He definitely wasn’t done punishing me for this.
I forced myself not to dwell on it. It was no good wasting the present by worrying about what he’d do to me tomorrow, and honestly, he’d find something to do to me whether he thought I deserved it or not.
But when I wasn’t thinking about what cruelty might come next, my head went in an even worse direction—Jolie.
Jolie, Jolie, Jolie. I didn’t even think of her as Julianna anymore. Ever since that kiss, it was like she’d changed in my head, and there was no way to change her back. I knew too much about her and couldn’t unknow it. I knew how good I could be to her. I knew how good she could be to me, and it drove me insane knowing how bad it would be for both of us if we tried to get together.
I couldn’t have her. That was the hard reality. It could not happen between us.
And yet she was always on my mind. From morning to night. My thoughts ranged from the innocent to wildly dirty. I wondered what she was thinking when I sat across from her at dinner. I imagined what she’d say if we had a stolen moment together. It was Jolie’s face I pictured when I fucked Amelia. Jolie’s name that sat on the tip of my tongue when I whacked off in my bed at night.
The one girl I shouldn’t want, and I didn’t want anything in the world but her.
I saw her as soon as I turned down the first row of lockers, sitting on the bench between them. As if I’d conjured her up from a fantasy that had just been forming in the back of my consciousness—just the two of us here, me wearing only a towel, her panties on the ground.
Fuck, I was getting hard just from her presence.
This was the reason she and I could never be alone together. Why I’d worked so hard over the last couple of weeks to be sure we never were. Why I was in deep shit for being as happy to see her as I was cautious.
I forced myself to lean into caution. “You shouldn’t be here.” I didn’t even want to know why she was there, because whatever reason she had, it was trouble.
“I had to be sure you were okay,” she said, standing up, and I wondered how long she’d been waiting. The whole time? While I’d been naked in the shower nearby?
I tried to forget that I was practically naked now. “I’m fine. Now leave.”
“He didn’t—?” She cut herself off, and I could tell she was trying to decide what to say. It was funny how we did that—how we danced around the words of what her father did to us, as if they were worse than the things he actually did. “It wasn’t too horrible? Just the running?”
She’d been looking out for me, then. I had a feeling she did that more than she let on, and I hated that I liked it. Liked it a real whole lot.
But she didn’t know I liked it. And if I kept that to myself, there wasn’t any harm in answering her. Maybe it would even send her on her way. “That, and he’s making me take care of the grounds over break.”
She didn’t bother to hide her skepticism.
“I’m sure there will be more to it,” I said. “He probably didn’t have enough time to deal with me the way he wanted to with it being the last day of the semester.”
“I’m betting I’ll have to pay for it later too.”
I felt a burst of heat run through my veins. “You? He had his dick out when you said no, and you’re the one who has to pay?” My hand was balled up in a fist at my side, and the only thing keeping me from slamming it into the locker was the fact that it still hurt from punching Birch in the face.
“I was thinking more because I stood up for you, but I’m sure he’ll blame me for Birch too.”
“That’s fucked up. That’s. Fucked. Up.”
“I know. But you know that’s how it is. Don’t worry about me.”
It was like asking me not to worry about how I’d breathe if the room suddenly filled up with water. I couldn’t help it.
I was worried about her now. “Whatever he’s planning, it’s going to be worse if he catches you in here. You really need to go.”
She didn’t move. “He’s got parents arriving now until late. He’s preoccupied. He’s not coming back.”
There came the water, filling in around me, because if I wasn’t worrying about keeping her safe from her father, then I was thinking about…
Things I shouldn’t be thinking.
“Go, Jolie.”
Instead, she took a step forward. “Amelia asked me to give this to you.”
The note was folded into a fancy square so that it tucked into itself. She’d done this a few times, passed notes to me, and it bothered me since it made it seem like we were more than we were.
But most of her messages were about when she’d be free to hookup, and it was the best way to communicate, honestly. Even if Stark had shelled out money for me to have a phone like the kids at his school, I wouldn’t have wanted any records of correspondence. A note could be burned. A text could be read.
So even though this was standard between us, I had a feeling the tone of this note was different.
I took it from Jolie’s hand, careful not to show her effect on me when my fingers touched her skin, but once I had it, I didn’t know what to do with it. It wasn’t like I had pockets, and reading it in front of Jolie felt awkward.
Then again, she might have already read it.
I opened it and scanned it quickly.
It’s okay. I won’t tell. If you need something from me, I’ll help.
See you after the holiday.
xx
There wasn’t any question what Amelia was referring to, and while I trusted her and felt relieved that she’d keep it hushed, having my secret called out—having it confirmed outside of me—made this thing I felt for Jolie real. Made it harder to put away and ignore.
“I think Amelia thinks...” Jolie was still standing there. Studying me.
“Thinks what?” I didn’t know why I was daring her like this. Daring her to be bold and say the thing that shouldn’t be said. I could feel my heart racing, like I’d just finished running the six miles instead of twenty minutes ago.
