by Jamie Loeak
her hopes up for no reason. She felt like he was being honest with his words, but at the same time, he didn’t want to be completely honest with his feelings for her. It scared her, the way his words crawled through her veins like liquid fire. It scared her, yet made her hopeful for something more.
Rico stuck his index finger in the book he was reading to mark his place. He was almost halfway finished with Pride and Prejudice. Kate wondered if he had known Jane Austen, or any other writer for that matter. Once again, she found herself wondering about his past.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked.
“How do you always know what I’m doing?” she tossed back.
Rico laughed. “I don’t, but you always bite your lower lip when you think.”
Kate’s cheeks reddened further. Did she do that? She found herself biting her lip and laughed; Rico laughed with her. It sounded natural, their laughter, and the way it danced around the room made Kate feel as though they would still feel close, even in another life or existence. She would still fall for Rico and, hopefully, he would fall for her.
“I guess I never noticed before,” Kate said as she pushed her damp curls behind her ear.
Rico nodded, leaning back. He stretched his legs and rested his right leg on his left knee, holding it there with his hands. His leg bounced up and down, matching the beat of Kate’s heart. “That’s normal. Most people don’t know much about themselves.”
“I guess so,” Kate said as she sat down on the edge of the bed and faced Rico. She let her fingers trace the floral patterns in her soft blanket. She could sense Rico’s eyes on her but she wouldn’t look up at him.
“Have you thought about your talisman, Kate?” Rico asked a minute later. His voice was all business now.
“I have,” she said honestly. “I don’t know what to choose. I thought about something that my parents gave me but realized that it wasn’t right. I tried to find something that I found myself, or did by myself, but can’t find anything there either. There isn’t anything tying my soul to this world.”
“What about your dad’s fedora? You love that thing,” Rico suggested.
“I thought about that, but it doesn’t work either.”
“Why not?”
Kate shrugged. “Last year, when we lived in Australia, I lost it. I found it, of course, later, but when it was lost I wasn’t upset or angry or sad; in fact, I didn’t really care about it. Instead, I went looking for another piece of my father, something else that I could wear that reminded me of him.” Kate looked up at Rico and bit the inside of her cheek while she shook her head. “It’s not the hat, Rico; it’s my dad. And I can’t shrink him and carry him in my pocket.” She leaned back, dejected.
“I understand,” Rico said. He looked at her thoughtfully, his head tilted to the side as he watched her. His blue eyes traced the edges of her face, the curve of her nose, the damp curls that soaked her tank top.
“Rico?” Kate asked so that she could stop the racket of her incessant heartbeat. She tried to look down so that she could hide her blush, but it didn’t work very well. She could see his small smile from beneath her thick eyelashes; it made her want to smile back.
“Yes?” Rico asked, his voice serious once more. The sound of it helped to calm Kate, and she looked up, ready to ask her question.
“What is it like to not have parents?”
Rico looked down at the book and shut it all the way. He put it back on the highest shelf, using the time to think about what he should say and how he should say it. “Well, technically, Darkness is my parent. I guess in the sense that you’re thinking, though, I wouldn’t have one.” Rico pulled in a deep breath before continuing. “I guess it’s hard. I never had anyone there to tell me that I was good or bad, right or wrong. I never had someone there to cheer me on when I did something well, or someone there to make me feel better when I messed up. I guess I sort of have someone like that now, though. I think that, in the end, all you need is someone to care about you.”
“You’re talking about Adriana, aren’t you?” Kate asked.
Rico nodded. “Yes. She helps me a lot. We talk about you a lot. She helps me through my problems. I mean, I want to make sure that I’m not doing this wrong. I want to be able to save you without letting my thoughts, feelings or opinions get in the way. She helps me through it. She always has; she always will.”
Kate sat there for a moment, silent. She messed with her fingernails while she tried to muster up the courage needed to ask her next question, and in the end, decided that she would rather not regret it. “How and when did you meet Adriana?”
Rico let out a long, low sigh. “I can’t tell you, Kate. I’m sorry.”
