What’s wrong with me? I thought. I’ve lost control.
I don’t give a damn, something answered me.
She came to a postoffice and walked in. I walked in behind her. The line was 4 or 5 deep. It was a warm and pleasant afternoon. Everybody seemed to be in a dream-state. I certainly was.
I’m an inch away from her, I thought. I could touch her with my hand.
She got a money order for $7.85. I listened to her voice. Even her voice was like something from a special sex machine. She left. I bought a dozen airmail postcards I didn’t want. Then I hurried out. She was waiting on the bus and the bus was drawing up. I just made it to the door behind her. Then I found a seat behind her. We rode along a great distance. She must sense that I am following her, I thought, yet she doesn’t seem uncomfortable. Her hair was red-yellow. Everything about her was fire.
We must have ridden along for 3 or 4 miles. Suddenly she leaped up and pulled the cord. I watched her tight dress pull up along her body as she jerked the cord.
Christ, I can’t stand it, I thought.
She got off the front door and I got off the back. She turned right at the corner and I followed. She never looked back. It was an apartment house district. She looked better than ever. A woman like that should never walk the streets.
Then she walked into a place called “Hudson Arms.” I stood outside as she waited on the elevator. I saw her get in, the door closed and then I went in and stood at the bottom of the elevator. I heard it going up, the doors open, and she got out. As I pressed the button to get it down, I heard it move on down and I took a count in estimated seconds:
one, two, three, four, five, six ...
When it got to the bottom I had an estimated 18 seconds on the descent.
I got in and hit the top button, 4th floor. Then I counted. When I got to the 4th floor I had 24 seconds. That meant she was on the 3rd floor. Somewhere. I pushed the 3. 6 seconds. Then I got out.
There were quite a number of apartments up there. Figuring it would be too easy if she were in the first apartment, I let that door go and knocked on the second one.
A bald man in undershirt and suspenders opened the door.
“I’m from the Concord Life Insurance Co. Do you have adequate coverage?”
“Go away,” said Baldy and closed the door.
I tried the next door. A woman of about 48, quite wrinkled and fat, opened the door.
“I’m from the Concord Life Insurance Co. Do you have adequate coverage, mam?”
“Please come in, sir,” she said.
I walked in.
“Listen,” she said, “my boy and I are starving. My husband dropped dead in the streets two years ago. Dead in the streets he dropped. I can’t make it on one hundred and 90 dollars a month. My boy is hungry. Do you have some money so I can buy my boy an egg?”
I looked her over. The boy was standing in the center of the room, grinning. A very large lad, about 12 years old and somewhat subnormal. He kept grinning.
I gave the woman a dollar.
“Oh thank you, sir! Oh, thank you!”
She reached her arms around me and kissed me. Her whole mouth was wet, watery, soft. Then she punched her tongue into my mouth. I almost gagged. It was a fat tongue full of saliva. Her breasts were large, very soft, pancake style. I broke loose.
“Listen, don’t you ever get lonely? Don’t you need a woman? I’m a good clean woman, I really am. You don’t have to worry about no diseases with me.”
“Look, I’ve got to go,” I said. I got out of there.
I tried 3 more doors. No good.
Then at the 4th door, it was her. It was open about 3 inches. I leaned forward and pushed in, closed the door behind me. It was a nice apartment. She stood looking at me. When is she going to scream? I thought. I had this large thing in front of me.
I walked up to her, grabbed her by the hair and ass and kissed her. She pushed against me, fighting me. She still had on that tight yellow dress. I pulled back and slapped her hard, 4 times. When I grabbed again there was less resistance. We staggered across the floor. I ripped her dress at the throat, ripped it down the front, tore off her brassiere. Volcanic, immense breasts. I kissed her breasts then got her mouth. I had her dress up, working at the panties. Then they were down. And I had it in. I took her standing up. After I made it, I threw her back against the couch. Her pussy looked at me. It still looked good.
“Go to the bathroom,” I told her. “Clean up.”
I went to the refrigerator. There was a bottle of good wine. I found two glasses. Poured two drinks. When she came out I handed her a drink, sat on the couch next to her.
