aidan managed to spirit Jerry Juicejar away for delivery by Santa the next day, but aside from that, the living room was soon filled with torn wrapping paper and her squeals of delight.
Tess presented Noelle with a gift. She was being unusually shy.
“I didn’t have anything for you, so I made it.”
Noelle unwrapped her gift to find a carefully illustrated and printed book. It was a story about a girl whose birthday fell on Christmas. “This is amazing. I can’t believe you could make such a thing. You’re only five.”
“Nearly six,” Tess said, beaming nonetheless. “Nana had to help me with some of it.”
Noelle stared at the painstaking printing and knew she would cherish the handmade book forever.
The skates were the biggest hit, and Tess insisted they must go to the pond immediately.
They all piled outside, skates strung over their shoulders. The pond was covered in nearly a foot of snow, so after testing the thickness of the ice, Rufus fired up the tractor and cleared the whole thing. After that, he invited Nana up into the crowded cab with him, and they headed off to clear the road and move the tree. He waved off Aidan’s offer of help.
Noelle watched, delighted, as Aidan coached Tess through her first time on skates. She had seen glimpses of it all along, but he seemed newly relaxed, some guard completely down, and it was heart-warming to see what a good dad he was, patient, firm, funny.
Nana and Rufus returned, Nana driving Aidan’s vehicle back down the cleared road. And then the elderly couple put on skates, too. They took over Tess’s coaching, and the beautiful little girl skated off between Rufus and Nana, holding both their hands.
And then Aidan held out his hand to Noelle. And they skated until their legs hurt and laughed until they could laugh no more. He hummed “Could I Have This Dance,” and they tried dancing together on skates, ending up in a tangled heap, Noelle beneath him, looking up into his sapphire eyes with wonder.
Could this really be happening to her?
It was Christmas Day and it was her birthday and she was in love, and it was the best day she had ever had. But in the back of her mind she heard a whisper, Tomorrow is Boxing Day. She shoved the thought away. Surely, everything had changed...
When exhaustion and cold finally set in, a huge bonfire was lit and a kettle of hot chocolate placed beside it. They roasted wieners for Christmas lunch, and then, when the power did not come back on, again for dinner.
“The best Christmas ever,” Tess mumbled, with little smudges of mustard and ketchup smeared around the bow of her mouth.
“Yes,” Aidan agreed, his eyes meeting Noelle’s. “The best Christmas ever.”
“And Santa is still going to come tomorrow, isn’t he? I have to put out cookies. I have to put out—”
But Tess fell asleep in her father’s arms before these important errands could be completed. The bonfire light was casting her face in gold and Aidan’s, too, and the stars winked on in an ink-dark sky. They finally retreated to the house, Tess nestled into Aidan’s shoulder.
Aidan and Noelle put the sleepy girl in her pajamas and tucked her into her bed together. She didn’t even wake up. By the time they were done, Rufus and Nana had also disappeared. So the two of them put out milk and cookies for Santa, and retrieved Jerry Juicejar from his hiding place and put him under the tree. Then they hung the socks, one for each member of the household, and filled them with what was left of the Christmas treats.
They were small things. And yet they filled Noelle’s heart with a sense of how it would be to be together, as a couple, as a family, as a mom and dad to Tess.
Was that where all this was going? When she looked into his eyes, her breath nearly stopped for the truth she saw there.
She touched his cheek.
He touched hers.
And the words found their way to her mouth.
“I love you.”
She stood on her tiptoes and took his mouth.
“Hey,” he protested, though the protest was weak, “there’s no mistletoe.”
She felt disappointed. Once again, he was the one backing away. Did it mean he did not feel the same way? Had she embarrassed herself? Was it ridiculous to make such a declaration after such a short time?
He stood there, utterly still, looking at her.
And then he spoke the words.
“I love you, too.”
His voice was gruff with emotion. The words seemed to stun him. His moved his hand away from her cheek and stroked it over the swollen plumpness of her lip. Her tongue reached out and touched it, and he gasped with longing, but swiftly took his hand away. He looked at it, and then at her.
He wheeled away from her, and she heard his soft tread on the stairs, and then moments later, she heard his bedroom door softly, but firmly, close.
“The best Christmas ever,” Noelle whispered, hugging herself tightly.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“NOELLE, WAKE UP! Wake up.” Tess was shaking her urgently. “We have to go downstairs and see if Santa came.”
She opened her eyes slowly, loving this moment, and loving this little girl, loving the man who stood in the doorway of her room.
“I’m awake,” she said. “Go get Nana and Rufus.”
“They’re up already. Come on. Come on.”
Noelle got out of bed, self-conscious in the penguin jammies. She quickly put her housecoat on over the top, and followed Tess and Aidan down the stairs.
Tess stopped at the door of the living room. She shrieked and ran in. “It’s Jerry!”
Noelle and Aidan came in behind her. Nana was in the room, but not Rufus. Noelle felt a moment’s regret that her grandfather had missed this delightful moment.
But then Aidan put his hand around her shoulder and they exchanged a smile, bathed in the little girl’s joy. Aidan kissed Noelle casually, on the mouth.
At that exact moment, Tess turned from Jerry. Her eyes went wide.
“Daddy?” she asked softly. “Is Noelle going to be my mommy?”
* * *
Aidan felt himself go still. He felt the shock of Tess’s question wash over him. This was how poor a parent he had been. It was beyond bumbling. He’d been thinking of himself. He’d immersed himself in the joy of Noelle loving him.
He’d allowed himself to believe in miracles.
But he, of all people, should know better than that. What, in his world, in his experience, had given him the skill to make a relationship work? Hadn’t he thought, once, filled with hope and dreams, that he could write his own story? That he could learn? That he could overcome the lack of love in his childhood?
His marriage had proved him so wrong. One thing a
bout being good at business? You knew never to repeat the same mistake twice.
And not just for him. How could he drag his daughter down this road? How could he hold out to her a shining promise of a family? A mommy? Only to have her in the front row to view his failings when it all began to fall apart? Hadn’t Tess been damaged enough?
And what of Noelle?
Could he do that to her? Could he take that offering of her sweet love and watch it turn to dust and ash? Could he be the one who put out the light he had seen in her eyes this morning when she had told him she loved him?
Had he really answered her? Had he really given her false hope? Had he really allowed temporary good feelings to sway his judgment for the future?
As a businessman he knew you could not do that. You had to rely on instincts, yes, but then you had to do the hard work, the research, the plausibility studies to back up those instincts. Just jumping in on a hunch, basing your move on a feeling, was catastrophic in business.
The plausibility study, he realized, had already been done. He had not passed the litmus test with Sierra. He could not drag his daughter through another failure.
As a shocked stillness came over the room, Aidan moved a step away from Noelle. She looked as if she was holding her breath, waiting to hear how he would respond to that innocent question.
But he was saved from answering.
“What?” Nana was at the window, and she had looked out, possibly to give the couple at least an illusion of privacy as they contemplated the enormity of the question that had just been asked. “What has that old fool gone and done now?”
Aidan, looking for respite from the awkwardness of the question, went and stood at the window beside Nana.
He felt his heart break in two. Rufus was shuffling across the yard with a pony. There was a red ribbon around its neck.
It wasn’t just Tess. And Noelle. It was Rufus, too. And Nana. All hoping for love to win.
Maybe Rufus had been matchmaking from the start. Maybe he’d gotten a pony for Tess in the hope of keeping all their lives tangled together once Christmas was over. The old guy probably knew any man with a brain was going to fall in love with Noelle given time and the right circumstances. Rufus, with that pony, was setting things up so that nature could take its course.
