“There was naught to finish. You liked it and you finished, but I didn’t.” Her pursed lips took on the look of a pouting bairn. She apparently was as sexually frustrated as he was, but he’d not let her know. And she also didn’t understand the act well enough to interpret what had transpired.
“I didn’t finish, Diamond.” He lifted her chin so she stared into his eyes. “’Twasn’t nice for me either. I hated hurting you, and ’tis rather frustrating to start and not finish.”
“Well, I don’t know what that means, but I better not be carrying a bairn. How will I know?”
The bluster had all gone out of her, and he hated it. He had to do something to give her back her fire. Hellfire, he’d gone mushy over her and it didn’t even bother him. “Lass, you can’t be carrying a bairn if I never gave you my seed.”
“But you put it in me. How would you know if you gave me your seed? You must have. It hurt enough.”
“Diamond, when I give you my seed, you’ll know it. Finishing will be pleasurable, for both of us, even if we don’t finish together. But I’ll know when you do, and you’ll know when I do. ’Tis part of what makes it special.”
“What? I don’t understand.”
She looked up at him with a look of innocence he rarely saw in her, and it caught him again that perhaps she did have a softness inside that he’d never noticed.
He had to try to explain it to her. “Making love is about giving pleasure to someone you care for. ’Tis supposed to be a special moment between two people. It should be two people who love each other.” He lifted his brows. “Mayhap ’tis why we failed. We don’t love each other enough.”
“So that’s it. You don’t love me.” She pushed against his chest.
“Mayhap you don’t love me either.” He had to say something to enrage her a bit so the old Dyna would emerge. Then it came to him. This was sure to get the fire going again. “You said you adored me, but you obviously don’t.”
The flash in her eyes was nearly instantaneous, and he fought to hide his grin.
“I never said any such thing. I don’t adore you. Where did you dream that up?”
He let himself smile, grateful to see that fierce look in her eyes again. Grateful he had his Dyna back. “Listen. We don’t need to overthink this. I’m sorry I hurt you, but the next time we do it, we’ll both finish and then you’ll understand.” He rubbed her arms to warm her. “No rain, no thunderstorms, no interference.”
“There won’t be any next time.”
“Like bloody hell there won’t be. You’ll want me again, and I’ll want you again, and it will happen, but next time ’twill be pleasurable for both of us. Now stop thinking on it. What the hell are you doing traveling alone? Why did you leave without any guards?” He glanced up at the dark sky, the rain slowing a bit as the clouds rolled and twisted and turned unlike anything he’d ever seen. “You shouldn’t be in a storm like this alone. Your horse could toss you from the shaking of the ground. I’ve never seen the like.”
Then her whole countenance changed. “They mustn’t have told you. Grandsire is missing. He only stayed at Cameron land one night before leaving. No one knows where he went, but something happened to him. I can feel it. So I rode out to find him.”
“Alone? What the hell are you thinking?”
“I’ll admit you are correct. I shouldn’t have left on my own, but I had one of my dreams. I heard Grandsire say he was going to turn himself over to the English.” She fussed with her hair. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m cold.”
He moved her off his lap and said, “I’ll go find some wood and start a fire. You wait here.” He surveyed the area, looking for the driest spot, then found what might be the last remaining dry log in the forest, which he cut up and carried back to the cave, starting a fire quickly.
They watched the rain, and he listened to Dyna talk about her father, her grandsire, and her sister.
“Tell me the truth, Diamond. Do you truly believe he gave himself over to the English?” He knew the man to be wily, a crafty old goat who kept everyone guessing, but he was also a warrior. He couldn’t picture the great Alexander Grant handing himself over to the enemy, especially the King of England. They all had despised King Edward, father and son. “He’d not willingly leave you and your family. Even John and Ailith. He adores them. My guess is ’twas just a nightmare, not one of your seer’s dreams.”
