by Cora Brent
Not Liam Cassini for fuck’s sake.
Though she couldn’t have known about everything he’d done to Trent, Jules was no dummy. She had to be aware that Liam was an unbelievable jackass.
The girls are both in Caitlin’s room. I can hear them laughing together as I sit on their mother’s bed and look helplessly around the room. Most things are exactly as they were the last time Jules touched them. The accordion-style closet door is open and Jules’s clothes are neatly sorted by color on their hangers, her shoes lined up underneath.
I’ll save the clothes. I’ll box them up and store them in the garage in case the girls would like to have them someday.
They are singing now and for once it’s not a tune from Frozen. They are singing You Are My Sunshine. Some of their lyrics are incorrect but they only learned the song today in preschool.
I stand in front of my sister’s open closet and graze my fingertips over the soft sleeves of her sweaters. It’s not fair that I get to hear her girls singing and she doesn’t.
“You’re right. It’s not fair. Now put your seatbelt on.”
The mental echo of words she spoke long ago brings a sentimental smile to my lips. Jules was wiser at eighteen than I am now or might ever be in the future.
This is when I happen to glance down and see it.
The corner of the black box overlaps the opening of the closet door by less than an inch and is easy to overlook unless you happen to be staring straight at it. It’s small, less than a foot wide and perhaps five inches tall, and has been nestled against a short section of wall between the door and the interior corner.
The tiny safe isn’t heavy. I can pick it up with one hand. It’s also locked and nothing on the keypad gives any hint what the combination might be.
“Trentcassini is home!” the girls yell because they have heard his key in the door before I have.
Seconds later I hear him scaling the stairs and the girls cheer the return of their uncle. Yes, Trent is their uncle even if they have no idea and I’m unsure when or how we will explain it to them.
He finds me sitting on the floor of my sister’s room.
“You okay?”
“Yes.” I hand him the safe and he helps me up off the floor with his free hand.
“What’s this?”
“I don’t know. It was in her closet.”
“Can we make our mini pizzas soon?” The girls stand in the doorway, all smiles and innocence.
Trent and I exchange a glance. Whatever is in the safe will have to wait until later. He sets it down carefully atop Jules’s desk and turns to the girls with a grin.
“You bet we can. I bought all kinds of toppings if you want to try something new. I got pepperoni. I got mushrooms. I got pineapple.”
“Pineapple?” Caitlin makes a face. “That’s not for pizza.”
“Give it a try.” Trent pats the top of her head. “And for dessert we can toast marshmallows on the backyard grill.”
“I want my marshmallow to be crispy,” says Mara.
“We can arrange that.”
She grabs his hand. “No, I mean like really crispy.”
He winks. “I promise we will succeed.”
With Trent here, I’m able to put on a better show of optimism. We assemble our mini pizzas and I turn on the oven light so the girls can watch the cheese melt and bubble. Caitlin decides that pineapple slices are a genius addition to pizza.
After dinner, Trent fires up the grill and helps the girls find long sticks to toast their marshmallows. Caitlin’s first marshmallow attempt falls off her stick and is irretrievable. Trent gives her his.
There is pizza sauce on their shirts and their chins are smeared with sticky marshmallow guts but they are happy. They allow me bathe them and put them to bed without a fuss and Trent stops in their rooms to wish them sweet dreams, as has become his routine. I watch him as his eyes linger on each of them for a little longer tonight, now that his connection to them is deeper than he’d ever guessed. The love in his eyes is unmistakable. This observation makes me love him even more.
Trent doesn’t need to tell me that he feels the same way I feel. He’d lie down in traffic and sacrifice himself to keep the girls safe.
He tucks Mara’s quilt around her and scratches the ears of her stuffed dog when she asks him to. The window blinds in her room are partially open and I reach for the lever to close them, catching a glimpse of the ascendant full moon.
“Our past and our future.
Kissed by the moon.
Fate undivided.
Whatever will be.”
I drop my hand from the window.
I feel Trent watching me as I cross the room in haste and gallop down the stairs in search of the handbag I’d thrown on the couch earlier. More than a month has passed since the day we drove to the prison to visit my father. Trent laughed out loud over the lyrics of Abigail Fisher’s signature song when I played it for him. Her CD is still in my purse.
The case is popped open and Abigail’s perfect handwriting stares back at me from the note she wrote years ago.
Her note is not what interests me right now.
What I came to see is on the other side in my sister’s handwriting. Three numbers in a column.
12
6
23
Those numbers meant nothing to me at a casual glance.
But Danny’s birthday is May 12.
My birthday is August 6.
Jules’s birthday is March 23.
There’s a safe in Jules’s closet and Jules had a secret.
She left this on her dresser amid her precious treasures.
It can’t be a coincidence.
Trent is waiting at the top of the stairs when I run back up.
“Come on.” I pull him into Jules’s room.
With my first try the safe remains stubbornly closed and I sigh with frustration.
Trent peers over my shoulder. “Touch the buttons one at a time, Gretch. Instead of pressing the number twelve at once, press one, then two, and so on.”
