“She is going to be shocked, then she is going to try and get you to leave. Don’t leave. Make her talk to you and make her listen. She is concerned this is a booty call for you and is terrified you will destroy her again. I tried to reassure her last night, so don’t make a liar out of me. Are we clear?” Anger was evident in his veiled threat.
“Emily, can you give us a minute?” I waited until she was out of earshot before I let him in on some truths of my own.
“I am fully aware of how badly I must have hurt her all those years ago, and I am grateful that you are on my side in trying to win her back. However, Emily is off your radar. She just turned 19 a few months ago, and you’re too old for her. She has her entire life ahead of her and I won’t let her become a notch on your bedpost. Are we clear, Josh?” Big brother instincts, overruled my desire to race to Caroline’s room.
“I would never look at Emily as anything other than perfect. I see her, Andrew. I see that somewhere inside, she is broken and I understand that kind of pain. I would never do anything to hurt her, or cause her any additional agony. I promise to treat Emily like a princess today and I will keep her safe. You have my word.” he replied, as he extended his hand to me in a gesture of peace and understanding.
I returned the handshake and walked over to Emily to give her a hug goodbye. “I’ll see you tonight at the house. Have fun today and remember you can call Cody if you need anything.”
“I’ll be fine. Now go and win back your girl.” She and Josh walked outside to the waiting taxi and were whisked away to unknown adventures.
I made my way to the sixth floor and found her room at the end of the hall. Pausing for a moment, I listened at the door for her movements. I slipped the key card into the lock and pushed it open when the light turned green.
Not realizing she had a suite until I was inside, I now understood why Josh had me let myself in. I was in a large living room and could hear the hair dryer through the closed bedroom door, echoing against the tiled bathroom.
When the hairdryer stopped, I knew she would be entering the living room shortly and had to decide where I wanted to be when she came into the room. After some consideration, I sat down on the couch with my arms across the back and the top buttons of my untucked dress shirt open, exposing a small amount of the ink I had acquired since the last time we saw each other.
Caroline had always commented on how sexy good ink looked on a man. I had a few pieces that she inspired that were displayed very prominently across my chest and arm and I hope she loved the parts of her I carried with me forever.
I woke up feeling more confused than I did last night. Josh and I rode back to the hotel and he could tell I was analyzing every moment since we walked into Thibodaux and I laid eyes on Andrew. I had questioned him about why he felt the need to keep Andrew a secret and he had explained his fear I would run from the situation.
After arriving on our floor, we walked to my suite and he came in so we could talk. I needed to know why one of my best friends had felt the need to hide things from me, and what outcome he saw this whole thing taking.
He knew I was still devastated over the loss of Andrew and had been afraid of actually getting the answers I so desperately craved. With answers come closure…and the end of it all. I was terrified of moving past him into uncharted waters, trying to find my way in the world without the hope of reconciliation.
I’d always held out hope that Andrew and I were destined to be together, and that was probably why I allowed the guys I dated to treat me the way they did. I’d allowed men to use me, at the cost of my self-esteem, losing a little more each time. I told everyone I was looking for love but, in reality, I never gave men the chance to know me enough to love me. I changed who I was for each of them, trying to fit into the mold of what they saw as ideal.
When I was with Andrew, there was no need to be someone I wasn’t. He had always accepted me for exactly who I was. From the awkward little girl who had a secret crush on him to the maturing woman who was trying to find a place in the world. He’d never asked anything more of me than for me to be myself. When he rejected me for not being enough for him, he crippled my self-esteem and sense of self-worth. He should have been the one person who cheered me on and championed my hopes and dreams. Instead, he became the reason I viewed myself as imperfect.
If I wasn’t enough for him when I was whole, how can I be enough for him now that I’m broken?
I needed to get some perspective on my feelings so I called Maddie and prayed she was where she could talk.
“Good morning sunshine!” She answered after the first ring. “How was your Saturday night in New Orleans?”
“Confusing. Were you aware we were going out with Andrew last night?” I asked her, trying to find out if she knew what had happened last night.
I wasn’t angry at Josh for keeping me in the dark. I should have been, but he knew I would have found a reason not to go. Afraid my worst fears would be confirmed that Andrew had found someone who could give him what I couldn’t.
“What?!” she screeched. “Andrew was there last night?! Was Emily there? What happened? Oh my God! Are you okay?” She was clearly as shocked as I was about the revelation.
“We went out last night with the guy Josh met at the gym our first night, Cody, and quote-unquote ‘a couple of co-workers’. When we walked up to the table, Josh was ahead of me so I couldn’t see who we were meeting, until he stepped to the side and I was staring at Andrew and Emily. I take it you didn’t know?” I asked again, needing the reassurance.
“I promise I didn’t know that was who you were meeting. Hang on a minute. LUCAS!!” she yelled through the house, thankfully pulling the phone from her mouth before shouting.
“I’m putting you on speaker.”
I heard Lucas run into the room, “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. We’re on speaker with Caroline. Aren’t you and Josh working on the deal with that Karate gym in New Orleans?”