“What’s your name?”
“Vera.”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Yes. I like being raped. I knew you were following me. I was hoping. When I got on the elevator without you, I thought you had lost your nerve. I’ve only been raped once before. It’s hard for a beautiful woman to get a man. Everybody thinks she’s unaccessible. It’s hell.”
“But the way you look and dress. You realize that you are torturing men on the streets?”
“Yes. I want you to use your belt next time.”
“My belt?”
“Yes, against my ass, my thighs, my legs. Hurt me, then put it in. Tell me that you are going to rape me!”
“O.k., I’m going to beat you, I’m going to rape you.”
I grabbed her by the hair, kissed her violently, bit her lip.
“Fuck me!” she said, “fuck me!”
“Wait,” I said, “I have to rest up!”
She unzipped my fly and took my penis out.
“He’s beautiful. All purple and bent!”
She put it in her mouth. She began working. She was very good at it.
“Oh shit,” I said, “oh shit!”
She had me. She worked a good 6 or 7 minutes, then it began pumping. She nipped her teeth just below the head and sucked the marrow out of me.
“Listen,” I said, “it looks as if I’ll be here all night. I’m going to need strength. What say I take a bath and you fix me something to eat?”
“All right,” she said.
I went into the bathroom and closed the door, let the hot water run. I hung my clothes on the door hook.
I had a good hot bath, then came out with a towel on.
Just as I did, two cops walked in the door.
“That son of a bitch raped me!” she told the cops.
“Now wait a minute,” I said.
“Get your clothes on, buddy,” the biggest cop said.
“Look, Vera, this is some kind of joke, isn’t it?”
“No, you raped me! You raped me! And then you forced me to have oral intercourse!”
“Get your clothes on, buddy,” said the big cop, “I’m not going to tell you again!”
I walked into the bathroom and began dressing. When I came out they handcuffed me.
Vera said it again: “Rapist!”
We went down the elevator. As we walked through the lobby several people looked at me. Vera had stayed in her apartment. The cops threw me roughly into the rear seat.
“What’s the matter, buddy?” one of them asked, “You got to ruin your life over a piece of snatch? It ain’t sensible.”
“It wasn’t exactly a rape,” I said.
“Few of them are.”
“Yeah,” I said, “I think you’re right.”
I went through the booking. Then they put me in a cell.
It’s just a woman’s word they go by, I thought. Where’s the equality?
Then I thought, did you rape her or didn’t you rape her?
I didn’t know.
I finally slept. In the morning there was grapefruit, mush, coffee and bread. Grapefruit? A real class place. Yeah.
I was in my cell about 15 minutes when they opened the door.
“You’re lucky, Bukowski, the lady dismissed the charges.”
“Great! Great!”
“But w
atch your step.”
“Sure, sure!”
I got my property and walked out of there. I got on the bus, transferred, got off in the apartment house area and then I was standing in front of the “Hudson Arms.” I didn’t know what to do. I must have stood there 25 minutes. It was Saturday. She was probably in. I walked to the elevator, got in and pushed the button for the 3rd. floor. Then I got out. I knocked on the door. She was there. I pushed in.
“I got another dollar for your boy,” I said.
She took it.
“Oh, thank you! Thank you!”
She put her mouth up against mine. It was like a wet rubber vacuum. Out came the fat tongue. I sucked on it. Then I lifted her dress. She had a nice big ass. Plenty of ass. Blue wide panties with a little hole on the left side. We were in front of a full length mirror. I grabbed that big ass and then I stuck my tongue into that vacuum mouth. Our tongues circled like crazy snakes. I had something big in front of me.
The idiot son stood in the center of the room and grinned at us.
AN EVIL TOWN
Frank walked down the steps. He didn’t like elevators.
He didn’t like many things. He disliked steps less than he disliked elevators.
The desk clerk called to him: “Mr. Evans! Would you step over here, please?”
The desk clerk’s face looked like cornmeal mush. It was all Frank could do to keep from hitting him. The desk clerk looked about the lobby, then leaned very close.
“Mr. Evans, we’ve been watching you.”
