by J. Bengtsson
“That’s the way it’s always been with you, hasn’t it, Jess? Gotta pay to play?”
“Well, I don’t know, Nick, since you’ve never done either.”
“Come on, Jess. That’s not fair.”
My eyes widened. I thought I was being generous. “You’re off the hook financially. You should be happy.”
“And what happens when your fancy boyfriend dumps your ass? Will you be coming after me again?”
There was just so much about what he’d just said that made me want to rip his nuts off, but I maintained my calm exterior, save for the slight quiver of my upper lip.
“What do you want, Nick?”
“To see my son on his birthday.”
“He’s not here.” I opened the door wider for him to see the place was empty aside from me.
“Where is he?”
“Out.”
“When will he be home?”
I didn’t like this line of questioning. It implied that Nick would be back.
“Why now, Nick?”
“What?”
“Why this birthday? You’ve never been interested before. Is this because of Quinn?”
“I’ll be honest. I don’t like Noah around that family. You don’t leave him alone with Jake, do you?”
“I hope to god you’re not insinuating what I think you’re insinuating here.”
“The guy was kidnapped by a child killer, Jess. He murdered the guy. There’s no telling what’s going on in his mind. It’s not a big stretch to assume he shouldn’t be trusted around children—my child.”
Now I was furious. What had happened with Jake and his abductor was self-defense. Not murder. Jake had never been anything but kind to Noah and me, and to have Nick hinting at nefarious intentions with our son made me sick.
“Get out or I’m calling the cops.” I pushed on his chest. “Now!”
“I’m going,” he bristled. “Oh, one more thing. I’ve hired a lawyer. Say goodbye to your protected custody.”
A trembling unleashed inside me. No. He was just baiting me. No judge would give him custody.
“You haven’t been in Noah’s life for years. You don’t even support him. They’d never give him to you.”
“No? Courts don’t like criminals, Jess. And only one of us is a convicted felon.”
“I was a juvenile. My files are sealed.”
“Bet your stepfather would be willing to testify on my behalf. I’m sure he doesn’t think you’re a suitable parent. He won’t even let you meet your little sister. I wonder why?”
“That’s none of your business,” I seethed.
“All I’m saying is, don’t think you’re too good for me now, Jess. Just because you’re hanging out with the McKallisters doesn’t mean you belong. Don’t forget, I know who you are. I bet Quinn doesn’t.”
“He knows exactly who I am.”
“I highly doubt that.”
Tears threatened to expose my weaknesses, but I fought them off. I hadn’t hidden anything from Quinn, and he accepted me for who I was.
“I don’t understand your angle. Did you come here to threaten me or my relationship? Because if that’s the case, you’re wasting your time. Quinn knows all about the burglary.”
“Does his family?”
The question was wrapped in a threat. Nick had delivered the final punch, knocking the wind out of me. I leaned against the door for support. He wanted to destroy me. What had I ever done to him, other than to birth his beautiful son?
“What do you want from me?”
He leaned in, his voice low and vindictive. “For you to never be happy.”
“Mom!” Noah rushed in, alive with excitement, throwing himself in my arms.
“Whoa!” I forced a laugh. Only ten minutes separated Noah’s light from the darkness that had descended like a vampire to suck the happiness right out of me. “Obviously you had fun.”
“Look what Quinn got me for my birthday! It’s my very own guitar.”
“Dude.” Quinn shook his head, attempting to suppress a smile. “What happened to chill? You were going to walk in here like a stud. Go sit down and I’ll hand it to you—gently.”
“Okay,” he said, eagerly assuming the position on the couch.
Quinn opened the guitar case, pulled the guitar out, and laid it carefully in Noah’s arms.
His eyes lit up. “Isn’t she beautiful, Mom?”
He spoke of ‘her’ with the same love and admiration that Quinn spoke of Lucia.
“She’s gorgeous,” I agreed. “Let me hear you play.”