He’s right. The instant my finger leaves the last digit, there’s a tiny ding and the flap flies open. I have no idea what to expect inside. What I find is only one tiny object.
A single USB flash drive.
I hold it in the palm of my hand, my heart pounding. “There’s no USB port on my laptop.”
He nods. “There’s one on mine. I’ll be right back.”
Trent is very fast. Within two minutes he dashes down the street and back again.
I meet him in the front yard and wordlessly we go to my room and shut the door.
I’m unable to sit still while Trent powers up his laptop and inserts the flash drive. He stares at the screen.
“What is it?” I scramble to his side on the bed.
He points. “One file. It’s a big one. A video.”
I swallow hard. Breathe deeply.
“Play it,” I tell him.
15
Jules
“Hello. It’s me, Julianne Aaronson, but I know that because this is my phone and I’m the one recording. Haha. Sorry, that sounds weird. I’m nervous. It’s June thirteenth. I’m at Cassini Brewery and I wasn’t planning to come here but it looks like there’s a party and I see his car. I need to talk to him. I’ve left him voicemails but he never calls back. I’ve gone to his house but his fiancé was there and I chickened out. So here I am. Twelve weeks pregnant. I’m going to tell the father whether he wants to hear it or not. You’re coming along for the ride so buckle up.”
My hands shake as I lower the phone after making sure it will continue to record.
He won’t think it’s odd that I’m carrying a phone. People are always carrying their phones in plain sight. Phones are like arms now for crying out loud.
I’m still wearing my pink work scrubs after a long day at the clinic but that can’t be helped. I’m not going home to change.
The lights are blazing at Cassini Brewery and there must be
thirty cars in the parking lot. The last time I was here, the only time I’ve ever been here, was a night when the bar was open to the public but tonight it isn’t. Tonight the brewery is closed for a private party. However, I can see Liam’s red Porsche and I owe him the truth, no matter how inconvenient it might be.
Three men are standing outside by the entrance. They all share the same look of arrogant good fortune. My father would assume they are summer people but he assumes that about everyone he doesn’t like. At least he doesn’t need to worry about summer people in prison.
The men hold cigars and I watch as they check me out, become disinterested, and puff away as they share private laughter.
I don’t care.
I’m not here to look interesting.
There’s a Kanye West song playing inside but the volume is not too loud. I can hardly hear it until I step inside. Once I am inside I see that the music is coming from the direction of the bar where two women dance in stiletto heels atop the polished surface. There are men scattered everywhere, all of them cut from the same mold as the cigar smokers outside. Some of them hoot at the dancing women, others look at their phones or continue having animated conversations. The only females here besides me are the ones dancing on the bar. The girl on the left unhooks her bra. Men howl like wolves in response.
“Julianne.”
I feel his hand digging into my arm before I hear the tightly furious way he hisses my name.
And I want to leave.
I want to go home, take a hot shower, curl up on the couch and watch a movie with my sister. I want to pretend like there is no father and so there is no one worth telling except Gretchen and Danny, who have both already been told.
Instead, I face him. “I need to talk to you, Liam.”
His dark eyes grow dim. “Wait in my office,” he growls through clenched teeth.
I don’t know where his office is.
He points to the stairs with annoyance.
There are eyes on me as I climb to the top and find the open door to Liam’s office.
The painting is the first thing I notice. The girl in the painting is beautiful and she’s going to marry him. I feel sorry for her. I would never marry him. I don’t even want to have a conversation with him.
Liam doesn’t keep me waiting long. He’s angry. I don’t believe he’s violent but I’m not sure. I remember seeing bruises on Trent the day he was arrested and wondering about them. I’m wondering even more now. Danny always said that Trent hated his older brother.
“It’s my bachelor party for fuck’s sake!” Liam waves his arms as he growls these words. “I’m getting married tomorrow. What the hell do you want?”
“I’m pregnant.”
He pales, his eyes shooting to my stomach, which is comfortably hidden by my oversized scrubs. “No, you’re not.”
“Yes I am, Liam. I have an ultrasound next week. I can give you the name of my doctor and-“
“Shut up.” He glowers and falls into his desk chair. Panic is beginning to set in, although he must have suspected the reason why I kept calling. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re trying to pull here but whatever bullshit you’re growing in your belly isn’t mine.”
Liam Cassini is not a nice guy. He was nice to me for one night and I was momentarily fooled.
I’m no longer fooled.
My chest is tight and remember Gretchen’s breathing exercises. It’s a coping technique she learned during her summer at Ithaca. She breathes deeply, shuts her eyes if necessary, and thinks of the moon because the moon makes her happy.
I breathe now and I think of my baby.
Then I glare at Liam Cassini. “You know I was a virgin. I even cried out when it hurt, remember? I didn’t tell you to stop, although you didn’t care that I wasn’t particularly sober. I’m not here to ruin your life. But the baby is yours and I’m having it.”
“Shit.” He runs a hand over his face and looks to the ceiling for help. “Shit! What the fuck do you want?”
I stand up. “Nothing. I don’t want anything from you. I just needed to tell you.”