She yawned. “I am overtired. It seemed so real, but it doesn’t make sense to me either. My grandsire is not a quitter.”
He kissed her forehead. “I agree. Glad to see your mind is showing the keenness I know so well. We’ll have to go back and see what your father found out on Cameron land. Now the other. Claray says someone is watching her?”
“She said someone watches from the wall.”
“How did she describe the person? A man?”
“She never actually saw the person.” She paused. “You don’t understand my sister. She gets upset when the people in her life aren’t around. With Grandsire gone, with me gone, she was bound to start having some odd dreams. I have to prove all of her fears unfounded. Sometimes she thinks there’s a giant spider having babies outside her window or that the creatures are hiding in the shadows, waiting for dark to attack our mother. She’s had many such worries over the years.”
“Poor thing.” He couldn’t imagine being so tormented as a child. He may have lost his parents at a young age, but he’d been close enough to manhood. Things could have been much worse for him and Joya.
“I try to help out where I can. Mama and Papa have done much, too, yet it continues.”
“Do you think ’tis possible Claray is really being watched? And if so, who could possibly be watching her?” He pulled her closer and sat with her tucked in front of him, giving her the warmth of the fire. The way she fit into him, as if his body had been left with a hollow meant just for her, erased any doubts he’d still harbored about their future. He may not be worthy of her, but he would do whatever she asked of him, even if he wasn’t ready to admit that to her yet.
“I still suspect she’s imagining it. The footprints could have belonged to anyone. I don’t know what to do to help her, but once she gets a fear in her head, it doesn’t leave her.”
“Where were you headed? I know you were looking for your grandsire, but what was your final destination?”
She sighed deeply, and he snuck a look at her. “I don’t know,” she said, with what sounded like a catch in her voice. “I left without thinking. I thought to look for any evidence of a struggle, but that waking dream about my grandfather sent me off in a hurry. Following the main path probably wasn’t the smartest plan, but ’tis strange that I’ve searched all day without finding any evidence of a skirmish or any dead horses or guards. Of course, if there’d been anything like that, my sire would likely have seen it first, but again, I wasn’t thinking.”
“So you were heading toward Cameron land?”
“Aye and nay,” she answered sheepishly. “I was heading toward Grandsire. Sometimes after I have a dream like that, I allow the heavens or the winds or whatever lead me.” She met his gaze without flinching or backing down. “I’m usually able to find my way to the spot the angels, or whomever, wish me to find, but nothing materialized this time. Still, I can’t just sit around and wait, Derric. I need to do something.” The way she constantly kneaded her hands told him exactly how much she meant it.
“How about this? How about if we spend the night here and head back to Grant land at first light. We’ll see if anyone has returned or if there have been any other messengers. Mayhap your grandsire is home safe, and if not, I would at least like to ask for a few Grant guards or Alick and Branwen to travel with us. Or we could wait for the rest of the Highland Swords. Mayhap you and your cousins are meant to find him together.”
She bent her knees and set her chin on her knees. “Aye, I know you’re right. A part of me knew it was a mistake even as I was doing it.”
“And
you’ll promise to stay here with me this eve and not leave until first light?”
“Aye. We’ll go back on the morrow. We aren’t that far away, and Papa could have returned. While I slept a wee bit at home, I am still overtired.”
He enveloped her in his arms again to give her his heat. “Where else could your grandsire have gone? He is a grown man, the past leader of one of the greatest clans in all the Highlands. He only does things after careful thought is my guess.”
“Many places. Too many to consider. And before I agree to sleep here with you, you must promise not to touch me like that again. I’m sore.”
“I promise, as long as you’ll allow me to hold you. You can put your back against my chest. Will that suit you?”
“Aye.”
She sighed so deeply that he knew how much she hurt inside, far more than the pain between her legs.
Why did that make him feel worse?
A sudden stab of irony hit him. He was witnessing another side of that soft heart her grandfather had told him about. She was so overprotective of the people she loved that she put herself at risk.