“But I don’t understand why. I’ve already told you that my feelings toward you won’t change, Rico. I know you believe me, so why can’t you just let me in?”
Rico looked into her eyes, commanding her attention. His bright eyes looked sad, as if filled with regret, and Kate felt bad for asking him. Maybe Rico didn’t want to relive his past the way Adriana and Donovan had; maybe he didn’t want to remember who he had been. He always seemed to be teetering on the edge of something powerful, whether it was sadness or anger or worry. Rico could almost be unstable at times, with the way he let his emotions get the best of him. Maybe he didn’t want this to be one of those times.
“I’m sorry,” Kate started to say.
Rico answered her with a shake of his head. Then, he moved, repositioning himself on the chair so that he could pull a necklace out of his pocket. He held it up, letting Kate look at it. The chain was silver, made of dozens of small circular links that interlocked; on the end of it hung a small, dark sphere. Rico sat up and held the sphere under the light, and Kate watched in amazement as a hundred rays of light materialized. They stretched from the center of the sphere, which Kate now realized was some sort of jewel. She lifted her hand up slowly and touched its surface. The black jewel was smooth and cool. Rico let the jewel spin around, allowing the rays of light to bounce off of the walls, swirling like a sunlit disco ball.
“It’s meant to remind me that there is always light, even in darkness,” Rico said softly, his voice filled with emotion.
“Where did you get it?” Kate whispered, focusing her attention on Rico’s face.
Rico looked deeply into her eyes. “It’s a stone from Lilith. I stole it and brought it to Earth when Darkness brought us here. Years later I found this chain on the ground after an especially brutal battle. I kept the chain to remind me of the pain I caused. When I chose to keep it as a reminder, it was because I relished in the pain that I inflicted. Now, it symbolizes my guilt and regret.”
Kate watched as Rico carefully put the necklace back in his pocket. When he looked back up, his gaze was steely, matter-of-fact like his voice had been moments before. He seemed to be holding himself still, but the tension in his muscles was visible, like one false movement would make him shatter. He looked weak and deadly at the same time.
Rico licked his lips and blinked, bringing himself back to Kate’s room. He gave her a small, wary smile before adding more to his previous story.
“As you know by now, all demons were monsters when we lived on Lilith, myself included. We didn’t know any better. I guess you can say that we have a neglectful parent,” Rico smirked and paused, taking a deep breath.
Kate took this chance to interrupt him. “Rico, you don’t have to tell me this,” she said. “I know that I wanted this before – I even thought that I needed it – but I can see that it’s hurting you. Please stop, I don’t need to know this anymore. You’re right; it doesn’t matter. Not to me. Not anymore.”
“No,” Rico whispered. His dark hair fell over his forehead as he shook his head back and forth. “You were right, Kate. If you are to feel anything for me, I want to know that it is for my past, present, and future. I want to know that you feel everything that I am. I want you to fall in love with all of me.”
“Body and soul,” Kate wh
ispered.
“What did you say?” Rico tilted his head to the side, confused.
Kate blushed. “It’s called body and soul,” she managed through shallow breaths. “Loving someone that much is loving them body and soul.”
“Of course,” Rico said sarcastically. He offered another grin. “They would use that terminology, wouldn’t they?”
“Oh,” Kate said as the blush spread across her nose. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
Rico smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Then, without a word, he readjusted himself so that he was lying on his side; his head rested on his open hand. Rico looked over at Kate and patted the bed in front of him, letting her know that she could lie down next to him. Kate moved slowly, carefully, until she lay on her back and looked up into his eyes. It was exciting, being this close to Rico, and she felt her heart fluttering because of his proximity. At the same time, though, she felt almost afraid of being this close. She knew the consequences of their closeness and she didn’t want it to ruin their friendship, no matter how awkward or strange it was.
Rico smiled down at her before continuing. “When I was placed on this planet, I rebelled. I hated humans. I thought that they were worthless, parasitic beings. I watched them steal from and kill each other. I took this knowledge, that humans would harm each other, and used it as my excuse to harm them. I took