“Um, yeah, why?” he answered, suddenly very careful with his words.
“Did you know Andrew, Caroline’s Andrew, was the owner of the gym? Did you know that’s who she was meeting with last night?” she questioned him, her voice filled with hurt over his secrets.
“I did and I’m sorry for not telling either of you. Josh called me after his meeting on Friday morning and I sent some paperwork to them about some business dealings. I…we… thought that if we gave Caroline the chance to finally have closure, she might be happy, for once. I never meant to betray your trust, Caroline. It was only my wish that you could move on from the hurt you carry over him. You deserve to be happy, but if you are anything like your sister, you tend to run from your pain. I know how much of a burden an unresolved past can cause and we only wanted to help.” He answered as a tear rolled down my face.
“I wish that everyone didn’t feel the need to fix me. I’m aware I have some issues but being blindsided like that was pretty difficult to handle.” I struggled to hide the tears in my voice.
“I don’t think anybody was trying to blindside you. Fate caused you to walk into that gym and nothing else. How was Josh to know Andrew would be the owner? He didn’t. Fate did. Trust it and talk to Andrew. Get the answers you deserve and I’ll be right here for you when you need me. He does want to talk, right?” Maddie asked.
“Yes, he wants to meet up today so we can talk. Can you take me off speaker?” I waited until she confirmed and then continued. “I have to admit I had a good time last night, although we didn’t discuss anything important. We spent the night dancing, having a few drinks, and more than a few laughs. You should see Emily, Maddie. She is so beautiful and all grown up. She seems to be smitten with Josh.” I giggled.
“Really? Well, she couldn’t find anyone better than him but we can talk all about them later. How did it feel to be near him? Did he try to kiss you?”
“Tried and succeeded.” I smiled, recalling the feeling of his lips pressed against mine
, his hard body pushing against mine as we ravaged each other’s mouths in a display of raw, unbridled need.
“Wow. I wouldn’t have expected this turn of events. Who would have thought that your one-night stand would be Andrew?”
“What? No. I didn’t have sex with him. I wanted to—so badly—but I didn’t. He kissed me once inside the roadhouse while we were dancing, and it was everything I remembered it to be. While we were waiting for our ride, he and I walked outside. He was showing me he still had the ‘67 Chevy when the next thing I knew, I was pressed against the driver’s door and we were making out like horny teenagers again. If Josh hadn’t called me about our ride, I may have been a one-night stand. What if that’s all he wants from me?”
“Did he ask you to go home with him or did he ask to spend time with you today?” she asked, knowing where my mind was headed.
“He asked for time today.”
“You were always more than a quick roll in the bed for him and you know it. You two had an amazing love that I don’t think is dead, just dormant. Get up, take a shower, and go spend some time with him. Ask him whatever you need to and finally find that part of yourself needed to make you whole again.”
“What if he is the only thing that makes me whole and he doesn’t want me anymore? I’m not the same person I was when he broke my heart. What if…”
“You can ask a hundred what-ifs or you can go live. Seize the day, Caroline.”
I took a deep breath and blew it out, allowing my nerves to settle and my heart rate to slow down. I deserved closure. I deserved love. I deserved to be happy.
“I love you.” I told my sister as she responded the same and I hung up the phone.
Today I would meet with Andrew. New day, new start.
I was finishing up drying my hair when I felt the air shift in the hotel room. I shook my head, trying to settle my nerves so I could send Andrew a text. I was supposed to meet Josh in ten minutes and had already picked my outfit for the day.
I had decided on a soft yellow sundress that made me feel pretty that I paired it with a small heeled brown sandal, some chunky bracelets, and the necklace Andrew gave me on my college move-in day. It was my favorite piece of jewelry and the last gift he gave me before we broke up. It had been years since I had actually worn it and not just carried it around in my purse.
It felt right, being back around my neck where it belonged. I had just finished typing out a message to him when I walked into the living room of my suite and screamed at the figure sitting on my couch.
Andrew was in my suite’s living room, leaned back on the couch with the top buttons of this shirt undone and his long denim-covered legs spread out in front of him. My mouth immediately watered at the sight of him in front of me. The boy I’d loved my entire life had grown into a devastatingly handsome man who, apparently, couldn’t take his eyes off of me.
“What are you doing in my room? How did you get in here?” I asked, confused at him being in my room, and angry he had the nerve to come in uninvited. “You know what? It doesn’t matter, you need to leave, now.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Caroline. You know you don’t want me to go. And to answer your question, Josh gave me a key and told me to let myself in.” His hazel eyes twinkled with mischief, reflecting the morning sun.
“What? When?” I asked, pulling my arms across myself in a defensive stance. I was feeling backed into a corner. I told Josh I would talk to Andrew, yet he still felt the need to give him a key to my room.
“Last night he gave Cody a key card and told Emily and I to meet him here at nine. He explained to me, just a few minutes ago, that you would run from the truth so, I’m not leaving until we have a chance to talk. I want to explain what happened. Please, Caroline. Give me a chance to make this right.” He practically begged as he moved towards the edge of the couch and put his arms on his knees, his posture slumped forward.