His composition was a disaster, of course, but it was also music to my ears. Noah was learning from a man who deserved to be emulated. There could be nothing more beautiful than that.
“You know, I was around your age when I got my first guitar. My brother gave it to me and he said to name it after the girl who meant the most to me in the whole world. Jake named his Shelle, after our mother.”
Noah barely let Quinn finish his sentence before he said, “I want my guitar to be named Jesse.”
“Perfect name for a perfect girl,” Quinn agreed.
You could not have wiped the smile off my face if you tried. These two almost made me forget the threat at the front door. Almost.
Something occurred to me. “Wait—is Lucia your mom’s middle name?”
“No,” he replied, the flash of pain passing through his eyes a reminder of a past he’d yet to reconcile with. “Lucia is Grace’s middle name.”
His little sister. I didn’t realize she meant that much to him.
“Noah,” Quinn said, changing the subject. “I think we have something else to show your mom, don’t we?”
“Oh yeah,” he said, waiting for Quinn to take his guitar before leaping to his feet and grabbing a gift off the table.
Jumping in place, Noah handed over a shoebox-sized present all wrapped in gold and silver. I wasn’t accustomed to getting gifts from my child, at least not ones that didn’t involve construction paper, popsicle sticks, and glue.
“You didn’t have to get me something, silly,” I said. “It’s your birthday, not mine.”
“I know, but Quinn and me wanted to get you something special.” More jumping. “Open it.”
Quinn placed his hand on Noah’s shoulder, the act of which calmed him right down. The gesture wasn’t lost on me—the steady hand of a positive influence. What would that influence have looked like if Nick had been the one with his hand on Noah’s shoulder all these years? If today was any indication, I’d dodged a bullet. I should thank Grandma Ledger for running interference. She’d saved me a lot of heartache.
Quinn settled his eyes on me, instantly understanding something was wrong and mouthing, ‘You okay?’
I nodded, faking a smile as I removed the beautiful wrapping paper. Because of the size of the box, I had a strong suspicion that whatever was in there would wrap my feet in swagger. I glanced up at Quinn, my worried eyes instantly transforming when they settled on his proud face. He didn’t have to buy me gifts to earn my favor. He’d won that on the first day.
There were no shoes in the box. In fact, the only thing inside was an even fancier wrapped smaller box.
“What’s this?” I asked.
Noah, no longer able to jump with Quinn’s hand on his shoulder, began to squirm instead. He couldn’t be more excited for me. “Open it!”
My heart beat faster. It was jewelry, that much I knew for sure, but it couldn’t be a ring, could it?
It wasn’t.
Inside the box was the most beautiful diamond pendant necklace I’d ever laid eyes on.
“You guys,” I said, my mouth agape.
“It’s got a carrot in it,” Noah said.
“Very nutritious,” Quinn nodded before adding, “I’m not sure he fully understands it’s not that kind of carrot.”
“And there’s a fiery heart inside too,” Noah continued.
“It’s a Hearts on Fire diamond,” Quinn corrected.<
br />
“What’s that?” I asked.
“I have no idea. The jeweler said it was the world’s most perfectly cut diamond, but they all looked the same to us. Right, Noah?”
He nodded, aggressive in his agreement. “They were all so sparkly, Mom.”
Never had I received a gift like this, and I wasn’t sure even how to accept it. Or if I should. “Quinn, I can’t…”
“It’s not from me.” He stopped me in my tracks.
“It’s from me,” Noah said, resuming his jumping.
Uh-huh. Like Noah had thousands of dollars lying around. But that look of sheer delight on his face laid siege to my heart.
“You deserve pretty things, Mom.”
He’d said that before—to Quinn on the first night we were all together. That Quinn had remembered those words and allowed Noah to realize his wish said more about this man than anything he could ever say or do. It was the last barrier, the last question answered. Quinn would do anything for me and Noah.
I was unequivocally and desperately in love.