“Thinks there’s something going on between us.”
“Did you read it?” I asked angrily, though I wasn’t quite sure why.
“I didn’t have to.”
Whatever she thought it said—whatever she thought it meant—she didn’t know. And that meant I still had a chance to hide the elephant in the room. Could I really be surprised that Amelia had noticed? I’d been too obvious—always reaching for her as soon as Jolie showed up. Always letting her go as soon as Jolie left.
And today, I’d had my hands up Amelia’s skirt, but my attention had been one hundred percent down the aisle. Thankfully. Or I might not have stopped Birch before he took advantage of her.
I really owed Amelia a fucking apology.
But shitty as it was, I was not thinking about Amelia right now.
I was thinking about Jolie’s tongue sweeping across her bottom lip, and the way her throat moved when she swallowed, and how dark her eyes had gotten in the well-lit locker room, and how my skin was still damp and only a dropped towel away from being completely exposed.
I forced myself to look away. “Well, there isn’t, so no big deal.”
“Don’t do that,” she said, pulling my gaze back. The corners of her mouth had turned down, serious to a point I’d never seen. Scolding and imploring all at once. “We have to lie to everyone all the time, but I can’t stand it if you lie to me.”
The hair stood up on the back of my neck and down my arms, and I was suddenly aware how thin my defenses were, how she’d gotten behind walls I’d put up without realizing.
And fuck. I wanted her there, inside the fortress, with me.
But I wanted her safe, more. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You do. You stood up for me.”
“I would have stood up for anyone.”
“You wouldn’t have noticed it was happening if it was just anyone. Stop lying. Be honest with me.”
She’d close
d the distance between us, and I was so weak from the power of her that I couldn’t even make myself step away. “Stop it. Stop this.”
Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. “I can’t. Not any more than you can. It takes strength that I don’t have to keep fighting it.”
Strength I didn’t have either.
“Jolie…” I was practically begging now, and I wasn’t even sure anymore what I was begging for. For her to go? For her to stay?
“Please, Cade.” She was begging too, and my eyes couldn’t move from her lips.
I was being ripped apart, my head commanding me to step back, my heart wanting to lean forward. Stretching me beyond capacity to be stretched.
Barely able to keep my hands at my sides, frustration erupted from me. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to love me!”
Instantly, Amelia’s note fell to the ground, and my hands came up to grip her shoulders and push her into the row of lockers. “I do,” I growled, unable to hold back the truth. “I already fucking do.”
I hadn’t even said it to myself, but with the words in the air, my chest released, and I felt the peace of surrender, the wild war that I’d been fighting finally at its end. I did love her, and it had been hard to admit or recognize, not only because of the odds against us, but because I hadn’t ever really loved anyone before, and I had no idea what it was.
Now though, in this moment, there was no doubt. It was this. It had to be this. It was always and forever only going to be this.
In a blink, my lips were on hers, kissing her softly, trying to savor her. Trying to show her how I felt, that my love was patient and sweet and slow, nothing like what she’d been shown all her life from her devil of a dad.
But now that I was reconnected to her, I couldn’t hold back, and quickly I was ravaging her, eating her up like the starving man that I was. My mouth wanted to know every part of hers, my tongue wanted to make its mark, wanted to claim her as mine. I didn’t even notice my hands move from her shoulders until they were under her skirt, gripping her ass, pulling her pelvis against the hard ache between my legs.
Her hands were harder to lose track of. My skin burned everywhere she touched, leaving a trail of fire as her fingers skated down my torso to my waist, and even though alarm bells screamed in my head the whole time, it wasn’t until I felt the towel loosening that I had the sense to pull myself together.
I brought my hand to her wrist to stop her. “That isn’t the way I love you.”
Hurt flashed across her mossy-blue eyes. “You don’t want—”
“No, I do. I really fucking do.” I wanted her more than I’d wanted anything, and I’d said it wrong. “I mean, I don’t need this to love you.”
“I know.” She blinked at me like she might cry. “But I think I need this to know that you do.”
She leaned forward and captured my mouth with hers, tugging me to her with a hand behind my neck. Her other hand had gotten beneath the barely-hanging-on towel, and with her fingers wrapped around my throbbing cock, it was extremely difficult to remember what was wrong with this. To hell that she was my stepsister—I couldn’t fucking care less about that—but it was wrong to take what she was giving. She was an abused girl, and as little as I knew about life, I did know that I wanted to be different for her. I didn’t want to be the person who required something from her. I didn’t want her to think she had to earn me when the reality was there was nothing I could ever do that would make me worthy of her.
But her lips.
And her hand.
And the peek of her breasts as I unbuttoned her shirt and kissed my way down her chest.
And the dampness of her panties on my thigh that had somehow made its way between her legs.
There was no going back from what we’d started.
