But at the top of her list was something that disgusted her.
She wanted him to hold her. To pull her into his arms and tell her that everything was going to be all right. Apparently, she was stupid. This was the guy who’d run out on her at the lowest point in her life. And it wasn’t as if he’d been a one-night hookup or anything. Nope, he’d been her first.
Her only.
It had taken her weeks to decide to sleep with him, and along with laying out her body for him, she’d laid out her heart, too. A heart he’d crushed, and here she wanted him to hold her again.
“Will you forgive me?” Jax asked.
Well, crap. Of course, he sounded sincere, but Piper could have probably resisted that. After all, he’d been plenty sincere the night he’d had sex with her. Safe sex, she mentally emphasized. They’d used a condom, had been responsible, and yet her period had still been late. In hindsight, that was likely because of the stress of losing Mama Brenda, but Piper had gotten so caught up in the fear and panic, that she had only considered the pregnancy.
“Please forgive me,” Jax amended.
Damn him. More sincerity. And he looked so good. Of course, he always did. She’d had a thing for him since ninth grade when she’d first noticed his amazing blue eyes and warm smile. Most people didn’t think warm, nice or kind when they saw the motorcycle and tat, but Jax was all those things.
Piper tried to wrestle down the warm buzz she was getting at being so close to him. Better yet, she tried to make sure Jax didn’t notice it. But he did. She could tell because his mouth stretched into a slow smile.
“I want to kiss you,” he said, his voice all hot and low. “I want to show you how much I’ve missed you, but I’m afraid your brother will beat me with a tire iron.”
“He wouldn’t, not really, but don’t push it. Don’t push anything right now.”
Piper silently cursed the tears that started to sting her eyes. She didn’t want Jax, Nico or Eden to see them. Crying was all she’d done for the past three weeks since Mama Brenda had died, and it wasn’t going to help.
“Hey, hey.” Jax risked touching her arm. “What is it? Talk to me.”
She shook her head and purposely turned to the side so that Nico wouldn’t see any hint of her watering eyes. “You’ve got two parents, and you don’t understand.”
“Then help me understand.” Jax said it in a way that made her believe he was worried about her. That he cared for her. And maybe he did. But it didn’t matter. Rayelle didn’t approve of him, and she would never make it easy for them to be together.
Even if Piper was certain that she was in love with him.
“Help me understand,” Jax repeated, and he ignored it when Nico flashed the truck lights at them. No doubt her brother’s way of telling her to hurry things along.
Then the timer beeped on her phone.
“I have to go,” Piper insisted. She gave Nico and Eden a quick wave. Gave Jax one last look, too, before she turned and hurried back to the cabin.
“Piper,” Jax called out to her.
“I’ll call you,” she said, so that he wouldn’t follow her.
No way did she want him to see her now that she was really losing the battle with her tears. Besides, there was no way she could make him understand. Jax had two parents, a mom and dad who loved him. And while they wouldn’t have been one bit happy if he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant, they wouldn’t have done something that Aunt Rayelle could do to her.
No.
That was something Jax would never understand.
* * *
NICO’S IDEA OF a Sunday lunch was a burger or pizza. Or leftover burger or pizza. It wasn’t his dream lunch to sit through the roasted chicken meal with Rayelle and Piper. A meal he’d picked up from the diner since he was a lousy cook. Still, he would have put up with his own cooking to be able to spend this time with Piper.
Now he needed to figure out how to spend some of that in private so they could talk. So far, Rayelle hadn’t given them a chance to do that, and this wasn’t a conversation Nico wanted to have over the phone. But he had a plan to get his sister away from Rayelle’s prying eyes and ears.
“Ready for that ride?” Nico asked Piper the moment she’d finished the last bite of chicken.
Rayelle looked up from her plate, her forehead already creasing with concern. “You mean as in a ride on a horse?”