Her diamond shell was quickly becoming a pearl.
He may have just completed his quest.
***
Dyna awakened in the middle of the night, not surprised to feel overheated from the massive man plastered across her. Slipping out from under his arms, she managed to find her way out of the cave in the dark to take care of her needs without awakening him.
The nights in the Highlands were her favorite. She loved sitting beneath the stars, listening to the night sounds, her favorite being the hoot of an owl. So she lowered herself in front of the entrance to the cave, hugging her body against the night, and listened. As if answering her call, an owl cried out.
There was enough of a breeze to stir the leaves on the ground. Glancing over her head, she thought of the night she and Derric had stargazed together. If only she could go back to that simpler time, when her grandfather and Claray had both been safe.
Before she had lost her maidenhead.
She’d have to apologize to Derric when he awakened. She’d not been fair to him, but the entire situation had taken her by surprise. Normally, she had a strong tolerance for pain, but this pain had come in the midst of unimaginable pleasure. It had caught her by surprise, like a betrayal.
And her instinct had been to push back at the pain. At him.
She jumped when Derric touched her shoulder, alerting her to his presence, and then wrapped his arms around her from behind once he sat down. Settling his chin on her shoulder, he whispered, “I’m sorry, Diamond. If I could have done it without hurting you, I would have.”
“Derric, you need not apologize. I acted like a wee bairn, and I don’t know why.” She leaned back against him. “I knew it was supposed to hurt. It wasn’t even that bad, it just surprised me. I never asked you what you found out about Senga.”
“I met wee Senga,” he said with a chuckle. “Her father, to whom she bears an uncanny resemblance, named her after her mother. She is well cared for and happy, which is what I wished to learn.”
“Did you have any regrets when you found out she wasn’t yours?” She turned around to face him, wanting to see his expression.
“A wee bit. That surprised me, although I knew it was for the best. Her father is quite taken with her, has a mother at home to help him, so I left without admitting why I was there. No need to say anything.”
She reached up and straightened some of his hair, wild from sleep. “You’re a wise man, Corbett.”
He arched a brow at her, a doubtful look.
“And I’m starting to really like having you around.” She leaned forward and kissed him. “I hope you’ll stay with me. I’m sorry I keep trying to push you away. It’s…it’s not what I want.”
He paused before he spoke, and she wondered what thoughts carried through his mind. How she hoped he’d accept her, quirks and all. She was a unique individual and her parents had never tried to change her. For that, she would be eternally grateful, but she didn’t know if any man could accept her odd ways.
He said, “Every time I’m near you, all I want to do is move closer. You have an odd pull on me. I’m enjoying our time together.”
“Even when we bicker?”
“Especially when we bicker. You challenge me, Dyna, and somehow I think I’ll be a better man because of it. Until this chaos gets straightened out, you can expect to see me whenever you turn around.”
She scowled but was still pleased by this declaration.
“Somebody has to watch over you, lass. You’re too careless and arrogant by far.”
“Arrogant? I think you’re speaking of yourself, Corbett. That swagger, that grin.”
He squeezed her shoulder, then stood and made his way toward the trees. As he strode away, she called out, “That arse.”
“Just keep watching it. I know you can’t help yourself.”
Chapter Nineteen
She slept way past dawn, and when she awoke, she searched for the heat that had surrounded her the night before. “Derric?” she said, panicked for a moment. Had he left after all?
But he entered the cave as soon as she called his name, carrying a skin of water that he held out to her. The first thing he asked was, “Are you hale?”
“I’m fine. But we must move quickly.” She didn’t let on how much she’d enjoyed sleeping in his arms last night, but someday she promised herself she would. He was kind, protective, and funny, and a fierce warrior besides. Kissing him left her breathless.
What more could she want?