With a growl in the back of my throat, I pushed her panties down, letting them fall to her ankles before lifting her up, bracing her against the locker, which I doubted felt very good, but I couldn’t seem to make myself care. Much as I wanted slow and sweet with her, this was what this love was going to be between us—rough and troubled and uncomfortable. It wasn’t my choice to make. It was one that had been made for us—our lives, our circumstances—but it didn’t make it any less beautiful, and all I could do was embrace it.
The towel no longer between us, she freed one foot from her panties and they dangled around the other as she wrapped her legs around me, pressing her heat against my cock. I tilted my hips up, sliding my length up and down along her slit, and grew immediately harder. She was so fucking wet. Dripping, like I’d already given her an orgasm.
On my next glide down, she tipped her pelvis forward and used her hand to guide me where she wanted me. “I need you here.” Her voice was low yet heavy. “Inside.”
My tip was already at her core, pushing in slightly, then pulling out. Teasing, which wasn’t my intent. I was trying to convince myself to be smart. I was already an idiot for letting us get this far, but this right here was where I had to pause and think.
She sensed my hesitation. “I’m not a virgin,” she said tentatively.
I’d tried not to let myself wonder, but when I did, I’d assumed she wasn’t. Not with what I’d known she did with other guys. I was jealous, of course, but that wasn’t why I’d hesitated. “I don’t have a condom.”
Surprisingly, she seemed relieved.
“Did you think I cared about that?” I couldn’t keep myself from pushing my tip back inside her. She felt too good. Too hot. Too perfect.
“I didn’t...I didn’t know. I was afraid—”
I cut her off with a kiss. “It doesn’t matter who you’ve been with before. I only care that you’re with me now.”
She tilted her hips again, drawing me deeper inside her, and I moaned. “Mmm, fuck. It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to knock you up.”
“Pull out.” She pushed forward, until I was practically spearing her completely. “I need you. I trust you.”
I wasn’t sure I trusted myself. I’d never been bare inside a girl. When I hadn’t had condoms, I hadn’t gone inside. It was my firm rule. There were other ways to get a release.
But all the rules were out the window with Jolie.
Against my better judgment, I told my head to shut the fuck up and thrust all the way in. “God, that’s so good. You feel so good.”
I hammered into her, setting a brisk though unsteady tempo, wishing I didn’t need both hands around her to keep her up so that I could rub her clit and make it good for her too. I made sure to angle her against me instead, so that my pelvic bone knocked against her, hoping that would get her the friction she needed.
I couldn’t think about it too much beyond that. I needed all my concentration to be sure I didn’t accidentally come inside her. When she locked her ankles behind my back, making her feel even tighter, I was sure I wasn’t going to last long. I could make myself think about her father (I didn’t), and I probably would have been just as helpless.
It wasn’t just the way it felt to be bare inside her that had me so turned on, though she did feel incredible. Like nothing else I’d ever known. It was also how much I’d wanted her. How I’d been denying her. That want had built up inside me. I was a powder keg giving off sparks. I was already so close to exploding before I’d entered her.
But mostly, the thing that had me so close to the edge was the pressure in my chest, a tightening that had nothing to do with sex and all to do with how I felt about her. She was the only star in a very dark night. She was a light that seemed to shine only on me, and the heat of that light—the fire of her attention—had me burning up from head to toe. My blood was blazing like a line of gasoline caught flame, and when her pussy clamped down around me, I knew I was a goner.
More abruptly than I intended, I set her down, pulling out as I did. Breathing heavily, I pressed my forehead to hers. She hadn’t finished. It felt selfish to finish myself off like this.
But before ev
en a handful of seconds had passed, her hand was wrapped around me again, tugging on my head while she kissed me. And forget about thinking about her pleasure. I was seeing fireworks, the base of my spine tingling as tiny rockets shot from my cock up and down my nervous system. Erupting wasn’t a strong enough word for what was happening inside me. I was exploding. I was destroyed.
I let out a stuttering groan, coming all over her hand in ribbon-like spurts.
It seemed to take a lifetime before I’d caught my breath.
Her too, I realized when I could finally see straight again, her panting synced with mine. As my vision cleared, my head did too, and the enormity of what had transpired hit me like a wrecking ball.
I backed away from her quickly, then ran my hand through my hair that was as wet now from sweat as from the shower.
Jolie’s back straightened against the locker, and she pierced me with a desperate stare. “Don’t you dare pull away from me.”
The thought had crossed my mind.
Briefly.
“No chance,” I said honestly. Bravely. “You’re wrapped around me like an anchor.” I picked up my towel from the floor and cleaned off her hand before bending to wipe between her legs. I already regretted not spending more time down there. I wanted to fuck her with my fingers. I needed to fuck her with my mouth.
She pulled me back up to a standing position. “An anchor, huh? I go down, you go down?”
I’d meant it to be romantic, but I chuckled. She was probably more on point. “Sink or swim. We’re doing it together.”
Her breath shuddered. “Promise? You won’t try to push me away again?”
I brushed my lips across hers. “Promise.” I kissed her for real then, feeling the twin desires already wrestling inside me, the one that wanted to keep her safe. The other that wanted to keep her mine.
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