Nico nodded, and Piper and he started clearing the table. Of course, he was clearing a little faster than Piper was, no doubt because she was dreading this little chat with him, but she’d agreed to it after a series of texts and knew that it had to happen. Nico hoped she knew that it wouldn’t be any more comfortable for him. Talking about sex with his kid sister was even a rung higher on the discomfort ladder than having lunch with Rayelle.
“It’s been ages since I’ve gone riding,” Piper said. It was a teen’s version of gushing with some emo on the side.
“But it’s so hot out there,” Rayelle protested, and she even checked her watch as if time would be a factor. It wouldn’t be. It was only a little after noon, and when Nico had issued the lunch invitation, he’d suggested Piper and she stay all afternoon, that they could watch a movie and then go into town for ice cream.
“We’ll ride by the shade trees where it’s cooler,” Nico explained. He’d already prepared himself for that argument.
“And I really want to ride,” Piper put in. “We won’t be long.”
Piper didn’t invite Rayelle to come along, not with the woman wearing one of her usual dresses. Besides, he doubted Rayelle had ever been on a horse. Nico didn’t wait for her to object, either. Once the table was cleared, he told her they’d be back soon, and Piper and he headed out of the house and to the barn.
It wasn’t a long walk, only about thirty feet, but Piper glanced over her shoulder, no doubt to make sure Rayelle was staying put. When Nico glanced back, he saw her standing in the still-open doorway, and he gave her a wave and a smile.
“She knows something’s up,” Nico grumbled.
“Yeah,” Piper readily admitted. “She’s been asking a lot of questions about Jax and me.”
Nico didn’t bother to tell her that he’d be asking plenty of questions, too. That’s because Piper already knew that.
Piper saddled one of the mares just as Nico had taught her to do, and even though it’d been months since she’d ridden, she climbed right on. Nico did the same, and they rode out of the barn and away from the house. And yes, Rayelle was still in the doorway watching them.
“First of all, thanks for not saying anything about the pregnancy scare to Aunt Rayelle,” Piper started. She looked at everything but him. “And second, Jax and I used a condom when we had sex. Believe me, you drilled that point home often enough to me.”
So that eliminated one of his questions. Piper had listened.
“After my period was late,” she went on, still dodging his gaze, “I started worrying that maybe the condom was defective or something. I panicked and was sure I was pregnant.”
“You should have told me then and there,” he insisted.
Now she looked at him and gave him something she rarely did. Some teen snark. “Yes, because talking to my brother about sex and possibly being pregnant was something I was chomping at the bit to do. I knew you’d be pissed, and you were. Don’t deny that,” she quickly added.
Nope, he couldn’t deny it. Some piss-ery had indeed been involved. “I was upset about the situation, not with you.” He shrugged when she leveled a stare at him. “Okay, maybe I was also upset with you. I didn’t want you going through something like that. Not just because of a possible pregnancy but because of how Rayelle would have reacted.”
Bingo. He knew he’d hit the mark when he saw her expression soften.
“And just because the crisis is over,” he continued, “that doesn’
t mean I don’t want to tear off Jax’s dick.”
“I wanted to do the same thing after he broke up with me.” Piper’s voice was a barely audible—and embarrassed—mumble when she said that. “It scared me, Nico.”
He sure heard that last part loud and clear. Hell, he felt it in the pit of his stomach. Because it scared him, too, that she’d had to deal with so much emotional stuff on her own.
“I just haven’t kept close enough tabs on you,” he added. “And no, I don’t mean tabs so you wouldn’t have sex. I knew that would happen sooner or later. I was just hoping for the later. Maybe like when you were thirty.”
She smiled, but the humor didn’t make it to her eyes.
They continued to ride in silence for a few minutes while Nico gathered his thoughts. “You were always such a smart student. A good kid. Never gave Brenda any problems. So, I guess I just thought you didn’t need much...” And that’s where he drew a blank.
Parenting? Supervision? Brotherly attention?
None of those seemed to fit.