Tears flowed freely now as I gathered my son in my arms and squeezed. “I don’t know what to even say, Noah. This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. You’re the best son a mom could ever ask for.”
I met Quinn’s eyes and mouthed a ‘Thank you.’
He smiled, nodding, perfectly content to allow Noah all the glory.
“Can you?” I asked, holding the box up to him.
He removed the delicate necklace and secured it around my neck before bending down and giving the skin it lay on one sweet and gentle kiss. “I can.”
27
Quinn: Testosterone
“You’re going down,” I said, revving my engine as I formed my fingers into a ‘V,’ pointing it first at my eyes and then back at his.
Jake, in the go-kart beside me, revved his own engine. “Whatever you say, cupcake.”
“Like you two have a chance against me,” Keith chuckled, his eyes glazed over from colicky baby insomnia. “I haven’t slept in weeks. I’ve got nothing left to lose.”
Noah’s birthday bash created the perfect opportunity for a testosterone-filled day of fun not only for his little preadolescent friends but also for my big ones. The invitations to my brothers had gone out two weeks before, and I figured I might snag one or two VIP members of my clan, but I’d never considered the entire bunch would RSVP.
That my family embraced Jess and Noah, welcoming them in and respecting their place in my life with ease, made me reevaluate some of the lingering resentment I felt toward them. How many of the barriers I’d erected and the isolation I’d felt growing up had been of my own making? Somewhere along the way, I’d gotten it stuck in my head that I wasn’t as loved and respected a member of my family as some of the others. But that had never been true. They’d always been there for me. Jess, she was the one who’d struggled for love. Not me.
“Please, you three don’t have the balls to flip this shit over.” Finn gripped his wheel, ready to rumble as his inner stuntman shone through. “But I sure as shit do.”
“Sir, no flipping,” the squeaky-voiced minimum-waged teenage girl warned. “It will get you banned from the go-kart track for life.”
Finn’s eyes widened. “For life? How do they keep track of that? Do they have go-kart mug shots?”
“Listen up,” my father said from his vehicle all the way in the back. “Due to a possible fungal infection in my ‘roast beef’ toe, I’m going to take this race at my own pace. No one better touch my go-kart.”
Jess’s father, Victor, fresh out of rehab, had taken his spot in the go-kart beside my father. After a lifetime of living on the edge, he too was content to hang back and drive at his own speed. The man Jess remembered as a child had come back to her, albeit a more rugged and world-weary version, but Victor was actively trying to be an upstanding citizen, not only for himself but for the daughter and grandson who were counting on his sobriety.
The final drivers in the race were my nonbiological band brothers, Mike, Matty, and Brandon, who also hung in the back of the pack, but that was only because they were too intimidated by the company I kept to do anything else. Yet despite feeling out of place amongst my family, they’d come anyway. The four of us spent hours together every day preparing for our upcoming tour, and we’d grown close. There was nothing like having a shared dream to bind people together.
The flag rose. Our engines revved, and then Kyle yelled over it all, “I like how no one is even worried about me winning, you bunch of assholes.”
The rest of us looked his direction, paused, then laughed. A second later, we were off.
Turned out we should’ve been worried about Kyle after all. He smoked us all, securing the winning time because he genuinely didn’t care if he got banned for life from the go-kart place. And he nearly did, after repeatedly being reprimanded for ramming into any go-kart that dared to try to pass him. With Kyle wearing the crown and Jake pulling in right behind him, that put me solidly behind my brother once again.
But strangely enough, it didn’t matter as much to me anymore. I didn’t feel the same need to show Jake up as I once had, not with this hot, rockin’ woman by my side giving me direction. Jess taught me humility and control. I could almost feel myself evolving into the man I could only have hoped to be.