The desk clerk again looked about the lobby, saw that there wasn’t anybody near, then leaned forward again.
“Mr. Evans, we’ve been watching you and we believe that you’re losing your mind.”
The desk clerk leaned back then and looked right at Frank.
“I feel like going to a movie,” said Frank. “You know of any good movies in town?”
“Let’s stick to the subject, Mr. Evans.”
“O.k., I’m losing my mind. Anything else?”
“We want to help you, Mr. Evans. I believe we’ve found a piece of your mind. Would you like it back?”
“All right, give me a piece of my mind back.”
The clerk reached under the counter and came up with something wrapped in cellophane.
“Here it is, Mr. Evans.”
“Thank you.”
Frank dropped it in his coat pocket and walked outside. It was a cool autumn night and he walked down the street, west. He stopped at the first alley, stepped in. He reached into his coat and got the wrapped-up thing, peeled the cellophane off. It looked like cheese. It smelled like cheese. He took a bite. It tasted like cheese. He ate it all, then stepped out of the alley and walked down the street again.
He turned into the first movie house he saw, bought his ticket and walked into the darkness. He took a seat in the back. There weren’t many people in there. The whole place smelled like urine. The women on the screen dressed as they did in the ‘20’s and the men wore vaseline on their hair, combed it back hard and straight. Their noses seemed very long and the men also seemed to have mascara under their eyes. It wasn’t even a talkie. Words showed under the film: BLANCHE WAS NEW IN THE BIG CITY. A guy with straight greasy hair was making Blanche drink from a bottle of gin. Blanche appeared to be getting drunk. BLANCHE GREW DIZZY. SUDDENLY HE KISSED HER.
Frank looked around. Everywhere heads seemed to be bobbing. There weren’t any women in the place. The guys seemed to be sucking each other off. They went at it and at it. They never seemed to get tired. The men sitting alone seemed to be jacking-off. The cheese had been good. He wished the clerk had given him more cheese.
HE BEGAN TO DISROBE BLANCHE.
And every time he looked around this guy was getting nearer to him. Then when Frank looked back at the movie the guy would move 2 or 3 seats nearer to him.
HE MADE LOVE TO BLANCHE WHILE SHE WAS HELPLESSLY INTOXICATED.
He looked again. The guy was 3 seats away. Breathing heavily. Then the guy was in the seat next to him.
“Oh shit,” the guy said, “O, my shit, ooo, ooo, oooo. ah, ah! eeeyew! oh!”
WHEN BLANCHE AWAKENED THE NEXT MORNING SHE REALIZED THAT SHE HAD BEEN RAVISHED.
The guy smelled as if he had never wiped his ass. The guy was leaning toward him, bits of spit drooling from the sides of his mouth.
Frank hit the button of the switchblade:
“Careful!” he told the guy. “You get any closer you might hurt yourself on this!”
“Oh, my god!” said the guy. He got up and ran down the row of seats to the aisle, then walked quickly down the aisle to the front row. Two guys were at it. One guy was jacking-off the other guy as the guy went down on him. The guy who had been bothering Frank sat there and watched them.
SOON AFTER, BLANCHE WAS IN A HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION.
Then Frank had to urinate. He got up and walked toward the sign: MEN. He went in. It really stank in there. He gagged, opened the toilet door, went in. He took out his penis and started to piss. Then he heard some sounds.
“Oooooh shit ooooo shit ooooh oooooh my god it’s a snake a cobra o my god jesus oooh oooh!”
There was a hole cut into the partition separating the toilets. He saw some guy’s eye. He took his pecker and switched it around and pissed in the guy’s eye.
“Oooooh ooooh, you filthy fuck!” said the guy. “oooh you beastly fiendish piece of shit!”
He heard the guy ripping off toilet paper and wiping his face. Then the guy began to cry. Frank stepped out of the toilet, washed his hands. He didn’t want to see any more of the movie. Then he was out on the street, walking back toward his hotel. Then he was in the lobby. The desk clerk nodded him over.
“Yeah?” asked Frank.
“Look, Mr. Evans, I’m sorry. I was just kidding you.”
“About what?”