“Don’t worry. I won’t need whatever it is you think I need,” Piper assured him. “Eden’s taking me to a doctor in San Antonio, and I’ll get on the pill.”
Well, Piper had obviously made some plans and decisions. With Eden. Not that Nico was surprised that Eden would have stepped up to help. Nor was he surprised that she hadn’t mentioned it to him. Eden would want Piper to be the one to tell him. If she chose to.
“The pill,” he repeated. “That means you’re planning to have more sex.” He was well aware that he sounded like a sourpuss. An old one.
“I just want to be prepared. I don’t want a repeat of what almost just happened.”
Nico supposed he should commend her for doing that, but after all, he was still her brother, and he didn’t like the idea of some guy doing things with Piper that Nico himself did with women.
The image of Eden flashed into his head. Of course, it did. Her image had been making regular appearances in his thoughts and dreams. No blinders for that, and it was having an effect on him. So had those scalding kisses.
“People like Jax don’t understand,” Piper said, drawing his attention back to her. “He’s never been in foster care. He doesn’t know what it’s like.”
No. But Piper and Nico sure had that in common. And more. Before Piper had been adopted, the girl had been in a bad situation. A home where she’d been neglected and even physically abused with whippings for even the smallest infractions. The same had happened to Nico after he’d been moved from Brenda’s. Except Nico had nearly been killed when his then foster mother’s boyfriend, Avis Odell, had beaten him up, leaving Nico with broken bones and a punctured lung.
“Aunt Rayelle is strict,” Piper went on. “But at least she doesn’t hit or scream.” Her voice broke. “God, Nico, I’m afraid she’s going to give me back. Afraid she’ll put me back in the system.”
Nico reined in, catching on to Piper’s mare to do the same, and he managed to move in closer to her. “That’s not going to happen.”
Piper shook her head. “But it could.”
Ah, hell. Now, there were tears in her eyes. That got Nico out of the saddle, and he pulled Piper off the mare and into his arms. “That’s not going to happen,” he repeated, brushing a kiss on her hair. “If Rayelle ever tried to do something like that, I would take you.”
Piper eased back, looked up at him. “You were arrested for a bar fight and being drunk and disorderly. And while I suspect you had a good reason for that—more or less—you still have a record.”
Nico did indeed have a good reason. Years ago, when he’d been celebrating a rodeo win, some jerk in the bar took it upon himself to try to mess up the “pretty cowboy’s face.” Nico had stopped him from doing that.
“Added to that,” Piper went on, “you’re single and not my legal brother.” She paused. “I heard Aunt Rayelle hashing this out with Mama Brenda shortly after she got sick. Mama Brenda told her that she had to take me or that I’d end up back in the system. Aunt Rayelle didn’t want to do it, but she was stuck.”
Nico had suspected it’d gone down like that, and yes, he’d figured his police record and womanizing were part of Brenda’s decision making process.
“Believe me when I tell you that you won’t go back into the system,” Nico promised her. “If worse came to worst, I could ask Callen and Shelby to foster you.” He paused. “In fact, I can do that now if things are bad with Rayelle. You could move here and finish your last two years of high school.”
“Things aren’t that bad.” Piper wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. “Besides, this is going to sound crazy, but I think Aunt Rayelle needs me.”
Not crazy, but it was confusing. “What makes you say that?”
Piper lifted her shoulder. “She gets this sad look in her eyes sometimes, and when I see it, I try to cheer her up. It seems to work.”
Nico thought about that a moment. “Brenda was her only sister. Rayelle’s probably going to grieve for a while.” Heck, they all were.
“No. Aunt Rayelle would get that way even before Mama Brenda got sick. I think it has something to do with her secret box.”
Color him confused. “What secret box?”
“The one she put in her suitcase and locked up when we were packing to come here.”
“You mean like a safe for jewelry and cash?” Nico asked.