I moved slowly towards him and sat down on the chair across from him. I needed the distance between us if I was going to be able to control my desire to throw myself into his arms and lose myself in his touch. I could lay in his arms forever and it wouldn’t be long enough.
“Where have you been for the last four years?” I asked him the first question I could think of besides why.
“Here, in New Orleans. Mom had an aunt that lived here who she was close with. She passed away when I was a kid, and left mom her house. My parents rented it after Katrina, but the tenants left during our senior year. They always wanted to retire here once dad was finished with the Army, so it seemed like the logical place to move.”
“How are your parents? I would love to see them while I’m here.” I asked.
“We lost mom and dad about 18 months ago to a drunk driver. It’s just been me and Emily ever since. I took care of her, made sure she graduated like they would have wanted. I’ll make sure she goes to college too.” He replied, his hazel eyes glistening with unshed tears, his voice thick with emotion.
I had never been able to handle seeing him cry. To see someone I loved so much, so sad, had me moving from the chair and sitting on the couch next to him, taking his hand into mine. Even if we had no future, our past was worthy of compassion and understanding over such a profound loss.
“I’m so sorry. I loved your parents like they were my own and I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you and Emily.” Trying and failing to keep the tears from falling, I felt the loss of his parents as much as I would one day feel the loss of mine. I pictured always having them in my life, and the thought of them not seeing their kids grow up, marry, and start their own families had me overwhelmed with emotion.
Andrew reached his arm around me and brought me to his chest, both of us allowing the tears to flow, mourning two of the best people I had ever met. I found myself wrapping my arm around his waist, feeling like I was home again. I was where I belonged. Far too soon, I pulled away and grabbed a tissue from the side table, wiping away the tears.
I put some distance between us on the couch but when he reached for my hand, I allowed him the simple embrace.
“I’m sorry Caroline. For all the terrible things I said to you. For the lies I told you when…” he tried, and failed, to continue before he looked down at our intertwined hands and back to me, silent tears falling down his face. “I lied when I said you weren’t enough. That you couldn’t give me what I needed. I destroyed our relationship with my lies when I should have said it was me who couldn’t be what you needed. I am so sorry I said those hurtful things to you. Can you ever forgive me?”
“I don’t understand why you would say those things to me. You made me believe I was somehow defective and hadn’t experienced real love with you. I thought we were going to have forever but you took our forever away. Then you left without a trace and shattered my ability to trust men, Andrew.” I cried out to him.
The emotion of his confession weighed heavy on my old insecurities, as I pulled my hand away from him and wrapped myself up in a pillow, using it as a shield against my own battered self-esteem. Afraid this was the bitter end of us and I was powerless to stop it.
“Nothing that happened was your fault, baby. I was so angry at the circumstances of my life that I lashed out at you. I knew I had to move with my family and I was terrified of the distance between us, terrified I couldn’t be what you needed.”
“Why did you have to move and why did you cut all contact with me? I went home and y’alls house was empty. Nobody knew where you went and I didn’t know how to find you. I looked for over six months before I finally gave up. For years I’ve tried to get past you. Years. Now when I think I may be ready to find love again, to let someone see the parts of me that weren’t good enough for you—the person I thought was my soulmate—I walk into your gym and back into your life. I don’t know what to do with all of this. Don’t you see what you did to me? You broke me.” I buried my face in the pillow and allowed the years of built-up animosity and pain to flow from me.
; He moved closer to me and pulled me into a hug, the pillow still between us as a shield. “You are the most perfect person in the world. You were always stronger than me, better than me, and I was the guy lucky enough to be called your love. There is nothing lacking in you, Caroline. Your dreams are valid, your hopes worth fighting for. I can’t say I’m sorry enough for how I treated you. I was powerless to stop what was happening around me and I felt like I was going to drag you down with me. I wanted you to have a future with everything your heart desired, a future I wasn’t sure how to give to you anymore.”
“Don’t you know the only thing my heart ever desired was you?” I answered him, as I finally looked into his beautiful eyes.
I saw pain, regret, shame, and love looking back at me. The desire to kiss him, to crawl on top of him was building but I still needed a few more answers before I could move on.
“Why did you have to leave so quickly? What happened?”
“Emily was involved in an accident and my parents felt it would be better for her to rehab here. They wanted us to have a fresh start, and for Emily to be comfortable while she healed.”
“What kind of accident? Is she okay now? She looked fine to me last night.” I asked, worried about my friend.
“The details aren’t important, just that she was hurt pretty badly. She had to have a titanium rod put into her left arm and she was in a brace for six months until she regained the use of her leg. She is healed now but she doesn’t like to talk about it. Please don’t let her know I told you.”
“I won’t, but what happened to her that caused those injuries?” I asked again, my fear gaining strength.
“Can you just trust that what happened to her was pretty bad and I blamed myself for a long time? I still do a little, but she keeps reminding me it wasn’t my fault.”
The Love That Heals Me (Forever Mine Book 2) Page 11