They arrived back at the castle shortly after high sun. She was surprised to see so many guards surrounding the castle, though none stopped them. In fact, they nearly made it to the gates before her father spied her and charged directly toward her.
“Where the hell have you been, Dyna?”
“I went searching for Grandsire. You were gone, and I couldn’t sit still,” she replied, not backing down. She’d pay for this transgression eventually, but probably not until her father found Alex Grant. All of the Highlands would be searching for him soon.
“You’ve gone off on your own before, but you’re usually wise enough to travel with guards. What the hell were you thinking? And where did you find Derric?”
“I wasn’t thinking. I went out to look for evidence of Claray’s stalker, thinking I’d stay on our land, but then I had this vision about Grandsire so I just kept riding. Derric came looking for me after he found out I wasn’t at Clan Grant. He agreed to help.”
He nodded tersely. “Did you see anything?” he asked, indicating for the two of them to follow him to the stables.
“Nay. What did Uncle Aedan say?” she asked. “He was with Grandsire when last I saw him.”
They’d reached the stables, and Connor dismounted. He reached up to help Dyna down, and she gripped his shoulders a little too hard. She regretted it as soon as she did it—what if he guessed?—but she couldn’t have stopped herself if she’d tried.
She was still sore and riding a horse hadn’t helped.
“What’s wrong with you?” her father asked, his eyes narrowing as he set her down on the ground.
“Naught. Tell me what you learned, Papa. You know you’re tormenting me by making me wait.” Mayhap she should be a wee bit sweeter, considering she’d run off by herself to search for Grandsire, but she had to draw his attention away from her pain.
“Aedan said he left on his own accord. He said he had somewhere to go and he would return. They didn’t expect him to be gone for long, but he hasn’t come back.”
“And he didn’t say where he was headed?”
“Nay, which is not unlike my father. He doesn’t always see fit to share his plans with everyone, especially in his younger days, but it surely unsettles me.”
“Did the guards go with him?”
“Aye, six of them according to Aedan.” Her father looked over her head at another group approach
ing them. “Well, word travels quickly. Your cousins are here. We’ll see what they’ve heard.”
Dyna spun around, pleased to see Alasdair, Emmalin, Els, and Joya dismounting near the stables with a dozen guards. Alasdair was giving instructions to his men, but Dyna didn’t care. She had to find out if they’d heard of anything at all.
“Well? Have you heard about Grandsire? Seen him anywhere?” she shouted to them, too impatient to wait.
“Naught. We’ve heard naught. When are you heading out again?” Alasdair asked. “We must find him.”
Her father waved them forward. “My thanks for coming so quickly. We’ll meet inside and discuss our strategy. I want input from Jamie and Finlay. You all need to rest. We’ll make a plan and probably divide into groups. Head out in an hour or two.”
Dyna greeted her cousins quickly, then leaned over to speak to Derric, trying to be discreet, “I’m headed to the bathing chamber, then I’ll join you in an hour. I’d like to hear what Papa comes up with.” He nodded and made his way over to Joya.
Recognizing her opportunity to escape—her sire was still speaking with Alasdair—Dyna whirled around and raced up the steps to the keep, ignoring the slight pain between her legs.
She had the sudden realization that she was different, and no one but Derric knew.
Claray greeted her and followed her up the stairs to her chamber. “Did you find my stalker?”
“Nay. I’m sorry. I did find evidence that someone was behind the curtain wall, but I couldn’t find him. The footprints could have been caused by anyone. Claray, just stay inside, don’t go anywhere alone, and we’ll find him, if he is there, after we locate Grandsire.”
The tears came quicker that she’d expected. “You don’t believe me either. Everyone treats me like I’m daft, but he was there, Dyna. I tell you, he was there.”
“Did you see him last eve?” she asked, pulling her hair out of its plait so she could wash it. She grabbed a clean tunic and leggings and headed to the bathing chamber, Claray following her.
The Scot's Quest (Highland Swords Book 4) Page 13