“You know.”
“No, I don’t know.”
“Well, about losing your mind. I’ve been drinking, you know. Don’t tell anybody or I’ll lose my job. But I’ve been drinking. I know that you’re not losing your mind. I was just joking.”
“But I am losing my mind,” said Frank, “and thanks for the cheese.”
Then he turned and walked up the stairway. When he got to his room he sat down at the writing desk. He took out the switchblade, hit the button, looked at the knifeblade. It was well sharpened down one entire side. It could stab or slice. He hit the button and put the knife back in his pocket. Then Frank found pen and paper and began to write:
“Dear Mother:
This is an evil town. The Devil is in control. Sex is everywhere and it is not being used as an instrument of Beauty as God meant it to be, but as an instrument of Evil. Yes, it has most certainly fallen into the devil’s hands, into Evil hands. Young girls are forced to drink gin, then they are deflowered by these beasts and forced into houses of prostitution. It is terrible. It is unbelievable. My heart is torn.
I walked along the shore yesterday. Not along the shore, really, but up along on top of cliffs and then I stopped and sat there while breathing in the Beauty. The sea, the sky, the sand. Life became the Eternal Bliss. Then a most miraculous thing happened. 3 small squirrels saw me from way down below and they began to climb the cliffs. I saw their little faces peeking at me from behind rocks and crevices in the cliffs as they climbed toward me. Finally they were at my feet. Their eyes looked at me. Never, Mother, have I seen more beautiful eyes – undiluted by Sin: the whole sky, the whole sea, Eternity was in those eyes. Finally I moved and they
There was a knock on the door. Frank got up, walked over, opened it. It was the desk clerk.
“Mr. Evans, please, I must speak to you.”
“All right, come in.,”
The desk clerk closed the door and stood in front of Frank. The desk clerk smelled like wine.
“Mr. Evans, please don’t tell management about our misunderstanding.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.�
��
“You’re a great guy, Mr. Evans. You know, I’ve been drinking.”
“You are forgiven. Now go.”
“Mr. Evans, there’s something I’ve got to tell you.”
“Very well. What is it?”
“I’m in love with you, Mr. Evans.”
“Oh, you mean my spirit, eh, my boy?”
“No, your body, Mr. Evans.”
“What?”
“Your body, Mr. Evans. Please don’t be offended, but I want you to ream me!”
“What?”
“REAM ME, Mr. Evans! I’ve been reamed by half the United States Navy! Those boys know what’s good, Mr. Evans. There’s nothing like a bit of clean round-eye!”
“You will leave my room immediately!”
The desk clerk threw his arms about Frank’s neck, then his mouth was on Frank’s mouth. The desk clerk’s mouth was very wet and cold, it stank. Frank pushed him away.
“You rotten bastard! YOU KISSED ME!”
“I love you, Mr. Evans!”
“You filthy swine!”
Frank had the knife, hit the button, the blade jumped out and he stuck it into the desk clerk’s stomach. Then pulled it out.
“Mr. Evans ... my god ...”
The clerk fell to the floor. He was holding both hands over the wound trying to stop the blood.
“You bastard! YOU KISSED ME!”
Frank reached down and unzipped the desk clerk’s fly. Then he got the clerk’s penis, pulled it straight up toward him and sliced it off three-quarters of the way down.
“Oh, my god my god my god my god ...” said the clerk.
Frank walked to the bathroom, took the thing and threw it into the toilet. Then he flushed the toilet. Then he washed his hands very well with soap and water. He came out, sat down to the desk again. He picked up the pen.
“... ran away but I had seen Eternity.
Mother, I must move from this city, from this hotel – the Devil is in control of almost all the bodies. I will write you again from the next city – perhaps San Francisco, Portland or Seattle. I feel like moving north. I think of you continually and hope that you are happy and in good health, and may the good Lord be with you always.
love,
your son,
Frank”
He wrote the address on the envelope, sealed it, added stamp and then walked over and put it in the inside pocket of his coat which was hanging in the closet. Then he took a suitcase from the closet, put it on the bed, opened it and began to pack.
Tales of Ordinary Madness Page 12