Piper shook her head. “It’s small and silver with etchings on it. It reminds me of an old cigarette box that I once saw in an antique store. Aunt Rayelle nearly had a fit when I walked in and saw her holding it. She looked very sad then, but when she spotted me, she put it in her suitcase, slammed it shut and locked it.”
Nico could picture that, but he didn’t know why Rayelle hadn’t wanted Piper to see it. Maybe the woman had a secret smoking habit?
“It wasn’t the first time I’d seen it,” Piper went on. “She had it in her purse once when she was staying over with me when Mama Brenda was in the hospital.”
“And you don’t have any idea what’s in it?” Nico asked.
Piper shook her head and moved back to the horse so she could get on. “But whatever it is, it makes her very sad.”
Well, whatever it was, it made Nico very curious.
He hoped it wasn’t something dangerous like a gun that she was keeping that close to Piper. Just in case it was though, he made a mental note to have a conversation with Rayelle about it. In fact, he was going to have a conversation with Rayelle about a lot of things.
CHAPTER NINE
Let me know what the doctor says as soon as the appointment’s over.
THAT WAS THE MESSAGE that popped up on Eden’s phone screen, and she’d known what it was going to say before she even read it. That’s because Nico had already told her the same thing in a phone conversation when Eden had “informed” him that she’d be taking Piper in for an exam today.
Piper hadn’t fought the appointment, either, but the girl had had some “keeping this quiet” concerns. After all, just three nights earlier, Rayelle had come very close to learning about the pregnancy scare. No way did Piper want her aunt to know about that, and Eden couldn’t blame her. Eden had been on the receiving end of too many judgments from her mom so she had some experience with knowing that the judgments only made things worse.
“Thanks for bringing me here,” Piper muttered while they waited outside Dr. Meredith Mackenzie’s office.
“I was glad to do it,” Eden assured her, and she patted the girl’s hand.
The doctor wasn’t local. No way could they have gone to the Coldwater clinic or the hospital and not have been seen by gossips, and that gossip would have gotten back to Rayelle’s ears. Dr. Mackenzie was in San Antonio, and Eden had managed to get a short-notice appointment because of a cancellation on the schedule.
Hopefully, no one
in Coldwater other than Nico and she would learn about this checkup. Especially Rayelle, who had seemingly bought the notion that Eden was taking the girl into the city for a shopping trip.
Piper glanced around the waiting room at the dozen or so other patients. “I hadn’t really planned on sleeping with Jax,” she whispered to Eden. “I was just so down because of Mama Brenda, and I ended up in his arms.”
Eden did have some experience with getting swept away. Recent experience with Nico. Unfortunately, the sweeping had only stirred her appetite for more, and more hadn’t been possible because of Nico’s work and this situation with Piper. A situation that would hopefully be fixed with this doctor’s appointment. Piper could get on the pill or some other form of birth control in case she ended up in Jax’s arms again.
“You must think I’m stupid or a skank,” Piper added, her voice the quietest of whispers. She was no longer glancing around but rather had her gaze focused on the riveting floral pattern of her top.
Eden lifted Piper’s chin, turning the girl’s face so they’d have eye contact. She wanted Piper to see that what she was saying wasn’t just a load of bull. “I don’t think either of those things. I was once sixteen, and I remember how things are.”
Actually, things were still sort of that way. She was lusting after a hot guy, but this time it wasn’t Damien. It was Nico.
“But you never nearly got pregnant,” Piper concluded.
Eden shrugged. “No, I never thought I was pregnant, but I did have sex so it could have happened. Even with us using birth control, it still could have happened, but we always took double precautions. Both condoms and the pill.”
Piper stayed quiet a moment. “So, you don’t want kids?”
Eden hadn’t expected the pang she felt in her heart. “I did. I wanted them very much,” she admitted. “But Damien didn’t.”
And it shamed Eden to admit that over the years, she’d let his way of thinking become hers. Before that, she’d let her parents’ way of thinking become hers. Eden frowned. Now that she was thinking for herself, she was pissing people off and complicating things.
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