Of course, my more relaxed view of sibling rivalry could also have had to do with the fact that I was killing it as frontman for Sketch Monsters. Our second single of the yet unreleased album was sitting high up on the music charts, playing footsie with Jake’s newest tune. But I think the main reason I was suddenly okay with sliding into home plate behind my superstar brother was because I had a higher calling now, and his name was Noah.
Fatherhood had brought out the best in me. Yes, I knew Noah wasn’t mine, but as he drifted off each night to the sound of my voice, I became ever more invested in his life. I wanted this boy to thrive, and to love and to be loved. I wanted to give him the security of knowing I was there for him and that he was important and safe.
Once upon a time, Jess had questioned my commitment to being a father figure for her son. No more. I’d proven I could be trusted, and even though I’d be taking off in a few weeks for the first Sketch Monsters tour, I knew there would always be a place for me to land. Because that was Jess. She held tight to the ones she loved.
The party wrapped up, the little guests were sent home with their goody bags, and all that remained was the cleanup. My brothers and Finn had stayed behind to help since we’d all decided to go grab a beer once we left.
We were nearly packed up when Jess dug her fingers into the waistband of my jeans and pulled me to her, pressing her lips to mine.
“Thank you,” she whispered, her kiss lingering. “For making his dreams come true.”
“Thank you for making mine.”
She smiled at my saccharine response. “Now go. Have an awesome time with your brothers,” she said. “You earned it.”
“You sure it’s okay? Noah won’t be upset?”
“Are you kidding? He’s on such a high after getting carried off the racetrack like a football star on the shoulders of like eight famous guys, I’m not sure he’ll ever come down.”
“He’ll be a legend at school after that, for sure.”
Jess’s body went rigid in my arms. “Oh, god.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry, Quinn. I should’ve told you,” she replied, pulling away.
“Told me what?”
“Dad!” Noah screamed, breaking through my brothers and sprinting toward the taller of the two men. He flung himself into Nick’s arms just as he’d done to me earlier. My chest splintered at the sight.
“He came when you and Noah were out,” she hastily explained.
“He was at your apartment?”
I wasn’t sure why that infuriated me, but it did. How dare he step foot into our space?
Jess put her hand on my chest. “Stay here. I’ll take care
of this.”
She walked ahead. I followed. No way was I letting her go this alone. I understood now why she’d been acting strangely when Noah and I had come home with the necklace. She’d just had an encounter with him.
“This is a private party, Nick,” Jess said.
“Tell that to the little man. You want your dad here, don’t you, Noah?”
“Yes,” Noah said, beside himself with joy.
“No. I’m sorry, Noah,” she said. “But your dad is not allowed. There are rules…”
“That can surely be broken on his birthday. I brought you a present.” Nick set Noah to the ground and handed him the gift.
“Jess, you remember Cody. I hear you’ve been breaking all the rules around him, haven’t you?”
The way he said it, his eyes flashing suggestively, made it sound like something inappropriate was happening between the two. Jess ignited.
“Don’t you dare!”
“Jesus. Chill. I was kidding,” he said, aggressively rumpling Noah’s hair as he spoke directly to him. “Your mom doesn’t have any humor anymore, does she?”
It was the first time Noah seemed to understand more was at play. He looked to his mother.
I stepped beside her, grabbing her hand.
The other dude, Cody, perhaps trying to explain Nick’s earlier remark, spoke up. “I work for the security company that patrols Goldfinch Road.”
“Not anymore,” I mumbled, my fist clenching.
My brothers made a tidy line behind Jess and me. Nick’s eyes swept over them, appearing both irritated and impressed. “Well, shit. That’s quite an entourage you’ve got there.”
“Took years to assemble,” I replied.
Nick scowled, reaching his hand out. “We haven’t properly met. I’m Nick.”
I had half a mind to slap his hand away but didn’t want to make it awkward for Jess or Noah, so I shook it.
“And, hey. Thanks for helping out with my kid.”
Helping out? I could feel my blood boiling. This douche hadn’t paid child support in years. He didn’t have the right to lump himself in with me.