The sudden hope on his face is ugly. “I can give you money, Julianne. If we can just keep this quiet, I’ll make sure you get, you know, helped out.”
I want to tell him to take his money and shove it up his ass.
But it’s not like I earn a great salary. With horror, I realize I can’t afford to turn him down.
I hold my head up even though the effort is difficult. “Fine. I’ll accept whatever you think is fair.”
His eyes narrow greedily. “And this stays between us or the payments stop.”
God, he’s so disgusting.
How could I have ever seen him differently?
It felt like my whole life had gone by since a guy really looked at me. Then one night I went searching for some excitement. Liam was the one who found me. He smiled. He asked when I’d grown up into such a beauty. And I’d become so lonely and pitiful that I fell for a line I should have laughed at.
“Agreed.” I don’t want him anywhere near my child anyway. “No one will know that you’re the father.”
He relaxes. His problem has been solved. He’s happy now. “My business manager will be in touch.”
I hate this feeling, like we’ve just conducted a transaction. Although I suppose that’s what it is.
“Goodbye, Liam.”
I need to get out of here. I need to get out here right now or I’m going to vomit.
No, I’m going to vomit no matter what.
Down the hall, I see a door marked as a bathroom and I stumble through it, barely reaching the toilet in time. My phone is set down beside the sink as I splash water on my face and I realize it’s still recording.
Yet I don’t hit pause.
This is almost over. Soon I’ll be in my car driving home.
I hope Gretchen is awake.
My sister was shocked when I told her about my pregnancy. But I can see her watching as my belly begins to show and she’s getting excited about the baby. Even though she’ll be away at college by the time I’m due, she’ll only be in the city and I know she’ll visit often. I desperately want someone to be excited with me. My mother screamed her head off over the phone. She called me stupid and cheap and some other choice words but she’s not part of this family anymore anyway. Gretch and Danny are my family. Now we’ll have the baby too.
Liam’s office door is still open and I move quietly toward the stairs, grateful that I don’t need to pass his door on my way out. But then I hear his voice and I freeze in place with my phone in my hand.
“Meh, that was nothing. Just a local girl with a problem. It’s taken care of.”
Another man speaks. “She looked young, Cassini. One of your high school pieces?”
Liam laughs. “Shit, the young stuff I get inside of is a lot hotter than that.”
The other man whistles. “Not my thing. Too risky.”
“Your loss, man. Nothing sucks cock as eagerly as a sixteen-year-old cheerleader.”
If I listen to another word then I will vomit again.
I don’t want to know anything else about Liam Cassini. I won’t even think of him as my baby’s father. I refuse to.
Once I’m in my car I can breathe again. I click my seatbelt closed and flatten one palm to my growing stomach as Cassini Brewery fades in the rearview mirror.
“It’s all right,” I say, as much to myself as to the occupant in my belly who will not be able to hear me for a while yet. “We’re all right.”
With my eyes on the road, I reach into the glove box and pull out the only CD I keep in there.
“Meet Abigail Fisher,” I say to my baby.
I even manage to smile as I take us all home.
16
Trent
Gretchen won’t wait until the morning.
“This ends tonight,” she insists.
I don’t argue with her.
Parts of the audio recording made by Jules were
muffled but we were able to hear enough.
Enough for our hearts to break for Jules.
Enough to bury that son of a bitch who calls himself my brother.
Gretchen sobbed in my arms after listening to the entirety of her sister’s anguish. Her tears dried quickly and now she wants vengeance. For Jules, for the girls, for me, for whoever else has suffered at the hands of Liam Cassini.
I stand back and listen as Gretch phones Barbara Bianco to ask if she’s available to babysit for the girls tonight.
“No, it’s not a family emergency. Nothing to worry about. I just have something to take care of. Thank you, Barbara. We’ll be there soon.”
Gretchen sets her phone down, her expression calm.
“Ready?” I ask her.
She nods. “Absolutely.”
The girls are sleepily confused as to why we are leaving the house so late. We wrap them in their quilts to keep them warm in the cool night air. Caitlin is carried in my arms while Gretch holds Mara.
“You girls can sleep at Barbara’s,” Gretchen promises while ensuring they are properly secured in their booster seats. “We’ll be back to get you before long.”
Caitlin yawns and gives me a sleepy smile. “Barbara has a black cat named Buttons.”
I smile back at my niece. “That’s good to know.”
Gretchen hands over the keys to the minivan and sits tensely in the passenger seat as I steer us three short blocks away. Barbara Bianco waits at the door and she clearly doesn’t mind the late visit at all. She already has the sofa bed pulled out and cozily made up for the girls. They nestle together with Buttons the black cat purring at their feet. Barbara’s eyes are full of questions but she assures us there is no need to hurry. The girls will be safe here.
As we pass by the lake, I remind Gretchen of something. “We’re walking into his party. His crowd, his territory.”
Instinct tells me that it would be wiser to confront him alone. A man of Liam’s nature becomes a rabid dog when backed into a corner. But I can’t deny Gretchen the chance to see the fear register on his face when Liam understands that he has lost.
